sorry this took 5ever and a day

gingeremoji  asked:

he doesnt tell anyone to avoid the chirps but dex was a contestant on chopped in high school. nursey just happens to be watching reruns of chopped one day and thus it begins

My dude, sorry this took 5ever. But finals are done now. Yay! Also, I don’t really know how to cook, nor have I watched Chopped, so. Anyway. Enjoy. Thanks for the prompt!

There is one voice in the world Dex had hoped to never hear in the haus, and it was the voice of Food Network chef and TV personality Alton Brown. Yet, that is exactly what he hears when he pushes open the door of his bedroom.

A flash of familiar red hair on the screen has Dex across the room in an instant. He shoves Nursey out of the way and slams the laptop shut.

“Hey, what gives?” Nursey says.

“No,” is all Dex can say in response.

A devilish grin works its way across Nursey’s face. “How come I’ve never gotten to taste your hollandaise sauce? If you could pull off eggs Benedict with pig’s feet and those premade rolls, it’s gotta be killer.”

“No,” Dex repeats, throwing his bag under the desk, and flopping face-first onto the bottom bunk.

Nursey awkwardly uses his heels to roll his chair back from where Dex had pushed him. “So, it’s not killer?”

“No.” It’s muffled this time by Dex’s pillow.

“Did you win? I didn’t even get to see if you won.”

Dex turns his head to the side, so he can glare at Nursey. “Yeah, I fucking won.”

Nursey’s eyebrows raise, impressed. Contradicting his expression, he derisively says, “You sure? If you won, there would be nothing wrong with me seeing the end.”

Dex remains silent. He stares into the distance and wishes he could go back 60 seconds to the time before Nursey learned a secret that made him incredibly annoying. Scratch that – more incredibly annoying.

“I can’t believe that woman beat you. Her soufflé was atrocious. And her salad. Who would garnish a salad with a vegetable? A salad is vegetables.”

“Right? The garnish just became another component of the fucking salad,” Dex whispered.

Nursey has no idea about cooking. He will consume whatever takes the least amount of time to prepare. The other day, Dex found him eating a dinner of spaghetti and cut up Slim Jim. Naturally, Dex had also partaken of the meal. But he wouldn’t have made it.

“Will you at least tell me how it ended?” Nursey is past appealing to Dex’s pride. There’s a hint of a whine in his voice.



Dex flicks his eyes to Nursey, acknowledging his desperation. “No.”

Nursey stands. “Please?”

Wariness thaws Dex’s resignation. “No…”

Nursey takes Dex’s hand. “Please?” he says gently.


Nursey ducks into the bottom bunk. He straddles Dex’s lower stomach, bends down, and murmurs, “Please?”

A shiver runs down Dex’ spine and through his limbs. His “no” is a little strained.

Another few inches, and Nursey’s lips brush Dex’s ear. Sweat breaks out across his brow. The heat of Nursey’s breaths floods across the side of his face, fills his brain with steam. “PLEASE?” Nursey fucking screams in his ear.

A startled Dex shouts in terror and flails, his elbow catching Nursey under the chin. With a grunt, Nursey rolls to the side as Dex scrambles out of the bed.

“What the fuck, Nurse?” Dex yells.

“Ow,” Nursey mumbles in response. His hand, cupped beneath his chin, is catching the blood dripping from his lip.

“Christ. Fuck.” Dex grabs a handful of tissues from the box on the desk. He shoves them in Nursey’s direction and sits cross legged on the opposite end of the mattress. His heart is still thumping rapidly in his chest.

“Will you tell me now?” Nursey manages around his lip and a wad of tissues.

The blood weakens Dex’s resolve considerably, but he still says, “On a few conditions.” Nursey nods. “You can’t tell anyone else on the team.” A moment. “Or formerly on the team,” he thinks to add.

Nursey shrugs and nods, conceding. “But I get a condition, too, since you broke my face.”

