souls searching

You don’t need to copy the lifestyle of people you saw on the internet in order to be happy. Who knows how they felt when they took the picture. Who knows how lonely they feel at night when laying in bed. And even if they feel insanely happy, who knows if what works for them will also work for you. Don’t let the virtual bits and pieces that strangers on the internet decide to share be the only thing that’s shaping your idea of happiness. Remember to disconnect from social media often, and reconnect with yourself. What’s your idea of a good day? What’s your own idea of beauty? How do you wanna decorate your body? How do you wanna decorate your room? What gives YOU joy? It’s okay to find inspiration online, but at the end of the day this is your life. And your happiness is your own unique project, it’s expressing yourself in your own unique dance.

  • harry: i'm sorry ginny...i've got to go and hunt horcruxes to stop voldemort...i have to break up with you because you'll be in danger too...
  • ginny: i mean, first off, dude's probably gonna take over hogwarts so technically i'll be in less danger if i go on your little soul-searching bff camping trip
  • ginny: second of all, i don't think voldy's gonna give a shit if we're dating or not when he murders me for being a 'blood traitor' or whatever bullshit reason
  • ginny: and thirdly, i am better at magic than you and ron combined so like, move over scrub, me and hermione are gonna be killing us some dark lord

Aries: Broken hearts and bloodstained fingers, your voice reminds me of a lively melody. A warriors heart with a delicate soul, an unlikely combination you put together so well. You have it hard, don’t you? Yet you get up with only the skin at your knees scraped and dripping red.

Taurus: The reminiscence of a rose - the single flower that’s so impossible to hate, delicate and pretty, even when it stops blooming. Your voice could calm even the most chaotic oceans, always soothing with soft notes of comfort. Even your eyes could mesmerise the most soulless creature; your sweet face leaves me dreaming in heartache.

Gemini: Your eyes twinkle with mischief, what are you thinking about? That’s what I always wonder, the curve of your mouth always makes me suspect. I love your mind, I think that’s my favourite thing of yours, you tell me so much I cannot help but wonder the things you leave unsaid.

Cancer: Lovely eyes filled with unspilled tears, how can you be so wonderful? I’ve always said that, people who can feel so much have the capacity to be the kindest. How have you not broken yet? I think I can admire that. Sensitive, emotional, I dream of you. Your heart reminds me of an endless sea, so much you leave undiscovered.

Leo: It’s enamouring, how full of life you are - your soul could rival the sun, it’s as if you shimmer with the promise of eternal bliss. Perhaps that’s why you so easily win the hearts of all; so golden and glamorous. I’ve always said your gaze held the most wonderful of stars, even now I can still count them; youthful and shining. I think it might be impossible to ever fully hate you, your warmth is far too compelling.

Virgo: I find it odd that you can’t see your beauty, it’s always been so obvious to me. Why must you be so harsh to yourself? Especially when you’re so obviously perfect. I think it’s your innocence that draws me in most, always so pure and lovely; like the sweetest rose. I wish I could win your heart, but I know I’m undeserving. Yet there’s a gentleness in you I can’t help but have.

Libra: Ah, Aphrodite’s purest creation - how could you not adore such a thing? There’s a sweet nostalgia of love about you that makes my heart ache; as if I miss a love I never had. I think your nativity is what makes you so pure amongst the rest of us. There’s an underlying softness to everything you do.

Scorpio: I don’t think there are enough words to describe you, your depths are unfathomable. I think here lies the true meaning of profound. There’s a frustrating beauty in you I can’t seem to point out, perhaps it’s because it’s so buried. You are kind, so very kind, I don’t understand where people see your darkness. Or perhaps I do. I think it’s in your eyes, how dark they seem even when you smile. They’re the eyes of someone who has seen tragedies, yet you arose from them with a certain light and grace that can’t help but seem lovely.

Sagittarius: An adventurer, a wandering soul always searching for its next quest - you’ve danced with the sun and conversed with the stars. The universe knows you better than you know yourself. You are wild and brimming with the promises of life, so much too see, so much to learn! There is truly nothing more lovely than the life of one who experiences, I see the whole world when I’m with you.

