I tried to make a serious thing for you. Maybe something black and white? Maybe long and beautiful quotes about you and my love for you as if i can describe all of these things… But when i think… when i think about you, all i want is you to be happy. Like nice shades of pink. A bright smile on your lips, a bright smile on your eyes, but a real one. Not for us to be happy, not for people not to worry… A real one, only for yourself.I don’t need those luxurious words to tell you these things. Because all i want is you to be happy. I would do anything for your happiness if i could, i will do anything if i can. If i could do that,oh please believe me, if i could do that i would dye your world a vivid color. Like this… You wouldn’t be sad never and you would always smile like you deserve. My Hyukjae, my moon, my love…
man i can’t believe it’s christmas day !!! (art credit)
i’ve made this blog back in august, dying from the heat and now it’s cold and christmassy and !!! goD i didn’t think a fandom would have pulled me in so much and made me stay this long and still enjoy being here and writing and bringing forth a portrayal of someone so hecking complex like hanzo?? but gosh, during these few months i’ve met so manywonderful people who stuck with me (still do) and i’m so so so so grateful i ??? needed to write out a quick thank you for everyone bc … yessss
this is gonna get very gushy so i apologize but hey, it’s christmas, everyone deserves a little bit of niceness, so i will gush and u guys will take it, yes? yes. consider it a bias list of sorts? but i’ll write out a lil’ thank you for the special peeps in my life, bc it’s long overdue heh so let’s
Destiel AU: Dean Winchester leaves Lawrence on a whim to go to visit his childhood best friend, Castiel Novak, at Stanford. He breaks in, intending to make this a surprise visit. but things don’t quite go as planned when Castiel initially mistakes him for an intruder. [read the ficlet on ao3]
didn’t know what possessed him to get in the Impala and drive across the
country. Or maybe he did, but he was too much of a chickenshit to admit it. It
certainly hadn’t been an easy trip. Stanford was thousands of miles away from
Lawrence. Twenty-six hours of drive-time if you followed the speed limit (which
he didn’t). So like it or not, ending up five states away at his best friend’s
doorstep at 1am was not something he could brush off as an accident, and that
It scared him that Cas might look at his
presence and know exactly what Dean was scared to say.
was a good thing he had a lot of practice ignoring his own feelings, because if
he’d really let himself appreciate the gravity of what he was doing, he
probably wouldn’t have been able to get out of the car. He made his way to the
front door, double checking the address on his phone. He could feel his heart
rate speeding up in anxious anticipation. He couldn’t believe it had been
months since they’d seen each other without the aid of computer screens.
Thinking about the last
time he’d seen Cas wasn’t really something he liked to do. He knew he had no
one but himself to blame for that day Cas had driven off, his long suffering
Pimpmobile full to bursting with clothes and furniture for his new apartment.They’d exchanged goodbyes on the sidewalk. Dean
had so many things he wanted to say but he’d swallowed them down so Cas
wouldn’t hear the lump that was stuck in his throat.
“I’ll see you at
Christmas,” Cas had said, trying to smile at him.
wanted to remind him that he could call anytime he wanted, that they would
Facebook message every day, that Dean would be thinking about him…but instead
all he’d done was nod solemnly. Cas grinned at him like he understood and
opened his arms for a hug.
Dean was usually the one
who held back from physical contact but this time he’d surprised himself,
pulling Cas in tight, breathing him in for what promised to be the last time in
a long time. He’d patted Cas’s back, instead of burying his head against Cas’s
shoulder the way he wanted.
After a moment they’d
pulled away and Cas had given Dean that look he reserved for the times when he
knew Dean wanted to say something but wouldn’t. That look that
promised not to judge him, if Dean could only lend himself the same courtesy.
But Dean wasn’t that much of a dick. He might have been in love with his best
friend, and sure, he might not have admitted it to himself until the worst
possible moment, but he certainly wasn’t going to ruin this day for Cas. His
friend had a long day of driving ahead of him today, and yet another one
tomorrow. He didn’t need to spend it thinking about how Dean was a giant cry
baby who didn’t want him to leave. Cas had great opportunities waiting for him
at Stanford, with even greater people, of this Dean was sure.
So after they’d said
their goodbyes, as Cas was getting into his car, Dean had dropped his hand on
Cas’s shoulder. For a moment he searched for the right words that would
encompass everything he wanted to tell him.
That Cas was the best
friend he’d ever had. That Dean was proud of him. That he was loved. There was
nothing that could quite do the job, or at least nothing he could let himself say.
But Cas was looking up at him with those big guileless blue eyes and Dean had
to say something.
“Don’t ever change,” Dean
told him, annoyed by the way his voice grew rough with emotion.
He’d thought about that moment a million times
in the months that followed, going over it again and again and wishing he’d
done it differently. But now was not the time to dwell on the past, now was the
time to remember everything he’d ever read about picking locks.