sorry for my reflection

happy moment of the day | 1

so within my anxiety, i have a specific thing about phone calls and like adult things and especially when they’re combined. Like for a long time I forced my friends to leave me a message on my voicemail and then i would respond by leaving them a voicemail, like it was bad. Eventually, we did some ~unprofessional therapy to help me through my phone call anxiety with my friends, but I still for the longest time couldn’t do phone calls with strangers/anyone besides friends or family.

and so college hit me like a freight train and I was having to have other people make my phone calls like say to the advising office or to the parking services or even to call the pizza delivery people or an uber or something. and it has sucked but I’ve been really trying to work on it to jump this hurdle rather than just avoiding it or working around it like I usually do with my anxiety. (i know it’s not an approach for everyone, but i’m just the kind of person that likes to face my battles head on)

and so finally getting to the point, I jumped a little hurdle today and I called the doctor’s office and made an appointment over the phone and i’m just proud of myself because i finally did it and like i didn’t even cry after like i usually would and so like yay for happy moment of the day, yay for breaking down barriers, yay for being one step closer to kicking my anxiety square in the ass.

2

“And why did you play this game?”

“Board games are played when you get bored.”

“Not this one!!!”

Another private commission from Veronica Fish. I swear, there are other things on my wall besides these two, but they just bring me so much joy.

I asked her to do something “creepy” for me because horror movies are a huge part of my life, and this is what she came up with. Can’t really get better than Betty the Vampire Slayer! I was totally blown away by this when I opened it. Veronica Fish is such a gift to the Archieverse (and if I haven’t mentioned it, is a sweetheart).

The day I left the moon for the sun,
an eclipse sucked the light from
my throat. I choked on stardust,
spat out tiny universes the moon
would never dream of orbiting.
The sun told me I was the brightest
thing she’d ever seen. The moon
sighed when I told him, saying he
knew the craters in his surface
were enough of a flaw to send me
rocketing across the galaxy.
I think the moon is jealous. He has
always wanted her rays to warm
him but they could never reach
quite close enough. Maybe that’s
why he settled for my hands
instead; tender, quiet things that
fill the holes in his surface.
The sun commends me for trying
to heal him, but promises me
eternal shine, a wine I cannot
refuse. Sometimes I look up from
my home on her fiery flesh, a solar
flare amongst many, feeling sorry
for the moon. I know he blocks
her beams so I can take note of
the dark he feels now. Halos the
light around his frame so I can
see every curve and scar shaping
his being. I tell him, I’m sorry, but I
can no longer see my reflection
mirrored off his reflecting light.
Maybe I never did.
—  how i fell in love with space // Haley Hendrick
Elim Garak and abuse

One day I intend to look deeper into why I find Garak’s story one of the most compelling stories of abuse I saw on television – even if it was portayed in the background of the whole DS9 arc story, it is so well done.

Enabran Tain raised him to be the cardassian rolemodel of an intelligence chief-operator and spy, with all the characteristics we all know: the absurd devotion to the state and its institutions, the military training, the enourmous faith in the family unity and the stablishment. So, in other words, he needed to be left lacking in visibility, true emotional stability, emotional expressions, the care and acknowledgment of his loved ones, etc in order for the specific instructions given to him (very indirectly…) to be functional for his tasks.

In that sense, he was a victim. A victim among many others of that culture’s system, of the family objectives and ideals, of his father nurture. In the books we can notice that it was mainly because of his foster father (I forgot Mila’s husband name) that Elim got a little bit of true love, attention and care. Due to it and the fact that for him to be the excellent member Tain wanted him to be, Garak needed to transcend what a cardassian would look like on the inside and on the outside too. To be that spectacular spy, he shoud have much taste and ability for literacy, so he could comprehend the subtletlies of life. Elim also needed to know how to be ambiguous, to be curious for another’s customs and viewpoints. In this sense, he is at the same time the exponent of the cardassian ideal and the least “cardassian” cardassian on the show.

