sophisticated naturals

1st House - your Ascendant, your worldwide persona

Aries Ascendant - outspoken and very sensitive. They are called warriors of the zodiac and for a good reason. They always fight to the end for the cause they believe in and will do everything what it takes to win (literally). They are really smart and inventive. They like to instigate things and cause drama. They never take your advices. Honest and stubborn. They tend to take things to their heart (except advices) and they easily get offended. They crave romance and true love but they are way more shy about those things than people think. They really can get shy in love! But they want to be always considered strong so it is hard to see that side of them. They have a tendency to delete people from their life too fast, without giving it a second thought. Strong minded. Helpful. Sassy. They easily get jealous of others.

Taurus Ascendant - protective and sexy. Their presence is not that intense like Scorpio but still they are visible and hard to miss. Very sensual people. Their sexiness is more subtle and their beauty is very earthy like. They go back and forth with being economical and  impulsive with spending money (they might buy things they think they need when they really don’t). They are argumentative and tend to instigate things. They are really protective of their surrendings and people. Generous with their time and money unless you make them doubt your intentions. They can be very cold, calculative and emotionally detached when they need to be. 

Gemini Ascendant - funny and welcoming. They are very warm and always make people feel good with them. They will help you with opening up. They can be flighty and overly dramatic. Emotional people. They love diversity in every form. They love to learn new things and help other learn it too. Very helpful, they really want you to feel good around them. They do not want to negativity win over positivity. They can find hope and good in people everywhere. This does not mean that they are naive, no - they are very observant people and very smart. They need a lot of changes in their life. Freedom is their stability. They despise routine but they need it a little bit more in their life to keep their restlessness away from them.

Cancer Ascendant -  caring and proactive. They get things done. They are very emotionally and mentally strong. They really can get through a lot and stand still. Patient and caring, they treat their friends as their family members. They will always make sure that you will know how much they love you. They have good intuition and are people smart. They are creative and may appear more innocent that they really are. They will always encourage you to be better. They are very hard-working, they make sure to do things the best they can. Very goofy (when they feel comfortable with you). If you break their trust they will get very cold, logical and ruthless. They will call you out on the things you have done. They will never forget.

Leo Ascendant - generous and witty. Very loving and protective of their loved ones. The unique mix of softness and strength. The royal baby. They will rather die than let you win an argument. They tend to forget about their own worth and look for validation in the wrong places. They are very detail oriented about how they want to appear to the world (especially when it comes to their fashion choices). Creative, smart and devoted to their own art and style. They do not like changes and can be too much stubborn to admit that they need them. Very sensitive but they have amazing fighting spirit.

Virgo Ascendant - competent and charming. They are very sophisticated. Naturally smart, patient and observant. They have a lot of hidden charisma. They know how to act in social situations and keep their image clean. Creative. They are emotionally self-sufficent and they keep people at distance but they know how to appear friendly and welcoming. Other people may often come to them for their knowledge which they like to share. They usually have god complex and dislike when people act like they really know them. They like competent people. Meticulous and can be mean. They want to show the best of them to the world. 

Libra Ascendant - thoughtful and intuitive. They care about justice and balance and they can easily sense when something is “off”. They are really good at finding solutions. Impartial, they look at two sides before judging. They are people smart and helpful. Emotionally strong but when things go wrong they rely more on logic than emotions. They can get cold and distant when they feel they cannot trust someone. Trust is really important for them. If you break your word to them they may forigve you but will never truly forget. They are stylish, aesthetically pleasing and easily make people like them. They can become the ultimate queen b. They get things done and they do not like to sit and wait for things to escalate. 

Scorpio Ascendant - passionate and watchful. The infamous “mysterious and intense” ones. They definetely bring a lot to the table. They do not care much about others opinions but others tend to care about theirs. Beside the obvious sexiness, strong aura and intensity they have a lot of sensivity and thirst of knowledge inside of them. They like to discover secrets of the world and they are really good at it. They are careful and like to plan things. They observe people and rely on their instincts when judging them. They like to laugh with others and be more laid-back and goofy but only with those who gained their trust. They have strong convictions that they know how to defend. They are really caring and generous, they have this softness inside of them which they always choose not to show to the world. They are true fighters; they will not back down and run away from a fight but they really not aim to create everything into the battlefield. Ambitious, smart and really adventurous people.

Sagittarius Ascendant - jovial and intense. They have strong, warm aura that that attracts others to them. They are extra about every aspect of their life. Bold, independent and sometimes a little bit intimidating. They make a conscious effort to be funny (they prefer things be kept this way) but they can get serious very fast and when they do they become scary. They have short temper and sharp tongue. They will not tolerate any baloney. They will scream about it to the world if they have to. They will make a fuss about something but five seconds later they will act like nothing happened. They prefer to look at the bigger picture but still will check every little detail. They really do not know how to deal with sadness inside of them so they choose to ignore it and keep themselves busy on something “more interesting” than negative feelings.

