sorry for being late on the joke

anonymous asked:

That "joke" was very unnecessary when will Hollywood learn that jokes about sexual harassment/pedophilia/ sexual predators is not fucking funny

the writers that james corden works with and james corden himself seriously need to just…….fucking do better. this is officially a pattern. the gross joke on aloto last summer where james and niall laughed about who out of the boys niall would trust alone in a room with his naked girlfriend (thereby implying that men can’t stop themselves from sexually assaulting a naked woman), the jokes about kendall during late late styles back in may, the weinstein jokes at that event a month or so ago, and now this……and this is just some of the stuff i’ve paid attention to because it related to the members of one direction or it was high profile and made the news, so i know there must be a ton more out there. hire some female writers and teach your male writers how to write jokes that are funny without being nasty or degrading - i know it’s possible because i’ve watched some other late night hosts do it. by putting harry on the show, they’re encouraging his largely young female fanbase to watch, and then they have him go out there with a joke about a literal child predator trying to get into his concerts to prey on his young female fans…. like am i supposed to just be like “lololol so cute and funny????” no thanks.

Drabble Challenge!

Repost this. Followers/Readers send numbers to your Ask. You write a fic/drabble using that line in your piece. Have fun! Expect a ton of requests!! 

  1. “That’s starting to get annoying”
  2. “Hey, hey, calm down. They can’t hurt you anymore.”
  3. “You can’t just sit there all day.”
  4. “I’m too sober for this.”
  5. “I’m not here to make friends.”
  6. “I need a place to stay.”
  7. “Well, that’s tragic.”
  8. “You’re seriously like a man-child.”
  9. “You can’t banish me! This is my bed too!”
  10. “The ladies love a guy who’s good with kids.”
  11. “Dear Diary, …”
  12. “She’s hiding behind the sofa.”
  13. “I lost our baby.”
  14. “They’re so cute when they’re asleep.”
  15. “I’d kill for a coffee…literally.”
  16. “You’re getting crumbs all over my bed.”
  17. “Good thing I didn’t ask for your opinion.”
  18. “What’s the matter, sweetie?”
  19. “You’re Satan.”
  20. “I don’t want to hear your excuse. You can’t just give me wet-willies.”
  21. “I’m bulletproof…but please, don’t shoot me.”
  22. “Did you just hiss at me?”
  23. “Do you really need all that candy?”
  24. “It’s six o’clock in the morning, you’re not having vodka.”
  25. “I swear, I’m not crazy!!!”
  26. “The diamond in your engagement ring is fake.”
  27. “No. Regrets.”
  28. “How drunk was I?”
  29. “How is my wife more badass than me?”
  30. “Be you. No one else can.”
  31. “I haven’t slept in ages.”
  32. “I locked the keys in the car.”
  33. “Are you sure that’s the decision you want to make?”
  34. “You work for me. You are my slave.”
  35. “Take your medicine.”
  36. “They’re monsters.”
  37. “Welcome to fatherhood.”
  38. “Why can’t you appreciate my sense of humor?”
  39. “It’s your turn to make dinner.”
  40. “The kids, they ambushed me.”
  41. “Sorry isn’t going to help when I kick your ass!!!”
  42. “Stop being so cute.”
  43. “I feel like I can’t breathe.”
  44. “You need to see a doctor.”
  45. “You’re getting a vasectomy. That’s final.”
  46. “I was a joke, baby. I swear.”
  47. “Dogs don’t wear clothes!”
  48. “I didn’t think you could get any less romantic…”
  49. “Safety first. What are you? FIVE?”
  50. “This is girl talk, so leave.”
  51. “Where am I going? Crazy. Wanna come?”
  52. “There’s a herd of them!”
  53. “Do you think I’m scared of a woman?”
  54. “They’re not your kids, back the f*ck off.”
  55. “You’re a nerd.”
  56. “I’m late.”
  57. “Just get home as soon as possible, okay?!”
  58. “You smell like a wet dog.”
  59. “I could punch you right now.”
  60. “Are you going to talk to me?”
  61. “Welcome back. Now fucking help me.”
  62. “If you can’t sleep…we could have sex?”
  63. “Flea markets don’t carry fleas, you know?”
  64. “Here, take my blanket.”
  65. “I don’t want you to stop.”
  66. “How could I ever forget about you?”
  67. “You’re bleeding all over my carpet.”
  68. “Run for it!”
  69. “We need to talk.”
  70. “Not everyone is out to get you. Stop thinking that. It’s annoying.”
  71. “I want a pet.”
  72. “Just smile, I really need to see you smile right now.”
  73. “I’m not wearing a dress.”
  74. “I’m not wearing a tie.”
  75. “Quit beating me up!”
  76. “Please put your penis away.”
  77. “It’s a Texas thing.”
  78. “Don’t argue. Just do it.”
  79. “I hope I’m never stuck with you on a deserted island.”
  80. “Does he know about the baby?”
  81. “Hold still.”
  82. “I just ironed these pants!”
  83. “Enough with the sass!”
  84. “Show me what’s behind your back.”
  85. “I’m not going to be sympathetic until you go to a doctor.”
  86. “Fine, don’t say anything and make me worry.”
  87. “Stay awake.”
  88. “STOP INTERRUPTING ME!”
  89. “You’re not interested, are you?”
  90. “I’m not buying ikea furniture again.”
  91. “Tell me you need me.”
  92. “Oh honey, I’d never be jealous of you.”
  93. “I’m telling you. I’m haunted.”
  94. “I had a bad dream again.”
  95. “Have I mentioned, I fucking hate Halloween.”
  96. “It’s Christmas, don’t be mad at me.”
  97. “You’re not going to starve yourself on Thanksgiving.”
  98. “The store ran out of Easter eggs.”
  99. “How could you forget your son’s birthday?”
  100. “You can only suffer through my whining for so long until you get up and make me a sandwich.”

