Hi it’s me back with another follow forever after over half a year has gone by and somehow in that time i managed to reach over 4.5k followers?? (tbh i was gonna just wait until i got 5k but who knows how long that will take lmao)
Now that the year’s almost over I’ve been doing that self-reflection thing and even though 2016 sucked ass for a lot of us and we’re just gonna erase this year from our minds forever, I’m never gonna forget the amazing people i met on here this year. I was really going through a rough patch because of uni but so many of you encouraged me and kept me going strong which is why i must admit that this year was really great for me haha. even if you just liked or reblogged a post from me, tagged me in a meme or just sent me a quick message saying hi, you guys all made me feel appreciated (even if it was just in a small way lol) so thanks to all of you again!!
Here are some of the amazing blogs i encountered in 2016:)
Imagine being afraid of telling Jared that you’re pregnant
I can see Emma’s disapproval all over her face. She isn’t happy with me, and I’m not happy either, but there was no other choice. I had to go.
“Just tell him, he’ll understand!”
“It was a mistake from the beginning, he’s my boss, you just don’t have one night stands with your boss” I mutter, afraid that Jared might show up in the studio at any second.
“But you are pregnant” She whispers, the disapproval turning into anger.
I throw her the first thing I can find, which turns out to be one of Jared’s chocolate bars.
“Hey!” We hear Jared shouting from the door, “That’s my chocolate”
“Sorry” I whisper, running to Emma to pick out the bar.
Jared looks at us, and something on his face changes. When we comes near us, the suspicion on his face is obvious.
“You two look really pale” He mutters, changing his gaze from Emma to me, “Are you two ok?”
Emma looks pale because she’s scared. She wants me to tell Jared, but overhearing our conversation wouldn’t be a great way to find out he’s going to be a father. I look pale because I’m scared too, but also because I feel sick. I don’t even know how he hasn’t noticed that I spent half of my day in the bathroom, that’s how Emma find out.
“I need to go to the bathroom” I excuse myself.
Morning sickness was the worst, but mine was more like a whole-day sickness. Being pregnant should be pretty, not being afraid that the father of the baby will not want the kid, and spending your day puking.
During the day I receive Emma’s different stages of emotions through her looks. We have been working together for so long, that I could read her with just one gaze. At times she gives me looks that could only mean ‘Just fucking tell him’; when I get up to go to the bathroom she’s like ‘Ew’, but when I come back I receive the sympathetic look of ‘You poor thing’.
By the end of the day, the only look I receive is ‘Don’t you dare’. But I most certainly will.
Emma says her goodbyes for the day, leaving me with one more ‘Don’t you dare’ look. I just wave her off, walking towards Jared’s desk. As always, he’s busy working on his laptop, not even noticing that I’m standing in front of him.
“Jared” I stutter, trying to get his attention.
“Oh, hey” He says, finally acknowledging my presence with a smile, “I didn’t see you there”
I can do this, right? His smile can’t be a factor that makes me chicken out.
“I really need to talk to you”
The smile disappears in a second and worriness takes over his expression. He takes my hand to make me sit by his side.
“Is something wrong? Are you ok?”
“I just… God. Okay, I’m just gonna say it” I sigh deeply, trying to calm myself down, “I’m quitting”
I stand from the couch, starting to pace out in the room.
“Is this because of what happened between us?” He asks, and I can notice a bit of nervousness on his tone.
“I just can’t work for you anymore” I whisper, avoiding his gaze, “This is gonna sound extremely cliché, but it’s not you, it’s… well, me”
“Ok, now I feel like you are breaking up with me and we are not even together” He laughs nervously, standing to stop my pace.
His hands wrap on my arms holding me still, trying to look me in the eyes, but I just avoid him still.
“Did I say something wrong? I can’t think of a reason why you would want to leave except for that night” His hand leaves my arm to hold my chin and make me look at him, “You regret it?”
He sounds hurt, and I don’t want him to be hurt. I’m just scared of what may happen if I spit all out. If he wanted kids, he would have had them by now, it’s not like he didn’t have opportunities before. If he didn’t want to give this huge step with long term girlfriends, what guarantees me that he would want to do it with me? I’m just a one night stand.
“I’m really sorry, Jared”
I manage to let go of his grip, walking to get my bag and get the hell out of there. My old car waits for me outside, and we drive home in complete silence, I can’t even stand music right now. I just want to be alone.
By the time I get home, I really need to go to the bathroom. I had avoid my mom’s medicinal herbs for sickness scared of what they may do to the little one, but I was already sick of all the pucking, maybe some weird tea wasn’t going to be that bad.
I follow the instructions that mom left with the bag of herbs, waiting for the kelt to be ready. I read the instructions over and over again, trying to get Jared out of my head.
I was the worst, I was denying him the right to be a father just because my head wouldn’t imagine him as one. Or, actually, I could imagine him; holding the baby on his arms, kissing the little forehead, feeding him or her when I was too tired to breastfeed. Or just looking at the baby in a crib, his eyes shining at the sight of our creation.
God, where did this amazing idea of quitting appeared?
The whistle of the kettle takes me out of my perfect world, one where I was smart enough to tell Jared the truth and not run away like a coward.
When my tea is ready, I grab a bag of chips, I really want some chips, walking back to my living room. I lay on my couch, turning the tv on, drinking my tea, eating chips. I repeat the process for hours. Watch, drink, eat. I don’t want to think about Jared, the baby, or my unemployed situation.
The beeping of my phone takes me out of the groggy zone, almost fully asleep. I jump on the couch, scared by the sudden sound in the silent room. When I finally calm myself down, realizing that it’s just my phone, I read the message that just came in.