That’s why he’s as much victim as an executioner, dependending on the situation and the people that interacted with him in question. Specially when we think of people that were raised by abusive parents, this is such an important representation of how many toxic shit we have to identify and to dispose of so we don’t repeat unconsciously our parent’s patterns of existing in this world.

Stupid Sparks

AN: After watching supergirl I couldn’t get this out of my head. This is separate from my Supermom series.

Words: 1323


            There are super villains out there who would beg for this moment; to have Supergirl at their mercy, begging for their help. You however, you would do anything to be about a thousand miles away from her at this moment. You love Kara, you really do. She’s your best friend, and you’d do anything for her. Well… almost anything. “I don’t do blind dates.”

        “Please Y/N. Please. He’s distraught about the breakup. And he needs to get back out there, and you…”

        “What about me?”

        She winces, “Well, you haven’t been out on a date in over a year.”

        You frown, “I’ve been busy. I got that promotion at work, and you know Lew is an attention hog.”

        Kara’s face goes into a deadpan, “He’s a dog.”

        “He’s my baby,” You defend.

        You pause the conversation as the waitress brings your food. When she’s gone you ask, “What about Alex? She hasn’t dated in a while.”

        Kara just shakes her head, “Clark and Alex don’t really get along. It’s a tug of war situation.”

        “Blood vs. Nurture?”

        She just nods, “Yeah, pretty much. Anyways, please. For me.”

        Taking a deep breath, you lean back into your chair and stare at your best friend. You’d known Kara since you were eighteen. You’d been college roommates for four years, and another two after that. She knew your every secret, just like you knew hers. You’d known about her powers since she had shielded you in a car crash three months into sophomore year.

        “I won’t deal with mopey, and if he talks about how great Lois Lane is, I am out of there, and you’ll owe me breakfast for a year.”

        Kara just squeals, “Thank you, thank you so much. It’ll be fun, I promise. James and I will be there with you two, the entire time.”

        You just sigh, “A double date, a blind date, and first date all rolled up in one. You owe me big time.”

        She just smiles and says, “I really do.”

        Three days later you find yourself nervously waiting in a restaurant next to Kara. You’d never been the best at dating. You’d always found it awkward, trying to determine if you’re compatible with someone through a conversation. Looking for some sort of spark. To do so while your very in love best friend and her boyfriend made goo goo eyes at each other, was going to make it even worse.

        You’re midway through thinking up an excuse when Kara squeals. It’s high-pitched, and you’re nearly convinced she’s broken your eardrum, when she bolts out of her seat, and launches herself across the restaurant, and into the arms of a man you’d only seen in pictures.

Clark Kent was a good looking man. There was no denying that fact.

        And from what you’d heard he was a really good guy. Dedicated. Loyal. Protective. Just like your dog. Sitting up a bit straighter in your seat you watch as Kara moves from Clark to James. You can’t help but smile as they make dopey in love eyes at each other before finally kissing.

        As the kiss grows into something more you turn away, feeling as though you’d intruded on a private moment.

        “I’m torn between being incredibly happy for Kara, or ripping Jimmy’s arms off for sticking his tongue down my baby cousin’s throat.”

        Turning to face the voice, you stare at one Clark Kent. He’s taller than you thought, and as he slides into the seat across from you, you can’t help but beat back a blush.

        Clearing your throat, you ask, “Isn’t she technically older than you?”

        He smiles and shrugs, “Details.”

        Glancing back at them you wince, they’re mid make out session. “I shouldn’t turn around should I?”

        You smile at him, “Not if you want James to keep his arms.”

        Clark just smiles back at you, “I’m starting to think we should leave them alone.”

        You smile, “They haven’t seen each other in over a week, that might be smart.”

        “Is there another way out of here?”

        You just smile and say, “Follow me.”

        You end up on the street outside of the restaurant. “So, what’s good to eat around here.”

        You smile, “That depends, are you picky?”

        “Not particularly. With how much I have to eat, I like to keep my options open.”

        “Mongolian BBQ?”

