sort of but not technically

lemonbird  asked:

IMPORTANT QUESTION. Vampires aren't suppose to enter a premise without being invited right? What if a hermit vampire was living in his falling apart old castle and some fuck bought it as a "fixer upper", would the vampire just glitch out on to the lawn or would he be okay since he lived there before?

Okay so this would depend on where you are in the world, and whether or not they had squatters rights (can’t be evicted and can apply for legal ownership of place once they have been there for X amount of years) but I mean, the dude owns the place, even if it is a run down mess he was still there first and there’s probably some ancient land ownership law which can’t be overwritten by modern laws (you find all sorts of weird things are still technically legal cause no one bothered to update the books since 1645) so basically whoever just bought this castle to turn it into a modern fixer upper, congrats, you also just bought yourself a vampire and he’s not going anywhere.

(Also now I kind of want to write this where a family buys it to turn it into a hotel/wedding venue and the kids find the vampire in the attic and he ends up being the weird uncle who gets roped into hilarious wedding related shenanigans?? Like 


“Okay yes fine, you can host weddings here, but registrar only, no religious ones.” 
“But Theolodious, why?”
“Really Sharon, really, do I have to spell it out for you. Really.”

*

“We really should increase the lighting for photographs, what about skylights?”
“No.”
“But—”
“How about I just set all of you on fire while you’re trying to sleep.”

*

“Please, for the love of god, please don’t let people throw confetti or rice, I’m begging you.”

*

“Okay what’s our final head count for the night?”
“107.”
“Are you sure?”
“Did I fucking stutter Steve?”

*

“Uncle Theo, why does the groom have “help me” on the bottom of his shoes, why is everyone laughing?.”
“Because small one, humanity has failed collectively as a species and heteronormativity is a constructed lie designed to oppress over half the population for not conforming to arcane and chauvinistic ideals put in place by dead scholars who have long since turned to dust and have no place influencing modern society.”
“…”
“Permanence is an illusion.”

*

“Madame, flattering as your offer is for a quickie, you’re not my type.”
“What is your type then?” ;) ;) ;)
“O negative.”

*

“Whoo, what a day, I could eat a horse.”
“Same.”
“…”
“…well obviously I’m not going to.”

*

“Theo…are you…are you crying?”
“Yes.”
“You big softie, I never thought someone like you would cry at a wedding.”
“…I’ve lived a long life, Sharron. People come and go, the christening you bless will be the funeral you mourn in less than a century. But people keep saying “I love you”, that has to count for something.”

6

hey i revamped my era 1 peridot design! i made her more elite looking and gave her a more distinct silhouette + made her hair shape better. otherwise all ideas and abilities apply from the previous design.

this particular peridot, while only an example of how era1 units look like, is supposed to be the main engineer in prime kindergarden, which technically would make her sort of a mom for the famethyst (hence the kitty look)

[do not repost my art. do not use my art without my permission, for monetary gain and without crediting me. fanart of my designs is of course welcome! as long as you credit me + link to this post]

Kanji Decorations in the Hokage Tower

I’m surprised that I can’t find someone already writing about this, but I noticed that Tsunade’s office and the halls of the Hokage Tower are decorated with kanji and I thought people who don’t read kanji might be interested.

Disclaimer: I read Chinese, not Japanese, but the meaning of characters and four character idioms is the same more often than it is different between the two languages; also I have crosschecked against Japanese dictionary jisho.org

Ok, so, the above image to start.

On the left, you see the single character I most want you to know, love, and appreciate with regard to Naruto. This is the character for the “nin” in “ninja” and “ninjutsu” and the “shino” in “shinobi”. But. It also means “endure, bear up under, tolerate, to move patiently, to be stealthy”.

I feel this is one of the most beautifully evocative characters, it consists of a heart 心 under a blade 刀 (as fans of my fanfic already know). So this character is communicating the concept of enduring even at a knife’s point.

When Jiraiya and Orochimaru are having their pissing contest about what “ninja” means, when Jiraiya says a ninja is one who endures, he didn’t pull that out of nothing. 忍者 “ninja” could, in fact, be literally translated as “endurer” with perfect truth.

So this is an interesting choice and it caught my eye. This character means “anger” or “rage”. So already this is an interesting choice to pair with 忍.