“Jared called, I didn’t told him! I swear!”
Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Emma, what the fuck did you do?!
Another text comes in, and I’m already shaking.
“Well, I may have told him that he was stupid and blind for not noticing how changed you’ve been since… well, you know”
Not a minutes passes before I receive another one.
“Ok, I didn’t say stupid, ‘asshole’ is a better representation”
When no other text comes in I decide to text her back, “He knows?!”
“No, I mean, I don’t know”
“Maybe” She finally sends, ending the exchange with a sad emoji.
I grab my blanket, hiding under it, feeling my heart trying to escape my chest. My breathing is heavy, and my hiding spot does not help to calm my nerves. I take the blanket off my head, looking around, trying to find somewhere to hide.
The doorbell rings fast, someone is pressing it with desperation, and I know who that is. But I’m still trying to find a hiding spot, even though my whole living room is lighted up, and my car is outside. There’s no way to hide the fact that I’m inside.
I stand from the couch, walking to the door, not even looking who is on the other side.
“I’m so, so stupid” Jared says the second I open the door, letting himself in, “I didn’t even notice, I’m such a fool”
Jared sits on my couch, taking my bag of chips to eat some while looking at me. I close the door, walking as calm as I can, sitting by his side.
“Sorry, I didn’t grab lunch” He says, handing me the bag of chips, “I’m starving”
“I can prepare you something if…” I say, starting to stand, but he grabs my wrist.
“No, we need to talk”
I sit again, looking at his hand on my wrist. Suddenly he starts to laugh, taking his free hand to cover his mouth. His eyes are shining, I can even see myself in them, scared as shit.
“Are you okay?” I ask him, “I mean, are you okay with this?”
“Of course I am!” He shouts, cupping my face with his warm hands, “I’m more than happy!”
The fear finally abandons my body, letting a wave of relief and happiness take over. I jump to wrap my arms around his neck, his hands holding me closer to him.
“I love you too” He mutters, “It feels so good to finally say it.
“What did you just say?” I ask, pulling away from him.
“I love you” He repeats, the smile forming into confusion, “Isn’t that what we are talking about?”
I stand from the couch, walking to the kitchen, trying to hide from him again. He thinks I’m in love with him, which is actually true, but that isn’t the reason why I was so scared! My hands go over my belly as I lean on the sink. Why do I have to be nauseous in a moment like this? I drench my face, trying to catch as much air as possible.
“Are you okay?” He’s the one asking this time.
I just nod, drying my face with a paper towel.
“You are not okay” He mutters, and as I turn around to face him, I can see the recognition on his face, “You’ve been sick all week…”
“Jared” I try to interrupt him, but he continues.
“Emma said that I was an asshole for not noticing what was going on with you”
“I’m so sorry, Jared” I mumble, walking to stand in front of him.
“Oh God, you’ve been sick more than just this week”
Jared just stands there, looking at me, trying to find some answers. Both of his hands hold my arms, never leaving my gaze. I get lost on his expression, the fear, confusion and… excitement?
“You are pregnant?” He finally asks.
My head lowers as soon as I hear the word come out of his mouth. I can hear him laugh again, asking the question a second time. I give him a simple nod, and his hold on me disappears. But now for long.
Jared wraps his arms on my waist, lifting my feet off the ground. I can hear him laugh, saying the same word over and over again.
I can feel the sickness again, and I plead him to put me down. When he does, I can see the smile on his face, this light on his eyes, the way his hands just want to touch me, pull me to him.
“I’m sorry, are you okay? Did I hurt you?”
“I’m okay” I whisper, realization finally coming to my head. He knows, “Just a bit dizzy”
“Oh, I can’t believe it! You are pregnant!” His hands hold me again, pulling me toward his chest, and suddenly everything is too much.
The tears start rolling down my cheeks, all the emotions I held back for two weeks can now be discarded, kicked away. I feel free, and the tears are proof of that. I hear him calling my name, asking me over and over again if I’m okay. I nod, crying, then smiling, then crying again.
“I’m happy” I finally say.
A relieved smile appears on his face. His hand grabs mine, pulling me to the living room. He falls on the couch, making me fall by his side, holding me tight against him.
“We need to check with the doctor, they need to check you for your morning sickness” He starts talking really fast, “We need to tell everyone after that, or maybe we can wait for a few weeks, just to be sure everything is going alright”
“Jared” I try to stop him, letting out a nervous laugh.
“Can Emma be the godmother?” He continues, “You can pick the godfather”
“Hey” I reach for his face, placing my hand over his mouth to shut him, “Calm down”
He tries to speak again, but I can only hear a mumble.
“We need to discuss another thing” He says as I let go of his face, my eyebrows raise, waiting for the new topic, “Work”
“I want you back, especially now”
I hold his hand, thinking about it for a few seconds
“Ok” I say, after a deep sigh.
“Excellent!” He exclaims, pulling me to his chest again.
Jared continues planning our future together, the future for our baby. I just listen, still in shock about everything that just happened. I was a fool by hiding all this from him. He’s happy, we are both happy, and that’s all that matters.
Hiiiii. So, 2016 is almost over (thank god), it’s christmas eve (i know most of you will probably see this until tomorrow so merry christmas and i’m sorry)
and since i haven’t made a follow forever in a while, i decided to make
one now to let you all know how much i love and appreciate each and
every single one of you.
i’m especially grateful for all of my
mutuals, thank you guys for following me
some of us have been following
each other since i started this blog which is just crazy omg.
thanks guys you are amazing, i love you and your blogs and i just wish
everyone nice holidays and a wonderful 2017!!!