Dex’s expression is deadpan.

“My beautiful face, Dex. I can never dance again.”

With a sigh and an eye roll, Dex says, “Fine.”

“You teach me to cook.”

Dex considers. Best-case scenario, he bonds with his roommate, and he gets to cook in a setting that is not his grandmother’s restaurant, with someone who is not a member of his family. Nursey will hopefully eat his spaghetti with normal meat that is neither slim nor jim.

Worst-case scenario, Nursey slips and falls on a knife or sets his arm on fire, and the team discovers his televised past. The cooking accident and the chirping put Nursey and him in the ground, respectively.

But it could be fun. Dex decides he is practiced enough to avoid the worst-case scenario. He is the primary member of the Nursey Patrol, and kitchen Nursey can’t be too much more of a danger to himself than drunk Nursey.

“Sure,” Dex agrees.

Nursey perks up. “Really?”

Dex glares.

“Alright,” Nursey says.

“Did you watch any of the desert round?” Dex asks, jumping into his story.

“No. You opened the basket and it had sour cream and almond liqueur.”

“It was those and something else. I made cheesecake and put the liqueur in the crust. Wang” - Jean Wang, his opponent – “make some crepe thing. It was honestly a mess.”

“The cheesecake or the crepe.”

“The crepe. You saw her salad.”


“The judges said the crepe had a weird texture. They loved the cheesecake, but –“

“But what?” Nursey gasps dramatically.

“But Alton fucking Brown said it was dry.”

There is a moment of silence in which both men absorb the weight of that criticism. It’s broken by Nursey. “Brah. How the fuck can cheesecake be dry?”

“Right? And the other judges just nodded along with it. But I still won, so.”

“Yeah you fucking won. She made a plain ass salad and crepes. Crepes taste like weird flat noodles.”

Dex nods eagerly. “Uh huh. And imagine a bad crepe. Weirder flat noodle.”

Nursey mimics barfing, stands and grabs his bag. He throws the bloody tissues in the trash, but his lower lip is still swollen. “Fuck Alton Brown. The first thing I want to learn how to make is dry cheesecake.”

“My specialty,” Dex says.

Nursey grins, walks out the door, and leaves for class.

A smile stretches Dex’s lips, hidden in their empty room.

Goin’ Up With The Dolans - Part 1

Summary: The Twins finally announce the winner of the warehouse contest! The insanity has only just begun

Warnings: Language, I guess. Nothing other than that.

A/N: So I’ve been working on this one 5ever after @clubgoingupwiththedolans requested I write about winning the warehouse contest. I’m sorry it took so long, but it’s a full-fledged fic with like, multiple parts. This one was weird and I wanted to make sure I had the whole thing written before I posted it because of the way it ends. I also want to point out that this story is entirely fictional. I did not win the contest. Nobody has as far as I know. So strap in kiddos. It’s gonna get real. Look out for Part 2 in the next few days! HERE WE GO.

Let’s get one thing straight before we start anything:

My girls are everything to me.

I don’t mean a random group of girls I can go to the club with and ditch when I found the guy I want to go home with. I don’t mean people I barely know that are my drinking buddies. I mean the girls I’ve met because of the Dolan Twin Fandom. They are my best friends.

Specifically, Dolan’s Horny Lil Pancakes.

We’ll skip the origin story and save it for later, but these ladies have gotten me through some real shit.

That’s why they were the first ones to blow up my phone that morning.

Keep reading

【Josuhan in JoJoLand: Where OTPs Come True
Decided to post this on V-day instead. The background took me 5ever to do but I’ll just post this before I start to hate it-//weeps
On the side note, I really want a Josuke Tsum ;u;
Bonus: ((Sorry for being lazy to shade..))

Josuke: *flirty*
Rohan: ?

Josuke: *Tries for a kiss*
Rohan: But I refuse! 

anonymous asked:

Hi, I hope you're doing well! I always enjoy reading any of your speech analyses. If you're still into doing them could you analysis some more of Caitlin's speech habits?

