sorry jemma i had to say it

You had me at; “It’s trauma, it’s what I do”


Thanks to the legendary; NatsAshes and her fangirl-enabling playlist I’ve spent my day rediscovering Bernie Wolfe, right from the start of her holby city journey and it’s delicious. Throwing around some praise for her first day as a fully fledged GS Locum Consultant on Keller, even though she spends the day in Darwin.  

Excessive fangirling under the cut.

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A Proper Hello

For the Anon who asked for a birthday drabble last week– I’m so, so sorry it took forever. Thanks to @bigfunnywords for beta-reading!

Jemma wove through the crowded airport with a bounce in her step, her heavy suitcase rolling noisily behind her. Going back to school had never been a hardship for her, but she could honestly say she’d never looked forward to it as much as she did this year. The Academy was the most stimulating environment she’d ever known– in no small part because of her best friend and partner’s contrary temperament. She couldn’t wait to get started on their second year.

In a matter of minutes, she and Fitz were meant to meet at the check-in counter, and she was bursting with anticipation.

She had anticipated missing him over the summer, but had underestimated just how much. Somehow, she felt homesick for every part of him –his impressive brain, his short temper, his humour, the way he always understood what she was trying say under the layers of babble and politeness, and even his obnoxious accent. It had been a very long summer.

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“Sorry I had nowhere else to turn”

but this hurt me so much. Daisy is literally in so much pain and she’s bleeding horribly and she needs help that she actually made an ad for an apartment knowing that it would attract fitzsimmons and yet when she closes the door and sees Jemma she says “Sorry I had nowhere else to turn.”

she sees herself needing help as an inconvenience. she is literally apologizing. she reached out to the people who love and care for her because it was a last resort, and i get the feeling it wasn’t like ‘well i guess i gotta get fitzsimmons now’ but more like ‘i don’t want to bother them but i have no choice

Daisy sees herself as infected, that yes she’s running away from the pain of Lincoln and Andrews death and Hive’s control but really she’s running because she doesn’t want to infect the people she loves. she thinks she’s keeping them safe by staying away, and she’s definitely not blind to how she’s also hurting them by staying away.

But shes ‘doing what I have to do’.

because she will take the pain and the guilt and the solitude if it means that there’s a chance she is protecting her team.

Fitz had said that she turned her back on them. but the problem is that she can’t no matter how much she tries. she will wait until her arm has bruises up to her shoulder and she’s bleeding profusely to ask for help and after this there is no doubt in my mind she’s gonna still try to run and leave them behind.

but she will never be able to.

but can we talk about the fact that everyone on the team discover about Skye’s powers at the same time, and then everything was falling apart, and skye had to run, and then she saw Simmons and the first thing she did say was: “Jemma i’m so sorry”. In that moment, Skye had to run for her life, not knowing what she is right now, and how to deal with these new powers but then she she saw Jemma, and the only thing she was thinking at that moment was to say sorry because she thinks that somehow she disappointed her, and then Simmons said to Fitz that it was okay, because skye is her friend, SHE’S DIFFERENT. She didn’t react badly once she knew about Skye’s powers, because IT’S SKYE!! CRIES FOREVER ABOUT HOW BEAUTIFUL THIS SHIP IS

and so say all of us.

It’s Jemma’s birthday.

(Quick Fitz-centric drabble, with Bobbi & Fitz friendship and a brief appearance by Skye.)

Fitz knows what the date is. Of course he does.

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Fearlessness & Fragility

B E R E N I C E  G R I S E L D A  W O L F E 

I’ll start by saying I have a huge thing for the ‘big macho’ army medic. Her total unwavering confidence, measured and calm approach in her work, and gumption whilst undertaking pretty much any procedure without batting so much as an eye lid just bowls me over every time, and I am complete and utter trash for her- have been since day 1.  Also, any woman that responds to an arm wrestle proposition with; “your funeral” is just a perfect example of what it means to be a cocky so-and so. But for however fearless she is with her work, Bernie is completely different when it comes to matters of her heart. She’s such a dynamic woman and has so many complexities, and she’s as fragile as she is fierce and I just want to wrap up this precious soul in a bear hug and never let go. Also, shes super fit so a hug would be goals.

