sorry i lost myself in a pool of tears

the equation of love (pt. 2)

Pt. 1 | Pt. 2 | Pt. 3 | Pt. 4 | Pt. 5 | Pt. 6 | Pt. 7 | Pt. 8 | Pt. 9

→scenario: When you met Yoongi in a club, you thought it was fate that brought the two of you together. But after you walked into your college math class for the very first time, you weren’t so sure anymore.

→genre: smut | fluff | angst

→word count: 4,770

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Just Anxious... [Seb Stan x Reader]

AN: Drabbles, drabbles, drabbles… Just a simple drabble I was inspired to write in the middle of the night writhing in agony.

Warning: Anxiety and anxious situations.

Summary: Reader is at a Seb photo op and she was getting really really nervous.

Originally posted by little--batman

The line moved up again and I could feel my heartbeat go faster, louder. My hands shook, hot and clammy. The people in front of me were smiling so big. The people behind me talk loudly, joking and laughing. They’re excited, just as I am. But I think unlike them, I’m scared.

What if he doesn’t like me? What if the picture we’re taking is not perfect? What if I don’t like the way we look?

With those thoughts running through my head, my insecurities crept up. So I checked​ my reflection for the tenth time, fixed my t-shirt.

The line moved​ up and I’m next. I could here his voice and the laughs. Oh God, I’m next!

I tried to remember his words. The advise he gives people when they come to him about their problems, their anxiety. I know them by heart. I read it everyday. Taking a deep breath, I let out the nervous energy within me in a long exhale. It helped some.

The camera shutter goes off, once, twice, thrice. Then, thank yous were exchanged. A few more laughs.

The door opened and a man’s head peeked out. “Next!”

I froze.

“Come on, kid!”

The girl behind me nudged me softly. Gulping, I dragged my feet through the threshold.

There he was. Oh God, oh God, oh God!

He turned when he saw me and I just couldn’t keep moving.

“Hi, I’m Sebastian!” He took a step towards me, holding his hand out but I was rooted to the spot. He was everything I pictured him to be and more. His smile was so big, it lit up the whole room. He seemed so happy to see me.

But what if I make him uncomfortable?

My breathing came a little bit faster and I couldn’t look anywhere too long. I paid a fortune to get here and I can’t even look at him.

“Hey, kid,” the photographer snapped and I looked to him. “Come on, we haven’t got all day!”

“Hey, give her a second, alright!” Sebastian said and turned to me. He was frowning.

Oh God. I’ve gone and done it now.

“I’m s-sorry.” I inched backwards. “I’m sorry, I can’t!” My heart is in my throat. I feel like puking but I will die first before I puke in front of Sebastian Stan.

“Wait!” He called, taking another step closer but I was already close to the door.

Tears pooled in my eyes. “I’m sorry. I can’t. I’m sorry.” Then, I turned and ran out the door.

I ran to the emergency exit and barely made it to the stairs before my legs lost strength. I slid down the wall, breathing hard. More tears slid down my cheeks as I berated myself. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Weak. Pathetic. Idiot. The one chance I had and I chickened out. I couldn’t do it and I ran.

I didn’t know how long I stayed there, but I only realized where I was when I heard the door opening.

Standing quickly, I wiped my face from any tear tracks. I bet it didn’t do much.

“Hey, are you doing alright?”

That voice. I know​ that voice. I’d know it anywhere.

Sebastian looked at me as I lift my face up. Concern marred his handsome face and I forgot to breathe. He seemed to notice this because he stepped close and put a hand on my shoulder. “Hey, breathe! Slowly.”

I blinked but followed his instruction. After a moment, my heart rate started to go down.

“I was looking for you. You ran out of there before I could… How are you feeling?”

My eyes must be huge then. “I- I’m better…now.”

Sebastian smiled. “Good! Good, you got out of it. I saw you were a little nervous… Can I-uhh- Would you like a hug?” He chuckled lightly, like he himself was at odds with the situation.

