space dad cannot save the day by punching out somebody this time

Joel (Vinesauce) Sentence Meme
  • : --|) Send one and see how my muse reacts!
  • --> [ WINDOWS XP DESTRUCTION ] <--
  • "It's a little old, ____."
  • "He has like, spikes too, right?"
  • "God, I can't stand it, even ironically."
  • "The trick is to just spam it."
  • "IT'S LOOKING GOOD."
  • "NAKED LADIES?! WHAT?!"
  • "Oh god, my poor computer..."
  • "How about... Expand Dong?"
  • "I'll show you all the bestality porn to corrupt you."
  • "This is like the olden days of ____, where you just _____."
  • "Now we got that we gotta add some WACKY EFFECTS."
  • "Safe installer? Probably the safest installer in the world."
  • "Still up after all these years, what the hell..."
  • "THE JAMMINEST."
  • "And my friend with no talent, he would always ____."
  • "WHOSE BEEN DRAWING DICKS?"
  • "Kup teraz!"
  • "More like my credit card information."
  • "Love the sound of that."
  • "It's like it's a nuke about to blow off and we're sitting here at the safe distance."
  • --> [ CORPSE IN THE FRIDGE ] <--
  • "BRONY JOKE."
  • "With my wah."
  • "I don't care what anyone else thinks, I think you're hot."
  • "MOCK APPEARANCE?"
  • "Oh goddamn, you're ugly."
  • "You've got some issues, and I'm not sticking around to deal with them."
  • "Don't insult him, he's a god of shapeshifting."
  • "No, not in the toilet."
  • "HELP."
  • "Sick moves."
  • "Aw, what the hell...."
  • "Morning ritual - take a shit in the bush."
  • "I made him into a vegetable, man!"
  • "I JUST WANT SOME FUCKIN' JUICE."
  • "Goddamnit, ____, not again! You smug piece of poop."
  • "I am crying so bad."
  • "A moment like this needs music like this."
  • --> [ POKEDRAW ] <--
  • "Alright. I know the ____ really good."
  • "You know this is gonna be a fuckin' disaster."
  • "Lil' wink."
  • "How do I make him blue fast?!"
  • "Swiggity swooty, I am comin' for the booty."
  • "They are born with pants. These pants are flesh."
  • "BOO. BOOOO. SPOOKY HOUSE MOTHERFUCKER."
  • "Fucking great. Fuckin' ace."
  • "Lookit him. Give him some rose tinted fifties cheeks."
  • "Oh great. More horses."
  • "BEES. ....I hate bees."
  • "Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog. Dog?"
  • "This got grim so quick."
  • "How's he sitting?"
  • "Juicy."
  • "He looks like Dracula now."
  • "I'm gonna blow your mind."
  • "Somebody glued a Wheetabix to the cat."
  • "He looks like a cinnamon bun!!"
  • "This guy's goin' to work!"
  • "I can do this!"
  • "I tried. That's a bootleg ____ if I ever saw one."
  • "Screw you guys, I'm goin' home."
  • "He's got MIND BULLETS."
  • "This is not Zubat. It's AAAAAAAAGAAGHAGGHAHGA."
  • "This is totally the worst ever."
  • "Now we're stuck with... THIS!"
  • "Why did I put a dead skeleton on my face?!"
  • "Ugh, more birds."
  • "Everytime you hug them, it's a face full of spikes. Edgelord."
  • --> [ WINDOWS 7 DESTRUCTION ] <--
  • "What is technology?!"
  • "It's magic, ___, it's magic."
  • "It looks like a plate of oatmeal."
  • "This child has no idea what she's doing."
  • "I will change this for the better!"
  • "This doesn't look fishy at all."
  • "Oh my god guys. This comment section is from fake people."
  • "To make idiots think it's safe!"
  • "I DIDN'T DO THAT!!!"
  • "That's the most honest name for something. ____ Blaster. You will have nothing left."
  • "When I was 11 years old, I had a desktop stripper."
  • "The worst part, I couldn't get it off my ____, so I had to ask my dad to help me."
  • "Yes, I WANT THE GUN. GIMME THE GUN."
  • "Please, give me Jesus!"
  • "THE POPE! THE POPE!"
  • "IT EVEN SCROLLS!!"
  • "Oh, my sweet Jesus... There's Jesus."
  • "OH, THERE'S A BURNING SUPERDEATH SWORD!!!"
  • "Nothing says this's more welcome than a creepy smiley repeatedly jamming a welcome sign into his crotch."
  • "Don't stop, keep injecting me those smilies."
  • "I dunno what he's doing, but that cannot be a good way to live your life."
  • "It pains me to do this, and it will be the only one ever."
