sorry i almost shot you

Valentine Woes

A/N: I would like to thank @alrightpetal for consistently reassuring and validating my ideas, @stylessemantics for talking me off the ledge when I was frustrated, and @aqua-harry for saving this one shot by helping me replace the phrase “suctioned to his face”.  This is a follow up to Birthday Bows


“A Valen-tini,” the bartender said, setting the hot pink drink on a cocktail napkin in front of you at the bar. You smiled in thanks and reached for the drink. You had wanted to wait until Harry arrived and get drinks together, but he’d sent a text forty minutes ago saying traffic was bad leaving the airport and he wasn’t sure when he’d make it to the hotel.

What a great Valentine’s Day.

Your workload had been rough on you lately, and it was always hard getting back into the swing of things when Harry first left for tour. The only thing you had been looking forward to all week was being with him once more, and now you were being made to wait longer.

The last two weeks had been a whirlwind. It’d gone from being with Harry—in many different places and positions—every day to suddenly being on your own. The stark juxtaposition of the days before Harry left and the last few days alone had you—and your body—reeling.

You had never had more sex than in the week following Harry’s birthday. Gifting Harry with the collar and lead had reinvigorated something rendering the both of you unable to keep your hands off each other. It was reminiscent of the first few months of your relationship, except there was no awkward learning of bodies or hasty hands fumbling caresses; no, you knew just how to touch each other. You knew that if you suckled Harry’s bottom lip and let the edges of your teeth barely nibble he’d growl and grip whatever part of your body occupied his hands at the moment tighter to pull you closer to him. He knew that if he caressed your breasts, traced the soft curve of them with his fingertips, kneaded and cupped the supple tissue, but was careful to avoid your nipples, you’d inevitably grow so impatient you’d grab him by the wrists and force him to pinch and roll them between his fingers.

This was much more dangerous than being lustful strangers; you were both equipped with the knowledge to drive the other wild and were determined to test limits.

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The Breakfast Table (NSFW)

Originally posted by calif0rnia-lovers

Frank Castle x Reader

Warning: smut, near death experience

A/N: So this is 2.7K words. Just a heads up. This is also the fic that no one asked for but I wrote anyway despite having several requests that I haven’t gotten to. Just been on a Frank kick lately. Sorry, not sorry.


The cross-country road trip from California to New York only took you a few days. It would have been faster except you kept stopping at rest stops to use their wifi so you could fine a place in New York to live during your trip. Granted you probably should have done that before you packed up your car and left the west coast but you didn’t care. There was nothing left there for you and that’s all that mattered.

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The Cabin in the Woods sentence starters

94 starters
feel free to change gender pronouns
content warning: alcohol mention, cussing, drug mention, sexual themes, violence

