sorry. i'm bored

Weird Human Things

Breastfeeding

Jaal: Human females seem more… Curvy than their male counterparts..

Ryder: Are you asking why we have breasts?

Jaal: …Perhaps.

Ryder: *Laughs* They’re for feeding babies.

Jaal: What?

Ryder: Our mammary glands produce milk for babies!

Jaal:

Baby teeth

Jaal: Humans have multiple sets of teeth?

Ryder: Well, kind of. We’re born with no teeth, we grow a set of ‘baby’ teeth. Then in childhood all those teeth fall out and our permanent set grow in. It can be painful and bloody.

Jaal: That sounds terrifying. 

Static hair

Jaal: Ryder your hair is floating

Ryder: Oh, yeah that happens sometimes.

Jaal: *confused cat face*…What!?!

Blushing

Jaal: Ryder! Your colors are changing!

Ryder: It’s just hot Jaal. Humans turn red sometimes.

Jaal: So, this is normal?

Ryder: Kind of. Blushing can signify distress, but It’s usually no big deal.

Jaal: Distress? Are you not well? 

Ryder: I’m fine Jaal, it’s just hot here 

 *Sometime later after certain saucy scenes* 

Jaal: Ryder, Are you in distress?! Your colors! 

Ryder: *Laughs* No Jaal, I’m fine. 

Freckles

Jaal: Why do some humans have spots while others do not?

Ryder: Spots?…Oh, you mean Freckles.

Jaal: Freckles?

Ryder: Yeah, just genetics. Some human’s just have…spots. *Ryder smiles*

Talk and Walk

Jaal: Why is Liam pacing the ship?

Ryder: He’s on a call Jaal.

Jaal: ??????

Ryder: Oh, human’s like to lap their homes while on calls.

Talking to animals

Pyjak: *squeak*

Ryder: *Squeak!*

Jaal: What are you-

Ryder: Shhh! I’m talking to my child.

Jaal: ?!?!?!

Microwave

*Liam sprints desperately to the kitchen*

Jaal: What’s going on?

Ryder: *dead serious* He has to stop the microwave before it hits zero or it explodes.

Jaal: WHY WOULD HUMANS DESIGN SUCH A FAULTY DEVICE?!?!

Ryder: *Laughing*

Jaal: an…Idiom?

Shakespeare Gothic
  • You were born on a ship at sea. No one survived the wreck but you. Or so you’ve been told. 
  • Your father has been dead for months, and your mother has remarried. He still comes to dinner every night and sits in his usual chair. Nobody can see him but you.
  • Your last lover disappeared. They told you she died, but they never let you see the body. The statue in the churchyard looks just like her.
  • Your pale white hands are stained with red. You wash them and wash them and wash them, but they will never be clean.
  • You find an infant abandoned on the beach. Your country does not have a coastline. You do not know where this ocean or this infant came from, and you do not ask.
  • The owls and ravens shriek wordlessly in the night, but you ignore their warnings. They are always shrieking about something.
  • You visit a faraway city where you have never been before. Everyone there knows your name.
  • You wake up alone in the woods. You have no memory of how you got there. You hear fey fairy laughter and someone singing in the darkness. You feel woozy, as if you’ve been drugged.
  • A girl you loved once tries to return your letters, even though you never wrote her any. Clearly she belongs in a convent. You burst into her bedroom half-dressed to tell her so.
  • You are invited to a ball and you go, despite the strange feeling that Death will find you if you do. You wear a mask. Death is not fooled.
  • Your young cousins went to visit their uncle last month. He says they never arrived, but you saw them playing in the garden. Nobody else has seen them since.
  • It is time for you to be married, but first your suitors must answer a riddle. If they guess wrongly, they die. Your love cannot save them. 
  • There is a storm on the heath. You do not know what a heath is, and you do not care. You are mad. You are naked. You are dancing in the rain. The storm never ends. 
Former Employment

Summary: Professor Stilinski is definitely not expecting to see his favorite porn star among the students of his Human Sexuality class.

Notes: Inspired by this ask. I don’t do power imbalance, so nothing happens until Derek is out of Stiles’ class. Also, while there are mentions of porn, there is no actual smut in this. Sorry. (On AO3)

@nogitsunelichen and @cobrilee – this is probably not what you had in mind, but I wrote it!


When Stiles pushes open the doors to the lecture hall, it’s completely empty. He blinks down at his watch in surprise, and realizes he made the walk across campus faster than he realized. There’s always an adjustment period at the beginning of every semester, where he figures out where his classrooms are and how long it’ll take to get there.