(Sorry this took me 5ever.)

Caitlin’s speech falls into two broad categories. Scientific babble, and regular. I’ll be focusing on day to day speech, but note that most of what I’ll say applies even to her science babble scenes, with one of the major differences being she gets longer lines (but not necessarily longer sentences) when in science-mode.

Originally posted by theflashdaily

Anyway, there’s only a few major things I have to discuss about her speech. One is that she’s pretty formal / polite until she knows someone on a personal level. People are often addressed by their rank (”Dr. Wells” and “Dr. Stein”) and she calls Barry “Mr. Allen” until she gets to know him.

Originally posted by felicityssoliver

It’s pretty clear that being polite is a default setting to her, in most situations.

Originally posted by justbarryallen

However, when Caitlin is made to charge/control of a situation, she can drop that entirely and snap orders.

Originally posted by caitlingifs

Completely unafraid to lecture or snap if/when she deems it necessary. Often times this comes up because of something emotional, snapping at one of the men surrounding her for being an ass.

Originally posted by canariesatom

Originally posted by caitlingifs

But then, sometimes it’s because people are telling her what to do, and Caitlin doesn’t appreciate having her competence questioned. She likes control quite a bit, and reacts negatively when people get in the way of that.

Originally posted by julianalbertgifs

Speech-wise, what we see in those above situations is her using exclamations and admonishments as reminders. 

Also note that like the above quote about being “quite the pair, Mr. Allen”, Caitlin uses names (Harry, Julian) a decent amount in her speech, especially to give a little more weight to a statement. She does it at both the start and end of a sentence, I noticed, but especially when she’s admonishing, it goes at the end. When she’s being gentler, it’s more likely she’ll open on the name.

Originally posted by flashallens

Something I find interesting about her speech is that it’s largely devoid of adjectives. Not entirely, because sometimes you need to say something like “the last person”…

Originally posted by batwan

But even the way she uses her sparing adjectives, it’s seldom for anything but a necessary purpose to explain something. It’s not really to add depth or floweriness to her language.

Originally posted by theflashdaily

“It’s too dangerous” - while ‘dangerous’ is technically an adjective, she’s really only using it to illustrate a point.

Speaking of points, it’s worth noting that the majority of Caitlin’s sentences are simple declarative sentences, and short ones. That or imperative (like “Listen, Harry” is imperative, or “don’t ask me” from above, and so is):

Originally posted by dctvladies

Or else sometimes carrying an implicit order instead of an explicit one.

Originally posted by caitlingifs

Originally posted by fyeahsnowbert

Again, note the sentences being short and with a single clause. Naturally, there are exceptions (again, from above “I don’t know anything about having powers so I’m the last person you should talk too”), but it is a prevalent trend (even when in science mode, like “check your math” from the first gif above is a short imperative sentence).

Originally posted by caitlinsncws

Sometimes, she’s just stating things as they are, or saying what they have to do.

Originally posted by theflashdaily

And in here you’ll see that across a lot of these examples, she opens with “we” instead of “I”, speaking for the team. There’s a lot of imperative or “you should” and a lot of “we [verb]” when saying what the team has done or should do. 

Not that she never asks instead of orders, but asking involves more vulnerability for her and comes out less than ordering.

Originally posted by theflashdaily

(Takes literally being on the surgery table to ask lol, but that’s just one example. Caitlin doesn’t say “please” a lot though, for all her formality).

And actually, across a lot of the above examples, she tends to lead with “I” in sentences expressing deeper emotion, insecurity (about not knowing how to talk to Jesse, or her control over her powers) or when she’s nervous and seeking affirmation. More examples:

Originally posted by ravenclairee

(Fear makes for a pretty vulnerable and emotional admission, right?)

