sorryforthelongpost

This weekend I stepped completely outside my comfort zone: I ate french fries, pizza, bagels, cupcakes, and much more. I laughed, drank, met new people, and visited my boyfriend’s alma mater for the first time. Looking back, I don’t have anxiety or regrets over choosing a burger instead of a salad. I’m happy I made good memories instead of punishing myself for eating what was offered. I explored, I joked, I smiled, and I felt (and still feel) extremely comfortable with the girl I see in the mirror. One weekend of indulging doesn’t make me a bad person or “unhealthy.” I actually feel like I’m learning balance, and I’m so proud of that. ❣🤗

#sorryforthelongpost #hadtoshare #mentalhealth #recovery #bodypositive #selflove #fitness #fit #girlswholift #yogi #inspire #healthy #motivation #love #beautiful #warrior #fitfam

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🍃I’m waking up at 6:30am now and i still feel exhausted from yesterday. My job really pushed me to the limit to make things happen and altho I did go the extra mile to miraculously figure things out when others would have quit, there is no reward for me. It’s not like I expect one, but it kind of sucks to work hard all the time while others use their body or connections to get what one would never have (or have to work harder for).

🍃I’ve more than proven my worth over the years and to be repeatedly shown the reality of things is disheartening. My dad said that they know that I’m dependable and are testing me to see if I’m capable enough for a better position but I’m over here trying to believe that and hoping that they aren’t simply using me.

🍃Anyway, sorry for the rant, the point is that I’m waking up dead tired lol but that up there ^^^ to the top of this post is the quote for the day: “How beautiful it is to stay silent when someone expects you to be enraged.”

🍃I don’t know if I’m the best role model for this lesson bc after that stressful day yesterday I went to the mall (and walked till my feet felt like committing mutiny) and spent money I shouldn’t have (altho it was on things I needed) now not only does my body hurt and I’m tired…my bank account hurts too 😂😂

🍃On a positive note, i do feel better.

#sorryforthelongpost

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I figured I’d do a #transformationtuesday for my own personal self. So sappy post time bare with me. The picture on the left I was unhealthy in the sense I ate whatever I wanted when I wanted. I was insecure and hated myself and thought I was obese when in reality I had some weight on me yeah but I really was no where near fat. My insecurities got in the way and pushed me into the middle picture where I was 104 lbs soaking wet at one point (I don’t even want to post a picture of that because its disgustingly graphic) but that is where I was the unhealthiest I’ve ever been. I weighed myself constantly and would go days, I mean DAYS without eating. I had toxic people in my life and I was so focused on being “perfect”. I destroyed my body of a peace of mind I never received. Now for on the right, is currently. Yes, you can say i’m still thin but guess what, I’m a hell of a lot healthier than I have ever been. I’ve been focusing on eating to fuel my body, and treating myself when i deserve it. Im still a work in progress, but I always will be and I’ve accepted that. I’ve come a long way thus far, with a little help from some amazing people along the way, and I will continue to kick life in the balls every single day. Nothings going to stop me now. #ichoserecovery #daybyday #loveyourselffirst #sorryforthelongpost

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Jealousy

The FUCK? No one likes the feeling of jealousy. It’s like an ugly-ass monster that you just don’t want to face. Not only is it an ugly feeling, it makes you feel and look ugly too. So why do people insist on making you jealous? SHEER CRUEL INTENTIONS.

Some people enjoy it when someone gets jealous because it shows they actually care; which I truly understand (I won’t lie and say I haven’t done my fair share of making someone else jealous). When it’s constant though… do they not realize how much they’re hurting the other person? 

Guess not.

I do not like acting jealous. I used to be a very jealous person, but I’m really trying to keep it to myself nowadays because I realize how irrational it is to get jealous. You can get mad, but really it only eats away at the amount of trust you put into a relationship. 

So stop. Stop trying to make me jealous, because it just makes me want to leave your stupid jealous-crazed ass.