So much of Berena in the last few weeks has been seen through the eye of Serena Campbell- which is delicious because Catherine Russell is breath taking and so perfect. Experiencing this with Serena is a delight, and ‘Brave new world’ was one of my favourite episodes in a long time because of how beautifully it was handled, and seeing Serena process her feelings was a joy. In comparison not much time has been spent giving Bernie a chance to express how she feels- and I hope this changes in ‘Life in the freezer’ next week, because we deserve to know her thought process and reasoning if she does leave, and Bernie as a character deserves to have her story put across. 

I truly believe they are both totally and completely in love with each other and whilst Serena wears her heart on her sleeve- Bernie is more reserved in her private life. I think she’s so guilty of the hurt she’s caused her ex-husband, children and Alex, that she’s almost become disillusioned with love? I think she’s terrified of hurting Serena- and herself- and so is pulling back and talking herself out of what she wants. The way she looks at Serena doesn’t lie, the love and lust is written across her face, but it looks like something drives her to pull away from what’s in front of her and it’s heartbreaking

I’m sure Berena are endgame, and I don’t think the secondment to Ukraine will last all that long if it happens, but I wish Bernie believed right here and now that she’s entitled to this, and deserves to be happy. I wish she was as brave with her feelings as she is with her approach to surgery.But I also understand that everyone’s journey is different, and not every body is completely at peace with expressing their emotions, and their love so openly. It doesn’t mean she feels any less intensely, or loves Serena any less. Bernie is taking a step back and processing how she feels, and I’m pretty sure if she goes away the Bernie who returns will be in a much more assured mind set, and she’ll waste little time in telling Serena how she feels.

This could all be totally redundant if next week goes completely opposite to how I’m expecting haha!!!! but I thought I’d ramble anyway- excuse the length of my post but I have so many feelings. Basically Serena and Bernie are precious cinnamon rolls who should be protected at all costs, and we are so lucky to have this embarrassment of riches play out every week. Jemma Redgrave & Catherine Russell making heart eyes at each other, delivering one of the most poignant and well written story lines ever, and being perfect in every single moment- sweet lady sappho! my cup runneth over. 

However things play out, I’m thrilled to share this ride with this fandom because you’re all amazing : )))))))))))

FitzSimmons Kiss (for the anon who asked me before tumblr ate the message)

Jemma’s just about to hit the button or pull the lever or do whatever it is that’ll open the portal but JUST before she does Fitz just grabs her and kisses her desperately. And Jemma reciprocates immediately of course, not even hesitating to cling to him just as desperately. And then it goes from desperate and frantic to kind of slow and achingly tender and it’s so raw and sad and just the culmination of all of the feelings and tension they’ve been carrying around. And then Fitz pulls back and they share this basically indescribable look and he just kind of brokenly says, “Sorry I just… I just had to do it once.”

And it kind of shatters this kiss-induced bubble because the unsaid “…before we go through, before Will gets back, before I lose you just a little bit more,” is looming over them.

And Jemma looks so distraught because Fitz doesn’t have to finish the sentence for her to hear it and they’re both teary-eyed and there’s just so much love but just a bit more conflict and confusion.

And then Fitz pulls away completely and moves over to the device and gives her this melancholy smile before slamming down on the button with the same conviction and heartbreak that he did while hitting the button in the pod because of course he’ll do anything for Jemma even if it literally or metaphorically kills him a bit in the process.


Lincoln says S.H.I.E.L.D. won’t stop until they find Afterlife. Who should Skye trust? Watch this sneak peek preview of “Scars” and tune in to Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. TUESDAYS 9|8c.

