sorry i just really love cows

things my classics teacher has said

he teaches the odyssey and he really loves it, even though most of my class don’t, and he says some of the strangest things when we are reading it aloud:

  • this next line is so dramatic i think im going to have to stand up for this bit
  • well you all have ruined it im sitting down again
  • “..and mr s stands with them too, and it looks awesome”
  • (laughing to himself) oh what idiots these men are!
  • me: why does it have female pronouns? isn’t it just a hole?
    mr s: yes, but its a female hole. (silence) oh I’m so sorry. please lets move on and forget i ever said that (our class is exclusively female)
  • no, not one cow with a machine gun against a hundred men. that would be pretty awesome though
  • i’m going to stop talking about nipples now
  • this is where she just decks him
  • he’s a really old boy
  • it just makes you sick doesn’t it
  • what do you mean you don’t like odysseus get out
  • you know i’m going to stand up for him. i love him.
  • mr s: don’t forget to update your divine intervention log. your d.i.g. if you will.
    a student: sir, that would be d.i.l.
    mr s: … well, i feel foolish
  • don’t worry it won’t take me long to bounce back
  • a student: i just can’t like odysseus
    mr s: (mortified noise) 
  • when I was younger I wanted to be a pirate… I still do to be honest

anonymous asked:

Hi! I'm kinda new to the Marvel fandom and I stumbled across one of your fic recs and I loved the fics you recommended. I was wondering if you could do a fic rec of the best ones. I prefer Stuckony, Stony and Stucky but if there's really good ones with other ships I would love it! Sorry if you've done this before. I hope you have a good day!!

hmmmmmmm. 

So if you want something thats a brilliant blend of hysterical cracky goodness and genuine emotion and romance and adventure, you must read Dishonour on Your Cow. (And then the WiP sequel That is not a Cow) It’s Stucky, but Bucky was born in the 80s and just, its amazing, read it. 

Want to break your heart on James Buchanan Barnes and the pain of what was lost between him and Steve when he fell? Then you need to read to memory now I can’t recall

So since you’re new, if you haven’t; read Infinite Coffee and Protection Detail, which is the origin of like half of all fanon about Bucky and Stucky

But maybe you’ve already read that.

So maybe you need something a little less well known. Try New Job Posting, it’s WinterIron, no powers, and makes me cackle everytime, and then I have emotions. 

Trinity is Bucky-centric, fairly dark, Dom/sub AU, and seriously Mind. The. Tags.

I’m currently dying of feelings with The Robot Who could Feel Pain which is Stony, and has some body horror if that’s an issue for you. 

Ink is shared writing on skin for soulmates which gets Bucky in some trouble. It’s Stuckony and sweet as hell. 

I found the rec I couldn’t before, Nowhere to Go But Home, which is soulmates and rendezvous and brilliantly painful. 

Apparently I love everything Tisfan writes, but today I’m reccing Helping Hands. It’s single dad Bucky meeting Billionaire Tony and gah its so sweet and wonderful and again, feelings.

If you need to just dive into Stucky feelings and allow yourself to drown there, 74days did a set of 50 Meet Cutes that is incredible. Crossroads, Silver Thread in the Darkness and Brooklyn Boys are some of my favorites.

Crap I’ve been skewing from Stony. Here! Man Out of Time, it’s like drinking a big mug of cocoa, just makes you all warm and happy inside.

I’ll have to do more of those later, bc this is getting too long, but go back to the authors’ pages on these bc people like Tisfan and 27dragons and ficlicious show up on these lists a lot for a reason (aka, they’re amazing)

Friends Until the End - pt. 2

Pairing: Y/N & Harry

Word Count: 2780

Warnings: Mentions of bullying

Prompt:

“Pinky.” She sniffled and his head shot back up as she stood in front of him with her pinky finger out. Her waited a second to see if she would change her mind. When her finger was still in the air, he took a shaky breath and locked his with hers.

“Promise me this is real.”

“What?” He looked at her, trying to understand.

“Promise me you aren’t lying to me right now.” Her grip tightened around his finger.

Or

Y/N and Harry make a promise to each other that if they are both single at the age of 35, they will marry each other. Little does she know that he doesn’t want to wait that long and will do anything to make that happen sooner.


Part 1

It had been a little over a week since she has heard about this mystery girl. On her way to work she has also noticed that she hasn’t seen too many women leave his flat. Wow, maybe he really cares about this girl.. She thought to herself. Normally in the span of a week he would have around 3 girls come over or he would run out to meet up with a few others. He was a hopeless romantic, but would never admit it. He loved sappy movies or taking extra time to make sure he looked perfect to impress a girl who he would probably never see again. He didn’t think anyone noticed, but she did. She noticed everything about him. 

“H, are you feeling okay?” She glances up from her laptop over to him, his eyes scanning through something on his phone.

“Hmm?” His head remained lowered.

“I just mean I haven’t seen a lot of ladies around here this past week, so I wanted to see if there were any updates from the mystery girl.” She smiled as she closed her laptop gently so she could focus on him. That was something he loved about her. She was always ready to stop what she was doing to make time to listen to him and ask about his day and how he was doing. 

“Oh. Yeah, she’s really great. I’m actually trying to plan something really special for her. I want her to know how I feel but I don’t know just how to show her.” He pouted as he put his phone down, running a hand through his hair.

“I can help.”

“Really?” 

“Of course. If she really means that much to you, then I don’t mind helping. I just want you to be happy, H.” She smiles warmly, reaching her hand over to give his a quick squeeze. 

“Okay, I want to let her know this weekend, any ideas?” He smiled back at her. If only she knew it was her…

Well if it were me… I would probably want flowers. I could make you some arrangements and you could rent out the backroom of that little dinner place down by the river. Awh you could put a bunch of little lights all around that outdoor area. That would be cute…” She smiled and trailed off as she opened up her laptop to pull up her ideas on Pinterest.

“Could you teach me how to make those flower arrangements?” He asked a little nervously as her eyes lit up as they shot up.

“The Harry Styles wants to learn how to arrange flowers? I want to meet this girl. I have been trying to teach you for years!!!” She giggled and nodded. “Stop by my work tomorrow whenever you are free and I’ll teach you, yeah? Oh we are going to have so much fun!” 

Keep reading

WOWOW!!! I can’t believe that there are now 540+ of you guys following my little studyblr! I am super thankful and would like to celebrate this momentous occasion with… *drumroll*… BLOGRATES!

Here are the rules:

  • you must be following me (lol, I don’t know why you’d care about my opinion if you weren’t)
  • reblog this post (likes will only be considered as bookmarks)
  • you must be a studyblr (if you want a blograte for a non-studyblr account just send a message to my main)
  • send me an ask with the URL of your studyblr (if it isn’t your main), [br], and the last song you remember listening to!