Visit @prompt-bank for more prompts!!

skam fic rec masterpost

here’s a huge fic rec list of some fics that i have read and am currently reading and im in love with

big thanks to fic writers! yall are amazing and so important to the fandom <3

(ps i’m so sorry i had to shorten up the summaries on some of them so it wouldnt be too long!!)

(pps i update this very frequently as i read so feel free to come back from time to time to look for any new fics!)

make sure you read the trigger warnings for some fics as they can get angsty

okay here we go :) happy reading <3

Keep reading

6

LISTEN.


(i would like to think they were exchanging smiles not only because of keith cracking a joke to make lance feel better in that moment, but because they were also sharing an inside joke from the previous moment; keith being like: ah yes I remember back on our first day in the castle when you called me a dropout for correcting you, while lance was thinking: keith, that comeback is a bit late)

So, I’m sitting here thinking about Roy and Jason applying for a joint banking account and buying up a property for their base of operations.

Of course these two dorks procrastinate because who has time for filling out all that paperwork and producing all that identification (false identification, in Jason’s case). They’ve got cases to solve and thugs to fight. 

They apply last minute for a joint account at the bank and then rush over to the county clerk’s office do process the deed before they close.

Roy’s speeding through the paperwork because the office is 30 minutes from closing and both the clerk and Jason are giving him the stink eye. Still, Roy tries to make small talk and he’s babbling to the clerk about being sorry for coming in so late, but it took forever to apply for a joint account at the bank.

The clerk makes polite small talk and asks how long they’ve been married. 

“Oh, we’re not married yet,” Roy says, and he’s joking. He’s totally joking.  

“We’re planning on a Spring wedding. Isn’t that right, Jaybird?” Roy asks, nudging him and holding out a form for Jason to sign. 

“As long as we get to create the seating chart from hell, I don’t care when the wedding is,” Jason says promptly, not even looking up from his phone as he signs the form. 

“Jay, that’s just cruel,” Roy says.

“No, it’s comedy gold.” Jason retorts, “Can you imagine Talia and Selina sitting next to each other at a wedding?”

Okay, but the thing is? The dead-eyed clerk does not know that Roy and Jason are joking, and dutifully passes Roy the marriage license form, which actually looks quite dull and official. Roy thinks nothing of filling it out.

He holds thrusts the form out for Jason to sign and snatches it back just as quick. 

“Jay, this one requires ID,” Roy says as he starts stuffing all his papers into a folder, getting ready to go.

Jason fishes out his ID, and they both wave their ID cards in front of the clerk, and that’s it. They’re married. 

For months, neither of them realizes their walking around in holy matrimony. It’s Tim who figures it out. 

Tim’s hacking into the county clerk’s office, innocently looking through the marriage licenses (he suspects that one of the younger Falcone boys married a girl from the Russian mob and it led to their deaths and a gang war), and that’s when he stumbles upon Jason’s marriage license. 

Tim makes a noise like an angry cat and complains to Dick that nobody ever tells him anything. 

And Dick is just like: Jason and Roy got married??!

Eventually the entire superhero community knows, except for Jason and Roy.

Alfred calls Jason up while he’s in the Bahamas and tells him that he and his young man will be there for the wedding ceremony on the 18th, wearing the suits that Alfred’s sent him. 

Then he hangs up, leaving Jason to stare at the phone in confusion, because who’s getting married?

And did Alfred just call Roy his young man?

But look, Jason’s not about to ignore a request from Alfred and he’s there on the 18th at 9 am sharp. People keep congratulating him and Roy as they walk by and Jason is really starting to get a bad feeling about this whole thing. 

Bruce is there, ready to walk Jason down the aisle. He will fight you on this

In fact, he did fight Ollie on this (spoiler alert: he won). Ollie is sulking in the corner over not getting to walk Roy down the aisle, while Dinah rolls her eyes at him. 

Anyway, Roy and Jason both end up walking down the aisle after Kory, who is very excited to be the flower girl in an Earth wedding.

As the officiant starts the wedding proceedings Jason scowls at Roy and mutters, “I don’t know what’s going on. But I am entirely sure this is your fault, and we are going to have words.”