Capricorn Ascendant - bold and confrontational. They do not back down from a challenge an actually are more drama prone that they will admit. They are passionate and very emotional but they do not show it easily to the world. They are diligent and prefer to keep the image of  professionalists. Independent, sassy, curious and smart, they know how to handle things. They despise incompetence but they are more forgiving if this incompetence come from other people and not themselves. They like affection and compliments especially about achievements, less looks. They are constantly misunderstood and people try to simplify them to being heartless workaholics but they are way more complex. They tend to be more confident when they got older, they need some time to asset themselves in the world but when they do they become ultimate bosses.

Aquarius Ascendant - serious but charming. They are a unique blend of a social butterfly and strong individualist. They like people and spending time with them but they also need a lot of solitude. They often feel outcasted because of their contrasted personality and are considered weird. They are not weird - they are just unapologetic about who they are and you have to deal with it, whether you like what you see or not. Aquarius will not change anything about themselves to make things easier (even when they crave to be understood they will stand still with who they are)They are very curious and have many interests. They need some time to really open up but when they do you can see their passionate, vulnerable and caring side. They really like and need affection. They are smart and blunt. They appreciate unconventional forms of romance. 

Pisces Ascendant - smart and incomparable. People see them as this weird, sad guys, who do not comprehend a normal human language. This is not true - they are complex and have many sides to them to show to the world. They easily get inspired by everything around them. They think they know how to blend in but the truth is that somehow they always stand out. They are intelligent, have unique sense of humour and way of looking at the world. They are brave, can get very argumentative when someone is talking about things they are passionate about. They can be both very logical and emotional, serious and goofy, loud and quiet. They are never one thing, they could never choose to be one. 

DAY 3315

Jalsa, Mumbai                     Apr 25/26,  2017                    Tue/Wed  12:52 am

A hand painted poster of mine done by legendary artist SM Pandit from my film ‘Majboor’ .. what interesting and creative days those were .. and how unique this art used to be .. until the computerised imagery took over  ..!!

The main publicity emanated from these wonderfully creative hand painted posters of enormous sizes all over the city and indeed the entire country .. Delhi has now banned them .. Mumbai still survives .. but the effect of these banners has been overtaken by many other marketing means .. digital, TV, appearances, PC’s and trailer launches etc .,

None of these ‘exciting’ technologies were present then .. none of those then are present now .. and the cycle of time moves on .. films and film industries survive and progress and multiply, as must they should ..

My era depended upon the Screen paper and the adverts., of films it carried .. or the information the Trade paper carried .. perhaps just 1 at that time .. 

NOW ..

A million papers and periodicals carry publicity, marketing and such fare, not getting into the other modern methods just observed ..

Banners hand painted were avoided being put up during the monsoons, because the rain and wind would destroy the posters and the paint on them .. yet the masses came in millions .. but look at the efforts being made now to fill in those first 3 days in order to recover the investment .. cycles move on the tread water mill rotates ..

Unusual methodologies are practised these days to market the films under release .. TV shows .. that really have no reference to the content of the film are popular .. personal appearances at various vantage points to attract attention .. its like the election rallies and methods used by political parties to attract votes ..  write ups on front pages .. cover stories on prominent film magazines, or the like .. 

Just so ..

Just so, the audience does not forget the presence of the star or artist involved in the particular film .. the diversity and the extent of the content available today in the field of entertainment coerces one and all to do so be so and comply so !

It is discomforting for elders and old timers like me .. but we need to move with the time and time we do .. in smaller towns a rickshaw, the human peddled rickshaw carried a hand painted information banner on its sides, with a person on a home made microphone, announcing the arrival of a particular film, peddling through the city .. unusual methods are devised even now, but of a more sophisticated nature .. technically .. !!

Social media has become a huge tool .. many friends ask me to load up their links to their film on my medium and I regularly do so .. some sceptics ask why I promote others’ films .. why not ? .. if someone benefits from my Tweet or FB or Blog or Instagram, why does it bother them .. I am happy doing it !!

The medium of being heard and seen has undergone a revolution .. and each revolution has brought some benefit .. revolutions generally do .. not always .. some revolutions fail .. but most do not .. revolutions not just in the field of science, but in society and morality and politics too .. but of this a discussion later .. this be not the time for it ..

Days come at times when you just wish to sit idle and ponder .. nothing revolutionary .. just .. just some thoughts that invade you in your moment of most activity .. ‘to be or not to be’ of the Russian Hamlet .. divine concept .. being in the midst of the most complicated and intense lecture, yet be in thought of that IPL game that got washed out tonight .. !!

The little things and thoughts of life at times, bring in the most interest and excitement .. like .. 

Naaaah .. ! Not going to reveal them .. heheh .. !

Good night .. thats a revelation .. !!