Originally posted by reeseneseira

(Again, note the imperative order here: “use them”. She really does take control more than people realize, I think).

Also, combine that with her asking questions when she needs affirmation or assurance or, like above, is vulnerable (and needs stitching up). 

Originally posted by felicityssoliver

Originally posted by thelastsjedi

Don’t forget though that much like my post about how she actually does swear sometimes (and get drunk and party and have fun, she’s a three-dimensional person, here), Caitlin can also be bold. She made this bet on Barry, after all.

Originally posted by thoranda

Simple, declarative, still her, but remember that she isn’t always the killjoy if you’re writing her. Remember that she’s sneaky too, and demands things from others without apologizing for it. 

Also, I wanted to include some examples of her going off a bit longer. We see from the two examples below that when she’s talking about something she’s helped figure out on the team, she goes into a longer explanation. Still no adjectives though, and still simple clauses that don’t interweave much.

Originally posted by lutavero

That and, when explaining something, she opens with “okay” and hedges a bit more, like “okay, well” and “okay, but” even though she keeps is mostly simple overall.

Originally posted by theflashdaily

Also, just want to point this out: Caitlin uses a lot of contractions (”didn’t, don’t, you’ve, I’ve, I’m, can’t, it’s, we’re” etc). Also, we see here that she uses “[noun]’s not” rather than “isn’t” or “ain’t” (definitely not ain’t) for her “is not” short form. 

A good example for when she doesn’t use a contraction, and instead says the full word, is emotionally for emphasis in reassuring her friend.

Originally posted by reeseneseira

Not “’ll never” and not “won’t” but “will never” fully spelled out. That’s atypical for her and definitely for emphasis.

Some final notes (half because I took the time to track down all these gifs). Caitlin having fun tends to be a little more fun in her speech, too. A little more casual. “Well then,” and “As Cisco would say” instead of giving orders or implicit commands or explanations.

Originally posted by theflashdaily

Originally posted by ravenclairee

Originally posted by calmandcalculating

(Caitlin being adorable and relaxing her speech to reassure her friend and have a bit of fun with him, using an adverb as an intensifier (”totally”, when she normally only uses “too”).

It’s also worth pointing out that much like her simple sentence structure, Caitlin’s word choice tends to be very simple (outside of science babble). It complements the simple form of her speech. 

Originally posted by theflashdaily

“He knows” and not “He found out” or “He’s aware” or “he determined” or “he uncovered the truth” or something. It’s… perfunctory? Her speech is… well, she was never an English major. Her speech is, above all, functional

Originally posted by caitlingifs

A simple answer to a simple question.

Originally posted by julianalbertgifs

Trailing off because expressing it in simple terms is going to be difficult because it’s emotional for her, and she likes to communicate in simple terms.

Originally posted by ravenclairee

Vocally, Caitlin’s speech, like the rest of her, can be “uptight”, not even so much in her manner as in her voice - strained, quiet but creaking with emphasis when stressed. Admonishing. That being said, it’s also quite soft at times, when reassuring someone, or excited, especially around Cisco, or when talking science.

So don’t discount the importance of cadence of voice, but also, facial expression. Caitlin doesn’t talk a lot with her whole body (unlike, say, Wally, or even Barry) and she’s not quite a hand-talker in the way that Len is. She uses her hands a bit, especially when giving an explanation with her hands up or splayed, sort of gesturing in a pretty controlled way, or to point at herself sometimes, but her hand movements aren’t predicable in the way that Len’s are, and aren’t used quite as much for emphasis.

So with her, you’ll get a lot more traction if you describe her expressions. Intense eyes and tense muscles when she’s angry and giving orders. Befuddled or bemused with a kind of “what now” face if she is affronted or disagrees.

Originally posted by caitlingifs

She makes great faces, honestly, but it’s especially her eyes and mouth you’ll want to pay attention to. Pouting, eyebrows draw together in confusion or else in sympathy, or to ask for something and she’s trying to make herself look cute/innocent/idk. She gets very wide-eyed when expressing fear, and looks very tired when emotionally strained, but she’s suffered so much loss that’s unsurprising.