Roy’s mouth moves on automatic, “Really, Jaybird. Most couples don’t spend their honeymoon talking.” 

Jason gnashes his teeth and says “I do” with prejudice. 

…And that’s how Jason and Roy accidentally got married. 

Secret santa gift for kingaiju, who has absolutely fabulous sylvari that I hopefuly didn’t ruin much. I’m really really sorry for being late, my life is a joke right now and I wanted to make sure this still ends up looking the best I can ;v;

sibling!bts

alexis-catherine: can you do each of the members of bts as older brothers! pleeeasee i really liked your dad one and i think you could do a good older brother one too
author’s note: i had so much fun with this~~ requests are always open, so send more in if you have any:)
disclaimer: all gifs are credited under each boy’s name as cr., none of the gifs used here are my own; they are cropped for uniformity and easy reading


KIM SEOKJIN
cr.

  • loudest older brother
  • embarrassing as hell
  • obviously the life of any situation and loves it
  • type to completely take up everyone’s attention and be like “oh you’re still here?”
  • the best looking sibling
  • according to himself anyway
  • always making you be the gineau pig for his new recipes
  • “i need a taste tester, come help me!!”
  • “jin i’m literally in the middle of studying”
  • “you’re gonna turn down food for books…….who are you”
  • tries to pull pranks on you when he’s home
  • mostly bc he can’t do it to the boys, but he can do it to you
  • god if there were an award for siblings who bicker the most, it would go to this household
  • sometimes it’s just bantering
  • but jin will find any and every reason to bicker with you, even over small things like how you eat your meals
  • “what do you mean do don’t dip it in the sauce first, who are you???”
  • “me?? who tf does THAT???”
  • incredible, really, emmy worthy entertainment in the kim household
  • if you ever visit him on tour or in seoul, he just makes you do his grocery shopping for him
  • “jin you’re 25 years old, get off your ass and go to the grocery store”
  • “wow, i fly you out here with my own hard earning money, book you a hotel, let you hang out with my band members and—”
  • “just give me the goddamn list”
  • “BEST SIBLING EVER”

MIN YOONGI
cr.

  • never responds in the family group chat
  • you don’t even text all that often you can never get him to respond in a timely manner
  • it’s really like a couple times a month
  • and it’s usually yoongi texting you being like “you alive? 👀”
  • i feel like communication wise, snapchat is probably the easiest way to get to him
  • bc his snap is private for close friends and family only
  • he’s the type to snap you being like “haha i’m in tokyo what are you guys up to at home”
  • every single time he comes home, he steals your blanket 
  • every. single. time.
  • little piece of shit
  • but he’s a kind little piece of shit
  • if you ever asked him to bring you back something, he’d make it is top priority
  • he may seem indifferent to a lot of things, but he cares
  • sometimes he gets you surprise gifts
  • some days you just come home from school and there’s a package on your bed
  • and you’re like huh? i didn’t order anything
  • then you realize it’s from yoongi bc he’s the only person in the world who wouldn’t bother to put a name nor an address on a gift box
  • basically begs you to send him videos of holly
  • “pls i just want to see my baby”
  • “i thought jimin was on tour with you tho?”
  • “oh shutup where’s holly”

JUNG HOSEOK
cr.

  • super cute older brother
  • always texting you to check in on you, make sure you’re doing okay and not stressing too much about school or life
  • always brings you back gifts
  • the type to fly you to his concerts
  • always wants to take pictures or selfies
  • “hoseok if you post that on twitter i will personally murder you in your sleep”
  • “AGH TOO LATE SORRY”
  • “YOU’RE A DEAD MAN”
  • aside from joking stuff like that, you guys probably won’t fight or bicker all that much
  • i don’t see hobi as a confrontational person or an instigator so it’s probably a chill relationship
  • probably one of the only ones nice enough to share his food with you
  • piggy back rides!!i know what you were probably thinking i mean hobi is willing to give you piggy back rides but…….no………i meant he’ll hop on your back any time any place despite being older
  • probably shares his clothes with you 
  • deinfetly, however, will not surrender any of his supreme merchandise to you, good try though
  • maybe the money gun, but not even tbh
  • asks for your fashion advice
  • “if you want my advice, then get rid of those fugly ass sneakers you were wearing the other day, really what the hell were those, hobi”
  • “what are you talking about, those were fly as hell”
  • “hobi………”
  • “……….ok fine”
  • in general hobi just likes spending time with his little sibling and likes treating you when he can bc he’s an angel and the sweetest boy on the planet

KIM NAMJOON
cr.

