Another great night of Carms Against Humanity last night graciously hosted by your-reference-here.

(here’s the part where i attempt to tag people who were there)

carmsagainsthumanity, ukulelekatie, kbearluna, cylber, whoneedsgodwhenyouvegotme, offtopolis, tinygayvampires, fielauw, natashaseyebrows, allymelftsw, amultitudexfdrxps

I definitely missed a lot of people so feel free to tag others who played as well!


Roy has left four messages for Sonia this morning. If she doesn’t ring him back by midday he’s calling his lawyer, she’ll be sorry then. She’s probably at the hair salon. He ought to cancel her credit cards. Oh I’m sorry Mrs Goddard, this card has been declined. The reason given is ‘Insufficient fucks given by disgruntled spouse’. Would you like to try another?

He is delivered some papers to sign by Celine, one of the front office staff. He casts an approving eye over her outfit.

Roy: Looking good, Celine. Have you been working out?

Celine: The only work out I get is exercising my right to drink a bottle of wine every night. Can you get these back to me within the hour? Thanks.

Roy: I’ll try. I’m a very busy man.

Celine: And Gus wants to know if you’ve finished drafting Freddie’s speech for tomorrow.

Roy: I never do drafts, Celine. It’s all or nothing. Go big or go home, you know what I’m saying?

Celine: Uh huh. See you later, Roy.

She walks slowly across the room and he fondly recalls the phrase two puppies fighting under a silk sheet. He picks up the newspaper and flicks through, one eye on his phone- You have forty minutes Sonia, until I get the big guns out. Forty minutes!- until his attention is caught by an article about controversial and avante-garde artist Naomi Patel, whose ‘high-concept sculptural penises point upwards toward our phallocentric society and the inanity of existence’. And whose newest works (designed to shock through frank Freudian imagery!) will be shown at an exhibition opening at the Bridgeport Modern Art Gallery next Saturday. It is rumoured that the notoriously beautiful and reclusive Naomi (wife of disgraced businessman Rajan Patel, currently on trial in Isla Paradiso for tax evasion) will actually be opening the exhibition herself.

It is so quiet in Roy’s head he can hear the blood draining from his face. He almost invited Sonia to an exhibition of Naomi’s giant penis sculptures.

I’m Sorry I Got You Drunk. Funny and Silly Illustrated Card for when you’ve ruined your friend. 

Sure, they have their own free will, so you can completely absolve yourself of any and all guilt.

They could have stopped drinking if they wanted to. They’re not an automaton. You’re not their mum!

…but you didn’t half egg ‘em on, did you?

You could see they were struggling. You could see they needed help. You could see that they were on their knees, dribbling and gurgling to someone’s shoes. And what did you do?! Got them another drink and questioned their fortitude!

But now that your own drunken haze has cleared, your conscience has started niggling. Maybe you were too pushy. Maybe you should have taken their “I'vvve really prolly hadanoughh fanow” for a “no”. Maybe you should have looked after them. But it’s too late for all that coulda shoulda woulda.

All that’s left to do now is see how they’re doing now, and say sorry.