Tony & Peter headcanons bc I love Iron Dad & Spider Son:
- God the obvious one right now Peter is complaining to Tony about all the protocols on his suit and when Tony says that he’ll get rid of them when Peter proves he doesn’t need them, Peter goes, “okay, dad.”
- There’s a 2 second pause and Tony turns and goes “did you just call me -” “IT WAS A SARCASTIC - I DIDN’T - LET’S JUST LET IT GO.”
- He does it again to Happy when Happy gushes about Tony and Pepper. “Gross, Happy, that’s my dad.” “Did you just call Tony Stark your dad?” “I - no. I don’t think of Mr. Dad as my - I mean, he’s not he’s Iron Dad I mean - HAPPY STOP LAUGHING.”
- That being said Tony is so highkey about just going “yeah that’s my kid” whenever Peter does something awesome. Clint is confused and thinks that Tony just had a secret lovechild who also happens to be Spiderman.
- 5 months later: “My dad never gave me that support so I’m trying to break the cycle for the kid, you know?” Natasha: “He’s not your kid.” Clint: “Wait - WHAT?”
- Long Distance Son Harley comes over and Tony lowkey wants to bond with the two but instead of talking to him Peter and Harley just ramble about their inventions and play video games the whole day (and subsequently ignore him and his attempts to bond, even when he tempts them with new prototypes). Tony flip flops between offended and proud before he finally settles on proud and happy that they’re bonding.
- The next time Harley comes over, though, all three of them actually hang out.
- It’s the anniversary of Ben’s death and Peter forgets for the first time. He realizes when he gets back home and he feels guilty and leaves for a few hours and no one knows where he is.
- Tony finds him at the store Uncle Ben died outside of; Peter is just sitting on a bench and he doesn’t even really show surprise at Tony being there, just tells him that he forgot and it breaks Tony’s heart.
- “I forgot what today was. I did this - became Spiderman - for him. I did it all for him. And I forgot. I forgot him.” And that’s when Tony realizes that Peter’s not just talking about today.
- He sits down, and tells Peter that he hasn’t forgotten - as long as he has that suit, “no, scratch that, even if you’re not in the suit” that as long as Peter continued to want to help people, he was never, ever forgetting Ben Parker.
- Peter tears up at it and he’s not sure he’s completely believed it yet, he still feels guilty, but he nods and the two sit there in silence for an hour before Peter finally tells Tony he’s ready to go home.
- Tony makes sure these AIs spend their time validating the ever loving shit out of Peter lmao. Peter is in the Avengers
family homecompound stressed af about asking out MJ and Tony goes “kid, you’re gonna do great - HEY FRIDAY, TELL PETER HE’S GOING TO DO GREAT!” Friday: “You’re going to do great, Peter.”
- Peter does, btw, and MJ (like Ned) becomes yet another constant fixture in the compound. She likes to spend date nights sitting on the couch and making fun of the other Avengers as they walk by (Thor loves it).
- Peter will have either nothing all week or 15 major fights in one day so Happy gets irritated and finally gives Peter a watch that has a tiny knob that acts as a panic alarm.
- My bi polyam son Peter was making out with Harry Osborn; they were getting handsy and somewhere along the way they bumped along the wall and Peter hit the panic button by mistake. There is nothing more embarrassing than Iron Man busting into your room with his guns pointed at your boyfriend, going “STEP AWAY FROM THE BO-oh. This is not what I expected. Well, this is awkward,” and then making 5 consecutive jokes out of pure awkwardness. Peter wanted to die. Harry just went “uh. Can you leave we’re kind of in the middle of something” (Peter: “Yeah no moment’s definitely ruined”). Tony finally announced that there was probably a bank getting robbed and he had to leave immediately (he also yelled “MAKE GOOD DECISIONS” as he flew away. Harry and Peter elected to ignore him.)
- Peter was not amused when the next morning he used his suit only to find an extra pocket that shot out condoms (or when Karen asked him “would you like to enable nighttime mode?” and gave him a 2 hour long lecture on safe sex when he said yes).