sorry it's so crap!

These legs aren't mine.

It’s been a brutal winter/cold season. I haven’t shaved my legs since November. Ain’t no body got time to wear cute dresses and shorts when it’s that cold out. No one’s gonna see my legs.

It’s nearly the end of March and I finally let myself shave my legs.

What began to bother me was the fact that as I walked around in shorts within the warming comfort of my own home, I could feel the air weave in and out and between the hairs on my legs.

But what really pushed me to shave was that my bare hairy leg brushed against a rogue spider web I didn’t see as I moved through the basement to grab something.
It clung to my leg hair for dear life and had I not been wearing slippers because my basement is cold, I would not have been able to fend off the spider that was coming right for my ass because I had disturbed it’s web.

That was it.

That was the last straw.

I finally shaved.

And now I’m laying in bed where it’s safe and warm™ beneath my blankets and I’m rubbing my legs together.

I don’t think my legs have ever been this smooth. Like, if someone could have a dissociation with their legs, this is it. Because they’re so smooth they don’t even feel like they’re even my legs.

Heat Headcanons

-With a mate, an Omega’s heat will usually only last a week. But without at least the scent of an Alpha, the Omega could be forced to suffer for up to three weeks

-During a heat the desperation to be knotted comes in waves. The length of breaks between these waves depends entirely on the pace set at the beginning of the heat. If the Alpha starts trying to knot the Omega before the heat has even really taken hold, the continuing duration of the heat will be more intense and exhausting with hardly any breaks between waves. But if they wait until the Omega is completely slick and ready for it, the heat will be easier and more relaxed for them

-An Omega’s first time going through heat with a mate and being nervous about everything. Worrying that being knotted will hurt, that the Alpha won’t find them attractive enough, worrying that their nest won’t be good enough. The Alpha picking up on the anxieties and despite how badly they just want to rut into the Omega, they take the time to snuggle into the nest and praise the Omega for how cozy and well put together it is, before gently coaxing their overheating mate from their clothes and slowly getting them to open up for them, and it’s all very nice and gentle…until the Omega arches and starts pleading for more

-During a heat is when bonding usually occurs. A couple bonds by biting into each others scent glands hard enough to draw blood and scar, doing it while being knotted helps distract the Omega from the pain of it

-Between waves of heat the Alpha will try to force the Omega to eat and drink and occasionally help them wash up in the shower…just so they can get them all dirty again ten minutes later

-Omegas in heat like to taunt their Alphas and try to aggravate them, because on an instinctual level they want the Alpha to pursue and dominate them and that’s exactly the reaction they get when they rile the Alpha up enough to snap and pin the Omega down with their full body weight and bite the back of their neck harshly to make them submit

-An Omega’s heat being unusually intense to the point that their Alpha is too wrecked and breathless to even move so the aggravated Omega just pushes them to lie back before sliding down onto the Alpha and satisfying themselves…it only injures a small portion of the Alpha’s pride

-Most Alphas love heats because they have a bit of a slick fetish and will happily spend a ridiculous amount of time licking up the excessive amount if slick their Omega mate is producing

-Alpha and Omega that are best friends and they are both fully aware that they are in love with each other, the Omega is waiting for the Alpha to initiate something but the Alpha is too nervous but one day the Omega goes into heat and pleads for the Alpha to help them out because it hurt so badly…a whole mess of instincts later and the Alpha is deep inside the Omega waiting for their knot to go down and freaking out because “oh my God I haven’t even asked you out yet! I’m so sorry, was this okay? Oh My God did I just take advantage of you?!” and the exhausted Omega telling them to shut up and that they’d arranged it all because the Alpha was obviously a scared little shit that needed a shove in the right direction

-An Alpha and Omega couple arranging to spend the Omega’s heat together, a few months in advance to ensure they are both level headed when discussing it (because consent is important) but the Alpha is too nervous once they actually go to do it. The Omega is literally all spread out and submissive in front of them and suddenly the Alpha is just like “Are you sure the heat wasn’t affecting you at all when we made this decision?” and the Omega is just so done “we’ve been planning this for months and if you don’t start fucking me right now for the love of god I will walk right out that door stark naked and get another Alp-” and that’s all the threatening encouragement the Alpha needs to start possessively latching on to the Omega’s neck and sliding themself right in

No, the blog isn’t dead!