Amitabh Bachchan

A Few Thoughts on ‘LA LA LAND’ (D. Chazelle, 2016)

1. So much raves for this movie - the record-breaking 14 Oscars nominations, the numerous awards it has received, and the generally positive reviews from critics and viewers. I have been listening repeatedly on its soundtrack long before I have seen the movie and when I finally saw it, it dawned on me - everything good that they say is legit. 

2. We’ve seen the familiar story on Once (2006) and Begin Again (2013) - two lost souls passionate in their own craft met and fell in love despite of the circumstance, with the beauty and power of music perfectly intertwining with the narrative. But there is more to this than the usual - the songs, the screenplay, the jaw-dropping cinematography, the direction, the actors, the musical score, and the musical numbers. Simply put, it’s like everything good wrapped into one, excellent masterpiece.

3. I became a fan of Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone (sorry, Andrew Garfield) after I saw their movie ‘Crazy, Stupid, Love’ (2011). What amazed me more, aside from Emma Stone’s natural humor and convincing performance was how Ryan Gosling prepared for his role - he actually learned how to play the piano. Wait, not just piano but Jazz music which is considered as one of the most difficult to learn and play. (Trust me, I’m a Music teacher.)

4. Speaking of music, I think what made this excel above other movies of the same type was the use of Jazz. Jazz music relies on improvisation, that is, musicians are required to be inventive and create music on the spot. The beautiful music reflects on the story and vice versa - beautiful, sophisticated, improvised, and natural.

5. I thought the “Expectations versus Reality” montage in '500 Days of Summer’ (2009) was the most heart-wrenching and depressing scene in a romantic/love story that I have seen. I was wrong. Screw that “What could have been” (or some critics say, “A typical Hollywood ending”) montage towards the end of the movie! The melancholic beauty of those last minutes. Why do you have to break my heart?

(5 Stars for the City of Stars!)

English Class

“Can you write one. Me and my crush know each other since we were kids but haven’t seen each other in years and now we are in the same class and he is a bit cocky and I’m always talking in class and we are both really good in English but I have an American accent and he is English.”

Finally got to another request in my growing pile! I enjoyed writing this because my crush is in my English class too ;) I took inspiration from my class for the Romeo & Juliet idea, but sadly none of this actually happened to me! (Except the people reading in boring voices - that’s all very real.) Anyway, I hope you guys like this. I’m not sure if this is what the requester had in mind, but FYI, more detail is always better for best results!

Word count: 3.7k

Your alarm goes off and you sit up suddenly, dizzy and disoriented. You rub your eyes and check the time. It’s 6:30 a.m. Why the hell would you get up this early during the summer?

Then the realization hits you like a truck. Because it’s not summer. It’s the first day of school.

You groan and collapse back onto your pillow. Time for another tedious year of endless work and boring classes.

Walking into first period English an hour later, you think to yourself, Let’s see what we’ve got this year. Each new school year means new classes and different classmates, which is probably the one interesting part of going back to school. You always secretly hope for your crushes to be in your class but are often disappointed. This year, there is no one in particular on your mind, so the best you can hope for is some eye candy to get you through the year.

But as you scan the room you are mostly disappointed, as none of the faces really pique your interest. You sigh and plop yourself down at a desk near the back of the room. Ah well, maybe next period. You pull out a notebook and turn your attention to the teacher, who is writing her name on the board. Just as she finishes, the bell rings for the start of the period, and she turns around to face the class.

Before she gets the chance to say anything, though, the door opens abruptly and someone bursts in. “I’m not late yet, no worries,” the newcomer announces loudly. He has a silky voice and rich English accent, which is music to your American ears. You turn to get a closer look and your eyes widen.

Standing in the doorway, nearly filling the frame, is your best friend from elementary school. Years and years ago, you’d played tag on the playground and had playdates and sleepovers and told each other your deepest, darkest secrets. You’re pretty sure you’d gotten married several times. But your blissful marriage was tragically shattered when he moved away with his family. In recent years he’s only crossed your mind a few times; you’ve wondered how he was doing here and there but never spent much thought on him.

And now, like a figment of your past suddenly transported to the present, he’s standing there in your classroom, hotter and tanner and definitely taller than in your childhood years, confidence radiating off of him. All eyes are on him and he smirks a little, clearly enjoying the attention. Girls all around you, and probably some guys too, are ogling and blushing and fanning themselves, and you can’t help but feel some of the same things as everyone else - awe and intimidation and curiosity all at once.

The teacher, however, is less impressed. “What’s your name?” she asks, examining him through narrowed eyes.

“(C/n),” he responds, flashing his teeth as though this will win her over. His smile falls when he sees her mark something in her attendance book.

“All right, (c/n), find a seat,” she says.

