somewhere corporation

“Look, Nobby, when all’s said and done they ain’t the right color, and there’s an end to it.”
“Good job you found out, Fred!” said Nobby, so cheerfully that Sergeant Colon was almost sure he meant it.
“Well, it’s obvious,” he conceded.
“Er… what is the right color?” said Nobby.
“White, of course!”
“Not brick-red, then? ‘Cos you–”
“Are you winding me up, Corporal Nobbs?”
“‘Course not, sarge. So… what color am I?”
That caused Sergeant Colon to think. You could have found, somewhere on Corporal Nobbs, a shade appropriate to every climate on the disc and a few found only in specialist medical books.
“White’s… white’s a state of, you know… mind,” he said. “It’s like… doing an honest day’s work for an honest day’s pay, that sort of thing. And washing regular.”
“Not lazing around, sort of thing.”
“Right.”
“Or… like… working all hours like Goriff does.”
“Nobby–”
“And you never see those kids of his with dirty clo–”
“Nobby, you’re just trying to get me going, right? You know we’re better’n Klatchians. Otherwise, what’s the point?”

– what’s the point | Terry Pratchett, Jingo

The Final Experiment Chapter 19: Out of Options

A/N: So after that… cheerful last chapter, I’m starting to move the plot along. Here, we find out exactly why Kaitlynn went off the deep end.

Word Count: 

**WARNINGS**: Mentions of murder, brief action, further allusions to insanity.

Previous Parts: 123456789101112131415161718

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I didn’t return to the tower that night, or for the next three days. Empowered by this new feeling, I followed the urge wherever it lead me. I wound up in an abandoned corporate building somewhere. Ironically, I realized, it had once been a place for making and storing frozen goods.

Taking in my surroundings, I ran my hands along the walls as I explored. If I was going to stay here, I needed someplace hospitable to my preferred climate that would also serve as a fortress against unwanted visitors. I rearranged the largest office to be a bedroom of sorts, then I set about defending the premises.

I strolled into the lobby, humming thoughtfully as I observed the space. I moved up to the revolving door and placed my hand on the glass. The frost began to spread over the panels, then it seemed to crawl through the cracks of the door to begin consuming the outside of the structure.

This time, when I used my power, it wasn’t as random. I didn’t feel overwhelmed, but rather… in control. With my mind, I directed the icy path of my powers until the building had been sealed off from the outside world.

“Well this is an interesting development…” I murmured to myself. Time to do some redecorating.

Keep reading

i’ll be honest i dont really care if some corporation somewhere is collecting information about me like i’m glad i can contribute to their statistic value of people who google ‘can you die from a headache’ every 3 hours

Slept for a billion hours and I feel a lot better. My friend canceled for tonight, so now I get to eat even more cupcakes. Not complaining. I need to go to target to get yoga pants that fit this body and then I’m going to a prenatal yoga class. A little worried it’s going to be too…. Fluffy for me? Like too…. “aw it’s so beautiful lala lala” so I might also go to a normal class afterwards. Ryan is off impressing corporate executives somewhere, so who knows when he will return.

Not a bad Monday.

Random Yandere Simulator Win Condition Speculation

So the latest update for YanSim came out today and Yandere Dev gave us this image briefly in it. If you haven’t seen it yet this is in the context of Yandere Dev talking about factors that will influence which of the multiple endings you’ll receive.

(Apologies if this is blurry as I had to screen cap it.)

Since I haven’t done a lengthy post in a while, let’s do some speculation, shall we? Most of these are fairly self-explanatory but I’ll touch on the ones I think are significant enough. Also: apologies in advance. I’m going to reference things I’ve heard from Yandere Dev himself through various social media throughout that I don’t have links to anymore.

Collecting Tapes
Using audio tapes is a fairly good way in games to get more of your story across. It lets the writer play around with characters who don’t have to be physically present in order to show plot information to players and has been used in many games in the industry, probably most famously in BioShock and its spiritual forefather System Shock (especially the sequel). So seeing things that will be about Ayano’s parents (Basement Tapes), Headmaster Shuyona (Headmaster Tapes), and Megami’s dad (CEO Tapes) isn’t suprising.

