when i was 11, i was in a relationship because i said “i love you” and we decided to start dating. it only lasted a month and im pretty sure he has hated me ever since we broke up.
when i was 16, i had a friend who would say “i love you guys” when all i really wanted him to say was “i love you” to me. i believed i was madly in love with him. he ended up saying “i love you” to my best friend and they are still dating to this day.
when i was 16, another friend comforted me. he said “i love you” and that he felt for me because of what had happened. he made me feel special and happy again. i said i love you too, hoping maybe this would go somewhere. we kissed in his gross garage, we were both sweaty from walking in the heat and it lasted for about 2 seconds. after that day, i never heard a word from him again.
when i was 17, i started dating a guy because he was nice, and because a guy was actually talking to me and telling me he wanted to be with me. we talked all summer and began dating in the fall. he said “i love you” after dating for about a week. December came and “i love you” turned into “what did i do to make you ignore me like this?” January came and i finally broke it off because the silence was killing me. my first true heartbreak. i still haven’t talked to him since mid December.
now I’m 18, at this point, the three words “I love you” mean absolutely nothing. for me it turned into what you say to parents and relatives. what you say because you know it will make the other person happy. its what you say because thats what you’re supposed to do in a relationship. the words had lost all meaning. my heart was broken so many times that it turned into something you say it because it feels right, not because you mean it.
and then you came along. i wasn’t expecting you to be a part of my life. you started to talk to me and i was taken aback. i was cautious. i knew that if “i love you” slipped your tongue like it had the others, you wouldn’t mean it. but for our first date, instead of meeting you somewhere, you picked me up and took me. you let me share my darkest secrets. you met my family, and i met yours. you showed me off. i was scared. i knew that if i lost you, my whole world would crash into a brick wall. i knew that you could be the one i could spend the rest of my life with. you earned my trust, something that wasn’t very easy at the time.
after 5 months, thats when i realized, i love you. i didn’t just want to say it because i felt like i had to. i genuinely love you, with every atom in my body. you bring out something in me that makes me so much happier and joyful. you are good to me. you are patient and gentle and anything i could ever ask for. so when i say this, know this is something i truly, honestly mean:
I love you.
what i love you means to me
what i love you means to me