sorry...kind of

anonymous asked:

23 on the trip to Bespin maybe 👀

23. “I don’t need to be the hero tonight.”

This follows on from #3. “Could you be happy, here, with me?”

It was a lovely way to spend the afternoon, snuggling together behind the dejarik table and envisioning how they’d spend their time if they never returned to the Alliance.

“Just think,” Leia said. “No High Council.”

“No shitty rations,” Han said. Leia looked at him. “Okay. Fewer shitty rations.”

“Definitely,” she agreed. “You’re a good cook. Maybe you could teach me.”

“Flying lessons and cooking lessons. I think I could handle that,” he said, grinning. “Oh yeah—no more ice planets.”

“For certain. Though we’d probably be better at keeping each other warm, now.”

Han shook his head, chuckling at her. “Best pickup line on Hoth, and I never got to use it on you.” Leia elbowed him in the ribs, then went in for another kiss.

They held each other quietly for a while, then Han had to go and throw cold water on the whole thing.

“Y’know, there’s one problem with your little fantasy, here,” he said, stroking her hair gently. “It wouldn’t last.”

Leia pulled back from him, surprised. “What do you mean? We—wouldn’t last?”

Her earlier admission that yes, she truly believed she could be happy here with Han had been the closest she’d come yet to saying those three words, the ones she felt but couldn’t quite get out of her mouth. The same words that had fallen freely from his lips throughout this trip—but did they mean nothing after all?

“Sweetheart, ‘m not saying that, no. Not us. The running away thing, that’s what wouldn’t last.”

She looked at him, her eyes doubtful.

“Think about it. We’d make it maybe six weeks doing the whole running around the galaxy thing. And don’t get me wrong, it would be great. But ‘bout a minute later we’d be starting rebel cells and freeing slaves and saving pittins and whatever else needs doin’.”

Leia nodded, but didn’t say anything.

He took a deep breath, and continued. “I’ve seen a lot of bad shit, and I spent a long time pretending it wasn’t there. Had to, to get by. You have to do something about it,” he said. “You can’t help it.”

“No escape, eh?” Leia said ruefully.

Han tipped her chin up to look at him. His eyes were soft. “You give a damn, Leia. It’s just who you are. ‘S why I love you,” he said, and kissed her.

Of all the times he’d said those words on this trip, this was the time Leia would most remember, and treasure.

“And hell—you make me want to give a damn, too.”

Leia clutched him tightly. Suddenly the reality she’d been staving off for the last few hours was running back in, and she didn’t want it, she didn’t. But she knew he was right. “I still want to run away,” she admitted, holding back a sob.

His arms were warm, comforting, and his voice was soft again. “Nothing wrong with that. And y’know, just because we’re gonna go back sometime doesn’t mean we couldn’t still play hooky for a little while. Even after we get the ship fixed.”

His eyes were wet, too, but he was smiling at her in that way that made her melt. She nodded.

“And for now, we’re both right here,” he said. He put a palm gently on her cheek. “I don’t need to be the hero tonight. And neither do you.”

Things we need to tell each other (and ourselves) more often

🌹 “You’re doing such a great job.”

🌹 “You are stronger than you think.”

🌹 “I can see you are doing the best you can.”

🌹 “You are allowed to take a break.”

🌹 “Someday you will see the beauty that I see in you.”

🌹 “It’s okay.”

🌹 “You are capable of anything.”

🌹 “I’m sorry.”

🌹 “Your kindness is a treasure and it’s much appreciated.”

🌹 “You are full of light.”

🌹 “I am here for you whenever you need someone.”

🌹 “I am proud of you.”

🌹 “You are such a wise person.”

🌹 “I believe in you.”

🌹 “Take time to bloom.”

🌹 “You deserve respect. Please walk away from people who treat you wrongly.”

🌹 “I care about you.”

🌹 “You have grown so much as a person.”

🌹 “You deserve the best.”

🌹 “You are valid.”

🌹 “You can make a difference.”

🌹 “It’s okay to take time for yourself. Please tell me when you want to be alone.”

🌹 “It’s not weird, please tell me more about it.”

🌹 “You are never alone.”

🌹 “You are worthy.”

🌹 “You are enough.”

