sorry for the time lesbian

10

I made some flags out of flowers after a friend showed me a really great Asexual flag in the same style. so this is my image set. Enjoy and feel free to use them as your wallpaper if you like but if you want to use them elsewhere please credit me I spent a bit of time on them thanks.

Edit:

Im sorry that I forgot the Lesbian flag. But its here now.

Edit 2: A request from @goodlittlewinter

Genderfluid. I hope you all enjoy this one just as much as the rest. Thank you :) 

“It’s better to be a cute boy than an ugly butch lesbian.”

Six or seven years ago (and longer!) there were huge debates taking place about the term “queer”, what it meant to the lesbian, gay, bi and trans community, whether it should be added onto the acronym and whether people who defined specifically as “queer”, to the exclusion of any of the other letters, should be welcomed into LGBT spaces.

At the time, the term “queer” represented a radical element that was highly attractive. Here were a group of people who seemed to be anti-capitalist, unapologetic, anti-assimilationist, aggressive and non-conformist. And to 20 year-old-me they just looked so bloody cool. I came through school and college having the word lesbian hissed at me, but not really having any other language to describe myself. I argued viciously for the inclusion of the “Q”, and shouted down the concerns raised by older (and sometimes not) members of the LGBT community that the word “queer” for them echoed horrendous experiences of homophobic assault and bullying.

“We’re reclaiming it,” I spat, “and anyway you can still be lesbian, or gay, or bi, and/or trans if you want.”

Fuelled by zeal, well-meaning enthusiasm, a complete lack of understanding of LGBT and women’s history and a massive streak of arrogance, I wrote these concerns off as archaic and narrow minded, and for that, I am truly sorry. 

As time passed, I started to feel ashamed about being a lesbian within the queer community. As one ex said to me “lesbianism is sooooo last century”. I was butch too, a real stereotype. I was ashamed of being a butch lesbian stereotype, and felt that I sucked at being a woman so much, that maybe I couldn’t be one, but the term “genderqueer” left me cold. I also didn’t fancy men, and they didn’t fancy me.

I didn’t realise until much more recently, but what is happening is the sexism and homophobia found in mainstream society is just being re-appropriated and shoved out from the other side under the guise of radical queer politics; women who exclusively date and sleep with other women are being shamed for it by the very community they are supposed to be a part of, in a way that men who exclusively date and sleep with other men are not. Being a lesbian in a society that heaps pressure on women to be with men is and always has been an enormously radical act.

An avalanche of hypocrisy, or was it always there?

In the last couple of years I noticed a big push within the community to educate on trans issues, change the culture around checking which pronouns people use, increase trans visibility and promote more respect and understanding around gender identity, which are all good things in my book. Intentional mispronouning, both in and outside of the LGBT community is a constant micro-aggression. But then something else happened. The same queers who were screaming bloody murder about people not getting their pronouns right, started to use gender neutral pronouns for me without asking. It didn’t feel right. Occasionally someone would ask what pronoun I used, and on hearing me say “she and her” would double take and say “are you sure?”

Why weren’t these queers taking my first answer? They certainly got angry when people questioned using the neutral “they”. It occurred to me that members of the queer community were questioning my right to define as a woman because of my androgynous appearance almost as much as straight homophobes had questioned my validity as a woman for the exact same reason. I felt increasingly pressured to define as something other than “woman”, and that being a woman, particularly without prefixing it with something like “genderqueer” or “genderfluid” or “non-binary”, was increasingly difficult to get people to accept. Was I so bad at being a woman that my own community wouldn’t even believe me? Isn’t it ironic that a supposedly radical community seemed to find the concept of a masculine woman so difficult to swallow?

If our behaviour falls outside of certain prescriptive boundaries laid out by straight people, must we now question our right to be women at all? Why has it become so offensive and revolting to be considered a woman in the queer community? Why don’t people, who experience the world as women, are treated and seen and oppressed as women, want to be women?

It’s because to be a woman in our patriarchal society is to be less. To be a woman is to be in an undesirable position. To abandon the label “woman” is to claw back some individual power, rather than see women as a political class and collective. In short, its because of sexism. An acquaintance said recently:

“It’s better to be a cute boy than an ugly butch woman.”

We need to talk about class, or the lack of talk about class.

