If dead Bleach characters wrote their own eulogies...

As requested by juroadams. :)

Let’s say Bleach characters were given the opportunity to write their own (very short) eulogies. What would they write? And sorry there are just too many dead characters at this point so I won’t be doing them all!

1. Nnoitra

Nnoitra Gilga was the strongest of the espada. He defeated Nelliel, Espada #3, on two different occasions. He defeated Grimmjow, Espada #6. He defeated Sado, a human. He defeated Kurosaki Ichigo, a human. He died in glorious battle. He was very very strong.

Nelliel: Interesting that he didn’t say what *his* espada number was.

2. Kaien

Shiba Kaien, the lieutenant of Squad 13, died today. He has left behind his sister, Kukaku and his brother, Ganju. He has followed his wife, Miyako, into death. But this is not the end for Shiba Kaien! He remains alive in the hearts of his friends, like his captain Ukitake, and his fellow squad members Rukia, Kiyone, and Sentaro. He is happy that he did not die alone.


3. Barragan

His Majesty King Barragan, the god of Hueco Mundo, has died. May he reign forever in the hearts of his loyal followers, and may Sosuke Aizen choke on a dick.

Hachigen: …

Hachigen: I suppose there is no need to be subtle in death.

4. Yamamoto

Yamamoto Genryusai was the founder of the Gotei-13 and the head captain for many thousands of years. Because of him, Soul Society was protected and many souls were guided safely to the afterlife. He was also the founder of the shinigami academy, thanks to which many new shinigami are trained and brought into this world every day. His beard was glorious, and his eyebrows inspiring. He gave his life protecting his subordinates and the universe. He must now leave the safety of Soul Society, of the universe, and of Hisagi Shuhei to the living.

Hisagi: …

Hisagi: As editor I am probably allowed to edit the last line.

5. Sasakibe

Sasakibe Chojiro had one all-defining trait: he was loyal. Loyal to his captain, Yamamoto Genryusai, loyal to the Gotei-13, and loyal to the principles for which it stood. He died defending them all.

Kensei: Huh. Even his eulogy isn’t memorable.


6. Starrk

He died the way he lived - alone.

Kyoraku: Hey! I was there!

Kyoraku: Rude.

7. Tosen

Tosen Kaname always believed in following the path with the least blood. He wanted to bring justice to a world in which there was no justice. Now, in death, he hopes that his friend, Komamura, and his subordinate, Hisagi, will remember him fondly, despite everything. He also wants the Gotei-13 to know that they are corrupt scumbags who deserve to be destroyed. 

Hisagi: Except for me, right?

Komamura: You are no scumbag.

8. Unohana

As the first Kenpachi, Unohana killed many people. As the first captain of the healing squad, she healed many people. In the end she discovered what she always knew: that killing is way more fun.

Kenpachi: S-she was so awesome…

9. Masaki

As a mother, Masaki had three children whom she could not be more proud of. As a wife, Masaki had a wonderful husband who was occasionally cool. As a Quincy, Masaki protected those she cared about. And as a human, she did the same thing. She wants her son to know that her death is not his fault, and that if she could do it again, she would. She wants her daughters to know what she is sorry she did not have more time with them, but that she knows they will make her proud. She wants her husband to know that seven years is way too long for a memorial poster to stay up.

Isshin: …


10. Gin

They say that when you set off to take revenge, you should dig two graves. Ichimaru Gin only dug one grave. And it was his own. That wasn’t ideal. But he takes comfort in the fact that Kurosaki Ichigo has definitely killed Aizen Sosuke by now. Definitely.

Ichigo: …

11. Ulquiorra

Ulquiorra was the #4 espada, a loyal follower of Aizen Sosuke. He was the espada of emptiness, and he was really good at sewing. And in the end, he found the heart.

(ghost) Kaien: Wow. Copycat much?

12. The Soul King

Good job on the defending me thing, everybody.