This is a long-time coming buuutttt I guess I should finally say something. So first off- no, the blog isn’t dead forever! I’ve just been taking a very long, very unplanned hiatus due to personal reasons that I’ll touch on a bit.

Putting it under a readmore because it’s a lot but TLDR version:

EQP is not dead! It’s just on impromptu hiatus until I figure some real life things out.

Keep reading


the ice skating anime has claimed me, i am so, so sorry

yuri plisetsky and his fashion choices must be protected at all cost. this kid is a treasure


(Y/N)’s Rose

Author’s Note: This is for i-know-wrath-and-ruin (a person that is literally the bee’s knees) who requested a Thranduil x Reader story that takes place at a ball. This is probably like the first fanfic(do you even call it that?) I have ever written so obviously, I have no idea what I’m doing. But nonetheless, enjoy the cheesy crappy fluff :)

Quote for the story: “It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important.” -The Little Prince 


         You groaned on the inside. You wouldn’t do it out loud of course, considering you were at a very special elven ball. And even though you were dying of boredom and the fear of talking to the higher class elves, you wanted to be polite. 

          You were a simple servant of King Thranduil and years after his lovely wife passed, you had the duty of watching over the mischievous yet altruistic Legolas. You didn’t really see it as work, considering that there was a special place in your heart for the royal family. But there were times where it was hard. Not just because Legolas would be a handful at times, but because of the king of Woodland Realm. When you got close to Thranduil because of your responsibility for the young prince, you began to notice the little things. His rare but genuine smiles, the way he looked at Legolas when he made him proud, the way he walked strong even though the kingdom rested on his shoulders, the perfect shade of blue in his eyes, and his perfect handsome face. All of these things made you madly in love. But being the way you were, you knew that you would sit forever in unrequited love. Although it hurt, you made the decision long ago that the way things were just had to be. He had a wife he loved before, he was a king, and you were, well, you. It could never happen. 

          “Dance with me, (Y/N)!” a voice interrupted your thoughts.

          You looked down to find the same prince who you almost thought of as your own. 

          “Legolas,” you smiled at him, thankful that he saved you from just standing alone. “I would love to dance.”

          You took child’s hand and he began to wiggle your arms to the beat of the music. You giggled at this, considering that is was very informal and the other elves must have thought it was quite embarrassing. But you didn’t. Legolas was the one of the few people you felt completely comfortable around.

          As the song went on, you took turns twirling each other and skipping arm in arm. You felt happy and disconnected from your problems. It was as if with every swivel of your foot and shake of the hip was slowly taking away all your worries. But that soon changed. 

          The song slowed into something more romantic and intimate. But before you could process what was going on, a very attractive elf was at your side.

          “May I have this dance?” Thranduil asked politely, hand ready to take yours.

           Your heart began to race and thoughts flooded your mind. Unike before, you were suddenly aware of everything that was happening. You began to search for the right words, stuttering. But luckily, a very good archer was by your side.

          Legolas giggled. “Of course!” 

          The small elf then lifted your hand to be held by Thranduil’s. Your face heated at the sudden contact that was so foreign to you. He then gracefully took you further into the crowd of dancing elves. As you put your hands into position and began the steps, thoughts began to rattle in your head. 

          Why would he ask me? Do I look okay? I might be a bit sweaty from dancing with Legolas. My hair could be falling out from it’s braids too. Doesn’t he know that people will be looking? They might think less of him for dancing with a lower-class elf. Is this to embarrass me? No, he would never do that. What is he going to say? What am I going to say? Do I make eye contact? Maybe If I look somewhere else it will be less awkward. Does he think this is awkward? Oh no…

           “(Y/N),” he said, tearing you from your thoughts. “I just want to thank you for all that you have done for Legolas. I know that his mother’s death did not do him kindly.”

          You were taken aback by the sudden praise. “I am only doing it because it is my duty.” 

          “No, you do much more than that. You have been like a mother to him. And for that, I am very thankful. Because of you, I know he will grow into a good man.” 

            You had no idea what to say. The work you put into taking care Legolas was just something you would’ve done for anyone you cared about. And you cared for both Legolas and Thranduil. 

            So you went with, “My king, I have no thoughts on what to say.”

           “Please, you can address me as Thranduil. You deserve at least that.”

            “Thank you, Thranduil.” 