        “That sounds amazing.”

        You end up at a local place you know. It’s small, and more intimate that you would have liked, but the food is simply amazing. Somewhat surprisingly, you end up having a good time.

        “So what kind of dog is he?”

        You swallow your bite of food first. “He’s a Goldendoodle. He’s three years old, and he’s my baby. Sorry, that sounds weird.”

        Clark just smiles, “Not at all. I’m the same way with Krypto.”

        “Krypto?”

        “Krypton’s equivalent to a dog. Basically, he’s Superdog.”

        You smirk, “Does he go around and save the animal kingdom?”

        Clark smirks right back, “Only if he wants a treat.”

        You can’t help but laugh. After the laughter dies down, you admit, “I’m having a much better time than I thought I would.”

        Clark leans back in his chair, “Let me guess, Kara made me sound all pathetic.”

        You shrug, “Maybe, a little.”

        He smiles, “I’m going to contribute that to concern. Lois and I both knew it was ending. We’ve been off and on for years, and she ended up getting an amazing job offer, and we both agreed that it was too good to pass up.”

        Your smile fades a bit, “Why didn’t you go with her?”

        “Metropolis needs me.”

        “That’s a lonely way to live. Putting an entire city of people before yourself. Ending a relationship that you were in for so long.”

        His face goes serious for a minute. “Not exactly. I think, that if it were true love, and she was truly the one, I would have been willing to follow her. Or at the very least, ask her to stay. I loved Lois, some part of me still does. But I don’t think I’ve been in love with her for a while now.”

        After a moment of silence, he clears his throat, “Sorry. The mopey reflection of my ex is now over.”

        You smile, “No. It’s okay.”

        Clark insists on paying for the food. You insist on at least leaving the tip. You’ve just stepped onto the street when your phone starts to ring. Shooting an apologetic smile at Clark, you pick up.

        “He can’t come back to my place.”

        Your brow knits together for a minute, before you’re able to identify the voice. “Kara?”

        “Yes. Look Clark was supposed to stay at my place while he was in town, but James is here, and we’re…”

        “I don’t need details.” You glance at Clark, who’s grimacing, “And neither does your cousin.” Clark throws you a grateful smile.

        “Can he stay with you? In your guest bedroom?”

        You glance at Clark, and have to hold back a smile. His cheeks have gone a bit red, and he looks more than a little embarrassed. “Sure Kara.”

        “Thank you, thank you, thank you. I’ll pick him up in the morning.”

        “Sure thing.”

        Pressing the end button, you simply shrug and say, “Looks like you’ll be staying with me.”

        He clears his throat, “Are you sure? I don’t want to put you out, and I could always get a hotel.”

        “It’s fine, honest. Just a warning though, Lew likes to give kisses. Especially when waking people up early in the morning.”

        Clark just laughs, and then holds out his arm. The gesture stuns you for a minute, before you hesitantly take it. The night has been more along the lines of hanging out than a date. You’d slipped into casual mode without even realizing it.

        But as you take his arm, and Clark places his hand on top of yours, you feel those stupid, wonderful, sparks.

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. 4x21 thoughts (mostly about Fitz cause I’m trash)

I AM SO FUCKING DONE WITH ALL THIS SHIT, WHEN WILL THIS ANGST END???

Okay, I am calm. Perfectly calm. Really. So, I just closed the streaming page and I don’t even know if I have the words to describe this rollercoaster of emotions. And speaking of emotions, Aida/Ophelia/Whatever experiencing human feelings for the first time was freaking amazing. The writers handled it perfectly (on her part, Ophelia didn’t. Damn, girl, that is not how you handle a breakup). Emotions are complex and messed up even for us, and we have all our lives to learn to live with them, controlling them when necessary. But she just received them along with her new body, and I understand how this could be too much to process, especially when it’s about anger and sadness and stuff. I kind of expected her reaction when Fitz let her down. I mean, she was overjoyed and over-everything, really, that is not a balanced person. And when her anger stroke, she was legitimately scary, wow. I hate myself for saying this… but it was awesome.