  • "This is a worse idea than the time I drank a martini with my eye, I legit did that once."
  • "I thought that everything was fine. But no. No no no no no."
  • "Animated Christmas Tree For Desktop?! Yes!"
  • "Look at it! It's the worst thing ever!"
  • "THERE'S SO MUCH SHIT ON THE SCREEN I CAN'T EVEN SEE."
  • "I blame you! You did this, you did this!"
  • "THIRTY?! ONE IS NOT ENOUGH!?!"
  • "Two hundred dollars?! For a MIDI?!"
  • "It sounds like farting in a bathtub. BLEUB."
  • "This is the worst image."
  • --> [ BREAKING ALIEN ISOLATION ] <--
  • "Pretty leggums."
  • "What if you have a bad dream in hypersleep and you can't wake up?"
  • "What is that?! That's the face of a strangle murderer!"
  • "Hey, we can do this. Hey, we can do this."
  • "GO FOR THE GOLD! .....FUCK."
  • "Guys, it's a spooky ghost in the vents! Go away!"
  • "Save me, Pochahontas! Save me!"
  • "Alien, please pry me off this thing."
  • "What're you waiting for! DO IT NOW!"
  • "Come on, I dare you!"
  • "'Advanced AI is unparalleled', my ass."
  • "Space poosy."
  • "He chucked a fuckin' traffic cone at me!"
  • "I see London, I see France, I see a dumbshit alienpants."
  • "Ok, drink up."
  • "Fuck you, karma."
  • "This guy's badly programmed. Like a bootleg OS."
  • "It's jazz, but in space!"
  • --> [ INSANE MARIO BOOTLEGS ] <--
  • "So uh, what exactly is this?"
  • "I'm afraid there's gonna be boobs."
  • "IS THAT JARJAR BINKS?!"
  • "What the shit is this!?!"
  • "Why is one of those Russian castles being pulled apart; what the fuck?"
  • "Hide in shame."
  • "GRAND DAD. FLINTSTONES?!"
  • "Oh, dios mio."
  • "Nah, screw it."
  • "What in mother Mary's name is this?"
  • "Why am I doing like this twerk-a-thon?"
  • "Am I a furry?"
  • "Shameful. Shame on you."
  • "Pronounce this."
  • "You know what seals the deal for me? When shit's got that rainbow tint to it..."
  • "Ohhhh... That's SONIC."
  • "Wait a minute, that music...."
  • "Woooooow."
  • "Let's see how they did this."
  • "That's just being so illiterate it's beyond anything else."
  • "Good face there, _____."
  • "It's Windows 2000...."
  • "What we have here is an enigma."
  • "Play it, maestro."
  • --> [ LINK THE MURDERER ] <--
  • "Is that a tinted mustache?!"
  • "What are you fuckin' wearing?"
  • "Yeah. Yeah! Yeah!!"
  • "This music is not helping at all."
  • "Let's see how big you can go."
  • "You know those advertisements on the internet that're like, 'try this new cure; I did and I got RIIIIIIIIIPPED'."
  • "PLEASE NEVER TALK AGAIN."
  • "Chest break?! Crack neck? Holy shit."
  • "Knock him out with a punch."
  • "Why are you having a conversation? He just went down cold."
  • "OH SHIT, 'E DIED."
  • "Go home. GO HOME."
  • "That's all I need, baby."
  • "Replace your sadness with piss."
  • "Can I body slam a BABY?!"
  • "Let's order a pizza."
  • "Nothing tastes as good as... Toilet joint pizza ghost party."
  • "Ghost... You want some pizza?"
  • "Oh no, what exactly is this?"
  • "I killed death. I killed a concept."
  • "Great. I've killed so many people that they blend into society now."
  • "That's just the weak leaving your body."
  • "I'm too busy to care. Fire? Whatever."
  • "The brain, brain, brain, brain, bRAIN."
  • "I'll be having children's tears on the rocks."
  • --> [ BEST OF DOS ] <--
  • "NAILED IT!"
  • "What's the worst that could happen?"
  • "I believe my patient is balls high."
  • "It's not brain surgery, but it is surgery."
  • "Strange, I've never seen a doctor operate with his bare hands before."
  • "How fucking dare you, alright?"
  • "I am back... for MORE."
  • "To understand surgery, you must also understand flesh."
  • "SATAAAAN. YAAAS. YAAAAAS. YAAAAAAAAAS."
  • "It's like crayons, but with more gore."
  • "I was a surgeon, but now I CAN FLY."
  • "HIGHWAAAY TO THE DANGER ZOOONE."
  • "The MIDI zone."
  • "Light the pipeweed."
  • "Put pipeweed in Frodo."
  • "YeeeAAAAH. YEAH. YEAH."
  • "I killed him 'cause he was hogging the bong!"
[AOS] Checkmate