📣#concertfactsandfigures:

Dan smiling to the audience. Glastonbury festival ‘14. ❤ It’s just beautiful because the song was about to end and he is enjoying it so much that he begins to smile and then he transfers that smile to the audience in front of him, kind of lovingly thanking them and joining them in mutual love for the song they are playing.

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🔍 You can find the moment I’m talking about in YouTube by just typing “03 C'mere Interpol Glastonbury 2014” there and going to minute 2:38 - 2:42 (during those special notes Dan plays in this particular song).
He does something similar during minute 1:38 - 1:42 (obviously a perfect timing). #cheersyouall. 💘

#DanielKessler #Interpol #interpolnyc #cmere #Glastonbury #Glastonbury2014 #myedit #sorryforthelongpost

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Awesome night out.

We went to Italian and I had bread and olives then beef tartare which was a huge serve for entree (like would have expected that much for a main) and it was super nice but all the flavours were in your face.
Then had quail with potatoes and cauliflower, and it looked like a roast chicken meal shrunk down, even the potatoes were little baby ones. This was adventurous for me but also one of the most balanced and delicious meals I’ve ever had.
Also had red wine and bubbly (I regret all the alcohol from this evening, and am seriously considering being sober for a while)
Then had mulled cider with cinnamon at a craft beer place (see above comment)
Then went to another place and had hot chocolate and a chocolate chip cheese cake all excellent.

However unfortunately the night ended on a shitty note. I cried as soon as I got into bed (which was made worse because I bent my mending foot) I don’t really want to give any time to this because it always happens, except this time I had super not nice things going on in my head.

Snow Day=Catch Up Day

I apologize in advance for the long post!#sparkingthefire

Originally posted by gameraboy

Day 8: Forgiveness Friday

I feel like I’m copying so many people when I say that I need to forgive myself but it’s the truth. I am my own harshest critic and I hate giving myself any excuses. For example, I am 23 years old and I am finally going back to school to finish my degree after failing 2 times out of college. Now I always blame myself for not being motivated enough and being lazy, but over this summer I was diagnosed with ADHD which means that my lack of focus and all the other problems were caused from the ADHD. But still in my head all I can think is, “If you had tried hard enough then it wouldn’t have happened.” Any time I make a mistake or don’t feel I did enough my anxiety spikes and I just feel so crappy. And slowly I am learning that not everything is really my fault.


Day 9: Weekly Check-In

This week I really wanted to get into a routine of being on top of these posts and also a good routine for my daily life. This did not go as planned but I have learned that it’s okay if you fall a little behind as long as later on you budget in some time to make up for what you missed. My accountability partners are fantastic and I really want to thank @veggiesteady for really boosting my lack of faith in myself!! You are so sweet!!


Day 10: Study Sunday

So my food plans are just trying to make sure I eat enough, with my Adderall I don’t feel hungry and that has been awful on my body.  I started paying more attention when I noticed that if I ate a “normal” amount I would gain some weight, plus I was constantly tired and all that jazz. I try and plan out my meals on the weekend because that is really the only time I have for shopping and meal prep. I am trying to get back into using My Fitness Pal but I have been slacking lately.

Add me so we can inspire each other! kjsandoval also pretty sure that those calories are whack-a-doodle-dandy. I checked my TDEE 2006 and my BMR is 1744 so I guess I’ll try and eat 1800 so I’ll change MFP. If something seems off please let me know!!


Day 11: Motivation Monday

I try and keep my house filled with healthy food, mainly fruits and veggies, but I keeps some treats also to avoid going crazy and eating a whole lot in one go. I am still very much trying to learn what to buy and keep on hand.