What is an interesting omission here to me is that the Journalist Tapes do not count towards what ending we will receive, which strikes me as odd given that while he won’t encounter him during the course of the game, he will be in 1989 mode as a main character. This says to me that this will be the background information we will be ‘spoon fed’ in the game (i.e., it will be gradually given directly to us as we advance in the plot); all the other material is effectively supplementary and it will be our job to discover it.

What is Yandere-chan’s relationship with Info-chan?

Way back when development on the game started Ayano was going to have to ultimately fight Info-chan as the game’s final villain who had been using you the whole time to eliminate other rivals for Senpai’s affection. This was ultimately changed - and for the better, IMHO, as it’s incredibly cliche - and Yandere Dev has stated before we can complete the final game without using her services at all though I assume it will be quite difficult.

One of the things I think we will have a little more leniency on in the final game, not that anything has been officially confirmed yet, is cleaning up after murdering our opponents or disposing of them in dishonest ways like expulsion. You won’t have to be 100% perfect at what you’re doing at first; it allows players a learning curve. However, the game will keep an invisible tally of what you’re doing and this will affect certain things such as increased security during Megami’s week or even the police keeping open tabs on you before her though they haven’t been implemented yet. Screw up enough and they’re going to crack down on you and I suspect Info-chan’s willingness to aid you in those situations can be affected as well. She’s only looking out for herself and I highly doubt she wouldn’t be willing to ratfuck Ayano if she knew it could save her own hide 

(Just remember snitches get stitches, Info-chan.)

Did Yandere-chan learn the secret of the cherry tree?

In a surprise to absolutely no one we learn that there is, in fact, some significance to the enormous sakura tree behind the school. Obviously, it was given that Ayano is obsessed with it and there are urban legends behind it but every story has a beginning and it does make you wonder: how did it gain the reputation in the first place for two people destined to be together to confess to each other under it?

The sakura is probably the most recognizable, physical representation of Japan you can find in media and it has ironic undertones in the story given that it symbolizes the fragility of life (’beautiful, but fleeting’ essentially). Though I don’t have much to back it up I suspect that it might be yet another way that the Aishi family could be connected to Akademi. It was stated at one point by Yandere Dev that the matriarch of the clan, Ayano’s great grandma, is alive and kicking in 201X (born in 1910) though what role she’ll play is unknown right now. I think that it would be rather fitting to have all the misfortune so many men (or women) have fallen under be the spot where the first Aishi woman had her confession accepted by her senpai.

Did Yandere-chan learn the truth about _____?/Did Yandere-chan discover the ____?

Though Yandere Dev recently confirmed that the demon summoning stuff in the occult club won’t factor into the story (it’s going to be non-canon, basically, unless you enter in codes at the start or something similar to unlock it) he has stood by implementing Phantom Girl into the narrative seemingly; she may or may not factor into a specific elimination method, even, probably Oka’s.

While it might seem superfluous to discover something at first to include discovering Phantom Girl’s identity given that Ayano will find out her mother is just like her I believe there is a deeper meaning to it. Headmaster Shuyona has currently been kept under wraps in regards to what his character is like. The only thing we really know about him is that he was once idealistic early on as headmaster but came to be a misanthrope over the years. Considering that 1989 is mentioned as the year he lost his faith in people I suspect it will be that Phantom Girl was his daughter and that the apparently high profile media trial surrounding Ryoba Aishi and her subsequent evasion of justice caused his sour disposition. 

Speaking of that trial… sort of weird that Ayano has never heard of it before, isn’t it? Especially since it was a big enough deal the whole country was reporting on it and more strange that the police aren’t fingering her as a suspect in the current crimes you can commit at school (disposition to insanity can be genetic, after all, and even while the whole thing has been made hush-hush to the public it seems rather weird the police wouldn’t have a tab on you).