🌹 “You matter.”

🌹 “Thank you.”

🌹 “I’d like to know more about you.”

🌹 “You make me feel happy.”

🌹 “I appreciate you.”

🌹 “You have a beautiful soul.”

🌹 “I know things can be hard but I am sure you will make it through. You’ve already come so far.”

🌹 “I’m here for you.”

🌹 “You aren’t defined by conceptual things like grades.”

🌹 “You deserve all the love in the world.”

🌹 “You inspire me.”

🌹 “May your day be as lovely as you.”


I’ll be adding more when I can think of more

He went into the forest so no one could take his teddy bear away from him again :(

(sorry for being kind of late because I didn’t post that sooner and now everyone is talking about the finale aaaah ;u;)

3

Bonus:


Noctis Lucis Caelum - Prompto Argentum - Gladiolus Amicitia - Ignis Scientia

-

@ffxvweek

FFXV Week Day 4: Favorite Pairing/Bromance // Recipeh // Ravus Nox Fleuret

When Ignis has caught a cold, the other Chocobros must resort to their own skills…

[Ah I was not sure I was going to be able to make something for FFXV week because of my doujin work for another series, but my younger brother came up with this idea and I had to make it! I am sorry it is kind of detail heavy, please click the images to better see them, if you like! Recreating the game UI was very hard to accomplish in my manga style, but I really tried! Poor Iggy just wants good food again! The other campers are helpless without Mama-Ignis (´▽`;)ゝ  haha anyway, please take care and have a good day/evening! I hope you can enjoy my work!]

Characters belong to Square Enix

anonymous asked:

What ended up happening in the Cardverse AU? You left it on a major cliffhanger, with Arthur at knifepoint and all...

Part One / Part Two / Part Two and a Half

Keep reading

I bet when Katara was at Aang’s bedside in his final moments, she kissed him for so long.

In fact, Katara only pulled back when she felt Aang’s lips losing all pressure against hers, and with a somber smile and tears streaming down her cheeks she whispered,

“I thought you said you’d rather kiss me than die.”

if you're thinking of quitting music, don't.

whether its choir or band or anything just don’t. i wanted to quit a while back because i had a horrible, rude teacher. i didn’t though, because the only thing i ever heard from former musicians was that they regretted quitting. and a while back, i heard a little girl say to our teacher that she wanted to take private lessons so she could be as good as the other first chair and I.

so if you’re thinking of quitting, just think about how there may be one day where someone, whether it be a small child or a peer, decides that they’re going to keep going because you inspired them.

keep your head up.

im sending this bc i keep seeing the “freedom of speech” argument come up, but i read this online article by a professor for the NY Times that basically explained that what people say is “radical leftists taking away others’ right to speak” by protesting speakers like Richard Spencer is the antithesis of restricting freedom of speech. The whole point of rejecting people like him and their speeches is to protect the rights of others… specifically the marginalized groups that those speakers dehumanize through their views

i.e. Richard Spencer is a white supremacist. When he engages in a discourse on race, his expressed views and by extension his very presence in that discourse deny and invalidate the identities of nonwhite groups - his participation alone in that debate involves denying the rights of another group of people

basically: “free speech advocates failed to acknowledge that requiring of someone in public debate to defend their human worth conflicts with the community’s obligation to assure all of its members equal access to public speech.” (this is also apparently the same reasoning Yale gave in 1963 when they allowed student protests to stop a speaker)

(sorry if this is kind of unwarranted i just read the article thinking it explained the concept really well and that it would be an interesting resource for anyone who follows your blog)

Spiders With Books || Peter Parker Imagine

Pairing: Peter Parker x female!reader

Word Count: 1345 words

Request: can u do a peter parker/spider man imagine where the reader is a nerdy girl whos nose is always in a book and one day shes talking with her friends about spiderman and they run into each other or smth and the cute books falling thing happens and peter does everything he can to flirt with her and ask her out

No spoilers (i don’t think there are spoilers)

AN: I don’t think I proof read this very well

Originally posted by koenigreus


The bell rang to signal the next class. Everyone in ​Y/N’s class stood up and rushed to the hallways, but Y/N got up slowly, too focused with the book in her hands. She picked up the rest of her books that were on her desk, holding them against her hip and headed towards the door. She finished the page she was on before focusing on the hurdle of bodies in the hallway.