            He smiled that rare smile that you fell in love with. “Not only do I want to give my thanks for my son,” he broke eye contact and, was that a blush? No, probably the lighting. “but I also want to thank you for making me feel happiness once again. Ever since my wife-” he paused, trying to find the words. “Well, I just have not been myself. But my interactions with you have given me merriment. You have a particular glow about you and you are quite humorous for one who is so shy. I…I wish to know you more. And I think that is only right because we have been around each other for sometime now.”

           Your heart wanted to sing. This was everything you needed to hear. Were you dreaming? most possibly. This could not be real. But, it was.

           You could not contain your smile. “And I you.”

           He smiled back. 

So when I realized that I suck at writing smut, I went back to read some of my fav 18+ fanfics.

#3 - Mr. Min by @ellieljade

Hoooo boy, where do I start with this fic???? I don’t think I’ve put as much effort into anything as I did into trying to read Chapter 5 sneakily at work cause I couldn’t wait till I got home. So yeah I won’t go into it much because I’m sure everyone knows this fic is the pinnacle of smut writing like wow I don’t even…. anyway if you don’t know, please check it out asap, you’re missing out on the most deliciously devilish bastard that is Mr. Min. I’m sad the video came out this choppy it’s a bit longer but oh well!

Need Some Extra Lovin’

You weren’t a clingy girlfriend. In fact you were the complete opposite, you were an independent college student who worked her ass off to help pay half of the utilities, internet, and electricity each month. You knew it wasn’t much considering you lived with Harry in Primrose Hill.Your biggest goal in life was to be able to provide for yourself seeing as Harry was 22 and could provide for himself and probably half of the world You wanted to be a strong independent woman, so that’s exactly what you were going to do. Somedays, being that woman was difficult. Being in Nursing school is absolutely no joke. 

When H got home from doing the weekly grocery shopping you followed him into the kitchen where you sat on top of the counter and watched him put everything away.

“Petal, is everything okay?” he inquires

“No. It’s been a week from hell.” you reply

“I’m sorry its been so crap, what can I do to make it better?” Harry asks

“I’m not sure, maybe we could watch a film.” 

“Do ya want me to bake you something? I used to be a baker!” Harry exclaims

“H, I just really wanna cuddle and have a cry,” you mumble

“No no no, don’t cry love bug,” he says rubbing your back

It takes just that to push you over the edge. The tears well up and curl into his arms.

“H, uni is so hard. I never ever thought it would be this hard. I just wanna be a good nurse. I wanna make you proud, I wanna make your mum proud, I wanna make Gemma and Robin proud. I want my family to be proud, I just feel like I dug myself a huge hole joining nursing school. I couldn’t get the IV in properly and I really bruised my classmate.” you ramble 

“Hey hey hey, none of that. We’re all proud of you! I remember how hard school was and I only finished year 10. I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now, but I want you to know that we’re all rooting for you! And just think of it this way, you have bruises on your hand from friends trying to start their IV’s on you. You’re all learning and that’s what is most important.”

“I don’t want your family to think I’m mooching off of you. I’ve slowed down my shifts because school is getting harder. I don’t wanna feel like I’m using you. I wanna be independent.” you continue

“You are independent. You’re not using me. I know that, my family knows that. We all love you.” he explains

“Promise your family doesn’t think I’m using you?” you ask 

“Pinky promise,” he says sticking his pinky out to yours

you latch your pinkies.

The two of you put Elf on and snuggle up closely on the couch. You laugh in unison during the funny scenes and pout together during the sad ones.

When Elf finishes, you realize you’re famished and need something to eat.

“H, babe, are you hungry?” you inquire as you retreat to the kitchen

“A bit, what were you thinking of making?” he asks

“I kinda want to make up a veggie stir fry or enchiladas.” you call as you dig out the veggies 

“Stir fry sounds lovely!” Harry replies

You decide to break out the peppers, onions, mushrooms, and cabbage along with brown rice, liquid aminos, and some other mandatory spices.

You get out your Wok and begin softening the vegetables. 

About 35 minutes later, you have two very full plates along with glasses of red wine.

“Harry Edward, the food is ready. Come and get it while its still hot.” you call

His feet patter against the cherry stained hardwood floors and he enters the kitchen to see you in an apron and sitting at one end of the table. Harry sits across from you and you two begin eating.

“Petal, this is lovely. Thank you so much for cooking, even if you were a bit upset.”