Blogrates format:

url: i don’t really understand but okay | typical but nice | wOW | who did yoU KILL

icon: not really my style | cute! | holy cow!! beautiful!!! | really??? pretty??? i’m jealous

desktop theme: default |a lil confusing | pretty good | wow, good work! | BRB HACKING AND STEALING

mobile theme: needs improvement | almost there | I LOVE THE COMBINATION | who knew a mobile theme could look this good | soRRY IF I ~ACCIDENTALLY~ COPY U

original content: couldn’t find it :( | nice! | that’s some yummy content fam’ | uhmmm… TEACH ME PLEASE

overall: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | seriously one of the best blogs i’ve seen

following: no, but you do you, sweetheart :) | i am now! | of couRSE (I follow from @ teambusan)

comment(s):

[Want a blograte?]

Blogrates will be tagged: #ghostrates and will end when I go back to school (so August 21st)

CLOSED!

Heathers (1989) Sentence Starters!
  • Dear Diary…
  • Real life sucks losers dry.
  • If you want to fuck with the eagles, you have to learn to fly.
  • You’re beautiful!
  • What is your damage?
  • Do they even have Thanksgiving in Africa?
  • This wouldn’t be that bizarro thing you were babbling about over the phone last night, would it?
  • Hey, I’m really sorry I couldn’t make it to your birthday party last month.
  • Think I’d probably miss my own birthday for a date.
  • I was looking around the other day and I dug up.. these old photographs.
  • I was talking to somebody.
  • Check this out. You win five million dollars from the Publisher’s Sweepstakes, and the same day that what’s-his-face gives you the check, aliens land on the earth and say they’re going to blow up the world in two days. What do you do?
  • Why can’t we talk to different kinds of people?
  • Fuck me gently with a chainsaw.
  • Do I look like Mother Theresa?
  • Does it not bother you that everybody in this school thinks that you’re a piranha?
  • What are you gonna do with the money?
  • I’d pay Madonna a million bucks to sit on my face and have her ride like the Kentucky derby..
  • That’s gotta be the most spooky-assed question I ever heard.
  • You wanted to be a member of the most powerful clique in school. If I wasn’t already the head of it, I’d want the same thing.
  • You used to have a sense of humour.
  • You know, maybe you should see a doctor.
  • God, _____, drool much?
  • Greetings and salutations. 
  • There are no stupid questions.
  • That’s the stupidest question I’ve ever heard.
  • Let’s kick his ass!
  • We’re too old for that kinda crap.
  • You gonna eat this?
  • What’d you say, dickhead?
  • Can you bleach out urine stains?
  • I thought you had given up on high school guys.
  • Did you have a brain tumour for breakfast? 
  • So, tonight’s the night. Are you excited?
  • You blow it tonight, and it’s “keggers with kids” all next year.
  • So, what was the first week of spring vacation withdrawal like?
  • Hey kid, isn’t the prom coming up?
  • I gotta motor if I want to be ready for that party tonight.
  • Are you gonna pull a super-chug with that?
  • If you’re nice, I’ll let you buy me a slushie.
  • I see you know your convenience-speak pretty well.
  • That thing you pulled in the caf today was pretty severe.
  • Yeah well, the extreme always seems to make an impression.
  • Did you say a cherry or coke slushie?
  • Is your life perfect?
  • I don’t really like my friends.
  • Maybe it’s time to take a vacation.
  • I want to kill, and you have to believe it’s for more than just selfish reasons
  • So, when you go to college, what subjects do you think you’ll study?
  • How’s my little cheerleader, huh? 
  • Come on, now look, I don’t feel so good, okay?
  • Hey, let’s do it on the coats, it’ll be excellent, huh?
  • You know, I have a little prepared speech for my suitor when he wants more than I’m prepared to give him.
  • Save the speeches for Malcolm X. 
  • You don’t deserve my fucking speech.
  • I sound like a fucking psycho!
  • You stupid fuck!
  • You goddamn bitch!
  • You were nothing before you met me.
  • Lick it up, baby. Lick.. it.. up..!
  • Monday morning, you’re history.
  • I’ll tell everyone about tonight. 
  • Dreadful etiquette, I apologise.
  • I saw the croquet set-up in the back. You up for a match?
  • Thank you, that was my first game of strip croquet.  
  • I use my grand IQ to decide what colour gloss to wear, and how to hit three keggers before curfew.
  • I say we just grow up, be adults and die. 
  • I’m a no-rust-build-up man, myself.
  • Don’t be a dick. 
  • I think last night we both said a lot of stuff we didn’t mean.
  • How the hell didcha get in here?
  • What did you do, put a phlegm globber in it or something?
  • I’m not gonna drink that piss.
  • Grow up!
  • You think I’ll drink it just because you call me chicken? 
  • Just give me the cup, jerk. 
  • I just killed my best friend.
  • What’re we gonna tell the cops?
  • I can’t believe this is my life.
  • I’m gonna have to send my SAT scores to San Quentin instead of Stanford.
  • At least you got whatcha wanted, y'know?
  • It is one thing to want somebody out of your life, it is another thing to serve them a wake-up cup full of liquid drainer.
  • We did a murder, and that’s a crime
  • You might think what I’ve done is shocking -
  • People think that just because you’re beautiful and popular, life is easy and  fun.
  • I die knowing no-one knew the real me.
  • Have you done this before?
  • Keep things business as usual.
  • We must revel in this revealing moment. 
  • You call me when the shuttle lands.
  • Where’s your urge to purge?
  • Sorry to hear about your friend. 
  • Let’s talk emotions.
  • Are we going to be tested on this?
  • How many networks did you run to?
  • What’re you talking about? You hated her, she hated you.
  • Gosh, pop, I almost forgot to introduce my girlfriend.
  • Goddamn will somebody tell me why I smoke these damn things?
  • I gotta motor if I want to be ready for that funeral.
  • Jesus, God in Heaven, why didcha kill such hot snatch? 
  • Jeez, people are so serious.
  • Hi, I’m sorry. 
  • I just want my high school to be a nice place. 
  • Did that sound bitchy?
  • So, we on tonight, man, or what?
  • That pudwacker just stepped on my foot.
  • When I get that feeling, I need sexual healing.
  • Sorry, I’m feeling a little superior tonight.  
  • Seven schools in seven states, and the only thing different is my locker combination.
  • Our love is God.
  • Let’s go get a slushie.
  • The funeral yesterday must really have been rough, eh?
  • It’s more tasteful than it sounds.
  • I left them drunk and flailing in cow shit.
  • No, don’t shut up, I’d like to know exactly what I did.
  • Yeah, I didn’t expect to be calling either, I just guess my emotions took over…
  • I was wondering if you wanted all those things you’ve been saying to really happen?
  • It’s always been a fantasy of mine to have two guys at once. 
  • Listen, my Bonnie and Clyde days are over.
  • Do you take German?
  • Tell me the similarity is not incredible.
  • The joy we shared in each others arms was greater than any touch down, yet we were forced to live the lives of sexist, beer guzzling jock assholes.
  • I mean, if you don’t have a brewski in your hand you might as well be wearing a dress.
  • So, should I just whip it out, or…?
  • I was kind of hoping you could rip my clothes off me, sport?
  • Did you miss him completely?
  • Hey, I heard something out there, I’m checking it out.
  • Does this answer your question?
  • You believed it, because you wanted to believe it.  
  • Your true feelings were to gross and icky for you to face.
  • I did not want them dead!
  • My teen angst bullshit has a body count.
  • Are we going to prom or to hell?
  • I’ve seen a lot of bullshit. 
  • Is this as good for you as it is for me?
  • I need a copy of all this by Monday for my Princeton application.
  • It was chaos, fucking chaos.
  • Chaos is great!  
  • Chaos is what killed the dinosaurs, darling.
  • We scare people into not being assholes!
  • God, you can be so immature!
  • Hey, they’re playing our song!
  • That’s it! We’re breaking up!
  • You can’t bring them back, you must know that.
  • I am not trying to bring anybody back, except maybe myself.
  • And to think there was a time when I actually thought you were cool!
  • Blow up a couple of toasters or something.
  • Kind of scary though that everybody has got a little story to tell. 
  • What is this? Blackmail?
  • I’ll ask you to do me a favour, it’ll be one you’ll enjoy.
  • Don’t you start getting cocky on me now.
  • Do you know I’m still a virgin?
  • Nice guys finish last. I should know.
  • Are you telling me this is not a time for troubled youth?
  • I don’t patronise bunny rabbits!
  • I guess I picked the wrong time to be a human being.
  • You were out of control!
  • Hey babe, I need a name.
  • God has cursed me, I think.
  • What are you trying to do? Kill me?
  • That’s about the least private thing I can think of.
  • If everyone jumped off a bridge, would you?
  • If you’re happy every day of your life, you wouldn’t be a human being, you’d be a game show host.
  • What do you say we knock off early and buy some shoes or something lame like that?
  • People love me!
  • People love you, but I know you. 
  • Some people need different kinds of convincing than others.
  • Don’t talk to me like that, OK?
  • Jealous much?
  • Why are you such a mega bitch?
  • Want to go out tonight? Catch a movie, you know, some miniature golf?
  • I knew you’d be back… I knew it.
  • You were wrong, and I was right!                
  • You’ve been depressed lately. 
  • Get off of my bed, you fucking psycho! 
  • Do you think you’re a rebel? Do you actually think you’re a rebel?
  • You’re not a rebel, you’re a fucking psychotic!
  • What do you think I’m gonna do with it? Take out their tonsils?
  • I’ve got a meaningful marked-up Moby Dick, what else does a suicide need? 
  • Is this turning out weak, or what?
  • My afterlife is so boring.
  • If I have to sing Kumbaya one more time…
  • I loved you! Sure, I was coming up here to kill you…
  • Our burning bodies will be the ultimate protest to a society that degrades us. 
  • Talk about your suicide pacts, eh?
  • What do they want, a written invitation?
  • Whether to kill yourself or not is the most important decisions a teenager can make.
  • Put your hands on your head.
  • Do you think that just because you started this thing you can end it?
  • I’ll kill you, I’ll fucking kill you, I swear to God!
  • How do I turn off the goddamn bomb, asshole?
  • You want a clean slate as much as I do. 
  • The only place where different social types genuinely can get along with each other is in heaven.
  • Do you know what I’d love, babe? Cool guys like you out of my life.
  • You’ve got power… Power I didn’t think you had.
  • Now that you’re dead, what are you gonna do with your life?
  • You look like hell!
  • My date for the prom kind of flaked out on me…
  • I was wondering, if you aren’t doing anything, maybe we could rent some new releases? Pop some popcorn?
When you hang out with Chenle and his friends