  • i see him as kind of a chill older brother
  • but one that is still affectionate and shows that he cares
  • he might not take you out to eat every time you come visit him
  • but he always sends you little texts saying that he appreciates you
  • stuff like that
  • constantly checking up on you tho
  • wants to make sure you’re not too stressed out with school
  • always willing to help you out with school work
  • “namjoon you’re in the middle of a world tour”
  • “so what, a little neitzsche never hurt anybody”
  • he’s the type to not even tell the boys he has a younger sibling
  • and one day they just walk in on him facetiming you or something and the boys are like “omg namjoon who IS that?”
  • (tbh the maknae’s probably all think you’re adorable)
  • but joon is like “oh this is my sister, say hi everyone!”
  • “SISTER??”
  • hence, your extremely informal introduction to the rest of bangtan
  • he’s embarrassing but not in the same way seokjin is…….joon is like cringey embarrassing lmfao
  • very supportive of whatever it is you decide to do with your life
  • but will also give his input if he thinks something is potentially dangerous or harmful
  • i’m sure namjoon would be willing to buy you things but he’s probably that brother that’s like “ok i’ll buy you this IF you do this for me”
  • it’s ok half the time he has to buy you things just bc he breaks it first

PARK JIMIN
cr.

  • sweetest sibling awards goes to park jimin
  • confides in you first for everything
  • tries to take care of you as much as possible even though he’s not home very often
  • we’ve all seen how he takes care of tae and jungkook like they’re his younger brothers so imagine him to be kinda like that
  • he babies you honestly
  • but he only means well
  • calls you randomly to make sure you’re taking care of yourself
  • telling everyone about you all the time
  • and by everyone, i mean everyone
  • the boys, photographers, bang pd, makeup artists, fans
  • “look at what they did, wah isn’t my family the coolest”
  • and by all the time i mean all the time
  • on the plane, mid-rehersal, mid-photoshoot, mid-vlive, mid-interview
  • jimin is just a really proud, supportive older brother
  • you’re definitely the most talked about out of bts’ siblings if jimin is your big bro
  • constantly encouraging you
  • he thinks you’re super cool even though he’s the older one
  • i don’t see him as a frequent gift giver, rather he’d probably buy you one or two really expensive and/or meaningful gifts on a special occasion
  • it’s still really sweet and it’s jimin we’re talking about here, so it’s definitely the best gift ever every time

KIM TAEHYUNG
cr.

  • takes such pride in being an older brother
  • tae just likes having a sibling he thinks of it as having a built in best friend
  • so he LOVES having a younger sibling so he can tell them everything about everything
  • all the places he’s been, the mistakes he’s made, the people he’s met
  • just likes talking to you
  • will honestly buy you anything even if you don’t ask for it
  • “tae why’d you buy me new shoes?”
  • “i have the same pair and they’re really comfy! besides now we can be matching siblings!”
  • sweet but he’s loud as hell
  • yells your name even if you’re sitting right next to him
  • makes you take all of his instagram hoe aesthetic pictures
  • you’ll literally be in the middle of the street and tae is like “come on i need you to take a picture of me here pls”
  • “……you only bought me lunch because you wanted me to take pictures of you after, didn’t you?”
  • “um… maybe anyways let’s go you’re wasting daylight!”
  • tae is the type of sibling to just you know…..sit on his other siblings
  • or use you as his personal pillow at any given time
  • if you’re just chilling on the couch tae will just sit on your legs, even if you’re on your stomach
  • and it’s like “????? hello ????? I’m sitting here tae ????”
  • “oh, i know, don’t mind me”
  • a mess
  • anyway the point is tae is probably a touchy big bro
  • like prefers to sit next to you, use you as his foot rest, ruffle your hair
  • he’s also a monster that will eat all of your food so beware if he’s schmoozing for your forgiveness

JEON JUNGKOOK
cr.