I couldn’t speak. I nodded.

“Aww,” He came over and gave me the biggest bear hug ever. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and buried my face in his face. I let out a shaky breath, still not believing what was happening. “There you go. Just breathe.”

 “You were looking for me?” I hiccupped as fresh tears came to my eyes.

“I’m on my lunch break and I escaped my handlers. One of the girls said they saw you run through here. I just- I know how bad it gets and I’m sorry they rushed you in there. I just… wanna make sure you’re alright.” He explained, still not letting me go.

I wanted to cry but I didn’t want to ruin his shirt so I held it in. He had looked for me. Could this man be any more perfect?

He waited until I was ready to let him go before he stepped back. “Now, it would be unfair if you paid for a ticket and didn’t get what you came for. So, Miss…”


“Miss YN, would you like to take a picture with me?”

77. “I lost our child."  HAPPY

I’d been cramping on and off for about 2 months now.

I figured it was from Happy and I being too rough in bed and my period being wonky because in all honesty it was unpredictable at times.

I decided to cure my curiosity and go out to by a pregnancy test while Hap was at work.

I didn’t think I’d run into Gemma at the pharmacy though.

"Hey Baby.” She said, looking over my shoulder.

I jumped, ready to throw a punch but she backed away.

“Christ Gemma!” I put a hand to my heart.

Nodding her head at my hand, she asked, “What do you have there?”

I put it behind my back, “Uh, nothin’.”

“Uh hu. Does Happy know?”

I rolled my eyes, bring the test back around to read the box, “No he doesn’t, and you best not tell him either!”

She folded her hands in front of her and leaned forward, “Your secrets safe with me.”

“Uhg, Gem! It’s not a secret! I just want to know for sure before anything is said.”

We said our goodbyes after talking a little more.
I peed on the stick and was waiting for the results.

+ - pregnant

I did a little dance, feeling better now knowing what was the cause of the slight cramping.
I sat on the steps in the foyer, waiting for Happy to come through the door.

Not 5 minutes later, he walked in, holding a bag of take out.

One look at me and I could tell he was bracing himself.

“What’s wrong?”

I stood and handed him the test, “I’m pregnant, Hap.”

Putting the bag down, he looked pissed, but that quickly changed as he swooped me into his arms, crushing me to his chest.
Our doctor’s appointment was the following week and we were excited.

Happy wasn’t a fan of me laying on the exam table, my legs spread eagle.

“At least it’s a woman.” I said to him as we waited.

Hap made sure my knees were touching and I was covered.

“Don’t care.” He bit out.

I sighed, motioning him to come closer to me.

I grabbed his chin, laying a kiss on his full lips. He put his hand on my tummy as he returned the kiss. We pulled apart just in time as the doctor came in.

Upon examining me, we got terrible news.

I was pregnant, but it was an ectopic pregnancy.

It’s where the baby was growing in my Fallopian Tubes and not the uterus.

I was scheduled for surgery the next day to have it removed.
Laying in the bed, I felt numb. Happy sat next to me as we watched cartoons.

Hap was starting to doze off, so he turned down the tv.

“I lost our child.” I whispered.

His head whipped around to face me, “No, you didn’t.”

Tears pooling in my eyes, I felt myself finally begin to break, “I’m sorry, Happy.”

Shaking his head to control his crying, he stood and got into bed with me.

“Girl, I don’t blame you and never will. Well try again soon and if you want ten babies, I’ll give you ten.” He said, kissing my temple.

I felt better hearing Happy say that he didn’t blame me. I knew it wasn’t our faults, just some weird, freak thing of nature that happens sometimes, but just that little bit of reassurance was enough to help us begin to heal.

Wherever You Are Part 3

ITS FINALLY HERE! THE LAST PART! I hope you guys like it. If you want another part in Luke’s POV I may be able to be persuaded, but I like how it ended so it would just be life during that time from his POV. OKAY ENJOY! 

[Part 1] [Part 2]

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