Originally posted by az-ul

@sparkingthefire @veggiesteady @thegoalsgirl @mybigfatfitlife @fatgirlgetsfitatlast @fueling-mydreams

2015 had a rough start, but the best end to a year ever. I’ve seen who my real friends are. The ones who stayed through both my highs and my major lows. I’ve met many new people. My crazy roommates, who have made the start to this college year both very wild and interesting.(pet fish and frying pan tennis. Blame Ginger for all the cooking mishaps. 👻)Queer Squad, an amazing group of genuinely kindhearted people. A group that have helped me to become even more comfortable in being myself. A group that I hope to get to know even more as we begin a new year. And of course the girl who has made me the happiest that I have ever been. The girl that caught my eye in a bar. The girl that I now have the pleasure of calling my girlfriend; the reason I had a great end to 2015 and a great start to 2016. 2015 saw me being completely accepted by both my friends and family for who I am. This year was a challenging year. But I just want to thank all those who stuck by me. I know in my heart and soul, I wouldn’t be still here if it wasn’t for you. #ILoveYouGuys #SorryForTheLongPost (#ButReallyImNotSorry) #IDidntMakeYouReadIt #ButThanksIfYouDid #Hoping2016IsAsGreatAsThesePastFewMonthsHaveBeen #IHaveAGreatGroupOfFriends #FromAroundTheWorld

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Lately, I’ve been feeling pretty worthless and overlooked as a human being. I keep having conflicts with myself and the people around me. It’s pretty exhausting and annoying when people take credit for your work, or when people find fault with everything you say or do and try to start quarrels with you. So every now and then, reading these small notes keep me going. They lift my spirits in a way that no one person can, and yet, one person has written all of these. So in that sense, thank you Tablo for keeping me going when times get tough like the past couple weeks. Translations:
1. Seems like forgetting is more of a pause rather than an erasure.
2. Hopefully the things that give me a headache don’t turn into things that give me a heartache.
3. I don’t want to hear a bad person telling me I’m a “good person.”
4. Even the people who are blocking my path may simply be wandering before me…
5. Before wishing someone would notice me, I wish I would notice myself.
6. I need a friend who expects absolutely nothing from me.
7. While taking a photo, I realized that one second is actually longer than I thought.
8. When things don’t go as planned, change the plan.
9. Please save me…
#blonotes #sorryforthelongpost

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How much fruit I am eating on a weekly basis 🍉🍌🍏🍓🍇🍐🍒 plus a freezer filled with various fruits for smoothies etc On a high carb low fat lifestyle you eat until you are full and satisfied, which for me can mean 300g+ of pasta with veggies and sauce, curries and stir fries with a mountain of rice, half a kilo or more of potatoes, vegan burgers you name a meal and likely it can be veganised. I’ve always had a big appetite and I love that I can eat as much as I want until I am satisfied - no calorie restriction just a focus on keeping it high carbohydrate, low fat and plant based. I don’t count calories as a rule but currently I would guess I am consuming 2500+ calories a day, my energy through the roof and I am so much happier 🙊☺️ #sorryforthelongpost #801010 #govegan #vegan #vegetarian #rawtill4 #hclf #carbthefuckup #ctfu #plantbased

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A new review is up on my blog (link in bio). I am new to the Dessen train but I’m glad I got my ticket, yo. @stefanisloma met her recently and her experience made me love her even more•••
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So yesterday (with the help of my best bud Bex @outofthebex) I hit 1k followers. I don’t even know what to say. Confetti parties are messy and don’t fit through the phone all that well. So I’ll just say THANK YOU SO FREAKING MUCH in all caps. You guys make reading and blogging about it more fun. I look forward to interactions and discoveries and inspiration every single day. Thank you for being so awesome•••
💌
Stay tuned as I’ll be doing a giveaway of some sort. I just don’t know what yet 😁😘
#bookreview #sarahdessen #saintanything #readmore #booknerd #blogger #nerdigans #1kfolllwers #holysheetballs #sorryforthelongpost #andthehashtags

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For those who don’t know. I spend my lunch at the gym getting my butt into shape for my overall health. I am so grateful for it, even though my face is always super red (hence why this photo is black and white). Today was arm day and my poor little muscles are sore, but they will be strong one day. 💪🏻 #sorryforthelongpost #fitness #24e #selfie #healthy