Thanks so much for requesting! I’d really love to do more NCT stuff, so when I open requests again, please send me requests y’all NCT stans~ ^^ I hope you like this and don’t hesitate to tell me if you didn’t~

i’m sorry, this is not good at all but idk i just couldn’t come up with anything else and i didn’t want to keep you waiting any longer >< i’ll definitely write more nct maknae line fluff when i have time! BUT okay yo DREAM IS MY BOYS I LOVE THEM SO MUCH LIKE HOLY COW I WAITED FOR THEM FOR LIKE TWO YEARS AND THEN THEY FINALLY DEBUTED BUT DIDN’T GET MUCH ATTENTION AND I’M PISSED, PLEASE STAN NCT DREAM THEY ARE AMAZING!!


Words: 1008

Fluff chenle is such a fluffball i can’t TuT

Requested by anon ♥

Originally posted by nct-china-line


You gave Chenle a confused look.

“Sorry,” he sighed. “They tagged along.”

Your eyes shifted slowly from Chenle to the six boys behind him who you had only met a few times before.

“Yo,” the oldest, Mark, greeted you with an innocent smile.

“We decided to tag along,” the third youngest, Jaemin, smiled his signature smile, just as innocent as Mark.

“I can see that,” you said, trying hard not to let your disappointment show.

This was supposed to be our day…

“So,” Donghyuck, fourth oldest, grinned. “Should we go in?”

You reluctantly nodded and walked over to the group of boys. They headed into the amusement park first and you were left alone with Chenle.

“I’m so sorry _____,” he apologized when you turned to look at him. “I couldn’t stop them from coming. They just… didn’t take no for an answer.”
You let out a small sigh. “Don’t blame yourself,” you said. “I just would have liked to spend our 100th day alone. I guess we can’t help it.”

He felt bad for you but it’s not like you two could drag them out of the amusement park anymore.

“Come on!” Donghyuck and Jaemin were getting impatient.

Chenle offered you his hand and you grabbed it.

“At least we get to spend time together,” you said with a small smile even though you were still feeling bad about the fact that his friends had tagged along.


You laughed wholeheartedly at Donghyuck’s jokes just like everyone else. You were walking around the amusement park, going on rides and chatting. Chenle hadn’t left your side since you entered the park and was trying his best to make sure you were having fun. His friends were quite nice and you were happy that Chenle had such kind friends.

“Let’s ride that!” Chenle pointed at a rollercoaster.

“No,” Jisung, who had been quiet most of the time, immediately shook his head.

“Yeah, no way,” Mark said.

In the end, only half of you ended up taking the ride. It was a thrilling ride and you and Chenle - who were sitting next to each other - held hands the whole time, yelling and laughing.

