soul ride

Top 10 moments when ACOMAF shattered my heart in the best way possible

Okay, now that I’ve spent my whole week just living and breathing about ACOMAF… re-reading ACOMAF… and just thinking about it obsessively and telling ALL my friends about it… I feel like now it is a good time to post this. I’m going to post my top 10 moments in ACOMAF where MY HEART BROKE. And I hope you guys can agree–because this fandom is one soul, and we ride and die together.  

10. When Feyre comforts Rhysand after waking him up from his nightmare.

Like first of all, OW. It just breaks my heart over and over to think about what Amarantha did to Rhys, and what scars it left behind. 

But… what broke my heart more was this:

“But–but how many nights had I wanted someone to do the same for me?” 

AND I’M JUST LIKE FEYRE SUFFERED ALONE IN THE SPRING COURT 

Because some stupid High Lord of the Spring Court just pretended to be asleep whenever she vomited her guts out, and pretended everything was all fine and dandy. You claim to love her, and yet, you let this happen. tamlin u shit bag

9. Lucien and Feyre reunion after Feyre goes to the Night Court. 

You gave up on me.” 

Look, guys, I know Lucien is not a bad person. Deep down, he is a good, troubled person who has a lot of his own scars, and I know that he does consider Feyre to be his friend and he does care about her. But he also chooses to yield to Tamlin at the end of everything. He does fight for her, but he doesn’t fight enough against Tamlin. Now, this could be because Tamlin does instill a lot of fear in Lucien–which, if it’s true, it is not a healthy friendship, even if Tam is Lucien’s High Lord. But it makes me wonder, you know. Where is our fiery Lucien, who once spat at Tamlin’s feet? I really do hope that Elain will help him change for the better. Or that he comes to this realization from himself. Man, I love Lucien, but he’s going to have to do a lot more to redeem himself. 

Because, see, even Rhys thinks that Lucien would’ve stepped in.

And this breaks Feyre’s heart, that her friend wouldn’t do this for her. And she would’ve fought for Lucien until the end, no doubt about. 

“I thought so, too” HA HA HA LET ME LIE IN MY OWN PUDDLE OF TEARS

8. The scars that remain with Rhys because of Amarantha. 

The next scene that broke my heart happens during the sexytimes between Feyre and Rhys.

Okay, just re-reading this scene is making me really emotional. So I don’t know if I’m going to be coherent enough to say this. But like, guys. I think this scene is important–and heartbreaking at the same time–because it’s a moment where Rhysand’s scars are acknowledged. Again, it is so rare in YA fiction to see a male character who has been sexually abused, and Sarah explores the scars that remain within Rhysand. And it’s also important because he’s also able to overcome these scars, and find happiness even after the darkest of times.

7. How Rhysand is treated in Velaris vs. Under the Mountain

Okay, so I like how 8 and 7 relate to each other. 

What struck me about this scene was: “no one whispered about him or spat on him or stroked him as they had Under the Mountain”

What really breaks my heart here is that it’s not just Amarantha that violated Rhys. Others did it too, because Amarantha did it, because Rhys was Amarantha’s whore, and therefore, her property. 

And this makes me really sick to my stomach. And it breaks my heart. fuck

6. Feyre realizing how sad she is at the Spring Court before her wedding. 

THIS PHYSICALLY HURTS

my poor baby Feyre 

I spent a good portion of time during the beginning of the novel wanting to wrap her in a warm blanket, hug her, and tell her it’s okay. 

And Tamlin, CAPTAIN OBLIVIOUS, is able to laugh freely. I’m gonna fight him

Even Rhys in Chapter 11 goes: “Months and months, and you’re still a ghost. Does no one there ask what the hell is happening? Does your High Lord simply not care?” (Shall we count this as like an honourable mention moment for when my heart broke into a million pieces… again) 

ha ha ha ha let me DIE my heart can’t take this 

5. Rhysand asks Feyre about her birthday. 

This isn’t a sad scene, but it still moved me and broke my heart because you can obviously tell how much Rhys loves Feyre.

FEYRE’S BIRTHDAY IS THE WINTER SOLSTICE

THE LONGEST NIGHT OF THE YEAR 

“YOU WERE TRULY BORN ON THE WINTER SOLSTICE?” 

