The month of Ramadhan [is that] in which was revealed the Qur'an, a guidance for the people and clear proofs of guidance and criterion. So whoever sights [the new moon of] the month, let him fast it; and whoever is ill or on a journey - then an equal number of other days. Allah intends for you ease and does not intend for you hardship and [wants] for you to complete the period and to glorify Allah for that [to] which He has guided you; and perhaps you will be grateful.
Well, obviously you know who wrote this since I am handing it to you, and I am doing this because I know if I were just to speak and not filter through my thoughts. I would hurt you with my words, because I want you to feel what I felt. My first instinct is to make you feel the pain I felt, but that is 17 year old Shawn coming through.
17 year old me never got to get my feelings out, and well we know I am emotional can’t stop it. I’ve talked about it with my dad assumes it come with being a hunter and how I was raised. It’s why most hutners are single, when you kill and kill just makes you cold, it’s why I can shut down and be a total dick. Think it’s why my dad is a quiet man doesn’t want to hurt my mom again. anyway, back to waht I was saying
I guess I need to put it out there and what I felt. Since I don’t want our daughter born into this mess between you and I. I want her in nothing but love.
So, I will write this from 17, year old Shawn perspective. Okay? Starting now…
I hate you.
How could you leave like that, let me believe I would see you tomorrow at school, let me believe I was going to get a life with you. You are fucking selfish, I hope it hurt. Because I can’t breathe at night, can’t feel my chest. It hurts to do anything. I just sit here in bed trying to figure out if I could have done anything. I read the letter over and over and over again. What if I stayed that night? What if I ignored you saying I should go home? I should have stay outside for an hour or so like I always did and come back in. Maybe you would be here. I wouldn’t hurt so much.
It’s shit you get to be happy, took the easy way out. I was going to give you everything, Alex. You know my family was going to Disney this summer. I was going to take you. You’re my princess. I don’t think I am ever doing this again it fucking hurts. I can’t love anything again. Thanks for fucking me up. I know you did this so I wouldn’t be fucked up by you. Well, you lied. Your plan failed you fucked me up. Permanently. I hope that hurts you. I’m mad I still love you. I want to hate you. I don’t I keep writing it to make it true. I can’t ruin our pictures I keep trying, luckily my tears ruin the chance for the fire to actually work on the pictures.
Fuck, I love you so much. I want the pain to stop. All of it. I just see you there dead now. It’s hard looking at any of these pictures of you smiling making a dumb face because I was taking a picture. I just want those in my head not this. Fuck you, Alex Puckett. Maybe I should end it be with you.
Please, pretend I didn’t say those rude things. I just don’t know how to process this. Maybe I will be okay one day. For now. I don’t know what id going to happen with me.
I love you.
Okay, was from 17 year old me. I am in love with you, Alex. I will be better now. Will put the passive aggressive side away, and just focus on the fact I have you now. I never thought I would get this at all with you. Sometimes it is hard to see and process this is real, sometimes I think I am tripping on acid, and giving myself this all. It’s just too perfect. I don’t even care we are doing this backwards. Got a dog, having a baby and then getting married. Obviously we aren’t normal. But know I never stopped loving you, even if I am the worlds biggest dick.
Nickname: Ellen (pronouned sorat like this, but it’s really just my dad being lazy and leaving off saying the ‘a’)
Star sign: Gemini
Favorite color: green, but really any colour that’s not blaring neon or poop green brown
Average hour of sleep: it literally ranges from 4 or 14 hours. i really need more consistency in my life (leaving this answer as is because it is relevant and also true)
Last thing you googled: Clan of the Cave Bear series
Number of blankets you sleep with: two
Favorite fictional characters: O’Connell (the Mummy), Eve (the Mummy), The whole of the Librarians crew, Ayla (Clan of the Cave Bear), Artemis Fowl and mostly everyone from there, Arya (Game of Thrones), Brienne of Tarth (GoT), Sansa (GoT), Tyrion, Jon Snow, Ygritte, Sam Tarley, Clegane (GoT), basically everyone ever written by Tamora Pierce, Death (The Book Thief), Leisel, Rudy (The Book Thief), Gabrielle (Heist Society), Hale (Heist Society), Isaac (TFIOS), The Gaang, Azula, Mai, Ty Lee, Uncle Iroh, the Cabbage guy, Bumi (esp him), The Nomads (A:TLA), can’t really think of any more off the top of my head
Favorite bands/artist: Styx
What are you wearing now: sleep pants and a t-shirt that says HODOR on it
Current amount of followers: 292 :(
What do you post about: anything that i like, find funny, or am currently into, like I’ll spam random tv shows or movies if i recently (re)watched it. whatever catchers my fancy
Do you have any other blogs: nope
When did your blog reach its peak: i guess right now????? i’ve gained some really random follower blogs who never reblog me and i’m currently in the middle of following back all the blogs i like (no offense to those i don’t follow, i have a system)
What made you decide to get a tumblr: my friends were pressurng me to get a social media outlet thing and i didn’t like the idea of facebook, so i got this instead, and now i’m no longer friends with any of them
Do you get asks on a daily basis:not at all, it’d be cool though, but i feel like i don’t talk to people very well (again, leaving as is because relevant)
Why did you choose your url:i like wind chimes, but that was taken…plus, i don’t know how to save urls…so like, if anyone can tell me, that would be much appreciated
What are you doing tomorrow:nothing in the morning, but i think i’m helping my dad put up an electric fence cuz our dogs keep going int the neoghbors yard but they aren’t exactly people friendly (not that we’d let them keep doing it if they were)
NOX Formulae – “Hidden Clan NXN – Pt. A. Eleven Rays Of Sorat, Pt. B. Black Magic Assault”
Underground black metal has a notorious penchant for strange obsessions, as seen in the unorthodox title of NOX Formulae’s first single: “Hidden Clan NXN – Pt. A. Eleven Rays Of Sorat, Pt. B. Black Magic Assault.” Unsurprisingly, the band is a complete unknown, hailing from somewhere in Greece and signed to Dark Descent Records, which is testament enough to their potential. Beyond that, there isn’t much to go on — besides the music. (Just a guess, but “NOX” might be referencing the Night Of Pan, which plays an important role in Thelemic mysticism, if you’re into that sort of thing. Or it could be something stranger.)
Fortunately, the music is excellent, drawing influence from disparate goth-inflected, non-traditional black metal acts like Bethlehem, Negative Plane, Atriarch, and the legendary Greek bands that birthed the Hellenic black metal scene in the early ’90s. Like those bands, NOX Formulae uses raw, simplistic bits and pieces to excellent effect: The bass throbs and rumbles like a fevered pulse, pushing the song into delirium and back. Meanwhile, the drums start off on a slow trudge to the gallows, then come alive with a frantic, skittering blast of energy. And a lead guitar cuts morbid, melodic figures through the ramshackle clatter, a plaintive wail lighting the darkness like a flickering blue flame. If all that sounds about as cheery as a crumbling coffin, we’re on the right track. Listen.
NOX Formulae’s The Hidden Paths To Black Ecstasy is out 5/9 via Dark Descent.