He scans the room, his eyes passing over you. Then he does a double take and stares at you, his eyes widening. For a split second he looks stunned, then the grin returns to his face. He saunters over and slides into the seat next to yours.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t (y/n)!” (C/n) winks at you. “Fancy seeing you here.”

You turn in your seat to face him and whisper, “I could say the same to you! What are you doing here?!”

He shrugs. “My dad went back to his old job, so we moved back,” he says simply.

“Wow, well um…hi,” you say, still reeling from the shock of seeing him again. “You…you’ve grown since I last saw you, that’s for sure!” You wince at your awkwardness.

“So have you,” (c/n) responds, looking you up and down appreciatively. His eyes linger on your chest for just a second too long, and your cheeks flush. Your mouth opens to say something, but your teacher beats you to the punch. “Quiet back there!” She looks disapprovingly in your direction. You hadn’t realized that she’d started talking, and you close your mouth instantly.

(C/n) quiets too, but as soon as the teacher looks away he leans over to you and whispers, “It’s nice to see you again, (y/n).”

You smile down at your notebook and doodle a small heart in the margins where he can’t see it.

From that day on you look forward to school more and more, actually getting up early and spending more time choosing your outfit because you know you’ll see him. You can’t deny your growing feelings for him; the platonic best-friends dynamic you had years ago is far gone - for you, anyway. You have no idea how (c/n) feels about you - he teases you and talks to you all the time, but he’s such a naturally confident and friendly person that it can’t mean anything special. Still, you’re happy to spend time with him in class, where you chat back and forth whenever the teacher isn’t paying attention. You both enjoy the class too, though, and participate more than enough to appease the teacher. The first topic of the year is Shakespeare and his works, which you’ve always loved. Your class is tackling Romeo & Juliet.

Each day the class reads through a scene of the play together. You always volunteer to read the part of Juliet, and considering the low enthusiasm of the rest of the class, the teacher usually has few other options. Today, you’re reading Act 1 Scene 5, where Romeo and Juliet meet at the ball.

“So, who will be our Juliet today?”

Your hand shoots up. The teacher looks around the room, half amused, half exasperated. “Really? No one else? Alright, (y/n), the part is yours. Do we have a Romeo?”

“I’ll do it.” The voice comes from beside you. You turn to look at (c/n), surprised. He doesn’t usually volunteer, and if he does, it’s for the part of “Servingman 2” or some other menial role.

The teacher nods, satisfied. “Thank you, (c/n). We need a Capulet…” As she assigns the rest of the parts, (c/n) looks over and winks at you. Your heart starts thumping in your chest.

As Capulet and the other irrelevant characters make their way laboriously through the beginning of the scene, you grow more and more restless. Your classmates read slowly and with an utter lack of emotion. By contrast, you pour your heart and soul into your lines, and as a result your teacher has grown to like you. You start to doodle in your notebook again.

Then it’s time for Romeo’s first line. (C/n) makes a show of clearing his throat, which elicits scattered laughs from the classmates. He throws another glance in your direction before focusing on the text.

“What lady is that which doth enrich the hand of yonder knight?”

Your head snaps up and your pencil falls out of your hand. His voice is completely different from the other students’ monotonous drones - he reads with emotion and in a loud, clear voice. The style of language doesn’t sound awkward on his lips as it does with most people; instead, he sounds effortlessly sophisticated and natural, as though he came right out of the time period of the play. (The silky English accent probably helps.) You completely believe that (c/n) isn’t just reading Romeo’s part - he is Romeo. You gaze now with rapt attention, eager to hear more.

(C/n) smirks without looking up while the servingman responds, “I know not, sir.” Then he launches into his little speech and you nearly faint.

“Oh, she doth teach the torches to burn bright!

It seems she hangs upon the cheek of night

Like a rich jewel in an Ethiope’s ear,

Beauty too rich for use, for earth too dear.

So shows a snowy dove trooping with crows

As yonder lady o'er her fellows shows.

The measure done, I’ll watch her place of stand,

And, touching hers, make blessèd my rude hand.

Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight!

For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night.”

A smattering of applause rises from the class. (C/n) laughs, stands, and takes a bow. “Thank you, thank you,” he says dramatically, blowing kisses.

Even the teacher smiles a little before quieting the class. “Nice delivery, (c/n). Let’s keep moving.”

Unfortunately it seems the class, while impressed, is little inspired by his emotional reading. Tybalt and Capulet take over the reading with unchanged monotony. After an eternity, Tybalt exits the scene and Romeo starts up again.

(C/n) gets out of his seat and kneels next to your desk, book in one hand, the other reaching for yours. You look at him quizzically.

“What? It says right here in the script. ‘Taking Juliet’s hand.’” He grins as if everything is a joke to him - and it probably is.

“We don’t have to act it out,” you say nervously.

He fakes a gasp. “Are you unwilling to commit fully to the experience?”

You glance at the teacher, who says nothing, just watches with mild amusement. The other students are paying full attention now, many of them giggling and whispering to each other.