Did Yandere-chan choose to delete the _____?

‘Delete’ implies that we will eventually encounter a file of some sort regarding ourselves or something. This could have one of two origins at the moment:

1) Info-chan. Though apparently a friend to Ayano I suspect that she probably has a back up data in case things start to go south as I previously mentioned to probably nail us as the criminal for our crimes in game. My guess would be is that the catch turns out to be a major plot detail that would give the player pause enough to decide if it would be worth it to continue existing as a threat over our heads or if whatever information it gives us isn’t worth the trouble having the possibility of being leaked to anyone in a position of authority.

2) Saikou Corp. This is the more likely option in my opinion given that in her first appearance to players in the builds Megami tells us over Not Skype that we’re not the only yandere that her father (and presumably grandfather before him) have kept tabs on. If this is the case then they must have the data stored somewhere at their corporate HQ. Given that they seem like they’re going to be big players in the finished plot it seems to me a similar situation where you have the choice to sabotage whatever they’ve been cooking up or allow them to continue going about their business.

Did Yandere-chan reject _____’s offer?

If I’m correct about the above then I believe it will be Megami’s father who we have the option of siding with. He seems completely fascinated with what Ayano is and has been seemingly aiding you enough that you’ve been allowed to continue what you’ve been doing for 9 weeks unmolested before Megami shows up. In an unrelated theory to this I speculated that Ryoba probably works for Saikou Corp. and that it might have been them who sabotaged the trial from 1989 in Ryoba’s favor (probably on the condition that she come under their employ; it would definitely explain how she and Ayano’s dad can leave for 10 weeks to go to a foreign country with little to no explanation). I guess the moral quandary will be for us when we discover that information is something to the effect of.

‘Now you know your family’s been a slave to these guys, perhaps for quite a long time: do you continue that line of work or do you strike it out on your own?’

Did Yandere-chan decide to punish _____?

What’s so interesting about this is the word choice. ‘Decide to punish’ means that whatever this event is is entirely optional; it is completely ambiguous as to just how significant it is to the overarching narrative other than it allows us to role play the sort of person Ayano is a little more. Are you the straightforward sociopath who uses others to further her own goals but doesn’t have much of a dog in Akademi’s affairs otherwise or are you a complete monster in sheep’s clothing?

Anyway, here’s a collection of the endings that have either been theorized about or confirmed/mentioned by Yandere Dev at some point.

Sabotage all interactions with your rivals: Senpai becomes misogynistic.

Do matchmaking for all your rivals: Senpai becomes codependent on others and fears he doesn’t deserve anyone’s love.

SNAP: Senpai is confessed to by another girl or rejects Ayano with a reputation of -100 (both speculative). Ayano kills herself and Senpai probably after a short chase sequence - the original idea for the game’s ending, by the way.

Kill all your rivals: Senpai believes that he’s cursed to bring others bad luck. People may speculate he’s a serial killer if your rivals die soon after they meet Senpai.

Of note: there was an interesting suggestion by someone on the game’s subreddit about a unique game over where Ayano could be taken in by the police for her own ‘safety’ if things got bad enough. 

Kidnap all your rivals: Unknown, but mentioned that Ayano would probably kill them at some point after the story ends, they would just be left to starve to death, or even become her ‘pets.’

“I’ve seen some shit”: If Senpai sees more than 5 corpses, not necessarily Osana’s and/or Hanako’s, he’ll become a vegetable which Ayano won’t care about (as long as he doesn’t reject her confession everything is gravy).

As of today, if he figures out somehow you had something to do personally with either Osana’s or Hanako’s death, it seems he’ll pull a reverse SNAP on us and off Ayano.

Kill ‘Em All: Apparently a joke ending we get if every student but Senpai is eliminated.

