he’s stained blue at the fingertips today - and it aches, all the way up his arms.

the moment isak comes home from school, he slumps into him. nuzzles close into the crook of his neck where his eyes flutter closed and everything is a soft, quiet pink.

“it hurts,” he says, like a whisper, and it cracks black in his throat like ice. “it hurts.”

isak wraps his arms around him. strokes hoodie-paws gently over his hair, and it feels like a fresh breath of yellow tickling his lips.

but the hot, sticky black slithered tight around his ribs is pumping. thumping. beating. so loud that he can’t focus on anything else.

and it’s clamping down harder.

like a burst, it bubbles up his throat, burns the back of his teeth. spills out oily between he and isak like i can’t i can’t i can’t and he lets isak go, presses himself back against the wall so he won’t cover him in the black, in the darkness.

“i can’t,” and he slides himself down to the floor but zips his ribs up to hold the sadness in.

it’s lonely there. with his hands over his face and his knees pressed to his wrists and the sadness thumping thumping thumping charcoal-hot inside of him.

but, then, there’s isak’s warmth beside him again. and isak’s arms around him. and isak’s hands on his face and hands in his hair and hands soothing the jitter of his legs, and-

and he thinks he can remember what white could maybe feel like, again.

Bir sevdanın kokusu kaldı üstümde
Hasretim bedenimle bütünleşti
Ruhum geceler içinde kayboldu
Çığlıklarım ayın gölgesinde sabaha karıştı
Bir dem kaldı yüreğimde kaynar,kaynadıkça acımayan….



Avoir les nerfs – to be irritated/annoyed/cross

Avoir les nerfs à vif – to be at your wit’s end

Avoir les nerfs en pelote – to be on edge

Être irrité – to be irritated

Hérisser – to make somebody bristle/to irritate someone

Se hérisser – to get irritated

Se crisper – to get irritated

I’m sorry that I haven’t made a post in a while, I’m now on summer holidays, and I’ve just crashed. It’s been a tough semester and I haven’t had the energy to write anything or use my brain. Apologies,