Please, don’t cry over this. I don’t like it when people cry, and it makes me feel bad. I’m just extremely stressed and I want to get this out. Also, I want to apologize to the people out there who are offended by this.
There are so many things I want to apologize for. So many things. People tell me, “You beat yourself up too hard.” I do, trust me, I do. But, some things I regret I almost instantly take back. The point is I feel like I’m annoying everybody. With my words. My actions. Everything. I feel like I’m nothing to society. People tell me, “They have work to do.” But, what if they didn’t? I constantly remind myself, each and every single day, that no matter how many times I text that I should just stop. My mind says, “You’re annoying them.” I’ll scream back, saying maybe that they’re just bored to text back. But no. Voices. Upon thousands of voices fill my mind, screaming, saying,
“You’re worthless! Why would they answer someone like you?”
“They’re just annoyed by you.”
“They’re screaming at you! They’re telling you to shut up!”
“They’re not working, they’re just annoyed by your antics!”
“SHUT UP, YOU’RE WORTHLESS, NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOU.”
Shut up. The one word that had affected me my whole life. I’m kinda like Richie. The way he just doesn’t shut up. Constantly talking. I feel like that. That society screams at me to just shut up. Texting is the one thing I’m kinda addicted too. Every day people say, “Yeah, I’ve got something to do, see ya.” And I completely understand that. It’s just that feelings start to build in me after a few days pass. Will they ever answer me? Will they just ignore me? Will they just tell me lies? Will they..
By the fact that people just, hate me.
That’s the reason I came here. To be free.
The society that I joined. The IT society is one of the best things I’ve ever exprienced. Everyone is so nice to each other. They respect each other, one way or another, and that is what I loved about it. I PM a lot of people too. They were all so nice. So kind with their words. But, I was still frightened.
Then, one day, some of them disappeared.
I began to fear that they hated me, I started to beat myself up again.
I wanted to scream, scream to the world to notice me.
But I never did get noticed.
I was afraid that, the people I walked with, made friends with, made conversations with..
Texted with, pm with…
I was afraid of being hated all over again.
@eddiekaspbraks @violetlovesherdaddyclown @robertgray-aka-pennywise @27floats-later @stanthemansuris @pennywisewinter @brvndneweyes @pennywisedaddywise @beep-beep-reddie @flowercrown-waltz @fittlestix @danciingclxwn @sugarcopic @richies-spaghetti