sorte no humor

Each house when: partying
  • Gryffindor: epic 3AM dance solos. Most likely to buy you a drink - love to dare Slytherin into drinking shots
  • Hufflepuff: know everything embarrassing everyone ever did when partying, love to play Cupids
  • Ravenclaw: either made the playlist themselves or Shazam constantly. Incredible dancers
  • Slytherin: awkwardly sits in the corner in the beginning but once they loosen up they’re unstoppable
The Sorting Hat
  • Sorting hat: </b> you belong in Slytherin, bro
  • Harry: </b> no, pls anything but Slytherin
  • Sorting hat: </b> no drarry is my otp
  • Harry: </b> but Gryffindor-
  • Sorting Hat: </b> did I FUCKING STUTTER
  • Harry: </b>
  • Sorting hat: </b>
  • Harry: </b>
  • Sorting hat: </b> SLYTHERIN
Sordid Sorting

Godric Gryffindor: “Sorting Hat, you are my greatest creation. It will be up to you to sort every Hogwarts student into the house where they truly belong.”

Sorting Hat: “I shall strive to be fair and equitable, master.”

GG: “What?! No, forget that noise. I made you and you’re going to put the kids where I tell you.”

SH: “Oh, uh OK. What did you have in mind?”

GG: “First, put all the cool kids in Gryffindor. Then put the jerks in Slytherin, the nerds in Ravenclaw, and everybody else in Hufflepuff.”

SH: “Don’t you think the other founders will object?”

GG: “Nah! We’ll just tell Salazar he’s getting all the ‘ambitious kids,’ we’ll tell Rowena she’s getting the smart kids, and Helga… Y'know, Helga’s pretty chill. I don’t think she’ll bug us about it.”

SH: “OK, whatever you say boss.”

GG: “Dang straight.”

Each house as: a hot drink
  • Gryffindor: Milk coffee – a refill of energy, but with some sweetness in it, kindly gets you through the day
  • Hufflepuff: Hot chocolate – warm, comfy, with a lot of whipped cream when everything is shit
  • Ravenclaw: Tea – Multiple flavors and colors, surprisingly strong under a calm façade, best companion for a reading session
  • Slytherin: Black coffee – determined, monochrome & shiny, makes you feel kind of like a dramaqueen when you order it
No, the blog isn’t dead!

This is a long-time coming buuutttt I guess I should finally say something. So first off- no, the blog isn’t dead forever! I’ve just been taking a very long, very unplanned hiatus due to personal reasons that I’ll touch on a bit.

Putting it under a readmore because it’s a lot but TLDR version:

EQP is not dead! It’s just on impromptu hiatus until I figure some real life things out.

Keep reading

Each house as: planets from the Solar System
  • Gryffindor: Jupiter – bigger, stronger, better (boss rhymes btw)
  • Hufflepuff: Earth – warm and comfy, to be protected™
  • Ravenclaw: Venus – shiny, rotates the other way because why the fuck not rotate the other way
  • Slytherin: Saturn – aesthetic babe, squad of satellites 24/7
  • white person: where are u from
  • me: what
  • white person: u know. what nationality are u
  • white person: what shade of yellow. what flavor of exotic. what country is ur family from. from what city in the Glorious Country of Asia were you birthed. what Foreign Land were u born in
  • me:
  • me:
  • me:
  • white person: from what branch of Orientalism do u derive yourself from

but can you just imagine. sam or tony or clint or someone walking in on steve drawing bucky. bucky completely nude and at ease, lounging on a beanbag chair. steve’s not even blushing, just drawing intently. bucky saying “sup” like he’s not as naked as the day he was born and sprawled out in full view as captain america does a very, very detailed sketch of him

I have a lot of trouble with getting out how I feel about things, because my feelings all conflict one another.

Isn’t that something?

How one half of me can love you so passionately, violently, unapologetically.

All while the other half is just begging you to leave. Begging you to quit letting me walk in circles. Cut the ties and let me go.

Because surely, honestly, if you cared even a fraction as much as you said you did. If you loved me, in any way at all. You’d let me go.

You’d understand that I’m hurting over you. Tearing myself in half because I don’t know what to do anymore.

But instead you like to watch me suffer. You like to manipulate and watch the light die out. You think it’s funny when I joke about my soul fading out, my light fading out. You think it’s some sort of dark humor when I joke about the bags under my eyes. When I mention how dark and hollow and sunken in I look because I haven’t slept right in months.

