Just One More. (Sweet Pea x Reader)
Summary: Y/N suffers from many issues, however Sweet Pea is there to help her through.
Word Count: 1,004
Gif not mine. Requests are open!
Warnings ~ Self Harm, mentions of suicide.
Just one more. Every time is the last. I promise myself it will be the last. Although it never is. It’s a never ending cycle. A bad habit I’m unable to break.
The marks on my arms show my weakness. Blood drips from my wrist on to the tiled floor of Riverdale High’s bathroom. Grabbing a tissue from my bag, I wipe the blade clean. I dab the tissue on the wound and pull the sleeves of my sweater down. To keep it a secret.
When it’s over, I go back to class. I pretend to be normal. As normal as one can be in Riverdale.
Entering the cafeteria I spot my gang of antisocial misfits. The Serpents of course. Sliding into the seat next to Sweet Pea, he instantly wraps an arm around my waist. Pulling me closer towards him, close enough I can rest my head on his shoulder.
“I wish I was as happy as you two.” Fangs states, as I glance up at my beaming boyfriend.
Happy. Is that how people see me? I’m far from happy. It would be a whole lot easier if I could just be happy.
“You okay Y/N? You seem pretty quiet.”
Sweet Pea is concerned. Of course he is. I haven’t muttered a word. I guess when you can feel your sweater sticking to the blood on your wrist you can’t concentrate on the conversation taking place.
“I’m fine, just a bit under the weather.”
He nods, understanding my statement, believing that I’m telling the truth. I wish I could tell him the truth. Yet I can’t. I’m just not ready yet. Not ready to share my shameful secret. I’ve already put off having sex with him, just so he won’t see. I’m surprised he isn’t bored of me yet.
“So Y/N, you going to come to the Wyrm tonight?”
Looking up at Toni, I notice her eyes fixated on mine. Clearly working out that something is going on. That I’m hiding something.
“Probably not. I’m really tired.”
Her eyes narrow but she nods. Not taking her eyes from mine. Of course, the only other girl at the table can work out something is wrong. Sometimes I really do hate Toni. Although I suppose it’s a good thing she’s looking out for me. You don’t get many people like her around here. Loyal.
Once the finally bell rings for the day, I make a dash for the exit. Trying not to bump into any fellow Serpents. Or Bulldogs for that matter. The material of my sweater clings to my arm and I can tell it’s going to hurt when I peel it off.
I practically run to my trailer, flopping down on the sofa and pulling my sweater over my head. As predicted the soft cotton is stuck to my arm and it’s painful to remove. Slowly I manage to pull it from the sticky substance, throwing it in the laundry basket.
Running some cold water over my wrist, I rid my skin of the blood. Looking at myself in the mirror I can’t help but feel disgusted. Wearing only my bra and jeans, I can see all my flaws. The scars littered across my wrists. The stretch marks on my stomach. The size of my thighs. Should I go on a diet? Should I stop eating? Should I just die altogether? Maybe that would be the best option? Give up.
Climbing into the bathtub, I make myself as small as physically possible. Curling up into a ball. Tears spill from my eyes, I’m tired of holding it all in. I’m destroying myself and I don’t even care anymore.
I stop holding it back. I let all my emotions break free. It’s not my first breakdown. Though it’s been a while.
The words ring in my ears. My limp body is lifted, placed on my bed. Opening my bloodshot eyes, I see Sweet Pea. He looks defeated and hopeless. It’s a side of him I’ve never seen.
Without realising what he is doing, he lifts my arms. Glancing down at the scars. The one part of me that I’m most ashamed of has finally been revealed.
Sweet Pea sighs, laying down next to me. His arms wrapped around my waist as usual. He doesn’t say anything, not that I want him too. He just simply lays there. Letting me cry in his arms.
Part of me is relieved that somebody finally knows. After years of internal torture somebody finally knows. I’m glad that person is Sweet Pea. I know I’m safe with him. He can protect me. Even from myself.
“I can’t do it anymore Pea. I need help.”
My voice is a whisper, barely that. Sweet Pea hums. Softly agreeing with me. He wants me to get help. I want to get help. I need to get help. It’s the only way I can pull through this dark time. The only way I could possibly be happy.
For the first time in what feels like years. I feel hope. Hopeful that I could possibly have a normal life. Hopeful that the pain will go away. Hopeful that maybe I can be happy.
“I love you Sweet Pea.”
I can feel the smile radiating off the boy. His grip around my waist tightens as he squeezes me gently. Careful not to hurt any part of me.
“I love you too.”
A soft smile appears on my face. Slowly manoeuvring myself to face Sweet Pea, I look up into his soft, chestnut eyes. One of my hands finds it’s way to his hair and I play with the strands at the nape of his neck.
“Forever and always?”
Pea looks down at me, a shine in his eyes. One I’ve never seen before. Pressing his lips to my temple, a buzz runs through my body. A buzz I hope to feel again.
“Forever and always.” He replies, pressing his lips to mine in a sweet but passionate kiss. A kiss fuelled by hope.