“Umm, okay,” you say finally, letting him take your hand.

(C/n) smirks in satisfaction and reads, with just a touch of overexaggeration, “If I profane with my unworthiest hand this holy shrine, the gentle sin is this: My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand to smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss.”

A hot blush is rising steadily on your cheeks, and your heartbeat picks up at the word “kiss.” You clear your throat several times. “Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much, which mannerly devotion shows in this; for saints have hands that pilgrims’ hands do touch, and palm to palm is holy palmers’ kiss.” In your nervousness you stumble over the last word and curse inwardly at yourself for being so childish and awkward. You envy (c/n) and his endless confidence.

“Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?” (c/n) responds in a sly voice, as Romeo probably would.

“Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer,” you say, trying to calm the furious beating of your heart. Be cool! You hope (c/n) can’t feel your hand sweating. You let your hand go limp, wondering if he’ll let go, but he holds on tight. He leans forward a little and you shrink back.

You can hear the smirk in his voice when he says his next line. “O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do. They pray; grant thou, lest faith turn to despair.” (C/n) looks up for most of his line, his eyes boring into you, amusement dancing in them. You hide your face, which must be bright red by now, in your book.

You can barely open your mouth to read your line, because you know what’s coming - it’s stated in the stage direction. A mixture of excitement and terror churns inside you. You stumble through the next line. “S-saints do not move, though grant for prayers’ sake.”

(C/n)’s voice lowers a little, which makes him sound even sexier. “Then move not,” he says huskily, staring intently at you, “while my prayer’s effect I take.” He stands slightly, pushes your book away from your face with one hand, and crashes his lips onto yours.

It only lasts a second before he pulls away. Cheers, wolf whistles, and excited tittering erupt all at once. You can only gape in shock, your lips tingling and your heart beating crazily. You manage to glance at the teacher, who looks stunned, although she must have seen it coming. “(C/n)!” she exclaims, her hand to her mouth. “Inappropriate!”

(C/n)’s eyes haven’t left your face, watching your reaction. He calls back without turning around, “What? I was just following the script!”

The laughter and excited buzzing in the class resumes with renewed strength. The teacher is at a loss for words, and only shakes her head for a moment before asking, “(Y/n), are you okay?”

You let out a shaky laugh. “H-hah, yeahh…” you say, feeling the eyes of all your classmates on you. By some divine miracle, the bell rings just at that moment, and you jump up and run out of the classroom before anyone can ask you any more questions.

The next day there is no class read aloud; it seems your teacher has decided to play it safe. You sit slumped down in your chair, knowing that people are still looking at you and whispering about what happened yesterday. You absolutely refuse to look at (c/n), knowing your cheeks are red and that you will certainly say something stupid. So you stare forward, glancing quickly at him only at the end of the period when you can’t fight the suspense anymore.

To your surprise, he too is looking at the ground, refusing to meet your eyes. He has been unusually taciturn today, and there’s been none of your usual banter. He’s probably regretting what he did, disgusted and embarrassed that he kissed some girl leagues below him in front of everyone. Seeing him like this only heightens your mortification. The rest of the week you speak as little as possible in that class, and even (c/n) remains silent, an impressive feat for him.

On Friday, before class lets out, the teacher announces the homework assignment. “Over the weekend I want you to write something about love. It can be any style and any length; this is just to get you warmed up for all the writing we’ll be doing this year. Bonus points if you can be as romantic as Shakespeare,” she adds jokingly.

That night you toss and turn in bed, thinking about Shakespeare and (c/n) and your assignment. What do you know about love? Absolutely nothing. All you know is playground weddings and staring at (c/n) in class, wondering if he feels the same way.

But this gives you an idea.

You get up and pull out your notebook, opening to a clean page. After a moment’s thought, you start to write.

Monday morning you trudge into English class, yawning. The day before you’d made the mistake of marathoning your favorite show for hours. And hours. And hours. Your guard is down and you temporarily forget to avoid eye contact with (c/n), so that on the way to your seat you glance at him and your eyes meet. He smiles hesitantly. You blink a couple of times, dimly surprised but too groggy to react, and sit down.

“Good morning everyone, I hope you had a nice weekend, and that you all wrote some beautiful pieces about love!” the teacher says, with an enthusiasm that no one should possess at 8 am on Monday.

You groan and hit your head against your desk. You forgot all about the horrendous poem you wrote earlier. You take your notebook out of your bag and leave it closed on your desk, refusing to open up to the poem.

“Take a few minutes to share what you wrote with the person next to you.”

You freeze. The only person next to you is (c/n). No way in hell are you reading him your writing. There are so many allusions to your past and present friendship, he’ll know right away it’s about him.

(C/n) leans over. “Hey, (y/n),” he says, a little uncertainly. It’s been days since you last talked.