As I was saying, before going batshit crazy (am I the only one who’s pissed of about her having Lincoln’s power? Because I’m mad af), Aida was trying to do some good. And for that we have to thank Fitz, of course. And let me tell you, Fitz is God’s gift to humanity. After everything he’s been through because of Aida, he still wants to help her. I honestly thought he’d be completely repelled by her, that he’d try to escape from her grip, but instead he tried to help her. He called her Ophelia once again, reassured her that there was a chance to conquer the team’s forgiveness. After everything that happened, Fitz was gentle, caring as always, and he did his best to help anyone he could.

I am actually sorry that it ended that badly, I would’ve liked some more “Fitz teaches Aida how to help people”, I think those scenes were actually pretty good. Also, Fitz’s face when Aida started to scream at him. Iain’s acting is always one step beyond. I’d like to meet that guy and give him a high-five.

And what can I say about Fitzsimmons reunion? They are the perfect match. You know what? Dialogue would have ruined that scene. There was no need for words to get in the way. While Jemma entered the room everything I could think about was “please, don’t say anything”. And she didn’t. She gently hugged him and they both cried, holding on to each other. And it was perfect! I loved every second. Sure, they’re still traumatized, they have a lot to talk about, and I mean A LOT, but they’re still together. And togheter, they’re going to make it.

Also, I need to put myself together because Yo-Yo almost gave me a heart attack and Coulson is so in love with May it’s not even funny.

I expect 4x22 to be at least 2 hours long, because there is so much going on right now and I don’t want anything to be neglected!

I KNOW THIS QUOTE IS OLD BUT I STILL LIKE IT anyway i hope you had a merry christmas 

matcha-mint  asked:

For that OC questions ask meme: 2, 10, and 19!

UM. Yeah. How you doin. This ask has been in my inbox for literal months. I have no excuse. I ended up with not enough time to draw back then and after that it felt too awkwardly long ago to still answer. But today I doodled my OCs again and now I’d feel bad if I still didn’t answer. So. Watch me make this super awkward and ramble about my babies when literally nobody even cares anymore. I’m sorry >.<

2. Do you have a personal favourite among your OCs?

This should be a difficult choice, but it really isn’t. My indisputable favorite child is this asshole over here:

Gilfaeth, or Gil for short. He is curious and passionate and painfully smart and fascinated by everything.

He just LOVES things so much. Music makes him cry. Dancing makes him so happy. Just holding a book in his hands gives him all the feels. He’s a theater nerd. He watches the campiest, cheesiest romance plays and melts on the inside.

Gil grows up poor as dirt, at the ass end of nowhere, in the middle of a desert. He has to eat bugs and sand to survive. Every day one of his neighbours starves to death. He doesn’t know what schools are, but he’s smart as shit and  learns how to read and write anyways.

The first time he goes to an actual city he has no idea what’s going on, but there’s a library and HOLY SHIT THERE’S SO MANY BOOKS I CAN’T BELIEVE PEOPLE CAN JUST TAKE ALL THESE FOR THEMSELVES!!!1!- he yells, running like hell from the city guard because they seem to think he stole something. Weird.

He falls in love way too easily, and always with the wrong men.

He’s starving for affection and intimacy, but he doesn’t make it easy for people to stick around. Partly because he already assumes they won’t.

Most of his very few friends have, at some point, considered murdering him. Five already started making plans and two have actually tried. He laughed at the first one. He gouged the second one’s eyes out.

As smart as he is in most areas, mathematics and engineering are his greatest strengths. A lot of his thought processes work with numbers, probabilities, percentages. But he also loves building things with his own two hands, figuring out how something works. He has big ideas and he never stops at just thinking about them, there’s always a part of him itching to actually try it out. Which isn’t always a good thing.

Also, he’s suffering from a degenerative brain disease. It’s the same one that reduced his kind, loving father to a drooling mess who didn’t recognize his own children anymore. The very second Gil notices himself showing symptoms, he decides to live gloriously and die young and not regret a single moment of it.