  • “You guys better not be messing around in there.”
  • “It’s gonna be a long weekend if everyone’s that puckered up.”
  • “Are you even listening to me?”
  • “Why haven’t you stuck that asshole’s picture on a dart board yet?”
  • “I can’t believe you did it.”
  • “I knew what I was getting into.”
  • “That is the last thing that I want.”
  • “What is this? What are these? What are you doing with these?”
  • “I’m shutting right up.”
  • “What the fuck is wrong with you, bro?”
  • “People in this town drive in a very counterintuitive manner. That’s what I have to say.”
  • “_____, honey, that is not okay.”
  • “Statistical fact: cops will never pull over a man with a huge bong in his car. Why? They fear this man. They know he sees farther than they, and he will bind them with ancient logics.”
  • “_____, you fetching minx! Do you have any food?”
  • “I hope this is the right road. It doesn’t even show up on GPS. It’s unworthy of global positioning.”
  • “Is society crumbling, _____?”
  • “Society needs to crumble. We’re all just too chicken shit to let it.”
  • “You sassin’ me, boy?”
  • “You were rude to my friend.”
  • “Oh my god. It’s, uh, beautiful…”
  • “In ten minutes we’re hitting the lake!”
  • “You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me. That’s just creepy.”
  • “Don’t be an ape, _____.”
  • “Thanks for, uh, being decent.”
  • “Oh, ask me that again, only slower…”
  • “Don’t take this lightly, boy.”
  • “Come on, _____. Life is risk.”
  • “I’m gonna kill you!”
  • “You are so dead!”
  • “More than anything I just want this moment to end.”
  • “Seems a little harsh, doesn’t it?”
  • “Let’s get this party started!”
  • “I’m living in a womb of reefer. Leave me alone.”
  • “No, no, no, there’s no need to huff and puff. I’ll let you come in…”
  • “What the hell was that?”
  • “What do you think’s down there?”
  • “Sorry, I just scared myself.”
  • “I’m not sure it’s awesome to be down here.”
  • “Maybe we should go back upstairs.”
  • “Jesus, can we not—?”
  • “Okay, I’m drawing a line in the fucking sand here.”
  • “Stop being a fucking baby.”
  • “They’re like something from a nightmare.”
  • “Can we not talk about people and pieces anymore tonight?”
  • “Oh, are you feeling lonely, _____?”
  • “_____, do you wanna go lie down?”
  • “Don’t push me around!”
  • “You seriously believe nothing weird is going on?”
  • “You’re not seeing what you don’t want to see.”
  • “Pop Tarts? Did you say you have Pop Tarts?”
  • “I’m sorry about tonight.”
  • “Do I lose points if I tell you I’m having a pretty nice time?”
  • “What are you running away for?”
  • “Oh, did I get a little beer on your shirt? I guess it’ll have to come off, huh?”
  • “Your basic human needs disgust me. Get out of here.”
  • “It’s so dark. Take me inside.”
  • “Okay, baby, let’s see some boobies.”
  • “What are you—what are you gonna do to me?”
  • “_____, man, you gotta wake up. Your shit is topsy-turvy.”
  • “What are you saying, huh? What do you want?”
  • “I’m the boss of my own brain, so give it up.”
  • “I thought there’d be stars. We are abandoned.”
  • “Where are you hurt? Is all of this from you?”
  • “We gotta get out of here.”
  • “Look, we gotta lock this place down.”
  • “No matter what happens, we have to stick together.”
  • “This isn’t right. We should split up. We can cover more ground that way.”
  • “This is where he killed them. This is where he kills us.”
  • “Let’s move! Come on! Come on, let’s go!”
  • “What the fuck’s going on?”
  • “I can’t believe this, man. This ain’t happening.”
  • “We can’t go back. There’s no way across?”
  • “Don’t hold back.”
  • “Please do not go nuts on me, okay, _____? You’re all I’ve got now.”
  • “God damn, that was close!”
  • “I don’t understand. You’re celebrating?”
  • “I wish that I could do what you do.”
  • “I’m just giving you a hard time. Come on, give us a hug.”
  • “Turn the fucking music off.”
  • “What is this place?”
  • “Yeah, I had to dismember that guy with a trowel. What have you been up to?”
  • “Somebody sent those dead fucks up here to get us.”
  • “Where else are we gonna go?”
  • “Why are you trying to kill us?”
  • “You shouldn’t be here. This should’ve gone differently, ended more quickly.”
  • “Get the fucker off me!”
  • “Fuck, we’re running out of time!”
  • “They don’t just wanna see us killed. They wanna see us punished.”
  • “You can die with them or you can die for them.”
  • “I’m so sorry I almost shot you. I probably wouldn’t have.”
  • “I’m sorry I let you get attacked by a werewolf and then ended the world.”
  • “You were right. Humanity… It’s time to give someone else a chance.”
  • “I wish I could’ve seen them.”
  • “That would’ve been a fun weekend.”
Outsider Pt. 2

Pairing: Step Dad Tony Stark x Teen Reader

Word Count: 1.5k

Summary: Awkward ‘family’ breakfast.

Warnings: Some angst, and the way the fic is planned, stalking in later parts.

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Dean’s eyes widened and your jaw dropped. He turned to you slightly. “Did she just say…?” he trailed off. You just nodded. 

