Summary: “Guess that’s what happens when literally everyone on Earth spends every second cockblocking us.”
Warnings: Smut, language
Notes: Requested by @seethelovelyintheworld, a fic in which “every time they have sex, they both have orgasms right away.” I finished this before the premiere, and I was gonna wait until tomorrow, but I have no patience whatsoever, and figure some smutty fluff is due after such angst. So here you go!
It’s just on the cusp of midnight when Killian Jones finds
himself walking down a quiet street in the center of town. The nights are growing longer, the sun
colder, stiff breezes wafting in from the sea.
Though he’d be content to turn his collar up against the weather, and
allow his blood to warm his fingertips, he wears a long shirt with a high neck
beneath his vest at Emma’s request. He’d
also sunk his teeth into the thick, knitted wrist of a black glove, wriggling
it down onto his fingers, and savoring the look on her face. It had been admittedly far less alluring when –
“Where’d you get that
glove?” she says, reaching out to skim the palm of her hand over his hip. “And can I have the other one because oh my God,
these are soft.”
“This glove lacks a partner, Swan, much like the hand it protects.”
“Then where – ”
He flushes, then, and covers with a kiss to the swell of her
cheek. “From Madame Lucas.”
– but all the same, he’d not left the house that morning without
several promising kisses to her lips.
Some asexuals are okay with sex.
Some asexuals like to flirt and tease.
Some asexuals think about kissing people.
Some asexuals are okay with physical intimacy.
Some grey-asexuals identify as asexual.
Just because you know someone identifies as asexual doesn’t mean you know them.
What if we're all waiting for KanaMari to kiss while it turns out they already had their first kiss when they were younger and wanted to experiment to see what kissing was all about?
Ok but first year kanamari experimenting is my jam. Imagine one day when they were hanging out in their clubroom, Mari asked Kanan if she had ever kissed anyone. It had taken her quite a while to muster up the courage to ask that because a large part of her was afraid to know the answer? She wasn’t entirely sure why she was so scared, but whenever she had imagined asking this before, all she could think about was Kanan talking about the many, many people she had kissed.
Kanan, however, hadn’t kissed anyone before because her soft gay self was too afraid to approach anyone she liked. Most girls she knew kissed boys. So when Mari asked that question, she was surprised, to say the least. She was also super nervous because she could see the expectant way in which Mari looked at her, as though she were expecting her to have some sort of experience. Kanan felt better when she heard Mari say, “I don’t have any experience, so I was just curious if you did.”
“Everyone seems to talk about this type of stuff,” Mari continued, “And we see it all the time in movies. I feel kinda weird for never kissing anyone.” Kanan wasn’t entirely sure how to respond, so she just hummed to show Mari she was listening. She never really liked talking about kissing because it felt like her feelings were so much more different than others around her. Kanan admitted, “I haven’t really considered kissing anyone, but if I were to kiss someone, I would want it to be with someone I trust.”
“You trust me right? If you wanted to, y’know, try it, maybe you could do it with me?” That reply surprised Kanan, and she had trouble looking at Mari’s red face without feeling herself turn warm too. It was true; she trusted Mari, and she liked her far more than anyone else she had ever met. Kissing was such a big step, though, and Kanan wasn’t sure what it would mean for their friendship. But at the same time, if she didn’t do it now, who knew when she would have another opportunity to know what it felt like to kiss a pretty girl. Kanan nodded and said, “Okay, let’s try it. Right now.”
It took them a while to actually make the move. They stared shyly at each other, shuffling their bodies to find the most comfortable position. It was their special way of stalling. The fear of the unknown was hitting them harder than any time before. After some long, awkward moments, Kanan asked “Are we gonna do this?” Mari nodded, and she scooted close enough to Kanan that their legs pressed against each other’s. Closing their eyes, they both leaned in.
It was short, almost like a peck, and the way Kanan’s rough lips hit Mari’s softer ones was less than perfect. But nonetheless, everything about that kiss felt right, and almost immediately after moving apart, their lips found each other’s once more. This time they went slower, less impatient but just as eager. Mari brought a hand up to the back of Kanan’s neck, pulling her closer than they had ever been before, closer than she could have ever dreamed. Mari’s flowery perfume filled Kanan’s nose, and it comforted her rapidly beating heart. It felt familiar, like home.