The ones that didn’t ride the rollercoaster with you, looked at you two while you were getting off.

“They are such a cute couple,” Mark stated and everyone agreed. “Young and cute.”

“Yeah…” Donghyuck said. “You’re old hyung.”

Mark turned around without a word and chased the younger one around until he caught him. He didn’t let go of him until you and Chenle and the others who rode the ride arrived.

“Was it that bad?” Donghyuck asked Jeno who wobbled over to him.

“Uh huh,” he said.

“It was fun!” Chenle exclaimed and you agreed with him.

“You were riding it with a pretty girl beside you,” Renjun said and wobbled to Jeno’s side. “You focused more on her.”

You chuckled.

“Jeno is almost as pretty as a girl though,” Donghyuck joked, earning a nudge from Jeno.

“Jisung, it’s your turn,” Mark grabbed the youngest one’s shoulders and pushed him toward the ride.

“No way!” Jisung escaped and ran so far away that you could barely even see him anymore.

Everyone laughed and Jisung eventually returned to you, still cautious of Mark.


The sun was slowly starting to set and you approached the last ride you were going to ride. The amusement park’s ferris wheel. You and Chenle managed to get a cart for just the two of you. Being alone with him made you a little shy.

“So…” he started when the cart was already near to the top. “Did you have fun?”

You nodded. “I thought it wouldn’t be fun with all of your friends around but it was surprisingly fun.”

“I’m glad,” he smiled genuinely, giving you butterflies.

You smiled too. “Did you have fun?”

“Mm hmm,” he nodded cheerfully. “It’s always fun around you.”

You blushed a little and looked at your hands that were resting on your lap. You didn’t notice him admiring you with a small smile.

“I got you something,” he said, making you lift your head up.

“What?” you were surprised.

He grinned while taking something out of his pocket. “Give me your hand.”

You gave him your hand and he grabbed it gently. His hands were shaking a little but you didn’t notice since you were shaking a little too.

He slipped a small bracelet on your wrist. It was a really cute, simple bracelet with a small heart hanging from it. It looked like it was handmade - probably not made by him though, it still looked like a professional had made it - and it was your favorite color.

“Do you like it?” he asked and you nodded immediately. “That’s good,” he let out a sigh of relief. “I actually got one for myself too,” he lifted his sleeve a little, exposing his bracelet. His was black and had a small heart hanging from it too.

“These weren’t expensive, were they?” you asked.

He shook his head. “They were super cheap. I got these both for just 10,000 won. Considering the quality, these weren’t expensive at all.”

You smiled. “That’s good.”


Your cart stopped at the bottom of the wheel and you got off, holding hands. The guys walked you to your bus stop and waited for the bus with you.

“There it comes,” Mark pointed at the bus that was slowly approaching your stop. 

When it stopped at the stop, you turned to Chenle and hugged him. He hugged you back and after you pulled back, you got on your toes and pecked his lips quickly, leaving both you and him blushing but also smiling. Then you hopped into the bus and went to sit down at the back of it. You waved to the seven guys from the window and they waved back with wide smiles on their faces. 

Later in the evening, Chenle sent you a text.

Happy anniversary my cute _____~ Let’s stay together for a long time ♥

fluffyblue-artnwriting  asked:

OMG imagine Keith and Lance bonding over taking care of Kalti cuz Keith has experience with farms animals being a southerner and all while Lance knows literally nothing about cows but he loves Kaltenecker and he'll be damned if he doesn't learn everything he can to best take care him. Even if it's from Keith. (Which is totally not a plus. It's a minus. A big minus. Totally. He does not enjoy having to learn from Keith. Not one bit. Nooope. ;3 )

Ack I’m sorry it took me a while to answer but I could SEE IT and I really wish I could draw but I can’t so I just… did this instead… *shoves this at you and runs away* Much like Lance, I know nothing about cows. Except the smell of their manure. That I’m very familiar with

           Keith woke up to a loud mooing sound.

           Groggy and tangled in his sheet, he sat up and fumbled for the bedside light switch. The room lit up in a rush of light blue, leaving him squinting at his surroundings. The mooing was coming through the wall from Lance’s room.

           Frowning, he threw off his blanket and stumbled, sleepy and barefoot, out into the hallway. He pounded on Lance’s door.

           “Lance? What the hell is happening in there?” There was an odd little yelp and a scuffling sound, and then suddenly a bathrobe-clad Lance threw open the door.

           “Sorry!” he said. “It’s Kaltenecker. He won’t be quiet.” Keith blinked stupidly for a few seconds before it clicked. The cow. That stupid cow from the mall.

           “You kept the cow… in your bedroom?”

           “Well, of course! Kaltenecker is my new best friend!” Lance grinned, reminding Keith of nothing so much as a doofy cartoon character. “What else would I have done with him?”

           “Eat it?” Lance clutched his heart in horror.

           “How dare you suggest that! Kaltenecker saved our lives yesterday!” Keith glared at him through his bangs. His bedhead itched across the back of his neck.

           “I think we could have handled the mall cop,” he deadpanned.

           “Well, yeah, but he’s still a hero!” Lance cast an anxious look back into his bedroom. “But I think he’s upset about something and I don’t know what.” Keith sighed, long and world-weary, and dragged his hand through his hair.

           “Well did you milk… Kaltenecker?” he asked. Lance stared at him.

           “N-no?”

           “That’s probably the problem then.” He glared over Lance’s shoulder into his bedroom, where Kaltenecker stood mooing at the two of them. “But first let’s get it out of your room. Seriously, that’s massively unsanitary.” Lance’s arm shot out, blocking him from entering.

           “Hey, don’t you hurt Kaltenecker,” he warned. “You just said you wanted to eat him!” Keith glared at Lance.

           “I know what I’m doing.”

           “Oh yeah?” he challenged. “What did you do, become a cowboy as a side job while you were out in that desert?” Keith ground his teeth, fighting back a yawn.

           “I grew up on a farm in Texas. I know how to take care of a cow.” He pushed past Lance, whose arm dropped in shock at that revelation and was left mouthing soundlessly after Keith. He grabbed Kaltenecker’s halter and was out the door and halfway down the hallway with only a vague idea of where to take the damn thing before Lance came running after him.

           “Wait – can you teach me?” Keith paused, staring flatly at Lance.

           “Teach you what?”

           “How to take care of him.”

           “Seriously?”

           “Seriously! Even if I have to learn it from you, I still want to know how to take care of my new best friend.” Lance crossed his arms and rolled his eyes away from Keith, a little red in the face. Keith watched him disbelievingly as he glanced back and quickly looked away again.

           “Fine,” Keith groaned. “Come on, I’ll teach you how to keep this stupid cow alive.”