Capricorn: Cold eyes and shy smiles, I know you’re gentler than you believe. Your stars are least private in December, perhaps that’s why it’s my favourite month. I admire your patience the most, it brings peace to my fiery spirit. It’s funny, how unemotional you portray yourself - your soul warming smile contradicts that in every way, it’s unexpected yet not at all surprising.

Aquarius: The ruler of rebellion, invention and revolution - it’s as if you shake the world awake. Your mind is the strangest place I love to be in, show me all your thoughts; especially the ones you’d never think of sharing. A lover and a loner, detached yet still connected, you always leave me wondering.

Pisces: The moon tells me tales of your heart every month when she’s full and shining, I wonder how it hasn’t burst yet. She tells me there’s a beautiful idealism to you, I don’t think there’s a single dream you haven’t dreamt. I think it’s beautiful, how such a pure soul can exist. My heart aches when I hear the stars whisper soft words of comfort you every night you disappear into yourself; licking wounds and drowning in sorrows - your sensitivity is what’s most raw. I hope one day you can find your heart.

—  My Thoughts On The Signs
Sexuality

So I got slightly tipsy the other night and just decided to say that I was Pansexual, and that’s a big deal to me because I am happy and comfortable with my sexuality. Of course, many people have been criticizing this saying I said it “just to get special snowflake tumblerina points” and “but you’re married?!?!?” 

Alright, let’s talk about this so I can clear some things up. One of the main reasons I’ve always been very cautious about my sexuality is because growing up my father made sure to make any kind of non-straight sexuality bad. He would call my gay friends the F word, ask me about once a month if I was a Lesbian like it was a dirty word, and constantly use slurs, etc. It was hard, I questioned my sexuality a lot. I also suffered verbal and sexual abuse from my mother, so that made things even more confusing for me as you can imagine. 

Growing up there were times I thought I was asexual, times I thought I was bi, times I just stopped caring completely because it was just too complicated for me to even think about. I watched the movie “Kinsey” in high school and realized that sexuality was a spectrum and left it at that until I had a lot of therapy much, much later in life.

Recently though (the past year I guess), I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching on finding a label for what I was. I guess because I felt like it was something I was ready to do, and being Pansexual fit what I was. I didn’t care about gender, I didn’t care about anything really, who I was attracted to was never defined by anything I could put reasoning or black and white labels on. And yes, I have been attracted to men and women but their gender had nothing to do with my level of attraction. 

And yes, I’m happily married and love my husband, but sexuality still exists after you’re married. 

Anyway, thanks for listening everyone. It’s hard for me to share these things because of how awful some of my past is, I genuinely don’t like talking about it but sometimes I feel the need to clarify my feelings and sharing them with you all is important. Especially if some of you have struggled through some of the same issues that I have. 

Stay strong, love you tweethearts! <3 

hrt appreciation post here we go

(it’s long so prepare or scroll really fast if you wanna pass it)

me, 1993, wtf is a gender i wear diapers for god sakes 

late 90s, rockin some shades and some crazy sweaters even though i live in FL (still do that to this day)

time jump to… early 2000s, flexin and loving dogs (still doing that to this day wassup somethings never change)

oh wow here comes Middle School™ and the emo phase begins (sadly no pics during the emo phase)

oh shit what up 2008 scene phase yes that is a STAY BRUTAL™ sweater) 

then ya boy calmed down a bit and stopped giving a fuck about impressing ppl (idk why I thought being scene was impressive dont ask)

ya boy graduated HS and was free to do whatever to his hair so colors were everywhere but also was the time when his self worth was at his lowest and was dressing and looking how he thought people would want so he could get them to like him (ew right?) 

ya boy got his very first mohawk and rocked that shit for a few years

dis is some pics of the year he starts questioning his gender identity and after 6 months of research and “soul searching” decides to start HRT

yo boy is SIX MONTHS ON T !!! and starting to grow facial hair B)

YO BOY IS ONE (1) YR ON T AND JUST HAD TOP SURGERY! but also shaved his head a few months back and feels hella ugly lol 

fwd and we are now 1.5 years on T ! Hair is finally coming in and he’s look decent these days.