“That’s alright, I figured I needed to do something I enjoyed!” you explain before taking a sip of your wine.

“I think that was a good choice after the awful week you had, shall we have a bit of a cuddle after dinner?” he inquires

“I’d absolutely love nothing more!” you say with a wide smile.

The two of you do dishes together singing Christmas tunes. As you dry the last dish you let out a sigh of relief. The chores are done for the evening so it leaves the two of you to enjoy each other’s company.

“H, thats it! Chores are done for the evening,” you say softly

“Perfect. Lets go put pajamas on and have a cuddle in bed!” he replies

You grin widely before jumping on his back and tapping his butt

“Off you go my trusty steed. To the bedroom!” you chuckle

He follows demand and walks down the hall to the large master suite.

He plops you down on the bed and pulls out one of his oversized t shirts and a pair of leggings for you to put on knowing that you’re not in the mood to navigate through your clothes to find pajamas

“Thanks H!”

“Not a problem, petal!” he says as he strips into his boxers and puts on a pair of comfy pajama pants and a long sleeve henley.

“Aren’t you the cutest!” you say bopping his nose with two fingers

“I wouldn’t agree, but I’ll take the compliment!” he replies

“I love you, H! Always have, always will!” you say crawling into bed.

“I love you too, darlin!’ he replies wrapping his arms around you.

I know I’m late, I know! But I still wanted to do this so happy birthday Mica! Hope you had a wonderful day, you beautiful human<3 @pass-the-pencil


please ignore the bad colouring it was a pain in the assbutt ¿ⓧ_ⓧﮌ


Yesterday, she would have said, without a doubt, that she loved him.

Yesterday, she would have given everything to save him.

Yesterday, she had tried everything to save him.

He was consumed by the fire in his blood. The scratching caws in his ear. The swaying personality he took on when the evil and the light fought underneath his skin.

He caused her pain and heartbreak, but still she followed after him; lost and afraid of being alone.




Yesterday… There was nothing she could do to stop the burning in his eyes.

A horrible red, his eyes.

A terrifying grin, showing his teeth.

White to black, a body of disease ridden feathers.

She couldn’t save him.

She expected the sword, but it did not  strike her neck.

She expected the light of hope, but she was left in darkness.

They were all she had, and she chased them away when she killed him.

Her heart, her love.

Her father was right…

She truly was ugly.

He laid dormant on her bed, the feathers slowly falling away to reveal his pale, blue skin. There was a knock but she refused to answer, a tap at the window that she refused to hear, she clasped the hand of her lover and held it to her chest; to her cold, still-beating heart.

When feathers turned to hair she brushed them away from his eyes. She would never see their golden warmth again, only the cold, harsh, pale pink flashed in her mind and she deserved to see it for it was all her fault.

“My prince.” She called to him, unbrushed hair falling against her cheeks. She had no mind to push it back. She shooed away the feathers and crawled up next to him, putting her hand on his empty chest; it was almost a comfort, but she became fond of the weak beating heart. He was almost alive again.

She wouldn’t let herself cry, for that was not an honor she would allow herself but she couldn’t stop the single tear that fell from her face, to his. And then, she couldn’t stop herself. She let go, heaving useless sobs over his lifeless body.

She did not deserve happiness.

Something glowed behind her, red and warm it made her stop. She looked behind her and saw the red silhouette she saw thousands of times before.


“You aren’t the prince.” She sat up, watching the ballerina come towards her. The princess put a hand on her face and wiped away the tears she let fall.

“No, I am not, but I am the last piece of his heart.”

“How can that be?”

“To him, I am what embodies hope, I have become his hope.”

“I can’t return you to his heart, only…”

“She has returned me, do not worry, I will go and his heart will be restored.”

“He’s dead.”

“The raven’s blood has consumed him, but with his heart restored, he can still live.”

“What?” Her lip trembled, there was a spark of…

Of hope.

“You must do one thing.”


“You must love him with every ounce of your being, for love heals all wounds.”

“Yes, I will, I will love him!”

The princess nodded and returned to his heart. Rue watched and waited.

Waited for the warmth to return.

Waited for his eyes to open.

And when nothing happened, she kissed his lips, like a prince in a silly fairy tale, and walked to the window, no longer able to see him like this. A tear slipped down her face.



Harry Styles & Lily Collins [manips] + selfies