           “Alright!” Lance fist-pumped, grinning at him. “Let’s go, space cowboy!” Keith groaned.

           “First lesson. You see the udder?” he asked.
           “Yeah?”

           “That means it’s a girl, you dumbass.”

anonymous asked:

How about RFA + V + Saeran going with MC for a weekend to her parent's house to meet her family, and her parents live on a farm. I'm talking cows, horses, tractors, nearest neighbor is like, a mile away, all of that farm stuff. How would the city boys and girl get through it?

I’m sorry the requests are taking me so long to get through, I’ve had a bit of writers block. I’ll get through as many as I can today! I’m sorry if they aren’t very good!

Yoosung:
•He would be so helpful
•He wouldn’t really mind all that much, he would just be happy to spend time with MC and their parents.
•He loves all the animals, and gives each one a checkup while he’s there.
•He loves how close knit MC and their family are
•Secretly never wants to go back to the city

Zen:
•He is really worried at first
•Will MC’s parents approve of him being from the city?
•They do, of course.
•He hates that he can’t just walk to a store to get a packet of cigarettes
•But he loves the animals
•He rehearses to them
•MC’s parents love him very much
•Their mom says “If I had known city boys were so pretty, I would have found one for myself”
•Zen loves them

Jaehee:
•She’s very helpful
•She always carries food out to the animals, even though she’s told she doesn’t have to
•At the end of each day she makes MC’s parents a cup of tea or coffee
•She honestly loves the slow movement the country side had compared to the busy streets of the city
•She feels a lot less stress, and asks MC if this is what they want to do
•MC says no, but they grew up like this, so it’s nice to take a break every once in a while and come visit

Jumin:
•He is honestly so uncomfortable at first
•The food isn’t made by his qualified chefs, and the animals kind of scare him
•But he promised MC that he would try.
•So he goes out and tries to help
•He’s utterly useless
•But he enjoys trying
•He learns to like MC’s mom’s cooking
•He eventually takes MC there more than his cherry farm

Seven:
•He loves it
•The homey feel of the area, the way MC’s mom hugged him as soon as she heard that he was dating MC
•It feels good to take a break
•There’s no computers so he’s not stressed about doing work
•And he takes to letting the animals
•MC’s dad teaches him how to ride a horse
•Seven just loves it

V:
•When he first went he couldn’t do much
•He was still blind, so he stumbled over a lot of things
•He wondered off, unsure of where he was going once
•And he found a cow
•He sat there with the cow for hours talking to the cow, and petting it
•Once he gets the surgery he still hangs out with the cow whenever he’s over there
•Life is good

Saeran:
•Is worried about how MC’s parents will treat him
•He worries for nothing
•They love him and take care of him like their own son
•He likes to go horseback riding
•He feels so free there
•After long debate, MC and Saeran move there, hoping to take on the farm one day
•Saeran isn’t plagued by the things he’s done there, and he grows old, happy with his life.

As always, please let me know if this isn’t what you wanted, and I’ll try my best to change it ^^

She’s No Angel (Part 11)

Originally posted by trashwilldo

A/N: Holy cow balls, MY 1000TH POST!!! it’s August and school is about to start (please let me hibernate a little more!) So I made it and didn’t give in and just give it to you in July. I don’t know if people read this but thanks for the love and support. And I really hope you guys like this chapter, I worked hard haha. But, if there are people still here since Matt tripped Angel, shout outs to you and sorry for putting you all through hell last chapter. But no promises for this one and future ones (if you guys aren’t tired of my bull.) So without further ado, here you go… 

She’s No Angel Master list


(Spongebob Narrator Voice) Two Months Later…


It’s been almost a good two months and you could honestly say, it was a much needed vacation. Although it was filled with seeing therapist and doctors, you didn’t have to go to work, you were cared for, and had weekly visits from the Captain and the General. Well, it was daily for Hux. You guys still had breakfast and he also squeezed in dinner. It was to make sure everything was up to his expectations; which meant you got star treatment. And this star treatment rubbed off unto Lucky as well. You would constantly sneak into his room to talk or play games or be with him in rehab. Of course, Ava, the nurse who begged to worked with him constantly gave you dirty looks or kicked you out.

Keep reading

Into the Woods Characters As John Mulaney Quotes
  • The Baker's Wife: This might as well happen. Adult life is already so goddamn weird.
  • The Baker: "i listen to everything my girlfriend says. i don't mean she bosses me around. i just listen to everything she says because, before i had a girlfriend, i never had someone who's always standing next to me who can just point out obvious things that are happening."
  • Jack: "I have had a very long day. I am very small... and I have no money... so you can imagine the kind of stress I am under"
  • also jack: "Sometimes people will say, “what do you think you’re doing?” But that just meant “stop.”"
  • Red Riding Hood: "I'm sorry about last night, I'm very mean and loud. It'll probably happen again."
  • The Witch: "You have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair"
  • Cinderella: "Everyone get out of my way! I just want to sit here and feed my birds"
  • Cinderella's Prince: "Why buy the cow? You really wanna know? Because you love her. And sure she's a bossy little peasant who doesn't satisfy you in the slightest, but you love, her you really do"
  • Rapunzel: "Before this I didn't know relationships were supposed to make you feel good about yourself."
  • The Narrator: "No one knows what you're talking about, you idiot!"

Okay so now that the cursed™ blog has finally deleted I just wanted to extend my deepest of thanks to all the people that have filled my inbox with love and support. My heart has been bursting at how sweet all of you are and I’m really sorry that I’m not gonna be able to respond to each and every one of you (there’s just way too many and I don’t want to spam you guys).

An extra special thanks goes out to my main babes @beepsrichie and @eddiesbadbreak though because they’ve literally been by side throughout every second of this and the both of them have put in so much work to try and take down that blog and defend my name. I love the both of them soo much and owe them my life, my seven children, and my cow (no joke).

Again, thank you! I’m so eternally grateful 💕 

anonymous asked:

Haii :p Could I have a hc of rfa&unknown with a really ticklish MC please? Thankss

I´m not ticklish but I can image it so ill do my best !


I don´t think that you really wanted Unknown but if you did I make a separate post with some trigger warnings. So put it in my ask box since Unknown is not a nice guy.


Zen

  • You are doing some Yoga at home
  • Zen sees that you make the cat /cow pose wrong – it´s the only move name I remember sorry-
  • So he comes over to correct you.
  • He touches your sides and you almost fall over giggling.
  • He is a bit surprised that you are that ticklish.
  • Zen has to see if that is really true and tickles you some more.
  • He loves to make you lough but he will stop when you look mad at him.
  • When you not mind it too much he will tickle you when ever you seem down just to get you to lough.