They would have stayed there for much longer if they knew Dia wasn’t supposed to meet them minutes from now. They would have ignored that meeting altogether if they knew things would fall apart a short couple days after. They would have stayed in that moment as long as possible if they knew it would be two years before their lips met once again.
“Honey, I just left a silly voicemail on your phone, please don’t listen to it,” Bitty says on the other line, his voice stuffy like he’s been crying. “Delete it.”
“Wait, what? Bits. What’s wrong?”
Jack’s heart is racing as he slides into his car, phone pressed hard against his ear. His shirt is damp from the rain, making it stick to his skin. He’s cold all over, from the worry or the weather he doesn’t know. There’d been… what, ten missed calls from Bitty? More?
“… Jack, I… I…,” Bitty starts, long stretches of silence between the words. “… Can we talk?”
Jack’s stomach nearly drops through the floor. He knows what those words mean, said them himself, before, once. Hearing them tumble out of Bitty’s mouth in a rush sets Jack’s whole world off balance. His head feels dizzy, and his throat is tightening up like he might cry, or puke. Outside, the rain beats heavy against his car, and there’s a thunder clap in the distance that rattles his bones.
I’ve been cracking myself up thinking of like a college au where Dean just took his patronus quiz and he’s pissed because he got some tiny animal like a cat or a fucking weasel (which is what I got wtf jo) so he’s seething to his best friend Cas who is like really indifferent, trying to study during Dean’s rant until Dean asks what Cas got and Cas says “I don’t know.”
“What do you mean you don’t know?”
“I haven’t taken the quiz.”
And Dean immediately pulls out his laptop, muttering “What the hell Cas we have to know NOW. Damn Ravenclaws always too busy studying to do the important things…”
“Yeah that’s your house isn’t it?”
“I don’t know.”
And Dean rolls his eyes. “How do you not know your house?”
“I haven’t taken that quiz either.”
And that launches Dean into another fit because what kind of self-respecting Harry Potter fan hasn’t been sorted into their house?
“But Dean, I’m not a Harry Potter fan. I’ve never even read the books.”
Dean is positively scandalized. He cannot believe his ears or his eyes staring blankly into the face of a man with no shame or remorse for the poisonous confession that had just escaped his beautiful too-pink lips.
“HOW HAVE WE BEEN FRIENDS FOR TEN YEARS AND YOUVE NEVER READ HARRY POTTER?!”
“I didn’t know it was a requirement?”
“Have you seen any of the eight movies?”
“There are eight?”
“OH MY FUCKING GOD CAS.”
Cas has the decency to put his book down. “Dean, I think you’re overreacting.”
“This is not overreacting. I’m friends with a heathen whose never read Harry Potter. Like you couldn’t even be one of those cheaters that just watched the movies, Cas, honestly?”
“It never appealed to me.”
“Who are you?”
Cas rolls his eyes. “Dean, if it means that much to you, I will take the quiz.”
“Oh no no no. You have to earn the quiz. We have work to do, Novak.”
And so is the story of how Castiel Novak lost a weekend of studying to marathoning the entire Harry Potter series.
When he finished Dean allowed him to take the sorting quiz. And as predicted he was a Ravenclaw.
Dean rolled his eyes at the result. “Typical.”
“Is it really that big of a deal?”
“Is it a big deal?” Dean scoffed. “Getting sorted into Hufflepuff was the second greatest identify crisis of my life, right behind my sophomore year sexuality crisis.”
And Cas looks skeptical but doesn’t argue because he remembers Dean’s sophomore year sexuality crisis and it was quite a mess.
He lets Dean show him to the patronus quiz and tries not to feel anxious as Dean paces behind him like this animated test determines his entire future.
“I’m an owl.”
Dean sinks onto his bed, a small pout bending his lips. “Oh.”
“Is that bad?” The quiz doesn’t give an explanation, so Cas has no way of knowing if the owl symbolizes something deeper in the Harry Potter universe. Maybe it’s a bad omen.
