southern appalachian mountain

Southern Appalachia Gothic
  • Everyone is kind. Everyone smiles. “Welcome, y’all.” The smiles stretch until there is only teeth in various numbers distracting you from the deadness in the eyes. “We are so glad you are here.”
  • There is banjo music playing. It is catchy. You search and search for the source. The music gets faster, pitch sharpening. At some point, a fiddle joins in. You are lost in the trees and there is only the music and the faint sound of someone stamping their feet.
  • “Rock me mama like a wagon wheel,” you sing. A woman appears. It is not your mama, but it is a mama. There is another and another. You are surrounded by mamas. “Bless your heart,” they chime.
  • You are hiking the mountains and there is a bear. It stares at you and you freeze, terrified to move. A bump at your feet distracts you. You are surrounded by opossums. Their black eyes shimmer and their pink noses smell your fear. You look back up. The bear is gone.
  • It is autumn and the color is everywhere. The tourists are here. The air smells like pumpkin and decay and you emerge from your home to forage. It is a thirty minute drive to food. You arrive in town two hours later. You are not sure where the lapsed time has vanished except that there is a whirl of cameras in every direction. Even the leaves will grow tired and flee in less than a month.
  • You buy sweet tea from five restaurants. Every cup tastes different. You go home and pour a glass. This cup is just right.
  • Nearby, a tourist attempts to speak the name of the mountain range. “Appa-” they start. They are still making “a” sounds. They have never left.

Can we have a round of applause for the southern accents in Midnight, Texas? Like seriously.

The main reason I never got into True Blood was that the main characters’ accents were so fake and overexaggerated that it made me want to claw my own face off, and tbh given the way most shows tend to depict all southern characters as some hideous mix between the accents of Texas, lower Alabama, and Tennessee…I was not hopeful.

Thankfully, the actors in MT seem to know what they’re doing.

Special shoutouts to Dylan and Parisa, because their accents in particular are on point.

There’s a little piece of heaven that I know

The State of the Sun Belt in 2017

The Fun Belt remains the worst college football conference. There’s talent there it’s just not as concentrated as other leagues. There’s almost no way a team from this conference could make a New Year’s Bowl, but I’d love to see it some day.

The Good: Appalachian State, Troy, Arkansas State

Appalachian State has the schedule to go 11-1. It won’t be good enough to make the Cotton Bowl but it should win the Sun Belt. Troy and Arkansas State should be right behind them.

The Bad: Georgia Southern, Idaho, South Alabama, Georgia State, Louisiana-Lafayette, Coastal Carolina

About half of these teams should bowl. Also, welcome Coastal Carolina to the FBS!

The Ugly: New Mexico State, Louisiana-Monroe, Texas State

Move along, nothing to see here. 

A National Historic Landmark, Pine Mountain Settlement School was founded in 1913 as a boarding school for mountain children and as a settlement serving the community through economic, health and cultural initiatives.

   The school’s programs have evolved to meet the changing needs of the community and region. Today’s programs include environmental education and basic educational support for students in local schools. The richness of Pine Mountain Settlement School’s campus and its history is a source for multiple other enrichment programs for the local community and beyond.

   The campus is located on 625 acres on the north side of Pine Mountain, the most imposing geological feature of the southern Appalachian Mountains. The wooded slopes of Pine Mountain’s property are home to an impressive number of plants and animals, some of which are exclusive to the campus.

See this shit right here? This shit is called dead nettle, scientific name Lamium purpureum. In my southern-as-fuck appalachian mountain family we call it easter eggs because apparently the flowers look like tiny little eggs and it only comes out in spring.
Anyways this is the best plant ever and some people think it’s an ugly stupid weed but they’re wrong and I weep for their deprived lives. Native, naturally occurring plants (that look pretty to boot) are NOT weeds: THEY ARE FRIENDS! This stuff is adorable. Look at it. Imagine seeing a field of this. It’s so pretty it makes me want to cry.
I guess people don’t like it because the flowers are small and it looks too “wild”. But that’s exactly why I love it. It looks like a forest for fairies to frolic through. It looks like it holds little beads of magic and wonder and imagination. It warms my freaking heart. 
So yeah, this plant is the best thing ever and I want to kiss it. We’re at the time of year where it’s just all over my neighborhood and I’m so happy to see it.