song always make me think of him

When I think of him,
I think of dark evenings around 8 p.m., of pathetic pop songs and late night Internet - stalking. Of the tears I cried when he had another girlfriend, I think about timid smiles and soft hello’s, about unexplainable, mixed signals and confusing information.
I think of the way he smiled at me, giddy, like a schoolboy, of the way he smelled and how no cloud of smoke could make him less attractive.
I think about the songs ‘Razorblades’ and ‘The Ghost of You and I’ from Story of the Year. I think about the arguments about him with my parents and friends.
I think of Sundays and eye contact during church services. I think about always having to worry about him and the time he was in jail.

And eventhough overall it aren’t happy feelings, I would give so much to have it all back

—  confessions

Monday 8:27am
I woke up with you on my mind.
You called me babe last night —
my heart is still pounding.

Tuesday 10:53pm
Today I realized we won’t work.
What we are is hurting her.
And I think she matters more to me than you do.

Wednesday 11:52pm
I broke things off with you today.
She barely said a word.
I’ve never regretted anything more than this.

Thursday 4:03pm
I shouldn’t have sent that message.
You shouldn’t have been so okay with receiving it.

Friday 9:57pm
I almost messaged you today.
I didn’t.

Saturday 8:49pm
I’m walking around town in search of alcohol.
They say that liquor numbs the pain of having a broken heart.
I want to put that to the test.

Sunday 2:32am
I heard you texted a girl you’ve never spoken to before.
I wonder if it’s because you’re trying to replace me.
I can’t help but wish you weren’t.
I thought I was irreplaceable.

—  a week with you on my mind, c.j.n.
Move on, leave, run away, escape this place… but don’t forget about me, about us, about this town. Always remember where you come from so you can appreciate how far you’ve come.
—  c.j.n.