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Send “Scene Four - Don’t You Ever Forget About Me” Ringtone to your Cell
The hardest thing I’d ever do
Is say goodbye and walk slowly away from you
But I’ll do it
And after all this time I shared with you
It seems unfair to leave with nothing more than blank stares
But I’ll do it
If it’s for the best then I wish you well
If it helps to say our life was a living hell
Well then do it
Then do it
Then do it

Don’t you ever forget about me
When you toss and turn in your sleep
I hope it’s because you can’t stop thinking about
The reasons why you close your eyes
I haunt your dreams at night
So you can’t stop thinking about me
Don’t stop thinking about me

Do you really think you could see this through
Put on a smile and wear it for someone new
Don’t you do it
‘Cause I know I’m not the easiest one to love
But every ounce I had
I invest in you
But no one said love’s not for taking chances

So don’t you ever forget about me
When you toss and turn in your sleep
I hope it’s because you can’t stop thinking about
The reasons why you close your eyes
I haunt your dreams at night
And so you can’t stop thinking about me (can’t stop thinking about me)

Will you take me back in the morning
If I promise to never act this way again
Oh Oh
'Cause I’m so bad at being lonely
But I don’t know how (don’t know how)
I don’t know how

So don’t you ever forget about me
Don’t you ever forget about me
Don’t you ever forget about me
When you toss and turn in your sleep
I hope it’s because you can’t stop thinking about
The reasons why you close your eyes
I haunt your dreams at night
It’s so you can’t stop thinking about me (don’t stop thinking about me)
Just close your eyes
And fall asleep tonight

#sws #sleepingwithsirens #fulllyrics #sorryforthelongpost #me

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31/Dec/2015
The new year doesn’t bring a “new me” because I DIDNT wait for the new year to remake myself. Thank you 2015 for giving me the chance to change.
Change can be hard (insert inappropriate joke). It’s a curiously paradoxical kinetic vice that we either choose to fight against or allow - and depending on the situation, resistance isn’t always futile, and could be as right a reaction as acceptance.
I’ve lost people this year: A big-brother of sorts who I’ve known since I was 7 - he wanted to be a priest. A classmate who made me realise that people have a greater impact on your life than you realise - an aspiring artist. Two favourite granduncles. My grandmother. I’m grateful I get to keep others I love with me, at least for a while longer. I am grateful for the privilege my parents have given me - their love and financial support to be able to study and visit countries they didn’t have the chance to when they were children. I am grateful for the friends who have stood beside me. Happy new year and I hope we’ll get to meet soon. Stay strong. @sisyphusthehamster @steffen_buettner @chongwhodoesnthaveinsta @tsokeson @phalluswaffles @sugargreengreen @katjazz @blibble173 @lauranicoledaly @txzhang @song_yuanming @sigwarth @gracemren @ivebeenraacheled @hannahrama95 @saskia1997xx @sherlyn_0928
#sorryforthelongpost #happynewyear #thanksforreadingmyrambles #2016 #tldr (at Nakijin Castle)

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Hardcore #motivationmonday right now. I took the last picture this morning annnnnnd after comparing it to the middle photo, not even going to lie, I felt terrible. Even though the middle picture is peak week, stage lean (and hello look at those eyes, I was tired/hungry/miserable), I have definitely rebounded post show. However, that was due to my mental state not quite being the best after being so lean for so long. For the past three weeks, I haven’t tracked any food and have been eating intuitively and done workouts that make me happy aka minimal cardio to try and find balance again. I added the first picture in to remind myself just how far I’ve come. From the start of my fitness journey to being stage tiny to being actually normal and healthy, it’s been an interesting trip, but I’m not done. I’m definitely ready to try to lean out a bit, not only because I want them #shreds again, but also because I feel like I can go about it in a healthier way. Well, I know I ramble a lot but I’m motivated now. #sorryforthelongpost #excusethelackofclothes #howelsecouldyoupossiblyseemyprogress #nootherway 😂😂 #progress #abs #npc #bikinitofigure #postcomp #postcompetition #personaltrainer #personaltraining #fitness #transformationtuesdayonamonday #beforeandduring #volitionperformance (at Frederick, Maryland)