Fitzsimmons Question!

There tends to be a general agreement in the fandom that Fitz tends to sacrifice for Jemma in a more physical way (ex, jumping through a hole in the universe, giving her the last oxygen) whereas Jemma tends to sacrifice in an emotional (and often secretive) way (bearing the burden of finding Will alone, leaving for Hydra to protect him from herself) 

But can we assume these characteristics are inherent to the characters themselves? Or is it more that they’ve only ever been put in situations where they can sacrifice in this way. Meaning if Jemma had been the one with brain damage, Fitz would have left and if Fitz had been the one on Maveth Jemma would have jumped through a hole in the universe.

Are we right in saying that Jemma shows her “devotion” to Fitz in a different way that he shows his “devotion” (I’m sorry I couldn’t think of a better word) to her? Or is that they’ve just never been presented with a situation to do the opposite? Are they actually more alike than we think? Two nearly identical carts speeding down very different tracks? 

I had so many expectations for this episode and I’m sad to say I was pretty disappointed - but mostly confused.

First of all, sorry I jinxed it, guys, when I said Space Boyfriend wouldn’t be a possibility. I still think love triangles are cliche and unnecessary. I honestly would have watched 45 minutes on Jemma alone on the planet without batting an eyelash because there was no reason for Will to be there, except for comfort. At the end of the day, she is the one who fixed the computer and calculated when and where the portals would open.

Secondly, there are so many things that don’t make sense in my opinion. They might have been mistakes or continuity errors, but if that’s the case, well, producers should pay much more attention to what the produce.

  • The first thing that bothered me a lot was the necklace: we see Jemma leaving it on a rock for Fitz to find. She wears it again - with no mention on how she or Will might have retrieved it - when she and Will intend to go out and watch the sunrise, and then disappears again when she is rescued by Fitz. I would think this is a continuity error if they hadn’t shown us the precise shot where she puts it back on. Honestly, I have no idea what this might mean, but it must mean something, right?
  • The second thing that bothers me is Will’s age - he looks around 30, no more than 35. If he’s been on the planet for 14 years, he must have been sent there when he was between 15 and 20, which is extremely odd since I suspect NASA does lots of training before missions on the field. Why hasn’t NASA provided a rescue mission, or at least sent food? And if all the others had gone crazy, why not him? Why is he spared? Why hasn’t he shot himself after a while? (I’m not being mean, here, just honest. I would have killed myself instead of spending 14 years alone in hell).
  • The third thing that really, really bothers me (and bothers everyone, as far as I’ve seen), is that this episode makes no sense to explain Jemma’s PTSD. In this episode, we don’t see her afraid of lights or sounds. She is relatively happy, in good company, well fed and in good health, which is exactly the opposite of the way she was presented to us in 3x03 and 3x04: a shell of herself, afraid of everything, with scratch and bruises. Why would she say she was haunted if she only saw that monster twice? Why would she wake up from nightmares with a pointy wooden stick in her hand if she had had a comfortable bed to sleep in or someone to sleep on?
  • Fitz had studied the monolith for months, he even went to ISIS to try and learn something about it: how could he have missed it once belonged to NASA? And how did SHIELD retrieved it form them?
  • Last observations: why was the monster wearing an astronaut suit? And why would he appear only when Will wasn’t around? Why Jemma didn’t say something about him the moment she got back on Earth and waited weeks? It would be common decency to warn there was someone else on the planet that needed saving, even without mentioning they had a sort of relationship.
  • (Also: they had to fall in love, hadn’t they? Because a man and a women must always have romantic feelings for each other, right?)

I really do hope these are plot points are gonna bring us somewhere, because Agents of SHIELD hasn’t disappointed me so far, and I like to think the love triangle is just way to cover up something more. Said that, if there really is going to be a love triangle, I will be pissed okay with it, because I know that Fitz and Jemma will eventually find their ways back to each other. If this is the case, I’m not mad at Will for falling in love with Jemma (who wouldn’t?) and definitely not mad at Jemma for feeling something for Will (I’m not gonna call it love, I’m sorry: it’s clear that the only person she truly loves is Fitz).