Yoosung

  • You are studying with him when you recommend to take a break.
  • Yoosung is more then happy to take a break to relax a bit.
  • You getting hungry so you ask Yoosung if he wants to eat something and he does.
  • So you make a small meal for you two.
  • When Yoosung wants to thank you he hugs you and somehow tickles you a bit since he is nervous.
  • You lough from it and he tickles you some more on purpose.
  • You lough till you almost get no air then you turn the table and tickle him back
  • he gives right away in since he is just as ticklish.
  • Occasional you tickle each other till one of you gives up.


Jaehee

  • You are with her in her apartment and have lunch together.
  • Jaehee talks about her day when she accidentally knocks the drink over that you have.
  • Now you have to dry off Jaehee feels really bad about it.
  • She offers you a change of clothes and you accept.
  • You put your wet shirt in the dryer and Jaehee comes to hug you.
  • You just start to giggle at the sudden sensation on your sides.
  • Jaehee stops right away and asks you why you lough you tell her how ticklish you are.
  • She finds that cute but she will not abuse it when it happens she also ever giggles every time.


Jumin

  • You are relaxing with Elizabeth on on the bed.
  • Jumin joins you two.
  • You turn to cuddle him and somehow the cat end up tickling your feet with her tail.
  • You lough from it loudly and Jumin wonders what is up.
  • You tell him Elizabeth had just tickled your feet.
  • Jumin wants to know where else you are ticklish but its mainly your feet.
  • He kinda of wants to test it but if you don´t want to he will not force you.
  • If you agree he will tickle you till you cant get any breath though since he has too much fun to make you lough.


707

  • He finds out when he snuggles absent minded our sides.
  • After he found he is unstoppable.
  • He tickles you when ever he can he not lets you take a break.
  • You have to tell him to cut it out and he does for a bit.
  • He does not stop till you accidentally kick him where it really hurts when he is tickling you.
  • But sometimes he uses that weakness against you.
  • He is more careful and he always stops when you out of breath
  • When you find out that he is ticklish under his feet you get your revenge.


Take a look at my Masterlist my requests are open so drop by !

The Guilt

(Word Count: 3357)

The following is transcribed evidence from the insurance review following the alleged suicide of student Turner Hide. It consists of paranoid ramblings, thoughts, and texts recorded in the margins of school notes, drawings, cell phone logs, and notebooks. Attempts were made to place writings in chronological order to provide some semblance of sequence. 

Keep reading

Lafayette x Reader: Modern!AU (Part 2)

PART ONE


Words: 1320

Warning: hangover, implied throw up, implied smut (okay I know I said no smut but there was no way I couldn’t do this)

Requests: “OMG CAN WE PLEASE GET A CONTINUATION OF THE DRUNK READER FIC YOU JUST POSTED?!?!!!”

“OH MY GOD A PART 2 TO CONFESSIONS WOULD BE AMAZING I NEED IT SO BAD PLEASE YOURE SUPER AMAZING BTW ❤️”

“Hey man hey, I literally just found your blog but holy cow, I’m totally down to clown with a part 2 for the Lafayette x Drunk!Reader. ٩( ᐛ )و Pretty please? IT WAS REALLY CUTE, (Sorry I didn’t get the reference though >.<)”

“um so like part 2 of that laf fic plEASE?????? thank you i love your writing ur gr8”

“PART 2 TO DRUNK READER AND LAF HELLO YOURE A SUPERIOR FANFIC GENIUS”

“I need a part two of the laf x reader. Omg it was so good i need know what happens next.”

“Please please PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE continue that Lafayette and Reader fic!! SUCH A CLIFF HANGER WHERE IT ENDS WITH LAFAYETTE SAYING HE HEARD EVERYTHING I’M DYING ITS KILLING ME US EVERYONE PLEASEE”

“part two part two part two part twoooo”

“part two pleaseeeee”

“Please tell me your doing a part two”

Prompt: nada

A/N: you !!! guys !!! are !!! so !!! sweet !!! (and you really wanted this I did not expect this many requests)

=====

The slow pulsing headache caused you to push yourself to sit upwards as you woke up, but the blinding white light consumed your line of sight and you put yourself under the large blanket once more.

After blinking a few times, and using your hand to wipe the crust from your eyes, you sat up and squinted around the room, getting used to the light.

The lights source was coming from a tall lamp across the room– wait, you didn’t have a lamp across from your bed at your apartment, where were you?

As you started panic, you shoved the blanket to the side and threw your legs over the side of the bed, standing up.

A wave of nausea hit you, the hangover taking effect, and you groaned as you clutched your stomach. How much did I drink? What happened last night? You asked yourself.

You remembered ordering a couple rounds of shots for yourself at the bar, paying for it, and getting in an uber. Then, knocking on the door of an apartment, you couldn’t remember the number, but you’re surprised the person took you in.

Footsteps grew louder as they made their way towards the room you were standing in, and your stomach twisted as you were getting quite anxious. You sucked in a large breath, as you were getting ready to blurt out this long apology to whoever strangers house you made yourself comfortable in.

“Hey, princess,” someone said opening the door. You recognised that voice, so you looked up.

You let out the biggest sigh of relief, “Oh thank god, Hercules, its you.”

Hercules smiled, “Well, yeah, who else would have paintings of horses all over their guest bedroom?”

You looked around, nodding, he did have more than three on one wall, “Oh. Yeah…”

He walked over and handed you the glass of water that was sitting on the nightstand, you hadn’t even noticed it before,

“Drink up, after that I’m taking you towards the bathroom.”

You gladly sipped the water, before following him out of the room. Hercules took the glass from your hands as you entered the bathroom.

“I’m sorry for, you know, intruding your home last night. I mean, for all I know you could’ve been sleeping! I don’t remember much, so I’m sorry for anything that happened. I really shouldn’t have been drinking in the first place,” you kept rambling until Hercules stopped you.

“Hey! You’re fine, nothing bad happened. And I wasn’t sleeping.”

“Oh thank God.”

He left the bathroom to make breakfast, also not wanting to see what kind of art show you would be showcasing in the toilet.

After you were done, you walked into his kitchen and wiped your mouth off with some paper towels before throwing them away.

“So, uh, if I didn’t wake you up, and you were already up, who was keeping you awake?” You said, wiggiling your eyebrows.

Hercules rolled his eyes, “It was Lafayette; I was Face Timing him. Speaking of, he’s going to be over in a few.”

You didn’t ask why, just gave a small nod, before getting some cereal down for yourself.

When you mentioned Lafayette, is got some sort of ‘déjà vu’ feeling. Maybe it was from last night, maybe you butt-dialed him. You hoped Lafayette didn’t actually see you, or hear you, for that matter, last night. You didn’t want to embarrass yourself in front of your crush of all people.