  • the absolute worst (best) big brother in the history of the world
  • completely extra
  • completely unnecessary
  • completely does the most always
  • it’s shocking really how he comes up with news ways to be both extra and annoying at all times bc for once he’s the elder
  • will literally fight you at random times and/or over the smallest things
  • “ha you lost”
  • “you’re TWICE MY SIZE JUNGKOOK”
  • “so? lmao weak”
  • does shit like steals your seat when you get up from the room
  • changes your alarms
  • calls you an idiot 27/10
  • takes burst selfies on your phone that take 18925 years to delete
  • eats the last of the leftovers even though you had your name on it
  • when you ask him to do something or get something from you he’ll be like “why? you got two legs, use them lmao”
  • but then begs you to do things for him and claims he needs because he’s tired from being an idol
  • “why can’t you just be a good little sibling and go to the store from me??? I’m TIRED”
  • but he’s also considerate (to a degree)
  • he’s always extra about it, but he’s thoughtful
  • like he’ll have a bunch of your favorite snacks delivered to you if he sees them while he’s on tour
  • and you’d think that’s sweet
  • except jungkook is the type to literally send you a shipping container full of one kind of bag of chips
  • “jungkook why did you send me 100 bags of sweet and sour chips?”
  • “because you like sweet and sour chips!!”
  • “i don’t need 100 bags of them!!”
  • “they’re rare and japanese, be appreciative you brat”
a very professional review of every song on made in the a.m.
  • hey angel: sounds like something they'd play during a scene in a movie where everybody's on acid. makes me wanna spin around in the rain and get really dizzy and fall over and stare at sky for 10 hours.
  • drag me down: literally i could take over the world after listening to this song. such a power jam. i'm STILL PUMPED.
  • perfect: when you're rich and hot and can do whatever you want but also clearly #sarcastic. lots of #shade.
  • infinity: feels like missing somebody, kind of nostalgic but mostly like a pit in your stomach.
  • end of the day: TWO GIRLS IN LOVE. taking a chance, being brave, holding your head high and going for it.
  • if i could fly: LARRY LARRY LARRY LARRY LARRY DID YOU KNOW LOUIS AND HARRY HAVE BEEN IN LOVE FOR 5 YEARS L A R R Y. sounds like true love. there's a certainty there. it's beautiful.
  • long way down: feels like trying to turn your pain into something that looks prettier even though you know it never will be, staring out the window during a long car ride, remembering how to breathe.
  • never enough: when you're getting it and your friends are cheering you on in the background.
  • olivia: when you gotta crush on a super cute girl who likes puns and willy wonka. very pure. i gotta crush on olivia now.
  • what feeling: makes you want to be half of a power couple. chill but there's a punch there. feels like flirting.
  • love you goodbye: it's zouis. desperate, missing somebody when they haven't left yet, when hating somebody would be easier than loving them. louis owns it (he owns every song).
  • i want to write you a song: literally so soft. a lullaby. feels like getting tucked in and kisses on your cheek.
  • history: sounds like a song you'd sing around a campfire. simple and comforting. like a hug from your best friend.
  • temporary fix: GET IT NIALL
  • walking in the wind: feels like a pinky promise. makes you grateful. makes you remember every amazing thing that's ever happened. makes you miss somebody but with a smile. makes you feel content there's gonna be more , more, more.
  • wolves: it's supposed to be jealousy but it feels more like jumping on the bed and running around your neighborhood, being overly dramatic, falling over laughing.
  • a.m.: feels like late nights with your best friends, like driving with the window down, like inside jokes. platonic soulmates.
Being best friends with Peter Parker (Headcanon)

okay so I couldn’t write an imagine so here’s a sweet head canon:)) this is my first one i hope u like!!:D

MASTERLIST

______________________________________________

(gif creds to owner)

Being best friends with Peter Parker would include…

- okay so you and peter are like the friends ™

- you tell each other absolutely everything

- late night study sessions are almost every day

-”Peter! Listen to me!’

-”I’m sorry, I’m just so bored!”

- peter constantly letting you know he could easily ace a quiz without studying while you had to cram

- but in a joking way

- because he absolutely adored the way your nose would scrunch as you focused intently on your work 

- he always makes up an excuse to hang out with uou

- you two were attached at the hip

- cute giggles and BLUSHES

- that’s all you seemed to find yourself doing while with peter

- his sweet smile would form once you made him laugh, his pretty eyes gazing sweetly into yours

- CUE BLUSH

- peter noticed them too

- he loved them. they made him feel comforted by your caring and loving presence

- you two would sit next to each other at the library while studying

- he once again admired how your finger would come up and twirl itself around your hair in concentration

- stares

- CONSTANT STARES

- secret crushes

- because c’mon, peter was the most pure and selfless human being out there

- his hair when slightly curled was your favorite

- but he was also a headass

- PETER IS A HEADASS

- but you loved him for it

- es you were completely in love with peter parker

- and he was completely in love with you

- y’all a bunch of headasses

- ned had to tell the other what was going on

- “YOU TOLD PETER?!”

- “I had to. He wouldn’t tell you his feelings either way.”

- peter found out ned told you and he about died

- “Ned told me”

- cHEEKS FLUSH RED BC LOVE!!:D

- you both admitting it at the same time

- a sweet kiss is placed upon your cheek and you’re pretty sure you died right there

- peter’s heart flew out his chest

- SPARKS NOTHING BUT LOVING SPARKS

- dating within a day

- hand holding

- ajkhawqqw cute shit

- headasses who stay together 

- SMILES :)) :D 

- ok ur soulmates that’s it

- nothing but innocent sweet loves <33

_____________________

TAG LIST: @kaylaleslie1120 @alexelaineburke @5-seconds-of-sarcasmm@isnow-0r-never @samsfabuloushair @lunastarwatcher @2hip2bsquare@pixiedust-and-weasleys @jun-gle-cruise @i-survived-my-trip-to-nyc@rnayparker @lesilcar @tiny-friggin-human @psychael @newwholockian @over-et @captain-blossom @neewtmas @spider-quackson 

3

Requested by anon <3
Prompt:  Could you please do a Jacksepticeye one where the reader is Marzia’s sister and she’s visiting her and Felix, and Jack is visiting too and it’s kind of like love at first sight? Then maybe all 4 of them go out to dinner or something and the reader and Jack just keep staring at each other all night or something really fluffy? Thank you and sorry if it’s to specific haha

 MASTERLIST KO-FI.