Can you imagine Jemma being a teacher at the SHIELD academy? First of all day one would start with “If you’re really smart, you’ll run. Run away as fast as you can and forget SHIELD ever recruited you. Get a nice job in a corporate lab somewhere. Because I was once sitting where you are now. I was only 16 at the time, and I had no idea what I was getting into. Which is why I’m here to warn you. Because I can almost guarantee if you choose this path, you will come to regret it. But if you’re just insane enough to sign up with SHIELD, you might just live long enough to do some good too. And I can tell you the world needs people like that. So what are you willing to risk?” And all the students just kinda have a dumbstruck look on their faces and she changes gears and jumps into “Alright. So, enough of that. Let’s get into the exciting study of biochemistry….” and then at the end of class, Professor Fitz swings by to pick her up for lunch and she introduces her students to her husband and says he’ll be coming in for some of their classes…

You have this completely passionate experience with music, or with whatever you’re creating, whether it’s a film, or a television series, maybe you write poetry, or you put on a play. I make music. The second I put it out in the world it gets eaten by a computer and it starts running through all these numbers and systems and gets a ranking. It’s terrifying. I think what we have to remember is the way that we talk about that process is really what the problem is … placing the importance on those charts, placing the importance on that system. What happens is, you start trying to influence the artist and industry and how they approach their work. You try to approach channeling the artist toward being successful within that system. When you do that you take the power out of the hands of the artist and put it in the hands of the corporation. That means you, at home with your guitar, you have less chance of making it happen on your own because you need someone in a corporate tower somewhere to tell you ‘This is how you do it. This is how you’re gonna make it on the top of the charts. This is how you make it on the radio’. But I don’t want that to be who is dictating what music I’m listening to, I don’t think any of us want that to be what’s dictating what we’re listening to. - Lady Gaga

WEST! HAM! 

WEST HAM!! 

WEST HAM!!

anonymous asked:

Based on how well you know the characters (which is presumably rather well), what would the be like in today's environment?

That’s a fun question. And the first thing that came to my mind what they probably wouldn’t know each other at all. Social pressure in the ‘50s pushed them together, but today, things would be different. 

For example, Betty and her husband Phillip would probably be more successful and live in a nicer neighborhood. Phillip would probably have a higher position in his job, and Betty would certainly be a nurse manager if not a Chief Nurse wherever she was working. However, it’s unlikely she would have take a pure management position that would take her away from interaction with patients. She would probably be more assertive as well. And with medical advances, Betty would probably have children that she also took wonderful care of. They would probably live in the suburbs of a large city.

Peggy would probably be divorced and remarried. And maybe divorced again. She would have played sports in college, but would likely not have had an opportunity to play professionally. She might have become an attorney or she may have gone into sales and marketing. She’d be aggressively climbing a corporate ladder somewhere and she probably wouldn’t have kids. If she did, she’d probably be a little bit of an absentee mom, but she’d make a lot of big gestures to try and make up for it. She would not be on good terms with her exes, but she’d probably hook up with them now and again. Peggy would probably have an apartment in a city, as near her office as possible.

Sylvia would probably never have gotten married. She’d hold multiple degrees and be so expensive that no company could afford to keep her on full time. She probably wouldn’t have any children, but later in life, she would probably adopt one or have one through a donor. She’d find meaning in her work, but she’d also get through it too quickly and go through long spells of boredom and depression. She would not have many close friends. She would own several homes that had been decorated by other people and not spend much time in any of one them.

Doris…would probably be about the same, except she would have a better job than working at a diner. Her civic mindedness might drawn her to public service and she would make an wonderful judge. She’d still have a husband who she didn’t really need, but didn’t want to divorce either. She’d have children, but probably close in age (in Aberford, there’s a 5 year gap in the middle). She would probably live in a medium-sized city, similar to Aberford.

Norma…Norma would be very different. Norma would likely have transitioned at a much younger age, and would probably have had surgery and be on a doctor-prescribed hormone regimen. Norma probably would have become a K-12 teacher, married, adopted kids, and oddly, lived the boring home life that the other women of Aberford resented so much.

