sorry not sorry i did this

anonymous asked:

Hi Chekhov! I've been working many miles from home for a year now. Before that, I was away from home for school for 5 years. When I started working, it finally hit me that I actually missed the idea of home. My friends, even my family (I have some problems with them, which motivated me to not return, but I still cherish them). I just feel very isolated now. Do you ever feel homesick?

Hey! Thanks for being patient. I know I took a long time to answer this. I was thinking of how to explain it.

My gut reaction was actually to say “No, I’m sorry. I actually don’t ever get homesick.” Because… the truth is, I kind of don’t. I am one of those people that doesn’t… miss people? 

Sounds weird? Yes, maybe. I’m not sure how else to explain it. I am very much a fan of people, in general. And I have many people I love. But I don’t really experience the hallmark version of “homesickness” that I am familiar with. 

HowEVER, upon re-reading your ask, I think I might understand what you’re going through, despite being so negative at the onset. 

Let’s take it from the top.

When I was 10, my mother and I moved from our home country (Russia) to America to live there. It was my first big international flight. It was my first trip to America. I was excited, as only 10 year olds could be, because most 10 year olds lack the necessary foresight to realize what a big fucking change this was going to be. 

It was a fun thing for me.

For about a month.

And then, for the next 3 months it WASN’T fun as the real-world consequences of living 8,784 kilometers away from my grandparents, having to learn English, and going to school with kids who all thought my accent was funny (but not in a good sort of way) all crashed down on me. 

So, in a way, I was homesick.

Ok, I was just… homesick. I came home from school, curled up under my desk and cried. 

Obviously, this did not last forever. Eventually I adjusted. 

But, I think because of my crash-course in separating myself from the experience of bone-crushing isolation, my view of what was “normal” became skewed. For example, I knew (in theory) that it was normal to see your relatives fairly often. However, since we only saw ours every 4-5 years I grew accustomed to just NOT having people I liked in my life. 

(I’m going somewhere with this, I promise, stay with me.)

Anyway, that thing you said… ? About not being on great terms with family? I GET that. I get it HARD. 

When I finally left for college to live alone, it was almost entirely motivated by my desire to escape those issues. To me, being by myself was not a scary adult growing up experience. Running away and being alone was just the most logical solution to the problem. 

At that time, I moved to be about an hour away from my parents. I rarely visited. I felt no desire to. I felt alone, and that was just a relief and nothing short of it. 

In fact, I took this a step above and fled to ANOTHER country, because obviously the entertainment of not being able to speak, read or write the language of the country you’re living in is just irresistible. 

And I thought “damn, I’m a pro at this!” 

I was so used to the concept of being alone and out of my element that honestly, I never even considered it a real problem.

But the fact that I didn’t feel the strain of isolation doesn’t mean it didn’t have an effect on me.

I think I had psyched myself up for being such an untouchable person that I forgot to actually look back and check whether I was as tough as I imagined myself to be.

Because to be honest, yes.

Yes I do get homesick.

And the problem is… I don’t know where ‘home’ is anymore.

And this didn’t start when I got to Japan. I felt this way in America… and I felt this way in Russia, every time I went to visit. There was a tugging sense of not belonging… And the realization, at the same time that, even if I DID go back to the place I wanted to be, I could never feel “at home” there either. 

In fact, I think “homesickness” is not longing for a place as much as a time. 

Maybe we have fond memories of home. The feeling of loneliness is the byproduct of us remembering good things. It’s not something that’s a function of being in a different place as much as it is just a product of… growing up. Changing. Realizing that things are complicated, and wishing to go back to a time when things were LESS complicated. It’s a defense mechanism.

.

I think I stopped feeling homesick again when I realized that home will never be a place I can actually go back to - at least, not physically. 

It can only be something that I can go to through a photo album. Or when I’m laying in bed and, thinking, before I open my eyes “that sounds just like our summer house in Siberia…” and feeling my heart jump to my throat right before I force myself to remember I’m not there anymore. Or when I lay back in the grass and look up at the sky so I can’t see the edges and think “I don’t know where I am right now.”

(that’s my grandpa! this is an important photo for me. the feeling of this photo is not something i can feel again if I end up in front of that window. It’s a small fragment of ‘home’ lost in time, untouchable except in my memory.)

I suppose the important thing that I got from all of this (and I’m not saying you have to think about it that way!) is that home is just a place in your mind, and you can visit it whenever you want.

And as for the feelings of loneliness and homesickness? They’re VALID! They’re normal and honestly, you SHOULD feel them! It means you have good, safe memories to go back to. 

Try not to be too hard on yourself. Even if your relationship with your family is complicated, it’s ok to miss them. It’s ok to feel isolated. It’s hella stressful, and you are understandably going through a lot of stuff! 

Whatever happens from now on, you are HERE and you can make NEW memories and make a new home. And maybe sometime down the line, you’ll think back to NOW and think of that as home.

5

so today in school i learned how to make rainbow parabolas with a graphing calculator and also faced my greatest fear of drawing profile isnt that just dandy

6

Winifred Song for @goatkibble​’s Farmer’s Wife Bachelor Challenge.


NAME: Winifred Meilin Song
AGE: 23
SEXUALITY: Straight
ETHNICITY: Chinese Australian
SKILLS: Athletic 3, Charisma 4, Cooking 3

GREATEST STRENGTH: Her quiet self confidence. Winnie is not arrogant or conceited, but she knows who she is and what she stands for and that core strength, her inner well of pride and courage and self-respect, rarely falters.

