no offense but gilmore girls did me wrong by not having an early seasons episode where luke begrudgingly pretended to be lorelai’s boyfriend to preserve her dignity after her date with rune
like, rune offers to be her pity date at another event that they’re going to with sookie and jackson (probably a very cutesy one, like a valentine’s day fundraiser for fruits and vegetables, because WHY NOT)
but in a way where he’s super, super, super insulting about it and definitely calls lorelai the jolly green giant because she made the unfortunate decision of wearing a green sweater on the day that rune and jackson bumped into her at doose’s and suggested this whole hideous mess.
and lorelai, who happened to bump into luke when she came into the store, is like, “actually, i don’t think my BOYFRIEND, LUKE DANES, would be too happy about that”
and luke distantly hears his name from across the store and looks over from where he stands, innocent and untouched by this madness, in the produce aisle.
… only to find that lorelai is barreling over to him mouthing, “YOU’RE MY BOYFRIEND! YOU’RE MY BOYFRIEND!” over and over
and luke on some level of course suddenly wonders if he’s dreaming, because it’s possible he had a dream sort of like this once. he doesn’t like to think about it. dreams are just unreliable brain garbage that don’t mean much of anything.
and then lorelai drags luke and the head of broccoli he’s clutching back over to jackson and rune, luke looking to the ceiling like he is begging god to strike him down at this very moment
and she announces, “yep, here’s my boyfriend! luke!”
“that guy? that guy’s your boyfriend?” rune says.
“yep!” lorelai chirps.
“really? him?” rune snorts.
“i said he was my boyfriend. yes, he is my boyfriend. what do you think i am, a compulsive liar?”
“it’s probably better for you not to say ‘what do you think i am?’ to rune,” jackson mumbles apologetically.
rune, meanwhile, looks baffled. “i dunno, i just don’t see why a handsome guy like him would …” rune is cut off by jackson violently elbowing him in the side.
“oh, i’m his girlfriend, all right,” lorelai fumbles. “and he … thinks i’m just the greatest. don’t you, h-honey…pie?” she slides her arm through his with all the desperate awkwardness in the world.
“the greatest,” luke grunts.
“the greatest? that? he needs to get some standards,” rune mutters perfectly audibly to jackson.
“hey!” luke thunders, waving the head of broccoli threateningly at rune. “you wanna say that again louder, pal?”
rune grimaces, holding his hands up in surrender to the broccoli. “okay, okay! she’s your girlfriend. for some reason.”
“she sure is,” luke declares, putting an arm around lorelai’s waist and pulling her closer to him.
and lorelai smiles a big smile of giddy shocked amusement, awed-slash-delighted that luke is IN THIS.
… and basically luke and lorelai go on a double date to some sappy function with sookie and jackson and RUNE, and it is the greatest and most terrible thing to ever happen, and lorelai also forever teases luke for being an object of beauty in rune’s eyes. and sookie probably repeatedly tries to get luke and lorelai to kiss, like a weird overly invested supporting character in a romcom movie.
LIKE, i am glad that we got little glimpses of luke and lorelai fake coupling over the years, but WE NEEDED A FULL STORYLINE OF THAT GOODNESS and we all know it.
Since Inky and Kat themselves have evidently gone on hiatus, I have taken it upon myself to update the masterpost that links to all their Sortings. Their version simply isn’t current. This post will only include their Sortings. It does not include their FAQ, which hasn’t been updated, or Sortings by fans who use this system. (I may make another compilation post of those someday, though, because they’re just as interesting.)