Y/N reached her locker, her friend already standing there waiting for her. “Hey Y/N. How was history?” Michelle asked. Y/N shrugged her shoulders, “Same as usual, I guess. I finished my work early so I had time to get farther in my book.” Michelle chuckled, making Y/N give her a questionable look.

“Which one?” Her friend questioned, pointing to the set of books in Y/N’s arms.

She smiled, wiggling one of the books in her hand, with a smile on her face. She then went on and gave her a non spoiler review of the book, in case she wanted to read it. Y/N opened her locker to place her history textbook inside. “So,” Michelle started, “have you seen that video of Spider-Man on YouTube?”

Y/N raised a brow while she grabbed a few notebooks and a couple more books to carry and read through out the day, “Well, I don’t know which one you’re talking about but, I probably have.” She scoffed at herself, slamming her locker shut and moving to walk to lunch.

“Of course you have. Because you can’t have a crush on someone and NOT stalk them,even if nobody knows what they look like.” Michelle said sarcastically, watching the people in front of her bolt to their next class. Y/N lightly shoved her friend, stopping in the middle of the hallway.

Michelle stopped a few steps in front of her, “What?” She asked bluntly. The number of people in the hallway faded out, but the pair took their time to get to lunch.

“I,I don’t have a crush on Spider-Man.” Y/N scoffed trying to defend herself. Michelle rolled her eyes, “You’re kidding, right? You are totally are in love with him, you never stop talking about him. He’s the only guy I ever hear you talk about, besides Pe-he who shall not be named.“she corrected herself, remembering their code name, "You’re crazy about him.”

Y/N sighed. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. But how could I not like him?” She muttered biting her lip. “I’m gathering that this is no longer about Queens’ web slinger?” Michelle questioned. Y/N looked down, nodding her head.

Y/N’s friend sighed, “If it makes you feel better, I saw him staring at you at the Academic Decathlon team meeting yesterday.”

Y/N crinkled her nose in disbelief, “Really? Everyone knows that he liked Liz, so why wasn’t he staring at her?” Maybe there was something on my face or my clothes looked odd to him. She didn’t want to get her hopes up. Michelle nodded her head, “But he was staring for a really long time. Besides I don’t think he likes her anymore though. ”

Before the conversation could continue, the two rounded a corner but, Y/N was met with the back of Peter Parker. “What are you-Oh shit,” He said as he turned around to see all of her books fall.

“I am so sorry, my friend kind of bumped into me.” He apologized emphasizing the second half of the sentence while glaring at Ned, moving to the ground to grab her books. “Oh hey guys,” Peter’s best friend Ned said to the two girls, giving them a quick wave.

“I’m gonna meet you at lunch. See ya later Y/N,” Michelle states walking away as the bell rang,“You too Peter.” She said giving him a mock solute. Unbeknownst to Y/N and Peter, Michelle gave Ned a look, silently telling him to come with her. He scratched the back of his head, “I’ll just head off with Michelle.”

Y/N moved down to the floor with Peter, to pick up her books. “I’m sorry, I’m just so clumsy.” She said, shaking her head and laughing at herself. Y/N avoided eye contact at all cost, a blush appearing on her cheeks. Peter looked up at her, pausing his actions.

“It’s cute.” Peter said boldly, shocking himself. Peter had a couple of her books in his hand while she had the others. “You have a really good taste in books.” He said, standing up from the floor and then grabbing her arm to help her up after him.

“Thanks,” Y/N said, a small smile on her face. Peter still hasn’t let go of her arm and when she looked at his hand, he immediately pulled it away. He cleared his throat, before speaking to the girl.

“M-Maybe you can give me some book suggestions sometime.” He stuttered out. She stood there with wide eyes shocked, was he trying to ask her out.

“Or, maybe not. Maybe you don’t want to talk to me. I’ll just, ummm, I’ll leave.” He cursed himself, turning around to walk away. “Wait, Peter.” Y/N grabbed his arm and he spun around.

“I do have a couple books in mind.” Y/N said with a side smile. Peter smiled widely at the girl, handing her books back to her.