You manage an awkward half-smile. “I guess we’re partners,” you offer meekly.

“Guess so,” he agrees. “Why don’t you read yours first?”

“Nah, I’m good,” you say casually.

“Oh, come on, it can’t be that bad!”

“No.” You shake your head in stubborn refusal.

(C/n) reaches out suddenly and grabs your notebook off your desk. “Hey!” you protest, stretching out a hand for it, but he holds it out of reach. “Thanks! Here, you can read mine.” He hands you a piece of paper.

You slump back in your chair in resignation and reluctantly look down at his paper, still freaking out internally. Shit, shit, shit, he’s reading your writing. You keep sneaking glances over at him but finally focus on the paper in front of you, because after all, you’re curious!

“I don’t know much about love. In kindergarten, we only had friendship, and what they call puppy love - “dating” your best girl friend and “getting married” on the playground. But even then, I think I got a taste of what real love would be like. She understood me like no one else did. I had no doubts about how strong our friendship was and how perfect a match we were, so at that age, the only logical thing to do was to get married.

Unfortunately there was no happily ever after for this young couple, because soon after our (multiple) wedding(s) I moved away, and we didn’t see each other anymore. Without her, I became a different person. I was no longer confident but instead became very insecure, and at my new school, I was so shy that I didn’t make any friends. I never took any chances and didn’t go after the things I wanted.

Eventually I realized I couldn’t go on like this, so I tried to be confident again, or at least act like I was - fake it till you make it, as they say. Well, for the most part, I made it. I started making friends again and eventually cared less and less what people thought and took more risks. But when it came to girls, I couldn’t chase after them or even talk to them. Maybe I still believed in cooties. Or maybe I was still hung up on my wife from elementary school, the girl I was certain was my other half. For years the closest thing I had to love was this memory of her, which was becoming more and more like a dream.

Then I moved back. And suddenly, she was a reality again. I saw her for the first time in years and everything came flooding back. All I wanted was for her to like me, to be impressed by me, to fall in love with me. I thought I could win her by being confident - it was the only way I knew how. But I think I may have overdone it. I think I’ve driven her away. And now that I’ve lost her again, I’ve lost all the confidence I’d built up. I wish I could explain to her that under the facade I’m still the boy she knew so well and that she is still the only person who truly understands me and accepts me for who I am. But I don’t know how to tell her any of this. I’m still just a clueless little boy. And I still don’t know much about love.”

You stay frozen in place for a moment, staring at the page, the weight of everything you’ve just read crushing you. Of course you’re wondering if this is about you, but if you assumed and got it wrong you would never get over the humiliation. Maybe (c/n) had other girl best friends, other wives. How should you know?

“…Once, we were best friends and had playground weddings. Now, I can only stare at him in class, wondering if he feels the same way.” (C/n) reads the last part of your poem aloud. After a second of silence, he looks up. “Funny, this sounds a lot like my piece,” he remarks casually.

You look in his direction but can’t make yourself meet his eyes, so you watch his fingers play with the spiral binding of your notebook. “I guess we’ve both gotten married a lot, huh?” you say.

He takes a deep breath. “Actually, there was only one person.”

“Oh.” You hesitate before answering, “Me too.”

(C/n) starts to smile. “(Y/n), look at me,” he says gently, and you finally bring your eyes up to his face. “You know I wrote this about you. Did you write yours about me?”

“Maybe,” you say nervously, the panic still muddling your thoughts. Then it sinks in: he likes you back. (C/n) likes you back! You start to smile too despite yourself. “I mean, yes. This is about you.”

His face splits into a wide grin. “So…does that mean you like me too?” he says in a low, flirty tone that makes your heart flutter.

“I guess it does,” you answer coyly, the old fire returning - along with the fire in your cheeks. But now, it’s a happy blush. You still can’t believe this is really happening, and pinch yourself to make sure you’re not dreaming. You both sit there grinning at each other.

Then (c/n) frowns. “But I thought you hated me; the way you avoided me, I thought I’d screwed everything up by kissing you and that you were disgusted with me.”

A giggle escapes your lips. “Of course not, I was just an idiot and didn’t know how to react…and then when you stopped talking to me I thought you were the one disgusted with me!”

“Well, thank God we’ve got that sorted.” He laughs.

The teacher’s voice makes you both jump. “It sounds like you’ve all finished reading each other’s writing. Is there anyone that would like to present their piece to the class?”

You and (c/n) look at each other and laugh.

Headcanon Wednesday: Translators and Translation

Or: How Come Everybody Can Understand Everybody Else?

Ironically, it was the salarians who developed the fast, cheap, and highly effective translator technology that’s currently used across the galaxy. ‘Ironically’ because salarians are the species least likely to need it: salarian brains are highly plastic, and the so-called language acquisition window never closes for them, which means they’re natural polyglots. Most salarians know at least four or five languages fluently, and up to twenty is not especially unusual. Salarians can quickly and easily pick up other languages all the way up until they die of old age.