“Sweetie,” your mom approached you, and pulled you into a hug. “I’m sorry you had to find out like this. We got in just a few hours ago and I didn’t want to wake you because I know you have finals today and…” she sighed. “Are you going to see your boyfriend?” she looked to the ocean so you knew what she meant. Like your father, the ocean had been your first love. It was a long running joke between them; one she carried on with you. 

You shook your head. “Too distracted,” was all you could utter. 

She tucked a lock of hair behind your ear. “Ok, well then, how about we have a big breakfast then?” You nodded in agreement, even though you wanted to hide in your room until you had to leave for school. “Why don’t you get started while I get Tony cleaned up real quick. Dean? Would you like to join us?” 

“Oh, uh, no tha-” he stopped when your hand shot out to grab his. He saw the silent plea in your eyes, the same look his little brother gets, and he couldn’t say no. “Yeah, sure. Sounds good. Thanks.” 

“Ok,” she nodded and hugged you tighter. “I missed you so much.” She gave you one final squeeze before turning back to Tony. “I’ve got a first aid kit in the bathroom. Come on, and you’re gonna tell me what the hell happened down here.”

Clint snickered as they made their way up the stairs, ignoring the glare Tony sent him. Once they disappeared behind your mom’s bedroom door, Dean turned to leave. “I’ll be right back.” 

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anonymous asked:

Allow me to take that vagabond death post down a lighter alternative route: somebody from the crew shoots at him in the alley but they just barely miss, and in a panic Ryan shouts at them all WHAT THE FUCK BE CAREFUL WITH THAT YOU ALMOST TOOK ME OUT and at first they're confused at who would be brave enough to yell at a Fake when suddenly they recognise the voice and it's like "Vagabond?? Holy shit I can see your real face!! It's kinda pretty- oh it's angry shit uhh"

YES MUCH BETTER.
They have no idea why this handsome man comes charging at them, looking furious and dangerous, and the only reason they don’t shoot again is because they’re amazed at the sheer nerve of him. When his voice scolds them again, their mind slowly puts together the angry tone, the powerful build, and the blue eyes staring them down.
“Ryan? Holy shit, that’s what you look like? It’s a pleasant surprise really, I’m sorry I almost shot you.”

The Cabin in the Woods (2012) Sentence Starters

“Cleanse them. Cleanse the world of their ignorance and sin. Bathe them in the crimson of…Am I on speakerphone?” 

“Statistical fact: Cops will never pull over a man with a huge bong in his car. “

“These fucking zombies.”

“Yeah, uh, I had to dismember that guy with a trowel. What have you been up to?”

“Truth or dare?”

“I am never gonna see a merman.”

“Pop Tarts? Did you say you have Pop Tarts?”

“We are not who we are.”

“Oh my god. I’m on a reality TV show.“

“They’re like something from a nightmare.”

“There is a greater good, and for that you must be sacrificed.” 

“An army of nightmares, huh?”

“Let’s get this party started.”

“No matter what happens, we have to stay together.”

“We should split up. We can cover more ground that way.”

“You knuckleheads!“

“Turn the fucking music off!”

“Cutting the flesh makes him have a husband’s bulge.”

“We offer in humility and fear, for the blessed peace of your eternal slumber.”

“I’m so sorry I almost shot you.”

“I’m sorry I let you get attacked by a werewolf and then ended the world.”

2

Im so sorry I almost shot you… I probably wouldnt have….
- Hey, shh, no.. I totally get it. Im sorry I let you get attacked by a werewolf and then ended the world.
Nahh, you were right. Humanity… Its time to give someone else a chance.
- Giant evil gods.
Wish I coulda seen ‘em
- I know! That would be a fun weekend.