Peter’s point of view

“How did that robbery go last night?” Ned asked Peter as the two walked to Peter’s locker. The two boys had lunch next period and Peter didn’t want to carry anymore heavy textbooks in his backpack anymore (despite having super strength). “It was awesome. I beat their asses.” Peter said enthusiastically, but got quiet when he realized that they were still in school.

Peter and Ned were just about to round a corner when they heard two other people talking in the hall. Michelle and Y/N talking about Spider-Man. Peter was about to walk when Ned pulled him back, “Dude what the heck?” Peter said, looking at Ned like he was crazy.

“Hear me out, we might be able to eavesdrop on them. See how much she likes Spider-Man.”

Peter gave his best friend a look, debating whether or not this was a good idea. He pressed his back against the wall, “Only because I trust you Ned.”

The two heard a voice say offended, “I-I don’t have a crush on Spider-Man,”

Peter looked at his friend with hunched shoulders, “What did I tell you?” He whispered. Ned was about to say something when they heard their friend Michelle start to speak, “You’re kidding, right? You are totally are in love with him, you never stop talking about him-”

Peter turned to his friend shocked. Ned only smirked, “Maybe this was a good idea, she has the hots for Spider-Man dude.” They focused back onto the conversation the two girls were having, but they heard the subject change. “ I saw him staring at you at the Academic Decathlon team meeting yesterday.”

Peter stood there, shocked yet again, “Oh, no, oh lord.” He said, swallowing the lump in his throat.

“Weren’t you staring at her at the meet- ohhhhhhh,” Ned concluded, realizing they were now talking about Peter.

“Really? Everyone knows that he liked Liz, so why wasn’t he staring at her?” Y/N stated, kind of surprised at her friends statement.

“Dude, I think she likes you."Ned whispered. Peter glanced at his friend, thinking about how unreal it would be if she liked him. "And I’m sorry bro.” Ned finished.

Peter moved a step away from the wall, tilting his head, confused at his friend’s statement. “What are you-Oh shit.” He started but couldn’t end the question due to Ned shoving him backwards towards the girl he liked.

Part Two

anonymous asked:

What do you think about an “i picked up your bag at the airport but i can’t find your number so i’m about to embark on the largest scavenger hunt of all time by using your strange belongings to track you down” au with charmer or nurseydex or zimbits or something??

Well, I don’t know if you expected three mini fics, and I didn’t fully follow the prompt, but here we are.

1. Charmer

Look, Chris knew it was dumb. He knew that everyone on earth had a plain black suitcase, he knew he should have double-checked the luggage tag, he knew it was important to be sure abut these things. But knowing what he should have done couldn’t help him when he finally got his suitcase home and opened it up to find mostly yoga pants and sundresses. 

Fuck.

He zipped the bag back up and flipped open the luggage tag. It was cute, pink with some metallic lettering saying “I’m outta here!” in a handwritten font. Chris blamed jetlag and the redeye flight for making him miss the fact that it wasn’t his Sharks tag. He blamed the bag’s owner for not filling out any of the information on the tag.

Dammit.

Well, sorry random girl, he thought. He opened the suitcase up again to try to see if he could find anything that would give him a clue as to who the suitcase owner was. He moved a makeup bag aside, and hit gold immediately. Well, Samwell red. A Women’s Volleyball tshirt– mystery suitcase girl had to be on the volleyball team.

“Hey Ransom!” he yelled. “You’re facebook friends with all the volleyball team right?”

“He’s friends with everyone on campus!” Holster yelled back.

“Ask their captain if anyone flew in from the Bay Area and lost their luggage!”

_X_

“Is Justin here? My captain said he’s got my suitcase.” Chris overheard her at the door. He grabbed the bag and started hauling it downstairs. As he set it down at the bottom and caught sight of the girl in the doorway, he froze. She was pretty. Like, really pretty. 

“Um, hi,” he said.

“So you’re Justin? Oh my god, I’m so glad it wasn’t some total rando who got my bag.” 

“I’m actually Chris, Justin was just the one who was friends with your captain. Um, I’m sorry, but I kind of had to look through your stuff? Your luggage tag wasn’t filled out.” The girl laughed.