But perhaps it’s actually because they pick up languages so easily that salarians developed translator technology. After all, on their own homeworld most salarians never had to deal with the inherent discomfort of not being able to understand another language, since they could just learn it if they were so inclined. Once they discovered that there were far more languages in the galaxy than even a salarian could possibly learn—well, that made them uncomfortable enough to do something about it.

The translator technology that salarians developed is a mature technology: cheaply produced, easily miniaturized, extremely effective. It consists of a microphone, a speaker, and a sophisticated natural language processor, all wrapped up in a package about the size of a grain of barley. In short: the microphone takes in what’s being spoken, the processor translates it, and the speaker produces a fluent and natural translation. The translation is audible, and the general effect is similar to the audio-with-translation-overlay of a news broadcast: you can hear the underlying speech, which is important for inflection and tone, and the translation is layered over it.

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anonymous asked:

If you had to be in the same room with Anti or Dark, who wold you choose? I personally choose Dark since he won't kill you automatically.

…… F*ck.

Anon, in my opinion neither of them would kill me immediately- if death is inevitable. Then again, maybe Dark would be more careful in doing so, to fit his “sophisticated” nature.

And to keep his suit clean of blood.

… Crap that’s a tough question. I’d probably go with Dark. Both are terrifying in their own rights though.

The mirror image of Michael: Trevor Philips (wiki)

Trevor uses threats of sexual violence in order to show his dominance over other men, as well as enjoying making them uncomfortable. Many of his sarcastic remarks have been misinterpreted as sincere statements by players. He seems to take it a step further with Floyd, as there are many things that suggest a sexual relationship. Notably, if the player switches to Trevor during his stay at Floyd’s condo, sometimes Trevor can be seen looking over Floyd as he lays in the fetal position wearing women’s clothing, uttering an apology to Debra while sobbing. However this could just be Trevor showing his dominance by humiliating Floyd. Also, if the player chooses to catch Ralph Ostrowski, Trevor implies that he sexually abused men while in prison. It should be noted that this behaviour is only present when in the presence of weak people such as Ron, Wade, Floyd, and a meth addicted Johnny Klebitz.

By the other hand, he respects and encourages bravery on his friends and partners in crime. During job preparations, he often tends to taunt and call out anyone who shows a sign of doubt, fear or weakness, and when they get back angrily at him, Trevor applauds and approves their reaction as a way to man them up.

In direct contrast to his erratic and chaotic nature, Trevor also appears to be highly intelligent and somewhat cultured. Although seemingly lacking of refined tastes, Trevor speaks in the most eloquent manner out of all three protagonists, utilizing elaborate and complex vocabulary as well as displaying a surprisingly dry wit. It must be noted that having studied 4 years at a military academy, Trevor is the only GTA protagonist to date with a college degree, possibly explaining his use of complex vocabulary and hinting at a sophisticated nature that he might or might not be intentionally masking. Trevor is incredibly focused and professional on the jobs at hand, displaying a surprising capacity for calculation and planning, even under duress and in highly chaotic situations. He can follow the plans strictly and also he has proven to have great ideas for big jobs and lead them successfully, These include stealing the drug stashes belonging to many dangerous groups and stealing a multi-million secret weapon from a heavily armed security group. However, these operations were failures since they lacked a prior careful inspection and were performed hastily (one being a police sting, the other putting the crew in extreme danger worldwide).

Trevor has shown a number of hints that he feels sexual attraction towards men too, besides his normal sexual dominant behaviour towards weaker men. He showed certain interests in the “stag do running man” random encounter. In the mission I Fought The Law, Trevor touches the private parts of one of the guys as he’s dressed as a police man. During a drinking outing with Franklin, he admits he has previously performed fellatio on men (I’d rather suck a dick than smoke weed… and trust me, I’ve done both!). In another conversation during an outing with Michael and Franklin at the same, time, he admits he’s bisexual after Franklin asked him whether he’s gay or not.

Trevor is shown to be disgusted by racism, misogyny, as well as self-righteous and hypocritical attitudes which he considers “fake.” He criticizes the Minute Men and the LSPD for their racist behaviour, reprimands Wade for his remarks toward Ashley, and threatens Martin for mistreating Patricia. After torturing Ferdinand Kerimov, he mocks the FIB’s use of torture as a means of interrogation, claiming it is only a method of showing dominance and that the government fails to admit this.

While it is never stated in-game, Trevor shows textbook signs of Intermittent Explosive Disorder; a mental condition which includes episodes of impulsive behaviour that could result in serious damage to anyone and anything around them, aggression grossly disproportionate to what provoked it, and episodic violence that cannot be categorized with any other existing mental and physical medical condition.