I have lost count of the number of times I have heard or heard of some middle class MA Gender/Sexualities/Sociology Studies twerp shaming and condemning some poor gay seventeen year old for not knowing what a demisexual, panromantic, masc of centre genderqueer is. There are large numbers of the queer community who need to face up to the fact that they have a huge amount of social, educational and class privilege, and that some people do not get to read books that introduce them to all these terms. Some people grow up in houses where there are no books, or the only thing they ever read with the terms “lesbian” and “gay” are tabloid newspapers spitting bile. Sometimes people make mistakes, or have limitations of language. And some of us think that the obsessive developing of endless terms is an intentional attempt to stretch the definition of our community so much that the community in fact will not exist.

Butch and femme are terms that were prominently used amongst working class lesbian communities, and were later sneered at and denounced as aping heterosexuality by elements of the separatist feminist movement, who were often middle class and/or had more academic backgrounds. Now we see lesbian women and gay men being sneered at and dismissed as “monosexual” by elements of the community in much the same spirit, “femme” has been appropriated and is frequently used to refer to any feminine presenting queer person and the word butch is still coded as ugly. There are no cafes, bars or clubs that specifically cater to LBTQ women left in London and very few spaces elsewhere.

You have a right to be queer, and others have a right to be lesbian, gay, bi and/or trans.

I have learnt to be unapologetic about being a woman who exclusively has romantic relationships with other women. But it is a shame that I had to learn this twice. There are other people who feel that their identity, although not hetero/cisnormative, is not represented in the L, B, G or T, and they define as queer (or both). That is fine, if that is what they want. What is not fine is the shaming and erasing of lesbians that goes on. What is not fine is to make the identity of “lesbian” synonymous with trans exclusive feminism when it isn’t. What is not fine is the ridicule of butch women that goes on, whilst skinny white masculine of centre genderqueers enjoy pedestal type positions in the queer community. It is not fine to disrespect and enter and disrupt the few women only spaces left when you know you do not experience oppression as a woman. It is not fine to harass the organisers of a women only event because you’re a man* and consider yourself a lesbian and feel you should be welcomed. That’s just complete misogynist douchebaggery.

It is not fine to force people to call themselves queer and erase their gay and lesbian and bi identities in the process. It’s just hypocritical. And its shit politics. Stop it.

I am a butch lesbian woman. And that’s ok.


*I am talking here about douchebag men who exploit nuanced gender politics to harrass lesbians, so don’t bother with the OP is a TERF stuff.

“Happy International Lesbian Day!”

~ ~ ~ ~

Kara rereads the caption, glances at the date in the corner of her laptop and grins widely, jumping out of her chair, causing it to screech loudly against the wooden floor in her endless excitement.

She races to her bedroom, tapping into her superpowers to search for her phone. Kara darts back and forth between articles of clothing and blankets, only to give a celebratory ‘aha!’ as she found the device underneath her pillow.

Kara zipped back to the kitchen and stared at the screen as she called her favorite person— hoping that today might be the day that things would go back to the way they were again— wide smile taking up half of her face as she bounced on the balls of her feet with impatience. The monotone ringing is abruptly cut off by a familiar voice, deep and raspy from the time of day Kara had called, indicating that the owner of the voice had been woken up by the call.

“Hello?” Alex groggily begins, obviously annoyed that anyone would be awake at such a godawful hour and have enough balls to contact her.

Kara stifles the giggles that rise up at the sound of the agent’s voice. “Hey sleepyhead,” Kara quips back softly, mindful of the fact that Alex had just woke up.

She hears a muffled curse, followed by a dull thud sound. “Kara, uh, hey, what’s up?” Alex responds with a much more attentive tone, but a bit breathy.

Almost unable to contain herself, Kara blurts out, “Happy International Lesbian Day!”

~ ~ ~ ~

“So, what do you plan on doing tonight?”

Alex removes her gaze from the romantic comedy movie playing on the screen and looks down at the blonde snuggled up to her side. Alex pretends to think about the question for a good minute, humming thoughtfully, before shrugging.

“I don’t know. I was thinking about hanging out with this girl I know that has blonde hair and bright blue eyes, maybe watch a few movies, eat potstickers, laugh and have fun for a bit,” Alex muses, “maybe I’ll sleepover, but I haven’t decided yet.”