“Yours wasn’t either! Me and my teammates were like one minute away from googling the record holder for most San Jose Sharks merch, but it totally makes sense that you’re on the hockey team.” 

“Since we both forgot to write our numbers down, maybe we should do that now?” Chris suggested. The girl grinned, grabbed his phone out of his hand, and opened up a new contact. She punched in a number, and when she handed it back he saw a text of several random emojis addressed to the new contact of “Caitlin Farmer” with a girl farmer emoji and a volleyball emoji.

“Text me sometime, and maybe we can get dinner?” she said, and she was gone with her suitcase. 

Chris collapsed on the couch, a dreamy look in his eyes.

“Chowder? You get your suitcase back?” Bitty called out from the kitchen.

“Yeah! and I think I’m in love now!”

2. Nurseydex

“Cheryl, I’m telling you, I had a ton of inspiration on the plane and I wrote some great stuff for act three. No. No, it wasn’t just me thinking it’s great because I popped some melatonin and got really sleepy. It’s like, legit. Yeah, I’ll send it over as soon as I get home and–”

Derek slammed into something. If he’d been holding his phone in his hand (bluetooth is a blessing when you drop stuff easily) it would have launched across the airport. As it was, his post-flight latte was soaking through the nice white shirt of the handsome stranger in front of him.

“Shit,” the stranger said, looking down to survey the damage.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have trusted myself to make a phone call and not be clumsy after such a long flight,” Derek said. He set his briefcase down and pulled a wad of napkins out of the outside pocket. The guy took a deep breath, going from murderous to calm in a few seconds. 

“I wasn’t looking where I was going either, it’s not your fault,” the guy said, setting down his own briefcase and accepting the napkins. He blotted at his shirt.

“Let me pay for the dry cleaning. Or a replacement,” Derek offered. The man shook his head.

“It’s fine, it probably needed to go to the cleaners anyways.” He checked his watch. “If I run, I can probably get a new one before my meeting.” He wadded the napkins into one big ball, picked up his briefcase, and walked towards the exit with a terse nod. Derek, feeling terrible about the whole thing, picked up his own briefcase and walked to baggage claim.

By the time he was reunited with his home office, a cozy bookshelf-lined room in his brownstone, he had almost forgotten about the coffee incident. He was focused on sending the manuscript to Cheryl. Unfortunately, that was going to be difficult, considering he pulled a PC laptop out of the bag instead of his Mac.

Derek stared at the computer for a full minute. He almost couldn’t believe that this was happening to him. Hesitantly, he opened the laptop. On one side of the keyboard there was a weird thing that a few seconds of phone googling told him was a fingerprint scanner. Shit. He hit the space bar experimentally. Something flashed on the screen, and then was replaced with just a plain black screen with red text: ACCESS DENIED

Derek swore. He started to look through the rest of what was in the briefcase, but was disappointed to find it empty except for the laptop’s charger, three packs of gum, and receipts from a lobster shack in Maine. Shit. Nothing in here would tell him anything about the redhead he’d launched a latte at. 

He closed the laptop dejectedly, ignored his editor’s text messages, and went into the kitchen to make himself lunch and feel sorry for himself. This was the universe punishing him for covering a cute guy with coffee. If he had just kept his focus and waited to call his editor later, he could have sent the draft along and saved it and not be desperately trying to remember his inspiration.

Just as the self-pity spiral was really taking off, the doorbell rang. Derek sighed, put down his tea, and walked to the door. When he opened it, it wasn’t Girl Scouts or Jehovah’s Witnesses, but the guy from the airport.

“Cancel whatever you’re doing today, I need to teach you the most basic principles of digital security,” the guy said, pushing past Derek into the dining room. He shoved a stack of papers onto a chair and pulled Derek’s laptop out.

“I’m Will, by the way, I make software that’s hopefully a step ahead of viruses.”

“Is the draft still there?”

“The draft of what?” The guy looked confused.

“My third act breakthrough. I’m a novelist, I need to get it to my editor and I couldn’t remember if I saved it,” Derek explained.

“You know you can set up an auto-save every five minutes or so, right?” Will asked.

“This might be surprising to you, but I’ve never had a cute guy storm into my house and yell at me about computers before.” Will looked up from Derek’s computer, blushing.