AN ~ SOMEBODY SAVE ME FROM THE PAIN THAT IS SIMMONS’ EMOTIONS. I cannot wait for her to vent. I wrote another one. Help me.

AOS 2B spoilers. Skye, Simmons, Fitz, Skimmons, Fitzsimmons. Plus bonus Mamma May, coz who doesn’t love Mamma May.

Checkmate

A punch to the face. A hand over her broken nose, whip-cracking her head against the pavement. Skye stumbled backward, gun toppling out of her grasp as she grabbed her assailant’s collar and threw him sideways. The tunnel shuddered and she glanced up at the roof, wondering how long its roof might hold and how much earth might bury them both.

The air was crushed from her lungs when her attacker ran forward again, sweeping her into a tackle, throwing her against the wall, and pinning her there. She ducked a punch, twisted the arm of her attacker behind his back, and flipped him over. He rolled out from under a kick, nearly tripped her, got to his feet and ran at her again, only to disappear when she tried to twist him again.

She should have been expecting it, but she couldn’t turn fast enough when he appeared behind her. She only just dodged the knife and rolled him onto the floor, forced to fall with him as she wrestled the knife away. He had her back to the concrete, one hand at her throat, the other pinning her armed wrist above her head. Struggling to breathe as the world trembled and roared around them, she fought as best she could to keep the knife away from the advancing hand, come to claim what was his.

Then he fell flat against her, still. She screamed, fearing the tunnel was falling, and scrambled away from him, wielding the knife at a threat she couldn’t fight. 

“Skye?” Simmons’ hair was wild. The gun seemed to flow from her hand as she lowered it expertly to her side. Dust swirled around her like a vision. Coulson stopped in the stairwell behind her. May edged past, running through the falling debris to Skye’s side.

“Breathe, Skye,” she insisted gently. Skye covered her ears. She swallowed her screams. She watched as the dust settled. Only a few of the bricks had dislodged from the walls. She’d totally overreacted. 

Simmons, she thought. She must have totally scared Simmons. Heart jumping erratically, she looked back to the stairwell in time to see Fitz shove Simmons off the last step. He ran a few paces towards Skye, noticed the fallen Gifted, and May, and wheeled.

“What the HELL was that?!”

He grabbed the gun from her hand and threw it away. She baulked for a moment, then hung her head.

“Fitz – it isn’t what it looks like.”

“What does it look like?!” His eyes were sharp, burning cold.

“This wasn’t supposed to happen-“

“Damn right it wasn’t!”