Out of the corner of her eye, Alex sees Kara deflate for a split second before popping back up with a strained smile etched across her face. She drops her act immediately, turning around fully to face Kara completely.

“I’m talking about you, by the way,” she gently reassures the alien, who’s face comically brightens up with genuine glee. Alex sees the pout coming and prepares herself for the careful punch thrown to her shoulder.

“You’re a jerk,” Kara states, mumbling as she reaches for another potsticker and pulls the blanket away from Alex pettily. She purposefully keeps her gaze directed toward the film playing, showing a man hopelessly falling head over heels over his romantic interest for the movie as he first catches sight of them.

Alex can’t help the burst of laughter that makes its way out of her mouth.

Kara pouts, but as Alex wraps her arms around the kryptonian, she senses the giggle that replaces it with a smile. Alex ignores the flutter in her stomach as the alien ends up shoving her face down on the scientist’s neck, the giggles rumble through Kara’s body.

Her laughs fade away as Alex simply hugs Kara close to her. She feels Kara do the same, the room growing quieter, with the exception of the film playing on the television.

They sit there for a while, relaxing and taking in this special moment they have together.

Recently, Alex had been spending more and more time at work, for reasons she doesn’t want to think about just yet, and on missions that could very well cost Alex her life. She had been reluctant to accept Kara’s invitation to spend time together, seeing as every time Alex saw the alien, thoughts and feelings that she wouldn’t dare identify rose up from deep inside of her.

However, the bubbly kryptonian had sounded so excited and happy to celebrate with her, even if it were to be for a few minutes.

Alex didn’t have it in her to deny Kara this time.

So she had called J’onn and told him that she’d need a day off, to which he had completely agreed wholeheartedly, not even putting up much of a fight or asking questions. Alex rolled her eyes when he had told her to take it easy right before he hung up.

By the time Alex had made it to Kara’s apartment, the sun was high in the sky, shining down its rays, reminding the brunette of the cheery blonde she loves dearly.

Alex remembers that her knuckles barely connected with the door before a blonde puppy had slammed into her, squeezing her tightly, a bit of super strength bleeding through. She was used to the way Kara could allow herself to let go around Alex, so it didn’t bother her as much as it had surprised her, in fact, Alex loves when the alien would let go in moments like these— in moments with her— because she knows how much pressure it is for Kara to measure her strength every time she makes contact with something new or foreign, or on rough days where everything becomes too much for her.

Alex snaps out of her thoughts as Kara breaks the comfortable silence between them.

“Are you really gonna spend the night with me?” Kara mumbles against Alex’s skin, ignorant to the shiver it sends down the brunette’s spine.

Alex breaths in shakily, “Yeah, of course.” She keeps her breathing as steady as possible, but with Kara’s lips pressed against her neck, her nerves were set on fire and it just wasn’t easy to pretend that her heart wasn’t hammering against her chest rapidly.

She makes an effort to refocus on the movie, only to tear her eyes away so fast she may have gotten whiplash. Alex accidentally hits her head against Kara’s, which would’ve been fine if Kara wasn’t a literal goddess that couldn’t be harmed by a puny human such as herself.

Alex hisses in pain as Kara scrambles back to sit on the agent’s lap, frantic apologies tumbling past her lips. Alex shakes her head, opening her eyes to find Kara’s concerned blue eyes staring at her lips.

She blinks, sees that Kara continues to gaze at her lips, and brings one of her fingers against her lower lip, only to wince at the sting it caused. Alex looks down at the finger, a droplet of blood coating the tip, and sighs.

“Kara, it’s okay, it wasn’t your fault.”

“But—”

“No, it wasn’t,” Alex interrupts, “it was my fault for not thinking straight.”

Alex freezes in horror, immediately wishing she could take back her words the moment they left her traitorous mouth.

Kara snorted, “I didn’t know you could think straight.”

Alex groans, but inwardly lets out a breath of relief. She didn’t want Kara to blame herself for something Alex caused. As she lays back down on the couch, Alex feels the tips of her ears heat up as she remembers the explicit scene between two women on the screen and finds herself comparing it to her position with Kara, who’s currently still sitting directly on her lap.

Alex holds her breath as Kara follows her lead and lays her head back down against the scientist’s neck. She wishes she could blame the blanket and the addition of the kryptonian’s body heat for the rise in temperature in her body, but that would be a blatant lie.