cabin in the woods!parapines for tyelperin for the ssparapines valentines exchange

cabin in the woods starters
  • “Everybody knows you can’t trust Swedes”
  • “You guys better not be messing around in there.”
  • “What’s not his fault? Fucking his student or breaking up with her by email?”
  • “…And you have no pants on.”
  • “People in this town drive in a very counter intuitive manor.”
  • “Statistical fact: cops will never pull over a man with a huge bong in his car.”
  • “Society needs to crumble, we’re just too chicken shit to let it.”
  • “And did they tell you that being briefed is not the same thing as being prepared?”
  • “The sign says closed.”
  • “If I see one spider, I’m sleeping in the RV.”
  • “Thanks for being decent.”
  • “Ask me that again, only slower.”
  • “I’m still on speakerphone, aren’t I?”
  • “More than anything, I just want this moment to end.”
  • “I dare you to make out with that Moose.”
  • “They’re entirely different species, like the difference between an elephant and an elephant seal.”
  • “Can we not talk about people in pieces anymore tonight?”
  • “Did you say you have poptarts?”
  • “I’m going to go read a book with pictures.”
  • “He’s got a husband bulge.”
  • “I thought there’d be stars.”
  • “No matter what happens, we have to stay together.”
  • “My parents are going to think that I’m such a burnout.”
  • “How hard is it to kill nine year olds?”
  • “Get in the van!”
  • “Don’t go nuts on me, you’re all I’ve got.”
  • “I don’t understand, you’re celebrating?”
  • “They’re celebrating, I’m drinking.”
  • “Tequila is my lady!”
  • “Like I said, it wasn’t our fault.”
  • “No, I’m not doubting you.”
  • “Nobody else, huh?”
  • “I think I can get it to down.”
  • “Where else are we going to go?”
  • “I don’t care if it’s not protocol!”
  • “Why are you trying to kill us?”
  • “Code black, I repeat, code black!”
  • “Here, it’s easier with this.”
  • “I should’ve seen it like you did.”
  • “Gosh, they’re both so enticing.”
  • “You have to be strong.”
  • “I’m so sorry I almost shot you.”
Cabin in the Woods (2011) Starter Sentences
  • Warning: Some sentences are rather violent. Trigger warnings apply.
  • • People in this town drive in a very counter-intuitive manner.
  • • Do you want to spend the weekend in jail? Because the rest of us want to check out my cousin’s country home.
  • • Society needs to crumble. We’re just all too chickenshit to let it.
  • • It was pioneer days. People had to make their own interrogation rooms.
  • • Their blind eyes see nothing of the horrors to come. They are the gods’ fools.
  • • Am I on speaker phone? That’s rude! I don’t know who’s in the room!
  • • What’s that in the lake right there? Right there, it looks just like… my girlfriend!
  • • More than anything, I just want this moment to end.
  • • Let’s get this party started!
  • • I dare you to make out with that moose over there.
  • • Uh, that makes what kind of sense?
  • • Seriously? Your cousin is into some weird shit.
  • • I’m drawing a line in the fucking sand here; do not read the Latin!
  • • You had “Zombies”. This is “Zombie redneck torture family”. They’re entirely different species. It’s like a difference between an elephant and an elephant and an elephant seal.
  • • I just want to see them fall on their asses for once.
  • • Can we not talk about people in pieces any more tonight?
  • • You’re not seeing what you don’t want to see.
  • • Poptarts? Did you say you have poptarts?
  • • Your basic human needs disgust me.
  • • He’s got a husband bulge!
  • • I’m on a reality TV show! …my parents are going to think I’m such a burnout.
  • • I had to dismember that guy with a trowel. What have you been up to?
  • • They made us choose how we die.
  • • You’re seen horrible things. An Army of nightmares. But they are nothing to what came before.
  • • Please… kill him.
  • • A ritual sacrifice? Great! You tie somebody to a stone, you get a fancy dagger and a bunch of robes… it’s not that complicated!
  • • Me? “Virgin”?
  • • Maybe it’s time for a change.
  • • You can die with them, or you can die for them.
  • • Gosh, they’re both so enticing.
  • • I don’t think (name) even has a cousin.
  • • I’m so sorry I almost shot you.
  • • I’m sorry I let you get attacked by a werewolf and then ended the world.
  • • Giant evil gods. I wish I could have seen them. That would have been a fun weekend.

cookie-snake  asked:

James and Sirius teleported to Adam and Remus, claiming they wanted to "visit their friend" James of course smiled sheepishly and said, "Sorry I almost shot you."

“It’s fine Dean and Sam did the same thing when I came back though they threw holly water in my face.” He rubbed the back of his neck.