Trevor also appears to suffer from Coulrophobia, since in Grass Roots mission for Barry, dialogue suggests that Trevor once was or still is scared of clowns, saying such things as “I’m a big boy now” and “you can’t hurt me anymore” (paraphrasing). He might also ask the clowns “Are there any more sex offenders out there!?” This implies that as a child Trevor was sexually assaulted by a clown when he was young thus causing his fear of clowns. Additionally, when you get Lamar, Franklin, and Trevor to hang out together off mission, Franklin will mention he’s sitting next to “Two Clowns” (Trevor and Lamar) Trevor then starts to get a little worried asking “Clown? Where?!” which may prove he is still scared of clowns.

Although very rarely seen in game, Trevor appears to be secretly ashamed and a bit scared of his personality. When hanging out with both Michael and Franklin simultaneously, Trevor might reveal in an ashamed tone that he doesn’t want his mother to see him like this. If Trevor hangs out with Lamar enough times, he will admit to Lamar that sometimes he realizes how he’s thinking (fixation on violence, horrible brutalities etc.) and gets scared of himself. If Trevor huff gas on his trailer porch, he may sometimes mutter that he feels suicidal. This could hint that all the reckless stunts Trevor commits (such as flying a crop duster inside a cargo plane while getting shot at with an RPG) might be subconscious attempts of getting killed. When drunk with Franklin, Trevor talks about being lonely and asks Franklin to hold him. When Franklin replies with jokes, Trevor starts crying; “Why are you joking!? I said I’m lonely!”.

While Trevor is often controlling, loud, and willing to hurt anyone who he perceives as a threat in some way, whether physically or mentally, he is terrified by his mother. Upon meeting her in his trailer in the mission Mrs. Philips, he speaks incoherent sentences, is unable to answer questions and runs off to do the job she assigns to him without questioning it.

Trevor is also extremely talented at mathematics. According to Wade, Trevor is “really good with numbers” and can solve even the most difficult of math problems in his head in a matter of seconds without much, if any hesitation as seen in the Depository heist.

I found something new or I just have never seen before. Michael is 1.88 m and Trevor is 1.86 m, the truth is Michael is taller than Trevor, I am so wrong.

okay i have this headcanon that mercy is actually 5′3 - 5′4 and the reason she tells everyone she’s 5′7 is because of the battlefield heels™  that she perpetually wears. it’s partially because as a big shot doctor & groundbreaking medical researcher with a naturally sophisticated, collected, “in control” sort of presence, people always expected her to be taller, and so she got tired of the comments and sort of accepted the heeled boot lifestyle.

nobody really notices/thinks much of it except fareeha, who definitely has taken note of the fact that angela has to lean up a little to kiss her when she’s not in shoes. she thinks it’s cute but angela has sworn her to secrecy. 


Taurus (female) and Cancer (male) in love- requested

This relationship is compatible as they both have lots of common interests and are usually very peaceful people. Taurus is fascinated by Cancer’s strength and passionate and likewise with Cancer as he is attracted to her sophisticated and loving nature. Arguments may arise as Taurus can be very stubborn and Cancer can be moody but otherwise they are an interesting pair.

Hetalia: If They Had a Blog

 Sweden: Agony Aunt that gives the best advice. His responses are like ten pages long.

Romano: The sweetest little pumpkin. His blog is full of those cute animal drawings with motivational quotes and he’s constantly assuring his followers that he’s there for them if they want to talk

America: This child. Spongebob memes, Marvel fandom, and pictures of sports cars.

France: Carefully cultivated aesthetic blog. Beautiful nature photography, LGBTQA positivity posts, pastel everything, and pictures of kitty cats.

England: Neeeeerrrrddddd. All fanfic all the time. He’s written at least three stories that are fandom famous.

Germany: Pictures of his dogs, pictures of other people’s dogs, pictures of things he’s baked, long-winded sappy posts that wax poetic about his “anonymous” crush *coughItalycough*

Spain: Goofy but fairly normal until he gets drunk and posts videos of himself with his feet up on the wall twerking his ass. They don’t call him captain of the twerk team for nothin. The person behind the camera throwing dollar bills at him like he’s a stripper is Romano

Italy: Teamed up with Prussia to become the shitlords of the meme kingdom. This is also where he vents all his anger so sometimes his posts are just an unintelligible text block of Italian and English cuss words

Norway: By day, very sophisticated. Nature/Space photography, beautiful quotes from obscure authors and poets, his own philosophical musings. By night, hoo boy. Very nsfw. Sexy BDSM aesthetic stuff, his sexual fantasies, and n00ds of Den  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Japan: Oh heavens. The most eye-watering 18+ doujinshi, ainme tiddies, pics of his pets, and Greece in cat ears

It’s like 4 in the morning here so I can’t think of anymore but if anyone wants to see any other characters, you can always ask.

I’d really like to have more interaction with my followers so don’t be afraid to chat or make requests