And he ends up living gloriously, dying young and only regretting a few moments of it.

All in all, he’s pretty satisfied with that outcome.

10. Introduce an OC with a complicated design

I gotta admit, my OCs don’t have very complicated designs. They’re mostly just relatively normal people, living their lives. Wearing practical clothes^^

I find Gil hard to draw because of his hair and his one billion piercings (cause you can bet your ass he’s gonna cover himself in shiny things now that he can afford it.) I’d have to draw him with WAY more than I always do, but I can’t figure out how to do it without cluttering his face beyond recognition.

Emri’s plague doctor getup is kind of elaborate:

And Tameus likes to accessorize with feathers, which can be a pain to draw:

(Yes I’m recycling my OC drawings from before. Uhhh I mean I guess nobody would’ve noticed that since it was 2 months ago… HAHA ignore me :3)

19. Introduce an OC that means a lot to you (and explain why)

Both Gil and Emri are extremely important.

As I said, Gil is my favorite, character-wise. I just, he’s my creation and I’m really proud of him. He’s the most passionate out of all my OCs, one of the most positive, but in a way also the most flawed. And he’s just - he’s fun. Fun to write, fun to read (as I’ve been told ^-^), fun to think up scenarios for. I can sit down after a bad day and think/write about Gil and it’s gonna make me feel better.

And Emri has been with me the longest. I started writing about that fucker in first grade. Characters like Gil, at this point, aren’t gonna be rewritten anymore, but Emri has been changed so much and they’re gonna keep changing as I go along and improve my writing and character-building. I know I’ll probably never be 100% satisfied with them the way I am with Gil, but there’s something uplifting about knowing there’s always potential as well.

And also, I’ve made my way through so many stressful situations in the past by thinking What would Emri do? that I can’t help but feel I owe them a lot.

Even if they’re actually a catastrophe who makes terrible decisions all the time and I really can’t recommend ever doing what Emri would do in any situation EVER

But they’re kind. And I’m not half as kind as I would like to be, so I need an incentive to at least ACT kind sometimes.

direstrider  asked:

30

30. pick one of your favorite quotes.

“I’M A DISGUSTING WORTHLESS BILGESACK ON THE GARGANTUAN TEAT OF A LABORING, LEPROUS MUSCLEBEAST. MY SELF ESTEEM IS SO SMALL, ITS EXISTENCE IS A MATTER OF CONJECTURE AMONG THEORETICAL PHYSICISTS. I SMELL SO BAD, THE STENCH CANNOT BE EXPRESSED WITH EVEN THE MOST ELOQUENT, FLORID LANGUAGE. THE ODOR MY BODY MAKES HAS MADE POETS CRY. I HAVE WON SPECIAL AWARDS FOR DISCOVERING NEW PLACES TO TOUCH MYSELF EROTICALLY WHILE FARTING. I UNFAIRLY PULVERIZE THE COMPETITION IN ASSHOLE PAGEANTS, AND I HAVE RECEIVED A LIFETIME BAN FROM UGLY CONTESTS BY PRESIDENT SHITFACE HIMSELF. MY BLOOD IS NOT FIT TO FLOW THROUGH A SEWER, AND MY SIGN IS A PICTOGRAPHIC SYMBOL THAT LOOSELY TRANSLATES AS “PLEASE HIKE THESE PANTS UP TO THIS GUY’S ARMPITS, CHAIN HIM TO A FLOGGING JUT, AND MAKE A FUCKING EXAMPLE OUT OF THIS SORRY SACK OF SHIT.” WHEN I LOOK IN A MIRROR, MY REFLECTION SLOWLY SHAKES HIS HEAD WHILE I WET MYSELF IN SHAME.” -Karkat Vantas

anonymous asked:

i saw you in the reflection of my clock the other day... sorry i didnt say hello.. you are a very nice presence

It is all fine ! I would have said hello first but I am always worried I may frighten …

[abridged!]