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One year apart. A year ago today I was free out of a toxic relationship. I was lost and my self esteem was at an all time low. I promised myself that a year from that point I would turn my life around. I discovered powerbuilding in November and it changed my whole perspective. Instead of chasing a chiseled six pack and big biceps, I chased numbers. I constantly strive to be stronger and get bigger because that physical strength helps to build my mental strength. Now that it’s a year later I can’t say that everything is what I planned, but now I’m more comfortable with who I am and have a lovely lady in England who is coming to visit soon. If you have a success stories like this, please share. If you want to start and make a change, then don’t wait any longer. #sorryforthelongpost #justreflectingonhowfarivecome #thisisntevenmyfinalform

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The times, they are changing. It’s hard being a slashly- a person who does many things as a living, a person who pursues many things at once. The hardest thing would be branding and how you brand each side of you to complement the other. For many that don’t know, I’m an Entertainer, Broadcaster & Marketer and did these well before Fashion/Lifestyle blogging. I am going through a re-branding phase presently. I want to show off another side of myself and the #hercastlegirl movement. We have a Web series filming currently, I’m working with friends on a Marketing Ad agency, so fashion has taken a bit of a backseat until fall season begins. No time for gossiping or dating. So now you know! Make today prosperous & life changing.

#branding #rebrand #stratovategroup #todaysrenaissance #webseries #marketer #freelance #blogger #itsmusicfashionlife #socialmediamanager #copywriter #rebranding #fashion #selfie #instaselfies #igers #TFLers #likes4likes #selfieoftheday #sotd #face #bighairdontcare #naturalhair #blackgirl #goingtochangetheworld #hercastlegirls #itsmusicfashionlife #sorryforthelongpost

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Okay, repost.. Now I’m 2 days late. Happy Anniversary, my love! It was a tough year for us being the complete opposite that we are, we found it hard to adjust to each other’s perspectives and flaws. It has been one heck of a crazy roller coaster ride. 365 days and I do not regret a single thing. If there’s anything I learned is that I have to give things some time. I learned how not to be too self-centered but at the same time know how to value myself. I also learned that I shouldn’t change you because you should be willing to change yourself. I learned not to judge nor nag you because I can only motivate and support you. I learned to better my understanding. I learned to give you space because I shouldn’t love with suffocation, I have to let you be you but at the same time letting you know that you have to grow and work with me too. I learned how to complain when I’m hurt without being a bitch. I learned how to scream when I know you’re wrong and being stubborn but at the same time reminding you that I appreciate the good things you do and has done for me, but even after I swore to have mastered and learned these things, I know that I will continue to be human and have my faults but I only hope that you acknowledge the effort I make with all that I might and best that I can. Nevertheless, with the changes we have made I can truly say that I am happy and proud to be where we are now. I know things won’t get close to perfect, but through time I am only hoping for the best. As long as we are both trying with our 100%, staying loyal only to one another and being happy and grateful to be with each other then I am here to stay. Just know that as long as I’m here you’ll never have to face the world alone, I love you! #Simp #081512 #SorryForTheLongPost #ExpressingMyLove

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To all the beautiful people in these pictures, I have you to thank for getting me where I am. Thank you to my mom and @_xoevelyn_ for being the best family a girl could ever ask for. You guys are my guiding light and I’m so blessed to have you both. To my big and sib, you guys are the only ones who can make me cry. I don’t think I’d be the person I am today if it wasn’t for your support and your love. To my little marbles, we’ve had our ups and downs but at the end of the day we can always put it past us and come out stronger. You’re so sweet and so thoughtful. You know just what to say to cheer me up. Thank you. To my best friend, Jess, you’re my person. You know me better than anyone else on this planet and I’m so blessed to have you in my life. You’re my soulmate. Thank you to everyone for all that you’ve done for me. No amount of words could describe how appreciative I am of you all 💜❤️💜❤️ #SorryForTheLongPost #IGraduated #GiveMeABreak #FIUGrad

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