Well, he might as well utilize this time, then. He sits at the desk at the front of the room, and gets back to writing his proposal for a class on the influence of society on gender.

He gradually hears students come in as he works, but he keeps focused, because he knows he has at least another ten minutes before class starts.

But when he hears a student ask, “Hey, are you the professor?” he has to look up, and he begins to wish he’d done it a lot sooner.

Keep reading

i’m just drawing things out of boredom at this point?? still love these boys tho

4

Here’s my take on Dante and Ari, when they first met, and then, as they slowly grew into young men.

brendon urie was the kind of person who would bring a pack of gum to school and keep it in his locker only to face constant harassment from people asking for gum yet he was too innocent and kind to tell them no so he’d run through a pack a day just giving pieces out until eventually he earned the reputation as the gum plug of the school and would start running a black market gum cartel from his high school locker

Hey to all those people telling people “ it’s not so bad, just power through the cramps” when they're on their period because it’s not an excuse to miss school/work etc.!

I had bad cramps today, but I tried to “power through it” and went to class anyways, even though my grandmother had to drive me because I couldn’t walk to the bus.

I tried to “power through it” when I started to feel like I was going to throw up in the middle of my lecture, leaving to take a walk outside in the cold to try and clear my head, even though walking made my right side feel as though it was being ripped in two.

I tried to “power through it” when I started getting cold sweat all over my body, taking off my sweater and then putting it back on two seconds later because my body couldn’t decide if it was hot or cold.

 I tried to “power through it” when spots started to appear in my vision, and just kept walking towards the exit.

I tried to “power through it” when I started to dry heave, and started walking faster.

I tried to “power through it” when my ears started ringing and the spots took over my vision and I was so so hot but shivering and my side felt on fire and twisted into knots and stabbed all at once.

I tried to power through it to the point where I collapsed in the middle of my college hallway. A stranger brought me to Outreach Services, where I lay on the floor, vomiting, for an hour until somebody could pick me up and take me home.

The school paramedics told me that I had passed out because I put too much stress on my already taxed body. My body was taxed because of hormonal fluctuations and blood loss aka my period.

Nothing like this has ever happened to me before. In the past when I’ve had cramps like this, I’ve stayed in bed and eaten strawberries and watched MASH all day.

So don’t you DARE tell me that you should “power through the cramps and do it anyways”. Powering through made me pass out. Powering through made me have to be wheeled out of the school in a wheelchair because I couldn’t keep my balance to walk. Powering through made my grandmother with osteoporosis and a tendency to panic have to come pick me up from school and help me up the stairs and almost break her hip when I started to collapse backwards on the front steps. Powering through made my 13 year old brother have to supervise me while I took a bath because I was afraid I would pass out and drown (he was super sweet about it actually; we closed the curtain and he read me Voyage of the Dawn Treader). Powering through made my mother who works to support our family pretty much on her own have to take time off work to come home and make sure I was okay.

In conclusion; If someone feels crappy because of their period cramps, leave them alone. Don’t make them do things anyways, because you might make it worse. And definitely don’t make them feel bad for not wanting to do things because of cramps; that’s the reason I even got out of bed this morning. Be nice to people on their period. Possibly buy them chocolate or painkillers. Nut don’t make them do things when they have cramps, and definitely don’t tell them “it’s nothing, power through” because cramps? Cramps can be one of the worst things you could possibly imagine.

Seriously. Fuck you all.

How Dan and Phil probably broke up #33
  • Phil: ChiCKEn
The Doctors as "My Immortal" Quotes

William Hartnell: “Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?” asked Professor McGonagall"

Patrick Troughton: “Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a Gothic version of a song by 50 Cent.”

Jon Pertwee: “And den……………..I jumped secxily in front of da bullet!11”

Tom Baker: “U must go back in time and sedouce him. It is the only way.”

Peter Davison: “he put his arm around me all protective.”

Colin Baker: “I need to wear like da hotset outfit EVA.”

Sylvester McCoy: “What was DAT al about?”
“It wuz to blackmail u.” I snarked.

Paul McGann: (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!)

Christopher Eccelston: “You dunderheads!1111111111” screamed Dumbledore wisely"

David Tennant: “I’m good at too many things? WHY CAN’T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT’S A FUCKING CURSE!”

Matt Smith: “STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS”

Peter Capaldi: “I was even upset went to rehearsal with my Gothic metal band, Bloody Gothic Rose 666. I am the leader singer of it and I play guitar”

I’m so sorry.