Mary would also be much the same, unmarried, working as an engineer. She’d probably be further along in her career, having graduated early and gone to a more prestigious school, since she wouldn’t have wasted her teenage years in a detainment camp. She’d probably play an instrument, and be a little burnt out. She may even grapple with a drug problem that she keeps hidden, or drink too much on the weekends. All her friends would be older than her.

Patricia (Norma’s daughter) would be like me: on Tumblr constantly. But instead of the “clean-cut, All American” look that she sports, she may have found other ways to express herself. I haven’t done as much character development on her, so I don’t have a clear picture of how she’d be different.

Alejandra’s backstory is still in flux, so I can’t say at this time.

Well, thanks for that! The ‘50s environment really shaped our characters lives, but not their personalities, so it was fun to see where they might have gone if they lived in a different time. The other thing that was interesting is that the characters who are generally happy in Aberford would be happy now, whereas the ones who were generally unhappy would probably also be unhappy now. 

Everyone I know is brokenhearted.

All the genuinely smart, talented, funny people I know seem to be miserable these days. You feel it on Twitter more than Facebook, because Facebook is where you go to do your performance art where you pretend to be a hip, urbane person with the most awesomest friends and the best relationships and the very best lunches ever. Facebook is surface; Twitter is subtext, and judging by what I’ve seen, the subtext is aching sadness.

I’m not immune to this. I don’t remember ever feeling this miserable and depressed in my life, this sense of futility that makes you wish you’d simply go numb and not care anymore. I think a lot about killing myself these days. Don’t worry, I’m not going to do it and this isn’t a cry for help. But I wake up and think: fuck, more of this? Really? How much more? And is it really worth it?

In my case, much of it stems from my divorce and the collapse of the next relationship I had. But that’s not really the cause. I think that those relationships were bulwarks, charms against the dark I’ve felt growing in this world for a long time now. When I was in love, the world outside didn’t matter so much. But without it, there is nothing keeping the wolf from the door.

It didn’t used to be like this when I was a kid. I’m not getting nostalgic here, or pretending that my adolescence and my twenties were some kind of soft-focused Golden Age. Life sucked when I was young. I was unhappy then too. But there was always the sense that it was just a temporary thing, that if I stuck it out eventually the world was going to get better — become awesome, in fact.

But the reality is that the three generations who ended the 20th century, the Boomers, their Generation X children, and Generation Y, have architected a Western civilization that’s kind of a shit show. Being born in 1978, I fall at either the tail end of Gen X or the beginning of Gen Y, depending on how you look at it. I became an adolescent at the time Nirvana was ushering in a decade of “slacker” ideology, as the pundits liked to put it. But the reality is that I didn’t know a whole lot of actual slackers in the 1990s. I did know a lot of people who found themselves disillusioned with the materialism of the 1980s and what we saw as the failed rhetoric of the Sixties generation, who were all about peace and love right until the time they put on suits and ties and figured out how to divide up the world. I knew a lot of people who weren’t very interested in that path.

The joke, of course, is that every generation kills the thing they love. The hippies became yuppies; Gen X talked a lot about the revolution, and then went and got themselves some venture capital and started laying into place the oversaturated, paranoid world we live in now. A lot of them tried to tell themselves they were still punk as fuck, but it’s hard to morally reconcile the thing where you listen to Fugazi on the way to your job where you help find new ways to trick people into giving up their data to advertisers. Most people don’t even bother. They just compartmentalize.

And I’m not blaming them. The world came apart at the end of the 90s, when the World Trade Center did. My buddy Brent and I were talking about this one night last year — about how the end of the 90s looked like revolution. Everybody was talking about Naomi Klein and anti-consumerism and people in Seattle were rioting over the WTO. Hell, a major motion picture company put out Fight Club, which is about as unsubtle an attack on consumer corporate capitalism as you can get. We were poised on the brink of something. You could feel it.