WHOOOA LONG HAIR WHO DIS!!! YA BOYS TWO (2) YEARS ON T !!! and 1 YR POST OP! Feeling amazing tbh

ooo shit we winding down now yall

ya boy is Two (2) years and 3 months on T and thankful every day that his blood work came back with the all clear to start T, thankful for his support group and friends/family that love and support him (shout out to my sister), thankful for how well he’s transitioned even though it was long and hard on the mental state a lot of the time, he pushed through and came out the other end smiling and happy in his skin. Thankful every day that he can afford to start on HRT, thankful every day for all the support he gets online from kind words to donations that helped afford top surgery + donations I got when he was filing for the name change as well. 

I’m posting this in hopes that it helps anyone who needs it. I’m a huge believer in doing things for yourself and making sure your happiness/comfort is always first before someone else’s. I hope it gives inspiration and motivation to those who are scared to transition in fear of what their families will think, in fear of how they will transition, fear of all the nerve wracking things that comes with HRT. Hoping that it shows you, that while HRT isn’t an over night fix, that takes time and a lot of hard days but in the end, you come out on top. It’s still a struggle some days but nothing compared to the days when I was pre-T. 

Feel free to message me if you have any questions about HRT with T and I’m happy to answer to the best of my ability!

My name is NIkk and I’m non binary! He/him pronouns =)

For beginner witches ✨

Learn the phases of the moon and what each phase contributes for you. Also, search up “tonight’s moon phase” and it’ll tell you what moon is there that night and tell you when to expect other phases!

PHASE CORRESPONDENCES
•full moon: love magick, charging, healing, banishing, cleansing, clarity
•Waxing gibbous: motivation, attraction, success, good health
•Dark/new moon: deconstructive magick, curses, banishing, soul searching, divination
•waning crescent: balance, success, attaining wisdom, atonement, illness
•last quarter: breaking bad habits, relinquishing, breaking curses, banishing
•waning gibbous: relinquishing, undoing bindings, cleansing, undoing curses •Waxing crescent: constructive magick, attraction, wealth/success, luck & friendship

Use this for magick and making moon water. To make moon water you simply put some water under the moon, it’s okay if it’s cloudy, and you only need to put it out for an hour or more. Store it in a dark space.

Sun water: for ego, dignity, power, pride, self confidence and leader ship
Just leave water under the sun and store in a light/open area.

SIGILShttps://wxtches-energies.tumblr.com/post/161188398036/the-sigil-wheel-is-a-really-good-method-decide

Candles! : buy them from the dollar store , it’s much cheaper there. I have a few witchy shops in my city as well and candles can be 60 cents each! Here’s a post for candle colour correspondences:

https://wxtches-energies.tumblr.com/post/162447536196/candle-color-correspondences

What type of witch are you? : Here’s a master post and it’s HUGE on types of witches with a detailed description:

https://wxtches-energies.tumblr.com/post/162495405231/lavenderwhisps-witch-types-master-post-jan-2016

No material spells: Here’s a few one word spells to get you started! :

https://wxtches-energies.tumblr.com/post/162295744726/one-word-spells

Secret witches master post:

https://wxtches-energies.tumblr.com/post/162517634026/master-post-for-secret-witches

Importance of salt in witchcraft:

https://wxtches-energies.tumblr.com/post/162295813361/the-importance-of-salt-in-witchcraft

How to cast a circle (many methods) :

https://wxtches-energies.tumblr.com/post/162283941001/a-pagan-path-now-that-ive-begun-working-more

you are constantly creating yourself through memories and experiences so just remember that when you make your decisions. be the person you know you are, take care of yourself and give yourself the love you need. it’s all inside of you, all the love you need is inside of you. we all are just trying to find it within ourselves, it’s there…just keep up the soul searching.