You let me tell you it’s not you, that it was simply coincidental that I lost myself at the same moment you broke my heart. //Dont’t worry about it, it’s not your fault.//

But god damnit, you should be screaming. Screaming at the top of your lungs. STOP BELITTLING YOURSELF TO KEEP ME FROM HURTING. Because fuck, you’ve done enough and I still can’t sleep because my heart aches and some days I can’t even eat because my head isn’t in it. If breathing wasn’t mechanical I probably would have forgotten how to do that too.

But no. Because all of a sudden you’re lost in how cause and effect is hurting you. You’re worried about how I’ve hurt you when all I did was snap under the pressure of all the pain you’ve put me through. Yet, here I am, still trying to make things right. Because fuck, we’ve been at it for so long and I’ve fought too long and too hard for this to go to waste.

But it is a waste. Because none of this was real. And at the end of the day you’re happy with the people you call your friends. At the end of the day you’re in love and wrapped up in him.

At the end of the day I’m cold and guarded and broken and far too gone to save. You pushed me over the edge and I swore up and down I was in love with you. But now I’m not sure what this is.

—  “I think this is one of the things that 2016 needs to drag back to hell with it, but I’m still not strong enough to let you go.”// L.M.
Ashes, Ashes

Pairing: Pansy Parkinson x Ginny Weasley

AU: Modern, non-magical, Project Runway AU

Word Count: 1,157

Written For: getcozywithtposey (happy birthday, sweetie!)

Pansy almost misses the application deadline for the show.

She spends four hours shading in the lines of the pencil sketches in her portfolio and then wastes twenty-five minutes staring aghast at the blinking black cursor on her laptop screen when she gets to the lone lonely essay question at the end and it’s asking her ‘Who are you?’ like she has any idea how to answer and it’s frustrating.

Because she’s a crumpled white envelope overflowing with half-smoked cigarettes and expensive hotel stationary and she’s been around the world and back and has the scars and the postage stamps and the passport ink to prove it and she’d been The Snitch in high school and The Burnout in college and sometimes she’s blank but more often than not she’s empty and she’s been secretly steamed open and left out to dry so that no one could see the marks and she’s been taped shut and scribbled on and thrown away and she’s all of these things and all of these moments and how can she condense that into a 250-word personal statement?

She winds up writing about her idyllic childhood summers at the Cape and how graduating from Parsons had changed her life and when she gets her callback a few weeks later from the network she wears a black leather jacket over a lace-collared white Chanel dress and sneers at the other applicants in the sleek, chrome-accented waiting room and that isn’t the day she first speaks to Ginny Weasley, no, but it is the day that she first notices her.

Keep reading

Each house when: Christmas times
  • Gryffindor: open their present tearing up the pretty paper in the excitement (they’re sorry tho)
  • Hufflepuff: snowmen builders, eggnogg lovers defense squad
  • Ravenclaw: thoughtful handmade Christmas cards with glitter
  • Slytherin: Christmas tree decorating masters degree
The Sorting Hat's Job
  • Gryffindor: I'll take the bravest.
  • Ravenclaw: I'll take the smartest.
  • Slytherin: I'll take the purest.
  • Hufflepuff: I'll take the rest.
  • Sorting Hat: You'll take what I blood well give you.
  • Sorting Hat: Godric, you're getting Potter only because he refused Slytherin.
  • Sorting Hat: Godric, you're getting Black, he also refused Slytherin.
  • Sorting Hat: Godric, you're also getting Granger, she refused Ravenclaw.
  • Sorting Hat: Godric, you're getting Pettigrew, because he didn't want Hufflepuff.
  • Sorting Hat: You know what?
  • Sorting Hat: Godric, I'll just sort everyone to your House.
  • Rumple: aha! I am locking Belle up. She'll be in love with me again in no time.
  • Charming: wait what?!
  • Hook: is that your actual strategy?!
  • Rumple: oh come on
  • Rumple: it worked for you two
  • Rumple: caught in a net
  • Rumple: locked in a dungeon
  • Rumple: that's how you true love, right?
  • Charming:
  • Hook:
  • Charming: I don't think you've quite got the hang of this yet... you've locked her up loads of times, but she needs to hit you over the head first, really
  • Hook: aye, or handcuff you to something
  • Charming: or like at least seriously threaten you
  • Hook: ooooh yes
  • Hook: better yet, skip the locking up and the hitting, just give her a pair of handcuffs
  • Hook: trust me, you'll have way more fun
  • Charming:
  • Rumple:
  • Hook: what?