GREATEST WEAKNESS: Her black-and-white thinking. It’s all or nothing for her. There’s no middle ground, no room for mistakes or setbacks or failures, and she struggles to accept that neither she nor her friends and family are not and never will be perfect.

REASON FOR JOINING: Winifred loathes the crowded, smoggy concrete jungle that she was born, raised, and currently resides in, and she has always fantasized about moving to the countryside. Feeling bored and burnt out after recently having graduated summa cum laude from a competitive university in St. Claire, Australia, she decided against the very vocal advice of her well-to-do parents to put off applying for graduate school and try something different for a while. Winnie has always known that more than anything else she wants a husband and family of her own someday, and she figures that this bachelor challenge will not only be an exciting and interesting new experience for her but also a way for the inordinately picky young woman to hopefully, maybe meet and marry the man of her dreams.

WHAT IS HER PERCEPTION OF FARM LIFE? Winnie has a very romanticized view of what life on a farm is like. Growing up in the big city, she spent most of her childhood either indoors or playing on cement pavement, but that didn’t stop her imagination from running wild. Her all time favorite game, she’d gather up her entire collection of My Little Pony toys, her Barbies, Monster High dolls, and Fisher Price barnyard animals and scatter them throughout her room, cheerfully bossing around the plastic figurines as though she was the stable master and they were her loyal-but-inept farmhands and day dreaming about what it might be like to ride a real horse. Somewhere beneath that hazy, idealistic fantasy, Winifred realizes that running a farm involves a lot of hard, tedious work, but she prefers not to dwell on such a minor, insignificant little detail.

HOW WILL SHE CONTRIBUTE TO FARM LIFE? With her enthusiastic, can-do attitude and unerring attention to detail, Winifred would make a wonderful administrator for the ranch. Not only could she act as a bookkeeper and clerk, but with her outgoing personality and her background as a business major in college she would likely prove to be a great asset to the commercial and marketing side of the family’s farm. And while she may not know all that much about raising livestock or growing crops, she is willing, able, and eager to learn anything she can to help her win over the bachelor’s heart.

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION: As the only child of a wealthy real estate mogul and his high powered executive wife, Winifred never wanted for anything. Her parents gave her the best tutors, the finest clothes, the priciest toys, but at the same time they worked hard to instill in their daughter a sense of compassion and concern for those less fortunate than herself. They wanted to see her grow up to become a responsible, independent adult, and so from an early age they made it clear to Winnie that she would not inherit a cent of the family’s fortune, instead electing to bequeath their entire estate to various charities when they pass. Winnie, for her part, didn’t care. She looked forward to proving to herself, her parents, and the world that she was not just another spoiled bratty trust fund baby, that she could succeed in life without the ongoing financial support of her mom and dad. And so she worked hard in school and excelled at her classes in college, but by graduation she felt worn out and restless. That’s when she stumbled across an ad for the bachelor challenge, and something about the idea seemed so crazy, so thrilling, so undeniably unlike her that she knew she just had to enter.


Family Oriented | Friendly | Hopeless Romantic | Perfectionist | Unflirty

  • Seven: hey Yoosung, feel my shirt
  • Yoosung: okay why
  • Seven: ...
  • Yoosung: ...
  • Seven: its boyfriend material

tfw ur with ur bro and neither of u want to talk but just like being w each other but the dude is a total blanket hog

anonymous asked:

Is it possible to shade unconsciously someone?

 Yee, i’d say you’re kinda likely if you have Taurus, Scorpio or Capricorn in your placements, you can throw shade without eve realising it.
 Gemini and Sagittarius will still try to be friendly but they can get really passive agressive. Aries, Libra and Aquarius won’t really say anything but they’ll make it super obvious if they don’t like you and Cancer, Leo, Virgo and Pisces are usually very peaceful or just avoid you completely.

Hi y’all! I wanted to get back in the tumblr game & show appreciation to the many awesome bloggers out there, so here I am. Please excuse the crappy banner btw

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edit: this post is directed at the general populace. Mlm clearly have more of a right to dislike this game if it makes them uncomfortable, these are my thoughts on the matter however and not intended to trample on mlm. also i am a qu**r person who uses that word as an umbrella term but have seen how it’s bothering a lot of the rebloggers so i’ve changed it to LGBT

maybe you folks should ask yourselves why youre trying so hard to find reasons to demonize and hate Dream Daddy, a game with actual pure non-fetishized representation of mlm and honestly GBT men of all sorts that you’ll even go as far as to twist around components of a datamine into something theyre not

its okay to dislike GG, theyve done some shitty stuff in the past  AND present, and i dont even watch them or like them, but this game isnt made by them. its released by them. it was made by a couple college art students who did a great job at putting representation and real experiences in this game and they worked so fuckin hard on it. you know what youre doing by trying to make this game fail, or torrenting it so it looks like it did worse than it actually did? assuring more games with positive representation aren’t made, or released, or even fucking bothered with. i fucking promise you, with GG’s youtube channel and band and whatever else they do, that you torrenting or boycotting the game isnt hurting them in the slightest. it’s hurting the creators, it’s hurting LGBT game-makers everywhere, and it’s hurting the genre of LGBT games made by LGBT people with good, unfetishized or sex-oriented stories/characters.

so maybe get your heads out of your cynical asses, accept nothing you consume will be perfect, and try to support something with a genuine and positive representation of both GB and trans men. its a fun, lighthearted game with good stories and relatable characters and frankly, im sick of yall trying to assure LGBT oriented games fail because of such miniscule shit.

2

If you watch them for long enough, they end up catching eachother staring again