some of my favorite silly plotlines from Scottish ballads
Small village thinks illicit whiskey stills are its biggest problem until raiders show up and trash their everything. Death, destruction, etc. Raiders find whiskey still, get lit, pass out. Villagers murder them. Peace restored. Whiskey is king.
Shepherd lad spots fair maid skinny-dipping. Fair maid pleads for her virtue and/or clothing. Shepherd lad is complete gentleman, escorts her home with clothing and virtue intact. Fair maid demands to know what she has to do to get laid around here.
Plucky heroine’s boyfriend goes to sea, fails to return.
Plucky heroine dresses in drag and goes to find him. Plucky heroine discovers
boyfriend happily married to someone else. Plucky heroine shoots his head right
Do Not Stop By The Local Weaver’s House, You Will Get So
Pregnant, Like, Super Pregnant, I’m Not Kidding, This Has Been A Public Service
Wealthy farmwife habitually searches her maidservants’ dorm
for SIGNS OF MEN out of concern for their virtue. Maids less concerned for
their virtue are having None Of It. Maids hide scarecrow in dorm, farm mistakes
scarecrow for prowler, farmwife decapitates scarecrow. Farmwife believes
herself a murderer. Maids now permitted to do as they please, virtue-wise.
Idiot son sent to market to sell cow. Scheming lass seduces
idiot son out of cow, pants, and even shoes.
Dad returns from business trip to find daughter Super
Pregnant, demands to meet the man responsible. Dad takes one look at man
responsible and tells daughter “okay, you’re off the hook, I would have banged
Handsome stranger bribes fair maid to leave town with him.
Fair maid rejects various bribes until handsome stranger flat-out offers her
money, which she accepts. Handsome stranger turns out to be, to no one’s great
surprise, the actual devil. Fair maid regrets her life choices.
Gallant knight goes forth to slay dragon. Dragon eats knight, but has indigestion.
ETA: If anyone has been reblogging this and wants to know what the songs are, here is the list! Or if you’re too lazy to click things, The Devil Uisge Beatha + Shepherd Lad + Billy Taylor + Tae The Weaver’s Gin Ye Go + The Straw Man + Cow Song + Willie Winsbury + The Devil’s Courtship + Sir Eglamore
Those dark songs that aren’t quite blues, aren’t quite gospel, aren’t quite folk, aren’t quite rock, aren’t quite a funeral dirge, they’re just something else
The ones that have a lived-in feel and a thudding rhythm like a funeral dirge
You know, the ones that are like
Someone’s drowning. There’s probably a river.
I and/or my significant other are criminals and outlaws who have done terrible things but we still deep down secretly believe in the Lord and know that one day we’ll pay the price for our sins (see also: The Devil)