he doesnt tell anyone to avoid the chirps but dex was a contestant on chopped in high school. nursey just happens to be watching reruns of chopped one day and thus it begins
My dude, sorry this took 5ever. But finals are done now. Yay! Also, I don’t really know how to cook, nor have I watched Chopped, so. Anyway. Enjoy. Thanks for the prompt!
There is one voice in the world Dex had hoped to never hear in the haus, and it was the voice of Food Network chef and TV personality Alton Brown. Yet, that is exactly what he hears when he pushes open the door of his bedroom.
A flash of familiar red hair on the screen has Dex across the room in an instant. He shoves Nursey out of the way and slams the laptop shut.
“Hey, what gives?” Nursey says.
“No,” is all Dex can say in response.
A devilish grin works its way across Nursey’s face. “How come I’ve never gotten to taste your hollandaise sauce? If you could pull off eggs Benedict with pig’s feet and those premade rolls, it’s gotta be killer.”
“No,” Dex repeats, throwing his bag under the desk, and flopping face-first onto the bottom bunk.
Nursey awkwardly uses his heels to roll his chair back from where Dex had pushed him. “So, it’s not killer?”
“No.” It’s muffled this time by Dex’s pillow.
“Did you win? I didn’t even get to see if you won.”
Dex turns his head to the side, so he can glare at Nursey. “Yeah, I fucking won.”
Nursey’s eyebrows raise, impressed. Contradicting his expression, he derisively says, “You sure? If you won, there would be nothing wrong with me seeing the end.”
Dex remains silent. He stares into the distance and wishes he could go back 60 seconds to the time before Nursey learned a secret that made him incredibly annoying. Scratch that – more incredibly annoying.
“I can’t believe that woman beat you. Her soufflé was atrocious. And her salad. Who would garnish a salad with a vegetable? A salad is vegetables.”
“Right? The garnish just became another component of the fucking salad,” Dex whispered.
Nursey has no idea about cooking. He will consume whatever takes the least amount of time to prepare. The other day, Dex found him eating a dinner of spaghetti and cut up Slim Jim. Naturally, Dex had also partaken of the meal. But he wouldn’t have made it.
“Will you at least tell me how it ended?” Nursey is past appealing to Dex’s pride. There’s a hint of a whine in his voice.
Dex flicks his eyes to Nursey, acknowledging his desperation. “No.”
Nursey stands. “Please?”
Wariness thaws Dex’s resignation. “No…”
Nursey takes Dex’s hand. “Please?” he says gently.
Nursey ducks into the bottom bunk. He straddles Dex’s lower stomach, bends down, and murmurs, “Please?”
A shiver runs down Dex’ spine and through his limbs. His “no” is a little strained.
Another few inches, and Nursey’s lips brush Dex’s ear. Sweat breaks out across his brow. The heat of Nursey’s breaths floods across the side of his face, fills his brain with steam. “PLEASE?” Nursey fucking screams in his ear.
A startled Dex shouts in terror and flails, his elbow catching Nursey under the chin. With a grunt, Nursey rolls to the side as Dex scrambles out of the bed.
“What the fuck, Nurse?” Dex yells.
“Ow,” Nursey mumbles in response. His hand, cupped beneath his chin, is catching the blood dripping from his lip.
“Christ. Fuck.” Dex grabs a handful of tissues from the box on the desk. He shoves them in Nursey’s direction and sits cross legged on the opposite end of the mattress. His heart is still thumping rapidly in his chest.
“Will you tell me now?” Nursey manages around his lip and a wad of tissues.
The blood weakens Dex’s resolve considerably, but he still says, “On a few conditions.” Nursey nods. “You can’t tell anyone else on the team.” A moment. “Or formerly on the team,” he thinks to add.
Nursey shrugs and nods, conceding. “But I get a condition, too, since you broke my face.”
Dex’s expression is deadpan.
“My beautiful face, Dex. I can never dance again.”
With a sigh and an eye roll, Dex says, “Fine.”
“You teach me to cook.”
Dex considers. Best-case scenario, he bonds with his roommate, and he gets to cook in a setting that is not his grandmother’s restaurant, with someone who is not a member of his family. Nursey will hopefully eat his spaghetti with normal meat that is neither slim nor jim.
Worst-case scenario, Nursey slips and falls on a knife or sets his arm on fire, and the team discovers his televised past. The cooking accident and the chirping put Nursey and him in the ground, respectively.
But it could be fun. Dex decides he is practiced enough to avoid the worst-case scenario. He is the primary member of the Nursey Patrol, and kitchen Nursey can’t be too much more of a danger to himself than drunk Nursey.
“Sure,” Dex agrees.
Nursey perks up. “Really?”
“Alright,” Nursey says.
“Did you watch any of the desert round?” Dex asks, jumping into his story.
“No. You opened the basket and it had sour cream and almond liqueur.”
“It was those and something else. I made cheesecake and put the liqueur in the crust. Wang” - Jean Wang, his opponent – “make some crepe thing. It was honestly a mess.”
“The cheesecake or the crepe.”
“The crepe. You saw her salad.”
“The judges said the crepe had a weird texture. They loved the cheesecake, but –“
“But what?” Nursey gasps dramatically.
“But Alton fucking Brown said it was dry.”
There is a moment of silence in which both men absorb the weight of that criticism. It’s broken by Nursey. “Brah. How the fuck can cheesecake be dry?”
“Right? And the other judges just nodded along with it. But I still won, so.”
“Yeah you fucking won. She made a plain ass salad and crepes. Crepes taste like weird flat noodles.”
Dex nods eagerly. “Uh huh. And imagine a bad crepe. Weirder flat noodle.”
Nursey mimics barfing, stands and grabs his bag. He throws the bloody tissues in the trash, but his lower lip is still swollen. “Fuck Alton Brown. The first thing I want to learn how to make is dry cheesecake.”
“My specialty,” Dex says.
Nursey grins, walks out the door, and leaves for class.
A smile stretches Dex’s lips, hidden in their empty room.