“It’s an ICER!”

“He’s dead!”

“I didn’t mean it! It’s still experimental!” 

“Exactly! You took experimental weaponry into the field, and you knew it could kill someone, and oh, guess what?”

“I was trying to help Skye!”

“You could have KILLED SKYE!” 

Breathe, she told herself. Breathe. 

“Guys,” May growled, her hand on Skye’s back.

Unfazed, Simmons retaliated.

“Well fine! Next time she’s in danger I’ll just wait for you to get here, Mr Save The Day! If the only thing we’d had on hand was a real gun, or maybe a computer so you can press a button and do it, huh?” 

“You’re one to talk about pressing buttons! You were the one who helped Hydra with their Obelisk quest! You were the one who they trusted to save Donnie! You’re the reason he’s dead!” 

“And I’M THE REASON YOU’RE ALIVE!”

Fat lot of good that would have done if I’d done anything to myself while you were at Hydra! Skye saved me. Not you.”

“Not-“ The explosion coiled back into Simmons like a dying star. Her eyes, sparkling with tears, turned into icy diamonds. “You have no. Idea.” 

Skye peeled her hands from her ears and uncurled, curious and terrified, embracing the distraction, cruel as it was.

“Enlighten me.” 

Fitz’ bitter sarcasm made Simmons’ next breathe rasp. Then, slowly, she explained. 

“I hauled you up from the ocean on my last breath. I thought I was going to be pulling out a body but by some miracle your heart was still beating. For nine days your life hung in the balance and I thought about what I was going to tell your mother. How I was going to live the rest of my life knowing that I was the reason that her son – that you – were dead.

“And then you woke up, and it was like all my Christmases come at once. And then you opened your mouth, and it was like none of my nightmares could ever compare.” 

Taking a shaking breath, Simmons walked off her tension. She wiped her face with her hands. Tears started to spill down her cheeks.

“And instead of knowing I was the reason you were dead, I got to live with the knowledge that I was the reason you felt stupid, and worthless, and slow. I was the reason you hated to talk. You stopped – making jokes. You stopped nattering on about the damned monkeys. You stopped eating. And all that time you were looking at me like- like help me, Jemma, like I could save you from drowning and I couldn’t, I couldn’t, I- 

So I left. I told you I was going to see Mum and Dad because – I don’t know, I guess I didn’t want you to worry about me. I was the only one you talked to. You weren’t in a good space and we all wanted to protect you. That’s all I ever wanted. I didn’t mean to lie to you- well I did, I just didn’t know it would hurt you this much, I didn’t think you’d ever – I mean, how could you ever think I thought you stupid, Fitz? How could you think I’d leave you for that reason? After all the time we’ve been together? Do you think so little of me?” 

His lips floundered for a reason, his eyes unable and unwilling to keep their coldness in the face of her shimmering plea. 

“I thought…” It seemed so foolish looking at it now, with the truth so exposed before him. “I thought you were trying to save my feelings. You know how I can be.”

He smiled softly, trying to coax the same from her. She obliged, but only for a moment, before it crumbled under the weight of unspoken words.

“I was alone,” she choked. “You had Skye, you had Mack, you had May, looking out for you. I had no one. I didn’t even have my best friend in the whole world. I couldn’t talk to you – at Hydra I couldn’t even talk about you. I kept it all pressed down, thinking that if I just solved the problem, everything would be okay. But I can’t do it. I can’t solve the problem. I can’t fix this, Fitz.” 

Then came, finally, the sob. Her hand flew to her mouth, trapping it. 

“Jemma-“ He reached an arm toward her. She scanned the observers. Coulson, concerned, May, trying hard not to be readable and failing. Skye, violently sympathetic, tears streaming, no doubt only wishing she had the emotional control right now to offer the support Jemma needed.

“I have to go.”

She turned on her heels.

“Jem-“

She shoved past Coulson, cutting him off. 

“No! Give me some space, please.” 

It was all she trusted herself to say.

She ran.