I crave a love so deep that when it touches my soul it rattles my bones and squeezes my chest.
I want love that makes me a morning person.
A love that makes me forget what sadness ever felt like specially on the days I think sadness is all i’ll ever be.
A love that even though they might forget our anniversary they will never forget where we first kissed.
A love that makes me excited for Friday and Saturday nights but makes me fall in love with Sunday and Monday mornings. 
I want a love that I could go to parties with and hold our laughs while we whisper silly jokes that have everything to do with our shared dark humor, like a secret no one else is in on.
I want a love that understands I’m messy, difficult, and that most of my mood swings come from hunger and exhaustion, while the others come from anxiety and insecurity. 
A love that makes me coffee in the morning, but they know that the way I like it is not 3 creams and 2 sugars like I tell everyone else when they take my order.
but what i really mean is that on the days i wake up a mess i want no creams and no sugars or that on the days i wake up and the sunshine seems to be beaming through my eyes; that day they know I want 3 creams all the sugars because i have this weird way of thinking that it’ll just make my day sweeter. 
A love that looks like its traveled through all the ages and time zones just to be together.
A love that makes us finally understand the true meaning of fate.
A love that makes it impossible to ever think that soulmates don’t exist.
A love where one day I’ll look into their eyes and become so overwhelmed with happiness all I  would do is break down because I never once for a moment thought this was possible. 
A love that makes me question if my own mother had felt love for me before. 
I want a love that reaches through my chest and squeezes my heart when I start to worry they will ever leave me. 
A love that on the days when I think that i am not worthy of love they’ll wrap me in their arms and hold me so tight that it makes me feel like a fool for ever thinking such things.
I crave a love so crazy, so pure, so genuine, so out of this world.
A love so deep it won’t be enough for us, making us spend the rest of our lives just going deeper.
—  Odett G.
How I recognized comp het/coercive heteronormativity

I get a lot of asks about how to tease apart genuine attraction from compulsory heterosexuality/coercive heteronormativity and how I figured it out and all that and the sucky answer is that there’s no cut-and-dry test or yes or no way to figure it out. Ultimately, in the end, you’ll have to decide whether you feel genuine attraction for men or whether it’s been conditioned into you. That doesn’t mean your conclusion can’t change over time, but you have to make the call in the end. No one else can make it for you.

Statements I have that helped me (speaking from my own experience) conclude that I was experiencing compulsory heterosexuality and not genuine attraction to men that might resonate with you:

  • I like getting attention from men and being validated in my attractiveness, but the moment it goes from attention to an interaction (i.e. from flirting to asking out) I start panicking.
  • I’m constantly testing my attraction to men. I pick one or more conventionally attractive men in the room, and try to force myself to be attracted to them.
  • I like the idea of being with a man, but any time a man makes a move on me I get incredibly uncomfortable.
  • I like the idea of marrying a man/being in a relationship with a man, but I can always pick out a reason to not want to date any man that is interested in me or any man suggested to me. These reasons are sometimes reasonable, but often insignificant (i.e. “I don’t like guys who do their hair like that, he has a weird mole on his face, he’s too tall”).
  • I can fantasize about men and find men attractive, but thinking about realistically being with a man makes my stomach churn.
  • The guys I like always seem to be incredibly feminine or gay. (This never happened to me specifically, but it has happened to many friends).
  • Alternatively, the guys I like are always a hyper masculine man’s man who embodies everything about manliness.
  • The guys I like are always unattainable.
  • I get crushes on guys but they immediately disappear the moment they might like me back.
  • When I think about guys, I think about all the things that I could tolerate doing with them (dating, kissing, sex, marriage) but always in terms of what I could force myself to do, not what I want to do.
  • Being around guys that are interested in me gives me intense anxiety.
  • I like male celebrities, fictional men, and men in art, but never men in real life.
  • All of my fantasies around men are always with faceless, nameless men; the more realistic the fantasy and the more details about my partner I invent, the less excited and into the fantasy I become.
  • I want to marry a man, be a stay at home, have 2.5 kids and a dog named Spot, live in the suburbs, and have my kids play sports and paint. I have no idea why I want this, I can’t pick out anything about this goal that is appealing to me, but I want this to happen.
  • Your fantasies about men still somehow turn out to be a little gay. Maybe you’re penetrating him, you don’t have to look at his face/don’t want to look at his face (I had and still have this one big time), you want a threesome with another woman, he’s very feminine, etc. It might be a “straight fantasy” but you’ve altered it in a way straight people might not be totally interested in.
  • Your fantasies about men give you intense distress or anxiety. They could be intrusive thoughts, forms of self-harm, or otherwise.
  • You figure you’re attracted to men but don’t really have any evidence for it. (i.e. “I guess I’m attracted to men because I had a crush on Brian in 2nd grade. I don’t hate men and I have men who I am friends with and whose company I enjoy. Why wouldn’t I be attracted to men?”)