“No, it’s just… don’t owls eat weasels?”
Cas squints. “I suppose, yes. They eat rodents and small vermin, which would include weasels.”
Dean glares at him. “Wow, thanks, Cas.”
“I don’t understand why you’re disappointed. I’m not going to attack you, Dean.”
And Dean is red now, trying to avoid Cas’s gaze. “I know. But I- I thought we’d be something more… compatible.” He fidgets, releases a resigned sigh. “Makes sense I guess. We’re really different.” Of course Cas is something far better than Dean, something bigger, fiercer, stronger. Something that could easily sweep him up and consume him whole like he was nothing.
Cas shuts the laptop and moves closer to Dean who still can’t look up. “Dean… I don’t know the implications of these animals as you might. But from what I gathered in the movies, they are a pure manifestation of one’s happiest memories. It is not the shape of the patronus that matters, but rather the essence. This quiz made a decision based on a few random parts of my personality, but it never asked me what my happiest memory was. Would you like to know?”
Dean can only nod.
“It was my first day at Lawrence Middle School. I was scared and angry and a group of boys were making fun of my bee socks at lunch. And just when I was at the point of tears, a scrawny kid in a Batman shirt jumped in front of me and poured chocolate milk all over Gordon Walker’s head.” Cas chuckled fondly, just thinking of it. “Then he sat across from me and gave me half of his pb&j.”
Dean is beat red and barely breathing. “You didn’t even like it because of the jelly,” he murmurs because it’s all he can think to say.
“And you stopped putting it on your sandwiches after that so you could share with me.”
Cas reaches across the small space between them to cup Dean’s jaw and gently turn Dean’s face to look at him. “We may be very different, Dean Winchester, but you have had the single most profound effect on my life since I was eleven years old. You are my happiness,” Cas leans forward, Dean’s eyes glazing over and lips parting, “and I don’t need a quiz to tell me that.”
When their lips meet, Dean forgets all about quizzes and balls of light. He feels Cas’s hand slid to the back of his head, tangling in his hair as Dean’s own hands clutch at Cas’s waist to hold him close, keep their lips pressed together in an endless first kiss.
It’s soft and a little awkward, it’s breathtaking and a bit sloppy, and it’s pure magic.
So, eventually, I’m going to create a mini-series (as in a series of mini books) called Cripple 101, which is all about this college professor who is sort of what you would get if you mixed House, Grunkle Stan, and Ryder, only with a much bigger heart. (That’s not to say he’s a good guy; he does some pretty crappy things throughout the series.) Basically, he’s the type of guy who will go to the ends of the earth to help you if he likes you and will make your life a living hell if he doesn’t. At the risk of getting fired, he convinces the college to let him start a class for people with disabilities. (He uses a cane to walk and has a few other disabilities I know, I know, just hear me out.)
I literally have no clue what I’m going to call this guy. None whatsoever. I’ve tried multiple names but none of them seem right. It’s extremely frustrating.
But while I have absolutely no knowledge on his name, I do have knowledge (extensive knowledge) on one of the subplots:
Watermelon is going to be…that college student. You know that college student. I know that college student. I’m friends with that college student (several of them). Hell, at times, I am that college student.
The one who wears the name SJW with pride. Who is always advocating for something. Who is always changing their identities and defending them while also defending the ones that they aren’t a part of.
That college student.
I suppose you could call her a Manic Pixie Dream Girl but quite frankly, I don’t care if you do, because that trope is sexist in and of itself.
But I’m getting ahead of myself.
So Watermelon comes up to MC and begins giving him the spiel, you know? How she’s not disabled but that he should stop using the word ‘crippled’ because it’s considered a demeaning slur.
And he just stares at her like, “Oh my god, I’m going to hate you.”
In fact, he probably says that.
And when he asks her what her name is, she says: “Watermelon Tourmaline.”
And he’s just like, “That’s not a name.”
“Yes, it is.”
“It really isn’t.”
So at first, it looks like this girl is going to be an annoying parody and that I’m going to be a jerk who tries to mock these types of college students, right?
Well, stick with me, because those of you who know me know me well enough to know that I have big plans for this.