“I haven’t had a cute guy dump a gallon of coffee all over me and steal my laptop before, either, but here we are.”

“Maybe you can yell about computers over lunch with me?”

3. Zimbits

Button downs. Tank tops. Slacks. Shorts. Three rolling pins. A pie tin. A half-emptied multipack of sharpies.

No lucky puck. No clothes in his size. No jerseys.

Jack sighed. It would just be too much to ask for anything to go well today. He picked up his phone to call someone with the Falconers, in the hope that they could talk to the airline and sort all this out. At the same time, his phone lit up with Tater’s face.

“Zimmboni! Look on twitter. Small internet baker has your suitcase!” Tater hung up before he could reply, so Jack just opened twitter instead. 

omgcheckplease: A bunch of pucks, some dirty jerseys, and a history textbook. Either I’m back in college or this isn’t my suitcase.

omgcheckplease: .@falcsofficial please tell your #1 player to DM me and come get his shit

omgcheckplease: and @falcsofficial tell him to give me my shit back. my hockey days are in the past, I need rolling pins, not a mouthguard

Jack smiled and laughed in the way a person laughs when they’re alone, just blowing more air than normal out of his nose. He looked through the twitter for a minute– the guy, Eric Bittle, was a Providence-based chef, whose latest tweets were mostly greetings to the various cities he’d been visiting on tour. Jack clicked the media tab on the account, and looked through the pictures. Bittle was cute. He wrote a reply.

zimmboni: .@omgcheckplease how do I send u a DM

omgcheckplease: .@zimmboni you don’t deserve to be verified, oh my god #verifybittle2k17

A few seconds later another notification popped up, and he tapped it to be brought to a DM window.

omgcheckplease: hey! sorry about the mixup. I can only imagine how confused you were to find all my book tour stuff.

zimmboni: Probably as confused as you were finding hockey stuff?

omgcheckplease: I wasn’t joking in my tweets, I did play hockey before I got into the whole cookbook/food show thing

zimmboni: Exactly, I did a book tour last year in the off-season :-)

omgcheckplease: oh my gosh, isn’t it the best and the worst?

zimmboni: I know. It’s great to meet people and talk about your work, but it’s exhausting.

omgcheckplease: that’s why I’m so excited to be back in Providence! at least until the next cookbook.

zimmboni: Well we should probably meet up to trade suitcases. Want to meet somewhere for dinner?

omgcheckplease: don’t trust me to learn where your house is?

zimmboni: I mean, if dinner goes well enough…

omgcheckplease: OH. okay, then, Mr. Zimmermann, it’s a date.

Jack smiled to himself, and got ready for his date.

I love PTA Sans. No matter the AU. 

 ~Undertale~  

Helen: It looks like we’ll have to cut funding for the talent show. 

Sans: wait, hold up- what? that’s such crap! why? 

Helen: Well if we want to make the exchange for only gluten free lunches, we’ll have to. 

Sans: what? but there are, like, fifteen other lunch choices without gluten, and the kids can just bring their own lunch- 

Helen: Sans, you’ll just have to deal with it, okay? These lunches are more important than the talent show. 

Sans: Helen, for the love of god, i did not spend all night cutting out box tops just to hear the shit that spills from your mouth.

~Underfell~

Daniel: Well I just think monsters and humans should be separated in the sports teams.

Sans: what? why the fuck would we do that? the teams are perfectly fine, fuckface.

Daniel: It’s unfair to some of the human players, Sans.

Sans: oh, just ‘cause your kid can’t kick a ball fer shit?

Daniel: *huffs* I’m just trying to make it fair.

Sans: no, it sounds like you’re tryna make it segregation.

Daniel: This meeting is for all of our children, not just yours. Just because Frisk works well with monsters, doesn’t mea-

Sans: who gives a fuck?! all your kids are shit!

~Underswap~

Linda: *sees Papyrus* *smirks and walks over with Helen* Hello Papyrus. Sorry your plan for that field trip didn’t go through. 

Papyrus: *shrugs* eh. it happens. it looks like we won’t take the kids to the science museum after all.