And then the World Trade Center went down. And all of a sudden calling yourself an “anticapitalist terrorist” was no longer a cool posture to psych yourself up for protest. It became something you might go to jail for — or worse, to one of the Black Camps on some shithole island somewhere. Corporate capitalism became conflated somehow with patriotism. And the idea that the things you own end up defining you became quaint, as ridiculous spoken aloud as “tune in, turn on, drop out”. In fact, it became a positive: if you bought the right laptop, the right smartphone, the right backpack, exciting strangers would want to have sex with you!

It’s no wonder that Gen X began seeking the largely mythological stability of their forebearers; to stop fucking around and eating mushrooms at the Rage Against The Machine show, and to try and root yourself. Get a decent car — something you can pass off as utilitarian — and a solid career. Put your babies in Black Flag onesies, but make sure their stroller is more high tech than anything mankind ever took to the Moon, because that wolf is always at the door. And buy yourself a house, because property is always valuable. Even if you don’t have the credit, because there’s this thing called a “subprime mortgage” you can get now!

But the world changed again. And kept changing. So now you’ve got this degree that’s worth fuck-all, a house that’s worth more as scrap lumber than as a substantial investment, and you’re either going to lose your job or have to do the work of two people, because there’s a recession on. Except they keep saying the recession ended, so why are you still working twice as hard for the same amount of money?

We started two wars, only one of them even marginally justifiable, and thousands and thousands of people died. Some of them were Americans, most of them weren’t. The world hated us again. It’s psychically oppressive to realize you’re the bad guy.

Of course, for a lot of the world, America had always been the bad guy…but we didn’t really know that before, because we didn’t have the Internet in our pocket, to be pulled out at every lunch break and before the meal came and when the episode of Scrubs on TV dragged a little, and before bed. We were encouraged to immerse ourselves in the endless flow of information, to become better informed, because knowing more about the world made us better people.

And maybe it did, but it also made us haunted people.

Yesterday morning, when I woke up, I clicked on a video in my Twitter feed that showed mutilated children being dragged from the streets of Gaza. And I started sobbing — just sobbing, sitting there in my bed with the covers around my waist, saying “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” over and over to the empty room. Dead children, torn to bits. And then it was time for…what? Get up, eat my cereal, go about my day? Every day?

So you’re haunted, and you’re outraged, and you go on Twitter and you go on Facebook and you change your avatar or your profile picture to a slogan somebody thoughtfully made for you, so that you can show the world that you’re watching, that you care, that it matters. But if you’re at all observant, you begin to realize after a while that it doesn’t matter; that your opinion matters for very little in the world. You voted for Obama, because Obama was about hope and change; except he seems to be mostly about hope and change for rich people, and not about hope at all for the people who are killed by American drones or who are locked away without trial in American internment camps or who are prosecuted because they stand up and tell the truth about their employers. There does seem to be a lot of hope and change in Fort Meade and Langley, though, where the NSA and CIA are given more and more leeway to spy on everyone in the world, including American citizens, not for what they’ve done but what they might do.

And the rest of the world? They keep making more dead children. They slaughter each other in the streets of Baghdad and Libya and Gaza and Tel Aviv; they slaughter each other in the hills of Syria; and, increasingly, they slaughter each other in American schools and movie theaters and college campuses.

And when you speak up about that — when you write to your Congressperson to say that you believe in, say, stricter control on the purchase of assault weapons, or limiting the rights of corporations to do astonishing environmental damage, or not sending billions of dollars to the kind of people who think it’s funny to launch missiles filled with flechette rounds into the middle of schools where children huddle together — you’re told that, no, you’re the fascist: that people have the right to defend themselves and make money, and that those rights trump your right to not be killed by some fucking lunatic when you’re waiting in line at Chipotle to grab a chicken burrito, and your right to not be able to light your tapwater on fire with a Zippo because of the chemicals in it, or not to end up in a grainy YouTube video while some demented religious fanatic hacks your head off with a rusty bayonet because your country — not you, but who’s counting — is the Great Satan.