You’ll also notice that like 忍 this character has heart 心 at the bottom. The top of this character is 奴 “(female) slave” which is composed of 女 “woman" and 又 “right hand”.

Now technically this is a phonetic component, but it’s hard to miss the plain arrangement of the characters and I would reject any attempt to say that the choice is completely arbitrary. The notion that “anger, rage” is something “slavish about the heart,” and the fact that the character for “anger” is made up of “woman, hand, heart”, is not something that people are going to just not notice over millennia.

The juxtaposition of these two characters implies to me a kind of balance that perhaps Tsunade particularly wants to inspire her, since this is her office. On the one hand, endure. On the other hand, take no shit.

泰然自若

“Taizen jijaku”: cool and collected

温厚篤実

“Onkou tokujitsu”: gentle and sincere

天衣無縫

“Tenimuhou”: flawless (heavenly clothes without seam, literally)

金科玉律

Now this is interesting, I couldn’t actually find this idiom in either of the Japanese dictionaries I checked. In Mandarin, this would be “jin1 ke1 yu4 lü4″ and it literally means “golden regulations, jade laws”–presented in isolation as an inspirational image, like this, it basically means “our rules and laws are precious and unbreakable” (!!!!!!!!!).

Anyone spot anymore of these hanging scrolls? I think they’re very interesting, in the complementing and contrasting ideals that they’re portraying.

7

ive been literally watching nothing but the great british bake off so naturally this had to happen

click on pics for character name and hcs!!

the millionaire and his lover | jjk

summary: over the course of your lifelong friendship with jungkook, you can’t say that you’ve ever had the greatest ideas, and a fake relationship with the boy you’ve been in love with for years is no exception. 

{self-gratuitous ceo au, friends-to-lovers, and fake relationship trope rolled into one big shitstorm of a jungkook fic}

pairing: jungkook x female reader
word count: 18k
genre: fluff, angst, and light smut
warnings: alcohol mentions, smut
a/n: hello all! i wanted to kickoff my writing on this blog with a bang, so here’s a longish fic on my wildest dreams. 

When you first tell people that you happen to know CEO and multimillionaire Jeon Jungkook, they tell you one of three things:

1: You’re so lucky! Could you introduce me?

2: You must have saved an entire country in your past life.

3: Is he as much of an asshole as the news outlets make him out to be?

What you don’t say, though, is this: You and Jungkook have had history for as long as you could remember. As not only neighbors, but also childhood friends, you happen to know quite a lot about the man who made a name of himself before he even graduated from university. You would also very much like to keep quiet the fact that you’ve harbored a crush on the boy for quite some time now, obvious to everyone whose name isn’t Jeon Jungkook.

Jeon Jungkook is, in one word, brilliant. He is brilliantly intelligent, brilliantly talented, brilliantly beautiful. He is suave and smooth and gets what he wants and if he didn’t possess such a disdain for the tabloids that do nothing but stretch the truth, he would have them wrapped around his finger. Sure, he’s no actor or singer, but he is a celebrity, and a skilled one at that. The media know no boundaries when it comes to a man like Jungkook, painting him as stunning yet rude, rich yet selfish, smart but cold. You know they blow his brief affairs out of proportion, and you know they will never know the boy who fell off of his bicycle in the second grade.

Jungkook is not powerful enough to replace the stars in your sky, but he is powerful enough to rearrange them right in front of your eyes, creating endless constellations that all remind you of him. He is the boy you have cherished since your elementary school days, when he would accidentally drool on your shoulder and throw sand into your mouth, and you are the girl who, despite all class differences, has stuck by him through thick and thin. It is not enough, but perhaps to him, it is.

“Do you ever try to mooch off of his wealth?” People ask you. “I would.”

And sure, every now and then you will ask him for money and he will give it to you, but your intentions are pure and you do not, will not, ever take his generosity for granted. Not when he has so much and you so little. You know what life is like when the world keeps trying to trip you, and a bit of smooth ground is not enough to keep you from forgetting the struggle.

That is, until you get laid off your job due to an influx of new workers, and your next student debt payment is due in roughly, a week.

What?”

Keep reading

3

Help, I accidentally my entire paycheck on Animal Plastics cages.