“Why’d you move so fast anyways?” Kara asks, as innocent as ever, with a concerned tone.

Alex bites the inside of her cheek as Kara’s breath hits her heated skin.

“I-It was nothing, just saw something I wasn’t expecting.”

Kara hums against her neck, bringing Alex an inch closer to an internal death. She tenses up, hoping the kryptonian wouldn’t be able to hear her blood rush through her ears or the thundering of her heart.

That wasn’t the case, however, as Kara lifts her head up from the agent’s neck with a worried expression on her face.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Kara places a hand where Alex’s heart is located, but keeps her gaze locked with the brunette’s panicked, brown eyes.

Alex doesn’t trust herself to speak at this point, so she nods dumbly.

Kara looks skeptical, “Your heart is beating faster than normal.”

Hastily, Alex scrambles to her feet, finding that the closer she is to Kara the harder it gets to think coherently, and the agent can’t afford to lose herself in her twisted desires.

“I should,” Alex’s voice breaks in her rush to leave the apartment, “I have to go. There’s something I have to do at the D.E.O, and it’s really important, so I have to go. Right now.”

Alex hears a scoff behind her, before the angered alien blocks her path.

She sees Kara ball up her hands into clenched fists. “Why have you been avoiding me?” Kara barks out weakly, blue eyes begging for an answer that Alex can’t give.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Alex protests stubbornly, unwilling to face the growing feelings for the woman in front of her.

Kara gives a short, mirthless laugh.

“You haven’t looked me in the eye for weeks, not until today,” Kara says with a resigned tone, “I thought— hoped, really— that things would go back to normal. That, whatever it is you’re going through, you’d tell me so I could help you, or at the very least try to. But you won’t let me in, and it hurts.”

Alex raises her brown-eyed gaze from the floor and looks into those teary blue eyes and makes an impulsive decision. It’s her fault that Kara is hurting, her fault that she’s crying.

She fidgets with the ends of her signature leather jacket, “I don’t know how to say it.” Alex finds herself subconsciously inching herself closer and closer to Kara, desperate to find a way to comfort her.

“Then I don’t know how to help you,” Kara whispers as Alex stops directly in front of her, an arm’s length away.

Alex loses herself in Kara’s eyes, a war raging inside of her as she tries to put thoughts and feelings together in a way that she could communicate to Kara, but a desire— a need— overwhelms Alex. The internal war pauses, any coherent thoughts dissipate as Alex presses a tender kiss against Kara’s lips.

It’s gentle and soft, barely considered a kiss, but it’s enough for Alex. Her body moves without her consent, hand coming up to cup the frozen kryptonian’s cheek. A knot inside of her stomach untangles as Alex relaxes into the kiss, feeling ever so right for the first time in weeks.

Then Alex catches a whiff of Kara’s familiar scent— the scent of home— and she backs away slowly as her thoughts race back to her.

The thought of what exactly she had just done slaps her back into reality.

Alex’s heart beats wildly against her ribs, threatening to leave bruises. “I-I didn’t, that wasn’t what I—”

Her words are cut off by the soft smile that Alex loves connecting with hers in one delicate move.

~ ~ ~ ~

anonymous asked:

the 'problem' is that bi women see themselves in vanessa's story too?? because yes, even when you realise you like the same sex as well as the oppposite, as a bisexual person, you can still have internalised homophobia and try and convince yourself you love the opposite sex a lot more even if it's not really true. you can still want to be as straight as possible. a bi woman can definitely want to pretend she likes men a whole lot better even after having pseudo-accepted she likes women too

yo yo anon

in my post, i wasn’t trying to say that vanessa’s experience was something only lesbians could relate to and fuck everyone else

and i’m so sorry if that’s how it came off

but i was just - firstly: talking about my personal experience as a lesbian and why i could personally relate to it, because that’s what i know. i’m not bisexual and i can’t speak for bisexual people, because i don’t feel like that’s my place dude, so… why would i also talk about ways in which bisexual women can relate to vanessa?

i’m talking about my own journey - that’s certainly not to the exclusion of everyone else? i don’t have ownership over this one experience? and i hope i wasn’t implying that i do because… well, that’s insane.

me saying that lesbians can relate because of x and y reasons doesn’t automatically exclude bisexual women from feeling the same or similar or for relating to completely separate things in the same scene. this isn’t a war? this is just? two very underrepresented groups of people who can relate to a character’s on-screen experience?