And the music sucks. Dear God, the music sucks. Witless, vapid bullshit that makes the worst airheaded wannabe profundities of the grunge era look like the collected works of Thomas Locke. Half the songs on the radio aren’t anything more than a looped 808 beat and some dude grunting and occasionally talking about how he likes to fuck bitches in the ass. The other half are grown-ass adults singing about their stunted, adolescent romantic ideals and playing a goddamn washtub while dressed like extras from The Waltons.

The music sucks. The movies suck — I mean, they didn’t suck the first time they came out, in the 1980s, but the remakes and gritty reboots and decades-past-their-sell-by-date sequels suck. Indiana Jones is awesome, but nobody needs to see a geriatric Harrison Ford, lured out of retirement by the promise of building another mansion onto his mansion, running around with fucking Shia LeBeouf in the jungle. And besides, we’re all media experts now; we can spot the merchandising nods from the trailer all the way to the final credits. There’s no magic left. It’s just another company figuring out a way to suck the very last molecules of profit out of the things we cherish, because that’s what corporations do.

Everything is branded. Even people. People are “personal brands”, despite the fact that, by and large, you can’t figure out what most of them are actually even good for. They just exist to be snarky and post selfies and demand that you buy something, anything, with their picture on it.

You actually know who Kim Kardashian is. In an ideal world, you’d be as unaware of her existence as you are of the names of the Chinese kids who made the futurephone or featherweight laptop you’re almost certainly reading this on. In an ideal world, Kim Kardashian would have spent her life getting sport-fucked anonymously by hip-hop stars in some Bel Air mansion, ran a salon, and either died of a coke overdose or Botox poisoning. There is no reason that her face and her life and her tits and her deathless thoughts needed to be foisted upon the world outside of the 90210 ZIP code. Except that somebody figured out that you could make money off showing people the car accident in slow motion, that people would watch that. Sure they will. People love to watch stupid people do stupid things. It makes them feel less stupid.

And the Internet.

We built this thing — I include myself in that because I started doing HTML in 1994 and was part of the generation who took to the new medium like water and have made the majority of our adult lives creating it, to a greater or lesser degree — because we believed it would make things better for everyone. We believed it would give voice to the voiceless, hope to the hopeless, bring us all together, help us to understand and empathize and share with one another. We believed it could tear down the walls.

And in a lot of ways it has. But in just as many ways, it has driven us all insane. There’s an old story — I have no idea if it’s true — about monkeys who had the pleasure centers of their brains wired up to a button. Push it, Mr. Monkey, and you have an orgasm. And the monkeys did. They pushed the button and they pushed the button, until they forgot about eating and they forgot about drinking and sleeping and simply fell down and died.

What do you do when you first wake up? What do you do as soon as you get into work? After work? Before bed? Hell, some of us wake up in the night and check our feeds, terrified that we’ve missed out on something.

We do it because we are given that reward, that stimulus that tells us oooh, a new shiny! It’s the fourteenth Guardians Of The Galaxy trailer, with 200% more Rocket Raccoon! Some fucking null node in Portland made a portrait of every single character from Adventure Time out of bacon and Legos! And, maybe most poisonous, maybe most soul-crushing: somebody said something I don’t like that makes me feel frightened and threatened! It’s time to put on my superhero costume and forward unto battle!

Except it doesn’t matter. Because you’re not really changing anybody’s mind. How often does that little skirmish end with anybody changing their mind at all, even a little bit? Or does it just end with one of you invariably either blocking the other or saying something like “You know what, I’m going to stop now, because this is getting out of hand.”

Getting out of hand?

Everything they told you about how to live in the world when you were a kid is a lie. Education doesn’t matter, not even on paper. Being ethical doesn’t matter. Being a good person doesn’t matter. What matters now is that you’re endlessly capable of the hustle, of bringing in that long green, of being entertaining to enough people that somebody will want to give you money or fuck you or fund your startup. We’re all sharks now; if we stop swimming for just a little too long, we die. We lose followers. We’re lame. We’re not worth funding, or fucking. Because all that matters is the endless churn, the endless parade, the endless cycle of buying and trying to sell and being bought and sold by people who tell you that they’re your friends, man, not like those others. Microsoft is evil and Google is not evil, except when they are, but that’s not really important, and if you decide that maybe you’re tired of being reduced to nothing more than a potential lead for a sales pitch, like something out of a fucking David Mamet play, then you’re a hater and irrelevant and a Luddite. And besides, what would you do with yourself if you weren’t checking Facebook or playing Candy Crush Saga or watching some teenage dumbass smash his genitals on the side of a pool on YouTube? What the fuck would you even do, bro?