Marzia’s sister (Name) – that much he was informed when he dropped by Felix’s place as he was invited for dinner. The said girl was running late, a trait of hers as Marzia had joked about it, and without much thought the three of them continued to converse in the candle light, the delicious scent of Marzia’s cooking and a whiff of wine almost dizzying. The doorbell suddenly chimed and the older sister jumped from her seat, eager to get to the door. Second later excited voices filled the hallway, and then an unfamiliar girl with (color) hair stepped into the dimness of the dining room with a tender smile.

“Sorry for being late,” She said, hopping over to Felix and giving him a quick hug, before turning to Jack and faltering as if only now realizing he was also there. He jolted, flashing you a grin and you flashed one back, extending your hand for him, “(Name).” you shook his hand.

“Sean.” The Irish accent was pleasant to the ear and you had to hold down a shudder.

The evening went without a hitch, filled with jokes, stories and unbelievable occurrences. From time to time Felix would shift the conversation to something that annoyed him and once everyone expressed their opinions the chatter would drift back to humor. Though, along with laughter and shy glances –from your part, that is – you couldn’t help but notice that Sean’s eyes hardly left your form, and even if they did it was only for a moment when Felix or Marzia pressingly needed his attention. The though made you blush lightly – he was very handsome and had a great sense of humor, after all. Did the Pies plan this? Taking sip of wine a coy smile tugged on the corner of your lip. They most certainly did.

Requests are opened!

Falling in Love With Sirius Black Would Include…

  • Immediately fancying each other but being far too cocky to admit it
  • Always competing with each other for everything
  • Assuming that everyone in the room fancies the both of you
  • Constant cocky banter and flirting
  • Forever trying to get the other person to admit they think you’re hot
  • Getting carried away during arguments
  • Ending up screaming at each other over who gets the last piece of toast, while James quietly eats it in the corner
  • Clearly being crazy about each other but never admitting it because feelings are for losers
  • Throwing around horrible insults like its nothing, and then getting defensive if anyone else tries to join in
  • “You see when I call her an ugly troll she knows I’m just joking but you…you should leave her alone.”
  • Sulking when one of you steps over the line
  • Both of you being too proud to apologize for days on end and insisting everything is just fine 
  • Sitting either side of James in the common room; 
  • “James could you ask the person to the left of you if they have some spare parchment?” 
  • “James can you tell the person to the right of you that they can have some spare parchment, but only if they shove it up their ass?”
  • Being driven mad because actually you miss each other terribly 
  • Sirius finally sidling up to you late at night in the common room and sitting down next to you with a sigh
  • You mumbling a very quiet and grumpy apology 
  • Sirius putting an arm round you, pulling you close and kissing your forehead
  • “I’m sorry darling” 
  • Both of you nodding off like that in front of the fire, holding on to each other tightly
  • Sirius smirking and muttering “easy love” when you bump into him
  • Secretly enjoying it when Slytherins come up to you in the corridors and try to intimidate you because Sirius always puts his arm around you and holds you close
  • Going through a family bereavement and Sirius putting all the bravado and jokes and everything else on hold to be there for you
  • Realising how much you need him when you break down in his arms late at night
  • Sirius being driven mad when he sees some guy flirting with you and making you laugh
  • Sirius striding up to you like he’s about to punch you and just grabbing you and kissing you passionately instead
  • From that moment on being completely unable to keep your hands off eachother but still being terrible at talking about feelings
  • Broom closet make out sessions
  • Angry kisses in the middle of arguments
  • Jealousy and overprotectiveness 
  • Sirius accidentally shouting out that he loves you in the middle of an argument
  • Suddenly finding yourself kissing him and telling him you love him too 
  • Finally starting to see the real Sirius when things get scary and the war makes life more dangerous
  • Falling in love with him all over again when you see just how loyal and strong he can be for his friends
  • Finally hearing him open up about what he went through with his parents and his brother 
  • Holding him tight and realizing that the man in your arms is worth the entire world to you 

littlegayferret  asked:

sorry i'm late to the party, but who is ETD?

Etd is the nickname Tumblr gave my husband. It either means Elusive Tumblr Dad (the joke being he’s not actually on tumblr, he just hangs out around mine and haunts my chat rooms like a poltergeist in the pipes) or Eldritch Troll Dad depending on how Addams Family he’s being at any given moment.

He’s also been dubbed Mothman by some of the more regular chatters, cause they’re convinced I’m married to him for his cryptidness. He’s wryly amused by all of it.

Practice Buddy (pt. 1)

Originally posted by sugutie

Characters: Jungkook x Y/N, Jimin x Y/N
Genre: Angst/Fluff
Word count: 5k

MASTERLIST

2 | 3 | 4 | 5

You were Jungkook’s best friend-practice buddy for his crush in college, but when you attempt to get into a relationship with someone new, Jungkook can’t help but to feel hurt.