I bought a test cage for my leopard geckos back in March and it finally arrived. Their quality and customer service are absolutely worth the high price and long lead times. I’m upgrading all of my snakes over the next few years.

Sorry, wallet. :\

ps: Miss Kaylee and the venerable Sir Hammerlock (a rescue, 11+ years old, blind in one eye, and missing most of his toe tips) are not snakes and I’m sorry but they’re cute as AF so please forgive. Thanks you.

Do you ever think that the people just sort forget that Artemis is technically a child? Foaly will email Artemis asking for a spreadsheet and Artemis hits him back with “I’m in class right now, so I might take a tad longer than usual to fill out the data” and foaly is aghast. Agog. Taken aback. All these years he’s been friends with an infant and no one told him. Artemis ends up blocking him for the rest of the day because he cannot deal with mulch + foaly’s annoying texts asking if he’s eating enough and getting a healthy amount of sleep.

The Signs as Things Said in my Drama Class Pt. 2

Aries: “You’re dead. You’re fucking dead. All I want you to do, is die. Just die. Dead peOPLE DON’T LAUGH YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD.”

“Alright, just chill–”

“I’LL CHILL WHEN YOU’RE DEAD.”

Taurus: “So…it’s gay?”

“It’s Shakespeare. When is it not gay?”

Gemini: “Hey Lexi, can I ask you something–ohmygod how did you even get up there?!”

*Lexi looks down from hanging off the banister of a costume loft* “I honestly have no idea.”

Cancer: “Stage management, more like anger management, am I right?”

“Benjamin, I’m going to take my thumb, and I’m going to shove it up your ass. I’m going to shove it so far up your ass that I will have a thumb war with your small intestine.”

Leo: “How’s directing going?”

“Accidentally killed half my cast yesterday.”

“So, we’re on schedule then?”

“Yeah.”

Virgo: “So Mercutio will enter stage left and…where’s Mercutio?”

*from far off* “I’M TAKING A DUMP.”

“Alright, so Mercutio is taking a dump, and then will enter stage left…”

Libra: “So, are you two, like, dating?

“Well, I don’t know. Technically? We played lesbians and sort of kept at it or whatever, but it could all just be for shits and giggles…? I don’t know, what do you think?

“We literally had sex last night.”

“Oh, yeah.”

Scorpio: “I FOUND THE BUTCHER KNIFE DILDO!”

Everyone: “Yay!”

Sagittarius: “What if there was, like, a jacket for your legs?”

“Like, pants?”

“No, listen, it would keep your legs warm and covered.”

“So pants.”

“No! It would be on your legs!”

“Pants. You’re describing pants, Eric.”

“…Goddammit.”

Capricorn: *practicing pick-up lines* “Hey girl, are you a theatre arts major? Cuz’ I find you attractive but my parents will never approve of you.”

Aquarius: “Like, have sex, but don’t have sex.”

Pisces: “YOU’LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE, YOU NARCS!”

“Lexi, get off the ladder. We’re trying to program lights.”

“Program THIS!”

2

Heathers is the only thing to date that I haven’t assimilated my own characters into because … it’s impossible. And i love it for that. But with anything else tbh most of my connection to it comes from imagining AU’s of my characters in that scenario. 

Hence this - Narcissus as the “Squip” and Alary as the one that gets him. It’d be awesome of Narcissus for helping Alary accept his androgyny and getting that confidence if he as a person … wasn’t so… abysmally terrible lol

Part Two

Aziraphale looks like someone took several incarnations of Doctor Who, put them in a blender, and attempted to form a whole person out of the “bland white middle aged man’s conception of ‘quirky’”, result. Yawn.

(L O O K i know this is not even remotely a response to the prompt of ‘bruce wayne gets railed by huge demon dicks’ but also you are all terrible sinners and this is quite frankly a best-case scenario)


It was easy to follow the path of the ratty brown trenchcoat traveling through tuxedos and gowns.

“Wayne! What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

Bruce had been watching him stomp his way up the stairs, and had made no effort to meet him, standing and sipping at his champagne. “John!” he greeted, too cheerful to ever be genuine. “Glad to see you got your invitation.”

“Yes, I know I wasn’t — what?” Constantine stopped in his tracks with a frown. “What invitation?”