it just so happens that i’m a part of only one of those groups and so that’s the one i am able to talk about comfortably.

surely you understand that?

much in the way that i’m sure i won’t see many posts from bisexual women talking about how lesbians can also relate - because they won’t know, because they haven’t lived it. that’s not a bad thing and it’s not exclusion. i haven’t taken it as such in the last few weeks since i’ve seen all the posts pop up about vanessa being bisexual. it’s been bisexual people talking about their feelings as a bisexual person.

my posts are from a lesbian, talking about my feelings as a lesbian. i’m pretty sure the only person i’ve seen who hasn’t necessarily been referring to vanessa as bi straight off the bat is @lesfemmesdangereuses. i wouldn’t… take everyone else’s posts as our sexuality being excluded? even though vanessa’s sexuality hasn’t ever been confirmed and so at the moment is just one giant bubble of 🤷🏻‍♀️ something 🤷🏻‍♀️

i know it’s different because bi-erasure is so prevalent but i also know that… maybe vanessa is bi, maybe she’s gay…. but whatever people want to label it in the meantime is probably coloured by their own experiences?

(and i’ve spoken previously about how my sexuality has been ignored both in real life and in fandom so this isn’t… completely out of my remit to talk about, in all honesty)

secondly - i was…. literally just talking about a common lesbian experience that i know because i’ve lived through it and i wanted to address why lesbians could also relate to vanessa in tonight’s episode, because i knew I KNEW that people would take me saying that and try to imply that i’m erasing her potential bisexuality

and it was and still is important to me that i try to explain myself as clearly as possible

not just because i don’t want people to think i’m being biphobic but mostly because…. the thing is, if someone tells me that wondering if vanessa is a lesbian is literally bi-erasure? (and i’ve seen that multiple times already?) it low-key feels like you’re dismissing and undermining my entire existence and the way i’ve grown and come to accept my sexuality. which. as we all know. fucking hurts. it doesn’t matter how you identify - that always fucking hurts.

so i want to be as clear as possible to avoid getting that thrown at me. i just want to minimise that response.

(guess it didn’t work?)

i honestly just wanted to try and explain that i’m as aware as i can be that bi-erasure exists in this fandom and in the world and that when someone sees a character who has expressed love for a character of the opposite sex and then still refers to them as “gay” that can ping as bi-erasure. i totally understand that.

but the problem with seeing someone say “vanessa might be a lesbian” and yelling BI-ERASURE and painting everything with that broad brush is that it also happens to erase the experiences of lesbians who have felt as though they were in love with men. because real life experiences are not black and white. there’s complexity to everything. and this is… reflective of very real women’s very real journeys. like. real life people.

so, while sometimes it might absolutely be bi-erasure, i just wanted to try and make it clear that my comments were coming from a different place?

and i’m not in any way trying to say we are the only ones that can have that kind of journey. i’m literally just trying to head the bi-erasure comments off at the pass. because that’s not where this is coming from. and no one will ever know that’s the case if i don’t take the time to explain it.

honestly, massive apologies if i didn’t make that clear before, but… i’m not trying to exclude your experience or say you can’t also relate?

but you aren’t the one who needs to try and mitigate bi-erasure accusations/hurting people unintentionally

and i am. so. that’s also why i made that long-ass explanation.

2

[MEANWHILE]

Zoe: what are you thinking about, sweetheart?

Chandra: about tomorrow.

Zoe: everything’s going to be fine. you don’t need to be nervous or afraid.

Chandra: i know. and i’m not. i’m just thinking. how the fact that this is the second time we’ll do this doesn’t feel like failure.

Zoe: what does it feel like?

Chandra: it’s… validating, i guess. you know me, i don’t really believe in luck but i truly believe this was meant to happen from the beginning.

Chapter One: We'll Show Them (Sashea)-Luci

An: I haven’t done a chaptered fic in a while, so I decided to work with a request I got. I have exams in 14 days so when those are over I’ll be writing lots more, but I’m hoping to find the time to update everything. Hope you enjoy! Slight mention of homophobia, but nothing too bad!

Summary: Sasha Velour’s anchoring job at Good Morning Bitches is put in jeopardy when her sexuality is questioned, and she isn’t sure her boss can save her this time

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