YES RHYS MY SMOL SON YOUR MATE WAS BORN ON THE LONGEST NIGHT OF THE YEAR YES YOU TRULY BELONG TOGETHER

But also, like. Rhys seems genuinely sad that Feyre did not celebrate her birthday. Do I foresee belated birthday gift/party in ACOTAR 3? Because yes I will sell my soul for this 

4. Feyre walking away from Rhysand after learning about the mating bond

Okay, no, I totally understand why Feyre is angry enough that she wants some time alone away from Rhysand once she learns from the Suriel that they’re mates. I’ve seen people hating on her for it… but c’mon. Really? You don’t think you’d be angry? Angry enough to walk away? I mean I’d want my own space to think too

But yeah it still broke my heart because Rhysand just calls after her… injured and weakened… ahaha…..ha…. why…

Now we’re rolling into the final 3… and honestly, these broke my heart the most and made me cry. I still want to weep when I think about them. 

3. Rhysand noticing Feyre’s weight loss 

He cares so much about her. *UGLY WAILING* *falls to the floor*

And he makes sure she eats properly. And wants to have breakfast with her. 

RHYSAND YOU PRECIOUS SOUL

cue ugly sobbing, with the snot and everything 

rhysand calling tam out on his shitty behaviour

2. Cassian and Feyre training 

This is still one of my favourite scenes, and I … just. The whole scene leading up to it is an emotional roller coaster–Cassian saying that he’s there for Feyre if she wants to talk about leaving the Spring Court, the whole “I’m fine” thing, and how Feyre just realizes she did everything for Tamlin… and he just…. left her to suffer alone.

He’s ready to take the blow. 

CASSIAN WOULD TAKE THE BLOW. 

BECAUSE HE CARES ABOUT FEYRE AND WANTS TO HELP HER COPE. 

BECAUSE HE UNDERSTANDS.

Rhys is precious, Cassian is precious….. the whole Night Court squad is precious. I just love them so muchhhhhhh. 

And now. .  . okay. 

The final scene had me in full blown tears. 

1. Amren x Feyre 

SHE ASKS RHYS THIS LIKE 3 TIMES

SHE DEMANDS TO KNOW WHERE FEYRE IS 

AND AND AND AMREN ISN’T ALWAYS VOCAL ABOUT HER FEELINGS AND SHE’S SCARY AND SHE’S VICIOUS

BUT SHE LOVES FEYRE

I JUST

IT’S THE MOMENT YOU REALIZE HOW MUCH AMREN–AND THE REST OF THE COURT–ALSO LOVE FEYRE, A FELLOW DREAMER 

I’M DEAD 

D E A D 

LOWER ME TO THE GROUND 

This post also made me very emotional again. Thanks for reading. And if you know want to discuss ACOMAF with me, and the scenes that broke your heart (because there are like 10 million more)… feel free to shoot me a message. 

I’m gonna go read ACOMAF some more and cry by e 

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Bonnie & Clyde - DΞΔN | Fancy - Paloalto | Gold - ℒund | I Am You, You Are Me - ZICO | ONS - B-Jyun | Flower Girl - XXXY | Droopy Drawers - OLNL | Lol. - Maurice Moore | Oyeah - OLNL | No Time For Sleep (Interlude) - Jeff Bernat | Null - Punchnello | Cloud9 - Oshea | 6 - VEN | thought cloud - MAT JOHNSTON. | Think - Reddy | One Of These Nights(Joe Millionaire Ver.) - Red Velvet | Ma Fam - Penomeco | I Used To - Hanhae | The Green Room - Samuel Seo | Light Me Up - CHANGMO | Smooth Operator - G.Soul | Love - B-Jyun | D(Half Moon) - DΞΔN |

In The Silence I Hear You

Resbang 2016

CLICK FOR ART BY @amberlehcar (warning: spoilers for chapter six!) 

CLICK FOR ART BY @eerna 

It’s been so long since Soul could hear his own music. Even longer since he cared, after what music did to Wes and his family. But when his childhood friend Maka returns like a tempest to Death City and demands he accompany her in an upcoming competition, Soul must decide whether the pain of reclaiming his sound is worth the rush of playing with her again. A Your Lie in April AU.

Rating: T

Warnings: Depression, major character death, some gore, some suicidal ideation

This entire project would be utter garbage without my betas the #Jortsquad. @zxanthe @silly-twin-stars @makapedia @fabulousanima @sojustifiable @professor-maka @marshofsleep and @adulterclavis, thank you, thank you. From denim jackets and :leggy: to music recs and late night conversations that have actually changed my life, you guys have helped me grow as both a writer and a person, and I will be forever grateful. I cannot thank you enough for your wit, friendship, memes, and incredible ability to put up with my near-constant stream of puns. Stay gold, ponyboys.

