to me the thing is that we’d predicted this sort of outcome for most of the season, yet it was still probably the most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever seen in my life.
like even from the first scene with the paper towels people have been like “even has some form of mental illness” and we were all like yeah, sure, maybe he does.
then we started believing it, and for a very long time i think we all knew that at some point it would become an “issue”, and I thought we were prepared for it.
I made a prediction about the friday clip, I thought yes, there would be drama and some form of problem (because the week had been too good), and I thought we might get answers/ even telling isak about having a mental illness.
then I saw it was 15 minutes, and whilst I was incredibly excited, my first thought was “no this can’t be good”. and I was right (in terms of emotion, in terms of a story it’s amazing).
at first, I was so incredibly proud of isak messaging his mum (still am) especially signing off with “hugs, isak” because that showed a level of love even though they aren’t close, and it showed he was willing to put aside the issues with them, if she did.
then even is the biggest freaking dork and draws a heart on the window and my heart explodes. (also pointing out how isak still didn’t want to kiss even in public, which I feel was a really good show of him not just miraculously being completely comfortable after just coming out to his family & friends)
then even is just so proud to be able to say isak is his boyfriend and he’s beautiful and he’s his and I actually died. but then we get into the room and first it’s amazing but then even starts just rambling on and you can actually see the look of realisation on isaks face (shout out to tarjei and his amazing acting) when he first starts to get a hint that something isn’t right.
but then I think he chooses to ignore it, and why wouldn’t he? he’s never seen even in this context, and doesn’t know any better, plus they’re having a lovely night and he’s finally with the boy he loves, so he just puts it down to “he’s just having a great time”.
then the “the only way to have something infinitely is to lose it” comment, this is where I was like “no no no I don’t like this, this isn’t good”. I literally had to pause the video and make sure I was okay to continue because I really didn’t like where it was going, I was actually a mess.
once again, even not sleeping yet having so much energy, then we get to the part that started to kill me.
as soon as even walks out that door, isak realises fully what’s going on, and is instantly extremely worried. the moment even isn’t in the corridor I think isak connects the dots completely and is simply terrified.
wandering around the city and even calling sonja he looked so lost, and desperate and worried (again tarjei holy shit). then sonja turns up.
now, up until today, I was holding out hope that sonja was actually a good person, and don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying she’s evil or vindictive, but I don’t think she’s a good person for or with even. I think her “care” has turned into “control”, whether she fully realises it or not, I don’t think it’s healthy for even.
you can see that when isak asks what just happened and sonja answers, he already knows, he just needs it confirmed, and once it’s said out loud it’s real. sonja says stuff that I don’t believe is true (“it’s just some sick idea he has right now”) and some stuff she has no right to say.
I believe sonja got so comfortable in being the one who makes decisions for even and controlling him, that she can’t let it go, to her, this is essential. I don’t think she realises anymore that even is valid, and has his own thoughts and feelings that might not align with hers, and that isak was the one that this came to a head with. even saying “I can feel is growing apart ”(I can’t remember the exact line cause it was like episode 3 but it was along those lines) and “stop monitoring me”, makes me feel that sonja simply forgot how to be caring, and only knows how to control, because to her, that’s how it works.
and I do think even is in love with isak, completely in love with him, and I think isak 100% loves him back. but right now, due to isaks history with people with mental illnesses, i think isak feels broken and lied to, and I think he feels like he only loves this even, and doesn’t know the even with a mental illness, which I suppose is sort of true.
however I believe isak reaching out to his mum today was a sign of him growing (this show never does anything without reason) and also the line of noora “no one sacrifices anything for love in 2016” mean something.
I’d like to believe that he talks to eskild (giving eskild info this time) and possibly jonas, and sees a new side to this.
I’d like him to remember “and I’ll save you right back” because I’m going to just say it, i think even saved him, possibly from himself, or maybe just living his life as someone he’s not, and being miserable. even brought out the best in him, and made him so incredibly and indescribably happy and loved, and I’d like to believe he will save even just the same.
I want him to see that he still loves this even, he just now loves an even without a secret, an even he can care about & for the best way possible, and an even who has completely changed his life.