This by no means an exhaustive list of how compulsive heterosexuality/coercive heteronormativity affects people, and there are plenty of people who are genuinely attracted to men who may relate and identify with one or more of these bullet points. However, if you relate to or identify with a lot of these things, I’d say it’s worth an investigation into why so many of these things resonate with you. Is it because you have a specific taste in men or because society has conditioned you to want this? Is it because you have bad experiences with men related to trauma or because these kinds of desires have been ingrained into you? I can’t answer those questions for you, and it will probably take some soul-searching but these are things I noticed for myself that indicated to me I wasn’t experiencing genuine attraction to men.

If anyone else has any compulsory heterosexuality/coercive heteronormavitiy signs they’d like to share, feel free!

  • Hufflepuff: staring into someone's eyes; soul searching; irrevocable trust; falling asleep on them; constant and immediate comfort while being with or around them; the feeling you get when wrapped in a blanket next to a fire on a freezing winter day; gentle smiles from across a crowded room
  • Slytherin: silent understanding; always being heard (even if you aren't always answered); blank faces but smiling eyes; the fear and rush of sharing secrets; hands comfortingly resting on or guiding shoulders; always knowing what you're coming home to; remembering the little things; inside jokes; the silence of listening to/sharing your favorite music
  • Ravenclaw: knowing looks exchanged from across the room; hiding smiles behind hands; falling asleep in the middle of a conversation (because you didn't want it to end); a good nights sleep after a restless week; finding someone who understands; a completely judgement free zone
  • Gryffindor: the adrenaline rush after riding a roller coaster; loud laughter from everyone in the room; always feeling included; when you can't stop smiling; inappropriately timed jokes in necessary environments; getting high-fived by a stranger; the feeling of being bear hugged

I have this undying love for wild, unapologetic, raw souls.

The ones that show the world that they’re so strong and need no one else to run along them, but when they love, they love so deeply that they can feel the others heart beat in their own throat.
The ones that wear their hair messy and laugh at the fact that they have a messy heart to go along with it.
The ones that aren’t scared to say “here I am take me, I dare you to break me” and when they do they just love stronger the next time around.
The ones that cry and hurt but never turn cold and bitter.
The ones that the moment the sun touches their skin they close their eyes, take a deep breath and smile because they believe if they take in enough sunshine they will start to resemble it.
and they’re not wrong.
The ones that find peace at the sound of thunder and happiness in rain.
The ones that find a melody in waves when they crash at the shore. 
The ones that drink their coffee black and though they’ll never admit that half way through when they think its too strong they add cream, but it won’t change the fact that every morning they’ll continue to drink their coffee black while keeping a stash of creamer hidden.
The ones that find beauty in the darkest places which is why they will never tell or ask someone to change, all they will do is sit and enjoy the fact that such darkness is brave enough to come close to such light.

So heres to those souls, I will forever love you and you will forever be my favorite thing to witness.

—  Odett G
spells for a new/dark moon 🌑

🌑 curses 

🌑 banishings 

🌑 soul searching 

2

“The cost would have been my soul.”

-James Kirk, ‘The Search for Spock’


Well, what can I say? I’m in way too deep. I just watched the first three movies one after the other and TWOK broke my soul into tiny little pieces (again) so I had to do this to fix it back up.