“Some people can’t change”
I’m sorry but….you don’t get to decide that.
More accurate statements:
- Some people won’t change
- Some people don’t want to change
- Some people have done so much damage that they need to be kept from society because there is no reliable evidence that they will ever reform and there is no way to make restitution for past actions
But whether or not they have the capability of change?
Sorry dude, tough break. That’s part of what defines us as human.
We all have that ability to change, for the better and for the worst.
The decision to change for the better is an entirely personal thing, and is within the capability of every person so long as they breathe. No matter how much you were hurt, you do not get to decide for another person whether or not they are capable of or allowed to change for the better.
That being said, no matter how much somebody changes for the better, they cannot demand:
- Freedom from consequences, both legal and social
If an abuser is demanding forgiveness from their victim, then it is a sign that there was no desire to change in the first place.
That said, a true apology is not a demand for forgiveness, but an open acknowledgement of wrongs done and a window for the victim to seek restitution and closure if it is desired.
tl;dr: it’s true that some people won’t change, it’s wisdom to learn to differentiate when somebody is sincerely apologizing, and there is no shame in divorcing yourself from people who have harmed you regardless of how much they may change for the better.
You owe them nothing, and they still must atone for past actions in whatever ways are possible.
It is not true, however, that people can’t change.
Everybody can change.