Keep reading

Masterlist

Request information:

Ships (ship at first sight): open -> all of the previous week posted on Monday
Reactions: open -> mostly posted on Wednesday depending on the amount of reaction requests
Imagines: open
Scenarios: open
Short stories: closed
Text message scenarios: open

I write for EXO, BTS, MonstaX and GOT7

Short stories:

EXO

Mafia AU; New to Suwon: prologue , part1

Xiumin:
Lost love pt1 
Lost love pt 2 

DO:
Cold?

Kai:
mission of the maknaes pt1 

Sehun:
mission of the maknaes pt2 

Suho:
In the cold
Drunk on a feeling

Chen:
Dirty little secret

Lay:
Healing touch

Baekhyun:
I’ll play your game

Chanyeol:

I miss(ed) you: part1, part2, part3, part4, part5 , part6, …

BTS

Yoongi:
Like a cherry blossom in winter(soulmate!AU)

Jimin:
Coffee and notebooks

Jungkook:
A different chance (college!AU)

Monsta X

Zombie AU; Only human (Wonho): part1, part2

Hoseok:
Sunshine on a cloudy day

Kihyun:
One touch

Reactions:

BTS:
Seeing you in their clothes 
Their S/O stanning their girl in love yourself highlight reel.
S/O being stalked 
S/O always apologising
Their newborn grabbing their finger.
S/O having social anxiety.
Coming home to a crazed fan.
Gf staining herself with blood.
GF fainting because of pregnancy.
S/O not being able to sleep without them.
finding out about their crush’s bad past

EXO:
S/O visits them at the studio.
S/O not being able to sleep without them

Monsta X:
S/O visits them at the studio. 
Coming home late and S/O needs to comfort them
finding their crush drunk at a party.
falling in love with a trainee

Got7:
Hearing S/O talk in their native language

Scenarios: 

BTS

how they cuddle you. (full)

Getting worried because you stayed out late :
 Yoongi , Jin

Their S/O needing their comfort after a bad day. 
Seokjin , Yoongi , Hoseok , Namjoon , Jimin , Taehyung , Jungkook

S/O making a joke about being fat while pregnant
Jimin  

Faking to be your boyfriend at the club.
Taehyung,

Fighting with you.
Yoongi (coming soon)

Monsta x

How they cuddle you. (full)

EXO

How they cuddle you (full)

infinite (my knowledge is scarce on infinite, I’m sorry)

S/O doesn’t have hair because of an illness.

Got7

How they cuddle you (full)

* Coming soon = it is in queue to be posted or is being worked on
* the requested scenarios don’t always get done for the entire group, so if you    want a specific member for one of them, just ask :) 

♥ Requests are open ♥ 

for more stories, check my “dreamteam masterlist” ;) 
I didn’t put them here because I don’t see them as part of these fictions.

Essays in Existentialism: Monarchy III

Please tell me you’re going to write more of ‘Monarchy’!! I loved it!

Previously on Monarchy

It was still hot and balmy, even when the kids went back to school and the businesses reverted to normal hours. Gone was the feeling of summer, though the temperature remained for a little while. Even after Lexa asked and invited her girlfriend to dinner, there was still a little bit of difficulty in planning it. To have everyone home at one time, it was a difficult endeavor to accomplish, and one she didn’t really undertake too eagerly.

Keep reading

So guess whose late again…ME!, I will explain why it’s taking so long later lol BUT here is Inktober day 14!! I have had a few people talk about Sally being terrified of moths lol and I made a joke about her running away so fast she left her own hand behind 😂 so @dollfacesally and @skellingtonatyourservice talked me into drawing it lol

Also they asked me to tag @thetown , ( if your as confused as i’m sorry lol and hi) so I hope you enjoy it!

loxare  asked:

If this is the second time Jason has died, are he and Cass tied now?

It’s a pointless comparison in a number of ways. 

The transition between continuities, for one. Jason’s died twice in Rebirth continuity to Cass’ zero. Cass died in Post-Crisis continuity and neither stuck and were never intended to. 

Jason’s Post-Crisis death remains the only death that actually intended to be permanent (wasn’t cheap plot dramatics) AND stuck for an actually significant amount of time, with Steph and Damian following up. 

If we’re including literally every ‘death’ done for random plot dramatics that results in near immediate resuscitation, we end up with what happened in Trinity’s issue, where there’s no emotional impact, no fallout and no interest for any readers cause it’s just a minor plot detail. 

In short: no they’ll never be tied. Jason’s death is The Death, and nothing DC comics ever does again will match it (which is a good thing, they should just stop trying). 

A/N: First of all, and I am not joking when I say this, there were five people who asked for a Jooheon NSFW A-Z and I was going to write one for a member of Mamamoo but I gotta give what they want like damn you all are thirsty for the Joo but I can’t blame you bc he’s so fineeeeee. BTW I got this template from chantenyongs and I could not find the original creator to give proper credit to.

A = Aftercare

Mind you Joo can’t control himself with you and therefore he’s gonna instinctively try to cuddle you like a little baby (or be cuddled like a little baby) and probably get you a drink if he thought you needed it. Sex with him won’t really be rough so he’ll assume you aren’t in any pain when the evening grows darker.

B = Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He’s got mad raps thanks to his tongue and he’ll gladly use those skills on you any day of the week. He will literally lick from your neck to your thighs if you let him and he’ll even leave little kisses in his path. On you, (his favorite part is everything bc you’re perf but everyone’s got a favorite) his favorite part is your eyes because wow you got pretty eyes and he can’t not look at them woah.

C = Cum

He tried to pull out but he messed up and now he’s cumming on the inside of your legs whoops now he has a new favorite body part bc damn that was hot.

D = Dirty Secret (a dirty secret of theirs)

This isn’t something we all didn’t think at least once in our lives but Jooheon really wants to just try spanking with you. He thinks he is too vanilla and wants to spice things up a bit sometimes and this is a good way for him because he gets to have you laying on his lap while marking your butt. He wouldn’t go too hard like some people I know (mveowrb-rapmon-sjviejrbg) but just enough to get you to beg for more.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

boi you wish he’s too sweet to get that much pussy to be a sex mastermind but I can’t say he doesn’t know what he’s doing because hE kNOws eXaCtLY wHAt He’S dOIng

F = Favorite position

Out of all of the idols I’ve done a A-Z for I have given none of them the honor of having morning sex so here’s Jooeon asking for a quicky before he goes to work the the promise to do it all again later on.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

Oh yeah he’s a prankster in the streets and that doesn’t change in the sheets like one day he’ll show up wearing those stupid glasses with the fake nose and mustache expecting to get laid.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they)

Unexpectedly he’ll shave so it’s really random with him. Today he’ll be fully grown, then next week he’s hairless.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

The more comfortable you two get the less romantic he’ll become because he’s not trying to impress you he’s just trying to love you so he’ll go all out like he used to on really special days like anniversaries, birthdays, etc.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation)

He once stole your panties as one of his jokes but that night he had to work late so he ended up jacking off into them sorry.=, you’re not getting them back because he threw them away. He was too scared of being caught with them so he wrapped them in tissues and trashed them like he murdered someone.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Greatly enjoys having you hugging his neck to try and stable yourself as he’s inside of you. He loves you using him as an outlet and that he can provide for you just by being with you.

L = Location (Favorite places to do the do)

Earlier I mentioned he’s pretty vanilla but that doesn’t mean he is limiting himself to the bedroom. He can move all he wants in there and that makes way for so many possibilities for the two of you, making it one of the many of his favorite places , it’s his no. 2. His tippity top favorite place is actually outside. It’s not any old location, it’s a secret spot you two discovered while walking home. It’s a plot of grass with a weeping willow tree shielding a spot. Through the leaves you two can’t be seem or heard from their thickness. This is his favorite spot because it incorporates the space of your bedroom and it’s a meaningful place for the both of you.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

There’s a sign you two accidentally came up with for when one of you wants to get it on while you are in public and that sign is grabbing the other wrist. Like you two could be at dinner with Monsta X and Jooheon will grip your wrist slightly and that’s the equivalent to saying “I want my dick in you now.” and you’ll have to make up an excuse for the two of you to rush home.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He doesn’t like the name giving kinks like being called “daddy, master, sir, etc” would make him go soft and he might just be too embarrassed to continue. He wouldn’t hold it against you but he'l politely ask you to not do that and try to find a common ground so you both can fulfill your fantasies.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

He prefers the 69 position if anyone is giving or receiving oral. If he starts eating you out his hard on will distract him until you move to return the favor. If you start blowing him he’ll feel like you aren’t getting off so he’ll do his best to make you cum before he does.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

He isn’t fast or slow, rough or soft, he’s like exact? He snaps into you before drawing out of you completely and snapping back in. It’s a constant speed he sets in the beginning and most likely won’t increase or decrease unless you ask him too.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

He likes quickies in privacy but never when there’s too much risk of getting caught.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Previously mentioned he would die if he ever got caught doing anything remotely sexual with or without you there so he’ll take everything into thought and make solutions to every possible problems before things get heated.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

He can about three rounds before he’s exhausted. Don’t try to convince me otherwise because he can definitely go for more than two but he can’t go all night.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

There are no toys. No vibrators, no ropes, none of it.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He probably wouldn’t even have lube because he foreplays long enough for you to be soaking.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

He would moan with every snap into you and basically only say “baby” the whole time.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

He’s a sucker for you 24/7 so having recorded audio or video of you two having sex on his phone for when he’s away would be heaven for him.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

He’s totally about average length and width but it wouldn’t matter because he can drive his hips into yours so far that you can’t remember how long he is nor do you care.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

He can go forever without sex but every month or so he can’t control his urges and asks you for it. You’ll be like “god finally! I though I was a perv!” before you two get all hot and bothered.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He’s not rough with you so he shouldn’t be too tired afterwards. This gives the to of you time you can spend talking or just sitting in comfortable silence.

~Blake