Fast-forward to a few days later when MC is sitting with Jack in the dining hall. Who’s Jack? Well, I’ll tell you tomorrow but let’s just say that the relationship between this nameless character and Jack is one of my favorite ones in the series so far. (Note: I only thought of this series two days ago.) And MC notices that the pea soup is just frozen peas dumped into lukewarm soup broth. Jack sort of dismisses it and implies that he’s already gotten used to the food, something that shocks the MC. And the more the MC asks around, the more he realizes that everyone is just eating this disgusting food and accepting the fact that if they get sick, they get sick. A few things happen in said dining hall but MC quickly becomes distracted by a voice.
It’s Watermelon, who is talking to the manager of the dining hall, complaining about the shoddy food. MC’s jaw drops and he looks on, first shocked, then impressed, then proud. And he walks over and helps her defend her case.
It looks like there’s a mutual sense of respect until they leave the dining hall (which is still serving the horrid food) and he asks her what her name is.
She sighs and mutters, “Sabrina Knox.”
The two get into an argument over identities and she storms off.
And he watches her leave and something dawns on him.
Cut to him teaching his first class where all of the students are highly engrossed, but he can’t help feeling like someone is missing. And as he’s walking across campus, he finds Sabrina/Watermelon at a table, trying to get people to sign a petition to increase the food quality. Only nobody’s stopping and everyone’s just sort of snorting and rolling their eyes. And she’s about to pack up when MC sharply says, “Don’t.”
And he limps over and is like, “Don’t stop fighting, all right? Look, I don’t care if you’re the only voice out there. It’s better than having no voice at all. The soup is crap. It’s about time someone pointed it out.”
And he signs the petition and adds, “See you in class, Watermelon.”
He walks away and Jack wheels up to him, wondering why he’s letting her join the class after all.
“Because,” says MC, “she’s one of us.”
“You mean because she’s crazy?”
MC chuckles and says, “No, she’s depressed.”
Jack just stares at him and is like, “She’s what?”
And MC goes into this long rant akin to, “She’s latching onto something, anything, that gives her a purpose, that gives her a reason to wake up in the morning. She needs something to fight for, she needs to know that something needs her to fight for it, she needs to know that she can make a difference, that she can change something or someone for the better, even if she can’t change herself. Otherwise, what’s the point?”
And Jack’s just staring at MC, who cheerfully says, “Plus, she wears glasses, so that’s good enough for me.”
And after that, he genuinely grows to care for Watermelon, referring to her by her strange but meaningful name, always helping her (if not exasperatedly) when she wants to fight for something, and being there on the days when she doesn’t think that anything is worth fighting for.
Bonus: One of those days occurs and she comes to the conclusion that fighting for better food is a lost cause. A few days later, a bunch of people get sick right in the dining hall. MC and Watermelon show up and the former just grins and looks down at this student because he knows that it’s her time to shine. So he offers her a hand and helps her up onto a table, watching in pride as she rallies students up and shouts that they deserve better than this.
And this is just one of his students.
This entire series starts with a guy who creates a class partially to keep his job and partially to spite the administration but quickly realizes, “Aw crap, I love every single one of these kids. I did not sign up for this.”
holy shit probably the only reason i even stay in this shithole of a fandom is because the she/ith community is really fucking nice ive met the nicest and the most creative people through this fandom like really all of you dont deserve all the shit the rude antis are giving i love you all pls be safe
Is anybody else going to be absolutely crushed when Owens inevitably turns on Jericho? Like Jericho is an asshole, but he is SO happy that he finally has a best friend, somebody he can trust (even though we as an audience know this is a terrible idea, he in kayfabe does not). He’s cheated in matches for Kevin and has taken it upon himself to defend Kevin to anybody who speaks badly of him, even Sami. He must feel like he’s done everything a best friend should do in a relationship. And if/when Owens turns on Jericho, he’ll basically be saying that Jericho wasn’t good enough for him even though Jericho has done everything in his power just to make Kevin like him. If done right, it will all culminate in the realization that he was the stupid idiot all along, for thinking that Kevin wouldn’t do the exact same thing to him as he did to Sami… because after all, they’re best friends aren’t they?