Also, huge thanks and love to both of my artists! Holy shit did they outdo themselves. Jo’s digital art pretty much made me weep, and listening to Amber’s voice acting scene was a little like bliss. I could not have wished for better partners, and I’m so glad they both could join me on this crazy journey. Many hugs and yelly tags to each of them.

Enjoy!


Darkness coats the inside of his eyes, slithers down his throat, runs tar-like through his veins. He can hear it catching up to him, long, crackling, inexorable footsteps beating a measured counterpoint to his frantic heart. Small hands materialize from the shadows to grope at his face and shove fingers down his throat, choking him with the taste of ash and dust.

Sprint. Jump. Duck. The world is reduced to spurts of action as his thoughts scatter like birds from a field, even as the ear-wrenching sound of squealing wires gets louder behind him. Terror propels him through rotting skeletons and over piles of dead crows, every instinct screaming that if he doesn’t move faster, he’ll meet a fate far worse than death.

He’s always too late.

Bursting from a thicket with bleeding clefs for leaves, Soul runs to the edge of a sheer cliff, small rocks skittering into the inky abyss below. The world goes quiet, the kind of sharp silence after a gunshot, and then he’s being strangled by hands with piano keys for fingers, black sludge leaking through the spaces between them.

“Why?” the voice whispers hoarsely, as it always does. “Why me, but not you?”

Scrabbling in vain against the ivory hands that hold him suspended, Soul cries, “I don’t know! I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know!” Despair shoves the terror out of his system and he goes limp in the creature’s grip, will to fight back trickling away at the sudden realization of who it is that hunts him so methodically.

“You abandoned us,” it rasps, carrying Soul to the edge of the cliff.

The world yawns below him as he’s dangled over the cliff face, panic coursing through him while he squirms and twists so he can make one last plea. “I didn’t mean to! Wes, please!”

Maggots skitter through the exposed bones of Wes’s cheeks, empty sockets leering where blue eyes once regarded him so gently. Jutting between the tendons in his neck is a violin bow, the one pictured in the papers on the night he won the Death City Symphony Competition, and Soul has to swallow another sob because that was the photo they used in his obituary, too.

Flies buzz around his face as Wes says, “Sorry isn’t good enough,” and drops him.

All Soul can hear is the low growling roar of a huge waterfall, and suddenly he’s plunged underwater, choking as liquid pours into his lungs. Except it isn’t water, not really, and it’s only with his last bit of consciousness that he realizes he’s swimming in blood as black as the dark side of the moon.

Read the rest on AO3 / FFN

Love. It’s a rare, crazy and utterly beautiful ride. Full of ups and downs, hills and valleys, intensities and calmer times. There’s love that makes you dizzy with happiness, heavy-hearted with sadness or insane with madness. But one day, when these extreme feelings begin to fade by the wayside, remember that there will always be a fire that burns within you. Just don’t ever let it completely die out. If you are lucky enough to find your ‘soul mate’ then you will need to remember they aren’t going to be perfect in every way possible. You are going to fight. You will disagree. They will drive you mad. You might even feel like you’ve lost the spark. But, if for the most part, you feel deep deep down in your trustworthy gut that they are ‘the one’, then don’t ever let the passion completely fade away. If you want the romance, remember love is a two way street. Give, give, give and you shall receive. Happy endings aren’t just for the movies. But once the honeymoon passes, love can be hard work. It can also be one of the most rewarding things that this life has given us. Fall in love and you’ll fall down the rabbit hole, into your very own gorgeous world that’s uniquely tailored for the two of you. There’s really nothing quite like it, so don’t allow it to be neglected. And if you haven’t found love yet, believe me, it’s just around the corner. So keep your chin high, your eyes bright and your smile beautiful, because you, my dear, deserve nothing but the very best.
—  Rose Sadleir
When ur fighting inside
  • Me at 3 am: GOD DAMN IT I NEED TO FINISH THIS EPISODE
  • Me at 5 am: FiNiSh thIs EpisOD-
  • Me at 6am: Oh look the sun is risi- FINISH THIS EPISODE BEFORE EVERYONE WAKES UP HURRY
  • Me at 2pm: I am so tired. I need nap time.
  • Me at 10pm: All right, I'll just watch one episode