Helen: We just don’t have the money to go to there. Maybe we can take them to the local library. That’s far more affordable and interesting to the childre-

Papyrus: the fuck? ha, no. we actually have over twenty thousand bucks for our field trip.

Linda and Helen: *gawk* What? How?!

Papyrus: my bro’s the head booster mom. they just had a fundraiser.

Sans: *bursts in through the door with arms full of cash* WE’RE GOING TO EUROPE! MWEH HEH HEH!

~Swapfell~ ~Fellswap~ ~Whatever the fuck you call the yellow one~

Sans: *looks at his clipboard* *storms over to Gloria* YOU! PARTICULARLY FLESHY HUMAN! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?

Gloria: *blinks in surprise* Huh? What do you mean?

Sans: ARE YOU SERIOUS? ONLY TWENTY DOLLARS IN SALES?

Gloria: It’s only how much my daughter could sel-

Sans: GLORIA THIS IS A FUNDRAISER, NOT THE GOD DAMN GIRL SCOUTS! AS HEAD BOOSTER MOM, I DEMAND THAT MORE EFFORT BE PUT INTO YOUR SALES!

Gloria: Sans, we’ve already sold most of the cookie dough! We don’t-

Sans: DO YOU WANT TO FUCKING LIVE, GLORIA? WE MUST SELL ALL THE COOKIE DOUGH!

~Horrortale~

Sans: *goes over to the snack table* Whoa. *picks up a pumpkin-shaped cookie that’s well designed* whoa. nice work, Sadie. been years since I’ve had cookies. *is about to eat one*

Suzanne: *rushes over* Oh dear. *snatches cookie away and sighs* I told her not to make those Halloween themed cookies! She knows we cancelled the Halloween themed party next week.

Sans: whoa, what? c’mon, why?

Suzanne: Well, we didn’t want to offend your people.

Sans: “my people”?

Suzanne: Why don’t you have some of my non-offensive brownies instead?

Sans: Suz, i’d rather starve than eat your brownies.

Suzanne: Oh yeah! I’m sorry, Sans. I forgot your people are all anorexic.

Sans:…….. hey, why don’t you and your family come over t’dinner, sometime? my bro’s cooking’s to die for. s’on me, pumpkin *winks*

~Altertale~

Sans: *brought some of Asgore’s scones to the meeting*

Lillian: Oh, are these scones? *tries one* Bleh!? ARE these scones?

Sans: *sighs* yes, they are. is there a problem?

Lillian: Whoever made these needs a few cooking lessons. A few dozen.

Sans:…… *picks up phone and begins to dial*

Lillian: Who are you calling?

Sans: for your lesson. *the call picks up*

Toriel: Hey, Sa-

Sans: she insulted the scones.

*the call goes dead*

Toriel: *bursts through the window* WHO THE FUCK-?!

~Underlust~

Helen: Alright, so far I am leading the sales with over two hundred dollars. *smiles to herself* I suppose my Suzy is just determined to help out our school.

Sans: *rolls his eyelights*

Helen: And Sans? How much did Frisk raise?

Sans: two thousand.

Helen: *sputters* Thousand?! How?!

Sans: candles weren’t doin’ it for us. we tried something else.

Helen: *hesitant to ask* What… did you sell?

Sans: well, we decided it was a good idea to post my picture up on craigslist and-

Linda: YOU SOLD YOUR BODY?!

Sans: Paps and the queen were happy to help, too.

Helen: That’s illegal! It’s a crime!

Sans: boo, the only crimes here are your lemon squares and that getup.

~Echotale~

Martha: It just shouldn’t be mandatory to vaccinate our children!

G: *sighs and rubs face* look, Martha, if you don’t vaccinate your kids, they’re gonna fucking die.

Martha: I am NOT letting those people pump those shots of retardedness into my child.

G: that’s not even a proven-

Martha: I’m sorry; what kind of certification do YOU have?!?

G:*blinks and digs into his pocket* huh? whoa. what’s this? *pulls out his PhD* whoa! huh, i didn’t even know that was in there. *looks at Martha* weird, huh?

~Outertale~

Helen: My child has straight A’s.

Linda: My child made class president.

Sans: my child flew into outer space and freed an entire race. *puts on sunglasses* far out, bitches. *disappears*