So… go forth and write some Caitlin :) Her speech is actually pretty easy to write, it’s making it distinct from everyone else’s that’ll be the challenge I think?

Happily Ever After (Jonathan Groff x Reader)

hey so I know groffsauce is gay and all but I sorta made him bi so that this can be more gender neutral reader insert ya know hope I don’t offend anyone


I looked up other groffsauce reader inserts to get a feel for what he’s like cause I don’t really know him that well and there’s a serious lack of them lol hope this helps out

Request: Hey! Uh, I’m kinda in love with Groffsauce, so could write lots of this: Angst–>fluff! WITH kinda the reader being uber jealous that Groffsauce is flirting and ends up madly confessing. Thanks, and I absolutely love your blog!-Chai

Summary: Jonathan and Reader decided to spend their day off together, but Jonathan tends to focus on everyone else rather than the Reader.

Warnings: Reader is slightly bitter, jealously, few swears

“Did you find everything alright today?“

“Yes we did! Thank you, darling,” Jonathan replied to the girl behind the checkout counter, much to your displeasure.

Today Jonathan had a day off and he had promised to spend it with you, his bestfriend. The plan was to go on a shopping spree at the mall, Jonathan reassuring you he’d pay for it all. You were beyond excited to spend the day with him, your secret crush, but that excitement soon turned to annoyance as he began flirting with just about everyone you came in contact with.

“That’ll be $45.64,” the cashier said after scanning the jacket Jonathan insisted on buying after seeing your eyes linger on it.

He pulled out a fifty from his wallet and handed it to her. He said, “Keep the change.“

“Thank you, sir. Have a nice day,” she said, handing him the shopping bag with a big smile and a slight blush on her face.

“You too,” he said with a wink before he exited the store, you trailing like a lost puppy behind him. You knew he had the right to flirt with whoever he so pleased, considering the fact that he wasn’t in a relationship with you or anyone else. But it seemed reasonable enough to believe that he should focus more of his attention on you during your day together, right?

“You hungry?” Jonathan asked you, snapping you out of your slightly bitter thoughts and back to reality.

“Starving,” you told him before suggesting, “Food court?”

“Food court,” he agreed, taking your hand in his as you walked through the mall. You smiled at the contact, glad that his attention was finally back on you. Unfortunately, it didn’t last very long.

“He really seemed to like you,” you remarked as you walked away from the restaurant booth. 

“No kidding,” Jonathan said, showing you where the cashier had scribbled down his number. You internally groaned as the two of you sat down at an empty table. The employee had gotten on your nerves as you ordered your food, or at least attempted to order your food. It was a bit hard when his complete attention was focused on Jonathan.

Curiously you asked, “Are you gonna text him later?”

“I don’t know, should I?” he asked, taking a bite of his food afterwards.

“Do whatever the hell you want,” you responded, then taking a bite of your own food as well.

Jonathan raised a brow at your sudden change in tone and asked, “You okay?”

“Yeah, um, actually.. can you take me home once we’re done eating? I’m not feeling too good,” you asked him, entirely fed up with being pushed to the side.

He appeared surprised by your request, but still agreed, “Yeah sure, if that’s what you want.”

“Thanks Jonny,” you said, continuing to eat your food.

“What’s the matter?” Jonathan asked, concerned for you.

You sighed, “It’s nothing.”

“You know you can tell me anything, right?” he reassured you.

With a slight smile you told him, “I know.”

Less than an hour later, Jonathan pulled up into your apartment complex. He parked in a designated visitor’s spot, then turned to you, “You sure you’re alright?”

“Fine,” you said, smiling at him. He returned the smile before being interrupted by his phone going off. Both of you glanced at his screen resting in the cup holder. You read the name of who sent the text and asked, “Who’s Zach?”