Your invitation,” Bruce said, gesturing to all assembled. “To the party. Which I assume you accepted, since you’re here. I knew you’d have to show up to one of them, eventually.”

“I don’t…”

The facts were these:

  • Bruce Wayne had apparently invited John Constantine to a party despite having no reason to believe it was necessary or desired.
  • ‘One of them, eventually’ suggested that he had invited John to many such parties.
  • A party was often the easiest time to find and corner Bruce Wayne, when he couldn’t go handcuffing anyone to anything with ridiculous bat-shaped handcuffs.
  • John never expected or waited for invitations to parties.
  • Bruce could not possibly have been monitoring John’s activities closely enough to know when he ought to invite him to a party.

Therefore:

  • Bruce Wayne had been sending John Constantine invitations to every party he had thrown in the last six years, for the express purpose of ensuring that John could never have the satisfaction of crashing a posh party uninvited.

John’s eyes narrowed. “You unbelievably petty asshole.”

The pull at the corner of Bruce’s mouth suggested that he knew that John knew what Bruce had done, and this knowledge of his knowledge pleased him inordinately. He sipped at his champagne.

“Do you know who it is that you were just flirting with?” Constantine asked, returning to his original reason for talking to the man at all.

Bruce’s eyebrow only barely moved higher than the other. “I don’t know that I would say that I was flirting, necessarily,” Bruce said.

“Oh, I know what you look like when you’re flirting,” John reminded him, and Bruce’s eyes flitted away back over the crowd. “You were flirting.” Bruce shrugged. “Did you even catch his name?”

The corners of Bruce’s mouth turned ever-so-slightly downward, a twitch in his brow that wasn’t a furrow. His champagne flute drifted away from his mouth. “I don’t think I did,” he said, and this admission of his oversight was said with the awestruck manner that most people reserved for a glimpse of the divine.

Appropriately enough.

“You’ve been flirting with the Devil,” Constantine informed him, in as blunt of terms as he could manage.

“I don’t see what that has to do with anything,” Bruce said. “I haven’t seen Talia in months.”

John huffed, grabbing Bruce by the arm and pulling him toward the railing overlooking the ballroom. “Not the metaphorical devil,” he said. “I mean Lucifer, the Fallen, Prince of Lies, the Dark Lord Satan. You have been flirting with the King of Hell.” He gestured with both arms toward the circle of besotted partygoers surrounding the man to whom Bruce had been speaking.

Bruce scoffed. The man in question looked up from the dance floor. His eyes were all the colors of a sunset, and cherubic golden curls formed a halo around his head. He saw Bruce, and he smiled.

Bruce almost smiled back. It was the beginnings of a smile, a beginning that spoke of an ignoble end, asymmetrical and soft and small.

He stopped. He turned his head away, and his face went a familiar blank shape. He glanced back toward the angelic figure out of the corner of his eye, as if to confirm the effect, before looking away again. He set his empty champagne flute down on the rail.

“That is the Devil,” he repeated for confirmation.

“Yes.”

“King of Hell.”

“Technically retired.”

“What?”

“He just sort of putters around these days,” Constantine admitted.

“He seemed nice,” said Bruce, who now seemed wary of looking toward the party.

“He does tend to.”

Bruce’s gaze drifted back toward Lucifer.

“Wayne. No.”

“Hm?”

“You’re thinking about it. I can tell you’re thinking about it. Theology or philosophy or Stones lyrics. Stop it.”

“I just wish I’d known sooner,” Bruce said. He was watching those blonde curls intently. “I might have had some questions.”

“No. No.” John took Bruce by the shoulders. “That’s how it starts, just an innocent conversation, and then what? Look. I know we’ve had this little rivalry, you and me, over who can stick their dick in the least advisable place, but that is literally, actually Satan. You cannot fuck him. I don’t just mean you shouldn’t, I mean physically, it’s not possible. And even if you could — God knows, if anyone could find a way — it’s still literal, actual Satan we’re talking about here. There are very few things in this world I’m willing to state are absolutely and categorically bad, and one of them is fucking literal, actual Satan.”

Bruce grabbed a champagne flute off the tray of a passing waiter. “Despite what you seem to think, Mr. Constantine,” he said, “I have not yet sunk so far as to need lectures on ethics from you of all people.”