I don’t have many theories on what might happened next. I doubt Will is a fragment of Jemma’s imagination, because all the equipment was there and he looked very real to me. But I can’t exclude he’s some sort of villain, or at least not what he seems. I read a very interesting theory about Ego here . As for Fitzsimmons as a couple, I haven’t the faintest idea. I just hope I won’t be disappointed again.

Ps. Elizabeth was amazing in this episode.

PPs. I want a Leo Fitz on my birthday.

run past the rivers, run past all the light

Summary: Something inside Jemma breaks, but she’s not alone with it. They take care of each other. (Jemma & May & Daisy & Bobbi, post - 3x10)

Notes: Ladies taking care of ladies. That’s all. Spot the (super obvious) Grey’s reference. (Trigger warning for allusions to torture and PTSD.)


Technically, the common saying is wrong.

Atlas with the world on his shoulders.

Technically, it’s not true.

His punishment is to hold the sky on his shoulders, not the earth.

And isn’t it just so much worse? Knowing there are galaxies weighing you down, constellations pulling at you, when you’re drowning in the births and deaths of stars every second?

How does one do it?

(How do you do it?)

Carry the endless weight of the universe and survive?

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“Soo… You and Fitz, huh?” Skye asks, drumming her fingers on the holo-table of the new Bus. Jemma looks up.

The business of people refurbishing the plane had died down and Skye found herself wandering back into the lab like she used to, finding Jemma there installing her microscopes and scanners.

“Sorry?” Jemma questions, confused, and shakes her head.

“I accidentally overheard Fitz telling Mack about what happened… How you said there might actually be something to discuss,” Skye says with a sad smile and shrugs, “I’m happy for you. You should go on that date with him. Fitz is a keeper. I just… I mean… I thought that we had something. I guess I wasted my chance.”

Jemma’s eyebrows knit and she lets out a puff of air. “That’s not what I… Oh Skye, you’ve gotten it all wrong.”

Skye cocks her head.

“I wanted to talk to Fitz because we never got closure on the matter. I never got to tell him my side of the story! The whole drop in the ocean thing nearly destroyed our friendship for good, and I wouldn’t want to jeopardise that by confessing my non-existing feelings for him. I… I wanted to explain why I don’t have feelings for him, because you’re right, Skye. I have feelings for you. There is something going on here,” she says and waves her hand between the two of them.

“I got it all wrong,” Skye deadpans and Jemma laughs, nodding. “You did.”

“Oh but this is great,” Skye says, warmth pooling in her stomach and her heart fluttering. A wide grin spreads onto her face, lighting up her eyes.

“You should ask me, you know, if I’d like to go on a date with you,” Jemma says with a smile and Skye doesn’t hesitate for a second.

“Would you like to go out with me sometime? On a date?”

“Absolutely. Yes. I’d love that.”

“Great. Seven?”

Jemma nods and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. “Seven is perfect.”

Skye rocks back and forth on her heels, but then quickly crosses the room to press her lips against Jemma’s cheek.

“Seven it is.”

prompt twenty eight: fall out boy

for itsamagical100

“I should have known he was evil hydra scum,” Skye says, because she’s drunk and it’s been one of those nights.

They’ve had a lot of those nights lately.

And Jemma, the good friend that she is, feels obligated to ask, “is that so?”

She nods at that, and she nearly drops her beer bottle as she moves to sling an arm over Jemma’s shoulder, “I started saying, we’re going down, and guess how he finished that sentence?”

“Swinging,” Jemma offers.

“Nope,” she replies, “he said I’m yelling timber, like what sort of sick person picks Ke$ha over Fall Out Boy?”

“Hydra scum?”