Jonathan picked up his phone and typed out a reply as he answered your question, “The guy from the food court.”

“You actually texted him?” you asked astounded.

Jonathan was very nonchalant with his response, “Yeah, I figured why not?”

“Right,” you scoffed. You unbuckled your seat belt and opened the car door. With a mumbled goodbye to Jonathan, you shut the door behind you and started heading towards your apartment.

You heard a car door shut, followed by a few beeps that signaled it had locked and Jonathan shouting, “Hey! Y/N! Wait up!”

Despite his pleas, you kept walking without daring to look back at him. You reached the door to your apartment and pulled out your keys, finding it a bit hard to work with them as you tried to hurry. Jonathan caught up to you as you frustratingly fumbled with your keys, placing a hand over yours in an attempt to steady them as he asked, “Woah, hey, what’s the matter?”

“What’s the matter!?” you shouted back, yanking your hands away from his. “How about the fact that someone who’s supposed to be my best friend has been ignoring me practically all day? The fact that you clearly would much rather be off flirting with some pretty girl or some cute guy instead of spending time with me?”

“Y/N, it’s not like that. I–”

You continued your rant, “And to make matters worse, I’m the complete idiot who just had to go and develop feelings for my best friend! Silly me for thinking there was even the slightest chance you’d actually feel the same way.“

“Y/N listen–”

“But of course you don’t feel the same way! That type of cliché romance bullshit only happens in the movie, doesn’t it? There’s no Happily Ever After’s after all, is there? Just–” you were cut off by Jonathan spontaneously placing his lips on yours, silencing you. You nearly kissed back, but opted to instead push him back and ask, “What the hell was that?”

“If you would have let me speak,” Jonathan calmly spoke, “I was trying to tell you that you’ve got it all wrong.”


He took a step towards you and took ahold of both your hands. He said, “There’s nothing I would rather do then spend time with you. And you’re not the only idiot here, alright? I’ve fallen for my best friend too.”

“Really?” you asked, not even trying to fight the smile that grew on your face.

“Really,” Jonathan confirmed, leaning in to close any space between the two of you. Your lips met and this time you were more than happy to kiss him back, knowing that your feelings were mutal.

You two soon parted, both smiling and blushing like crazy. You commented, “So maybe Happily Ever After’s do exist then.”

Jonathan held you close and said, “For us? Without a doubt.”

send requests!

anonymous asked:

I love your writing and have been admiring it for a very long time, I was wondering you could write a sterek AU with the prompt: "we casually hook up at parties sometimes but this time you got so drunk you couldn’t make it all the way back to your dorm so i let you crash in my room because it was closer and it turns out you’re really cute when you wake up in the morning, fuck" Im not even kidding I need this like air

The first time it happens, the music’s too loud for Derek to hear much. All he knows is that Stiles (Derek had to ask him to repeat his name, twice), was wearing extremely tight, extremely flattering jeans, and he spent the entire evening looking at Derek. Their eyes would meet and he’d smirk, take a sip of his beer, look away, make Derek want him to cast another glance his way. 

So, he’d done what he did best, and hovered in the corner, nodding along to whatever anecdote Erica was shouting in his ear, and kept one eye on Stiles. Eventually, when Erica abandoned him to start up a slow grind with Boyd in the living room, Stiles had sauntered over. 

“Your girlfriend looks like she’s having fun.”

Derek had snorted, shaken his head, “Not my girlfriend.”

“Huh,” Stiles had held his eye, the twitch of a smile on his lips, “So, you’re single and ready to mingle?”

“Not exactly.”


“I’m not a fan of mingling.”

“Single, but a hermit?”

“Pretty much.”

Stiles had given him a purposeful once over, drained the last of his beer, “You feel like comin’ out of your shell for the night?”

Derek laughed, “Do lines like that ever work?”

Keep reading