You sat down, and ate your cereal across from Hercules, who was texting someone, until the doorbell rang.

He stood up, mumbling an ’I’ll get it’ under his breath, and he opened the door to reveal Lafayette standing there.

He was wearing one pair of his pink sweatpants, with the waistline of his Mickey Mouse underwear showing, and his hair in pigtails.

Hercules said nothing, just moved aside got him to come in, in which he did.

You were slightly taken aback by what he was wearing, and you turned around toward the door,

“Hey, Laf.”

“Hello, mon cherie.”

You felt your cheeks burn up and you turned back to your cereal, when Hercules spoke up,

“Oh, John just texted me. He… needs me to… come over… for something…” He grabbed some shoes, and left.

“Do you think he realises he’s still in his pajamas?” You said, glancing back.

Lafayette walked in the kitchen and sat in the chair across from you, digging into the untouched portion of Hercules’ toast.

There was just silence, as you could feel Lafayette staring at you. You didn’t know how to react, so you took your bowl and put it in the sink after rinsing it out,

“Are you okay?” You looked back at him while putting your hands on the counter behind you.

“I think that question should be directed at you, considering your hangover,” Lafayette shrugged.

“What?”

“You know, the how you say– aftermath of when you got intoxicated, confessed your undying love for me in a long rant, and then said that you had dreams about sleeping with me.”

You felt like you were going to cry, Lafayette was now standing directly in front of you, practically cornering you into where the counter and fridge met.

“I… have to go, I just remembered I need to go move to Alaska with my mother,” you said quickly, ducking under his arm and leaving the room.

“Y/n, wait!” Lafayette called after you, but you were already leaving the apartment.

You stopped at the end of the hall, and turned around, ready to take your embarrassing rejection so you could get it over with.

When Lafayette caught up to you, he held your forearms lightly, bringing you closer to him,

“Could you just listen to me?” He let out a breathily laugh before shaking his head, “Y/n, mom cherie, mom amour, whatever, I love you. I love how you sing to yourself all the time, I love how you stick your tongue out when you’re concentrating, I love how you’re so passionate about the things you favor, I could make a whole list about how I love everything about you.”

You just looked down at the ground, “Do you really mean that?”

“Yes, of course.”

You bring your head up and smiled, and you pulled his face down and kissed him as his arms wrapped you.

Before it could get any farther, Lafayette pulled away, “How about we go to my apartment and fulfill your dreams?”

You were quite confused at first, but two and two together and started letting out small laughs while nodding your head. Lafayette took your hand, and lead you down the stairs.

anonymous asked:

Hi! I’m sorry to bug you about this bc everyone hates wcif questions, but where can I get that white t-shirt from your new banner?

YOU MEAN THE COW SHIRT!! THIS SHIRT GIVES ME LIFE!! LOOKS AT THE COWS!! JUMPING IN UNION! ALSO I DONT MIND WCIFS THEYRE KINDA FUN TBH ALSO HERES THE SHIRT SORRY I JUST REALLY LOVE THIS SHIRT

Mulan {Sentence Starters}
  • "My powers are beyond your mortal imagination."
  • "Say that to my face, you limp noodle!"
  • "The truth is we're both frauds."
  • "I was just washing, so now I'm clean, and I'm gonna go. Bye-bye!"
  • "The greatest gift and honor is having you for a ______."
  • "All right, that's it! Dishonor! Dishonor on your whole family!"
  • "You're the saddest bunch I've ever met!"
  • "I know my place! It is time you learned yours."
  • "I never want to see a naked man again."
  • "Now I really wish that I knew how to swim!"
  • "I think I've been away from home long enough."
  • "My little baby, off to destroy people!"
  • "But you risked your life to help people you love. I risked your life to help myself."
  • "For instance, my eyes can see straight through your armor."
  • "Would you like to stay for dinner?"
  • "Dishonor on you, dishonor on your cow."
  • "The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all."
  • "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm just nervous."
  • "What do you mean you're not lucky? You lied to me?"
  • "Would you like to stay forever?"
  • "Then you're gonna have to trust me. And don't you slap me no more."
  • "Whoo! Sign me up for the next war!"
  • "Rise and shine. Y'all way past the beauty sleep thing, trust me."
  • "I tire of your arrogance. Bow to me!"
  • "Don't talk with your mouth full. Now let's see your war face."
  • "Now go out there and make me proud!"
  • "I will never pass for a perfect bride. Or a perfect daughter."
  • "I'm gonna hit you so hard, it'll make your ancestors dizzy."
  • "Ooh, I think my bunny slippers just ran for cover. Come on, scare me!"
  • "Yeah, the only girl who'd love him is his mother."
  • "Why is my reflection someone I don't know?"

anonymous asked:

Nesta, Mor, 30 ;)

(Listen dude, I am fully aware that you probably just want Nesta sin and then Mor sin and I am nearly 100% sure that you didn’t mean what I’m going to interpret this ask as. Most unfortunately I do not care. This fandom is sorely lacking in this area and you delivered this to me and so now you’re going to have to watch as I roll up my sleeves and put my grimy, sinful little gay paws all over this and transform it into femslash (yell at me again if you want them individually and I will do it but dude this opportunity was too good to pass up))

Nesta/Mor + sex: 

Their first time involves a nice little role reversal for Mor. I think Mor is typically the one who is attended to shall we say in the bedroom? She allows her partner to slowly peel her out of her clothes and lay her down on the bed and worship her body with theirs. But this is the role that she ends up taking on with Nesta, for various reasons. 

I think Mor has this knack for putting people at ease around her. People trust her, they feel safe with her, they feel confident with her and able to be themselves. So it takes all of about five minutes for Mor to have Nesta relaxing with her in the bedroom and less than ten before she’s a puddle of want before her. Which pleases Mor no end. 

She starts of slow, very slow, while Nesta is still a little on edge. They’ve never gone this far before but she said she was ready and she is and she’s totally not even a tiny bit nervous (except she is. but Mor can tell and she’s cool with it) It’s lots of gentle kisses on her lips, getting a little harder and more intense. And then she moves to her neck and as she’s kissing she sees Nesta’s eyes flutter closed and feel her relax and she starts easing her clothes off so gently and seamlessly Nesta barely even notices until she’s practically naked before her. 

Mor spends a good long time kissing Nesta all over. She’s in absolutely no rush at all. They have time. And she wants Nesta to enjoy this, every second of it. She also gently stops Nesta from putting any of the focus on her (at least for the moment) Every time Nesta tries to pull herself out her pleasure haze and think about Mor she just shakes her head and softly insists that there will be plenty of time for that later. 

Then she’s coaxing her to lie back down and holding herself over her and carefully dragging her underwear down her legs all the while looking in her eyes. Gently stroking her hair back from her face and murmuring that if there’s anything she doesn’t like this stops immediately. But Nesta just nods and murmurs that she trusts her and Mor gives her one of those radiant smiles and starts slowly kissing her way down Nesta’s body until she’s between her thighs. 

There is absolutely nothing Mor does that Nesta doesn’t like. Mor feels pleasure shiver through her with every single soft moan and shudder that Nesta makes for her. And Nesta does give her a little bit of guidance here and there (because she is familiar with her body and she knows what she likes dammit. And Mor is all for hearing about that…and being shown too but that’s another story) but for the most part she just lies back and surrenders herself to Mor and tries not to think about how easy that is. Because it shouldn’t be this easy. But she can’t help trusting Mor and feeling safe in her arms. 

After Nesta comes (or more likely finally stops coming because Mor just keeps pushing and pushing and pushing until she can’t breathe anymore, wanting to see how many times she can make her gasp her name) Mor is more than prepared to settle herself down beside Nesta with a cheshire cat grin spread across her face and watch her pant and try to recover herself. 

Nesta has other ideas. As far as Nesta is concerned Mor has far too many clothes on. And she hasn’t had nearly enough orgasms yet. Nesta plans to do something about that. 

And so while Mor is expecting things to start settling Nesta is only just getting started. And Mor finds herself being very thoroughly kissed while at the same time Nesta starts fumbling with the clasps of her dress. Mor tries to insist that they don’t have to do this tonight, they can wait, it’s not a prob- but Nesta just growls that she wants this. If Mor does? Mor is a little breathless at this point and more turned on than she would have believed so damn right she wants this. 

Nesta is, understandably, a little bit more uncertain about this than Mor was. But Mor is very patient and she’s a very responsive lover. So she manages to let Nesta know when she’s doing something right (or very right in the case of that thing she does with her fingers) or to guide her into doing something a little different without making Nesta feel patronised or foolish. 

Nesta very quickly discovers that she loves the sound of Mor’s moans. Mor isn’t quite as loud as she herself is (a recently discovered fact) but she’s still very vocal in bed and she talks more coherently than Nesta did. Nesta gets a lot of breathless, hoarse instructions, “Good.” “Yes, like that.” “More, Nesta.” “Please.” “Again.” Which Nesta follows as and when she sees fit (Mor discovers that Nesta is a tease in bed. She likes making Mor breathless and she likes making her moan and she really likes making her come…but more than all of that, she likes making Mor beg. She’s really just too composed and carefree for her own good. It’s good for her to be a little desperate and out of control every now and then. And damn if the sight of her arching her back, her lips parted in a soundless moan, her hands fisting the sheets beneath her isn’t the hottest thing Nesta has ever seen) 

By the end of the night both ladies have very thoroughly explored their partner’s bodies and they’re very happy with what they’ve discovered. Mor now knows for instance that Nesta is surprisingly ticklish. While Nesta knows that Mor has a small scar on her jaw from where she and Cass had a flying/winnowing contest and she slammed into a balcony rail. Nesta has kissed this scar very often. They fall asleep in a messy jumble of limbs and blankets, with their hair pooling together. And Mor thinks that she really rather likes the fact that the hellcat turns into a pliant little kitten if she strokes her tummy just right. 

send me a character and a number and I’ll write you a headcanon

play-to-gay  asked:

Just stopping by to say I absolutely adore your writing and that you were the person to get me to start watching cow chop in the first place! You seriously have a gift for writing and I hope to continue reading whatever you put out. I hope you have a good day/night and something good happens for you! This got a little long sorry! Love your blog!

oh gosh what a sweet ask! thank you so much friend <3 im glad i could help you find cc, theyre really a blessing and i love watching them/writing them!! i hope you have a good day/night and that something amazing happens to you!!! 

anonymous asked:

For the shipping meme thingie- Fosterson/ Jane and Thor

Oh my god, I’m so sorry this took so long!

who the fuck put the peeps in the microwave:

Thor gives Jane a dubious look then peers through the frosted window to the spinning plate inside on which a bloated monstrosity is throned. His fingers tighten around the hilt of Mjolnir. “Are you certain it is meant to look like that?”

“Yup.”

Hours after Jane has consumed her treat, Thor is still seated at the kitchenette, staring down the microwave. When it decides to stop hiding as an appliance and reveal itself to be the demonic portal he knows it is, he will be ready.

who forgot to put the cat outside before sex:

”… Thor, there’s a nine-foot lion in our room, looking at me like I’m a walking, talking can of Fancy Feast. … Do something?”

“Ah. The Gib-cats are loose again.”

“The what.”

who posts vines of the other doing embarrassing shit:

Jane has two PhD’s but can’t for the life of her understand the appeal of Snapchat and Instagram and whatever else the kids these days are doing online. It doesn’t fall within her purview… or, at least, it doesn’t until she finally gets the green light from SHIELD to publish any of her latest discoveries.

So when Gawker emails Jane for a quote about Thor’s Vine channel being an “unexpected viral sensation,” she forwards it to Darcy.

who breaks the most phones:

There comes a loud crash from the living room, followed by a “WHAT DO YOU MEAN I’M OUT OF STORAGE?!”

With a sigh, Thor pauses Mythbusters and moseys into the kitchen. Fixed to the refrigerator by a magnetic photograph of Jane, Darcy, and Selvig all holding up steins of dark lager is a small erasable board that says:

JANE’S PHONE HAS BEEN ALIVE FOR 31 DAYS.

Thor erases the 31 and carefully writes a zero in the space. 

who dies first:

They say no parent should ever have to bury their child, and even after over 600 years with her, Jane still isn’t ready. Yfir–who refuses even a single bite of one of Iðunn, who outlives all of her friends’ children and their children’s children–smiles like she’s as young as Jane feels, every line in her face a well-loved memory, and goes quietly.

Thor walks into the forests surrounding the palace and doesn’t return for weeks. 

which one I could see as being lactose intolerant: 

Thor doesn’t know what is wrong with Migardian cows, but they produce poison. Jane has taken to keeping Lactaid and Immodium on her person at all times, just in case. 

who thinks they can do something really well even though they can’t:

“What do you mean I can’t sing? Tons of people think that I have a really nice voice!”

“I am sorry, my love, but you have been lied to.” 

who is more likely to get kicked out of the bed:

Thor hates banishing Jane from their bed, especially when she is so very sweet and soft against him, her lashes like the kiss of dandelion clocks on his skin, but he cannot discuss interstellar medium at 3am. He simply cannot.

who uses the computer most:

Her lips twist as she takes in the internet history. “Why are there 2300 Google searches for ‘wallpaper cats’?”

Thor watches Top Gear really hard. “I know not. It is a mystery.”