The comedian Bill Hicks used to do a bit where he invited the advertisers and marketers in his audience to kill themselves. He imagined them turning it into an ad campaign: “Oh, the righteous indignation dollar, that’s a good dollar, Bill’s smart to do that.” He laid out the futility of trying to escape: “I’m just caught in a fucking web,” he’d say.

And that’s where we are. You, me, we’re trapped, between being nothing more than consumers, every aspect of our lives quantified and turned into demographic data, or being fucking Amish cavemen drifting into increasing irrelevancy. Because it really does feel like there’s no middle ground anymore, doesn’t it? There’s no way to stay an active, informed citizen of the world without some motherfucker figuring out a way to squirm into your life to try and get a dollar out of you. Only fools expect something for free, and only bigger fools believe they’re anything other than a consumable or a consumer.

We didn’t get the William Gibson future where you can live like a stainless steel rat in the walls between the corporate enclaves, tearing at the system from within with your anarchy and your superior knowledge of Unix command lines. Now it’s just pissed off teenagers who blame you because their lives are going to suck a cock and billionaire thugs trying to sell you headphones and handbags, all to a soundtrack of some waterhead muttering “Bubble butt, bubble bubble bubble butt” over and over while a shite beat thumps in the background.

I know a lot of people who privately long for an apocalypse of some kind, a breakdown of the ancient Western code, because then they’d either be dead or free. How fucking horrifying is that?

But nobody pulls that trigger, because now we’ve all seen what apocalypses look like. We saw Manhattan in 2001 and New Orleans in 2005 and Thailand in 2004 and the Middle East pretty much any given day. Nobody wants to hate, because we’re pummeled with hate every day, by people who are too fucking stupid to understand that the world has passed them by as much as it’s passed by the dude in the Soundgarden t-shirt who still drives around singing along to “Fuck you, I won’t do what you tell me!” on his way to his dead-end job. The best lack all conviction, and the people who are full of passionate intensity? Fuck them. We’re all sick of their shit anyway.

And that’s where we are, and is it any goddamn wonder at all that the most profitable drugs sold in America for like a decade running have been antipsychotics? The world seems psychotic.

I feel like I need to figure this out, like figuring all of this out and finding new ways to live has become the most important thing I could possibly do, not just for myself and the people I love but for the entire human race. I don’t mean me alone — I’m far too self-loathing to have a messiah complex — but I feel like, for me, this is the best use of my time. Because the world is making me crazy and sad and wanting to just put a gun in my mouth, and it’s doing the same thing to a lot of people who shouldn’t have to feel this way.

I don’t believe anymore that the answer lies in more or better tech, or even awareness. I think the only thing that can save us is us. I think we need to find ways to tribe up again, to find each other and put our arms around each other and make that charm against the dark. I don’t mean in any hateful or exclusionary way, of course. But I think like minds need to pull together and pool our resources and rage against the dying of the light. And I do think rage is a component that’s necessary here: a final fundamental fed-up-ness with the bullshit and an unwillingness to give any more ground to the things that are doing us in. To stop being reasonable. To stop being well-behaved. Not to hate those who are hurting us with their greed and psychopathic self-interest, but to simply stop letting them do it. The best way to defeat an enemy is not to destroy them, but to make them irrelevant.

I don’t have the answers. I don’t know some truth that I can reveal to everyone. All I can do is hurt, and try to stop hurting, and try to help other people stop hurting. Maybe that’s all any of us can do. But isn’t that something worth devoting yourself to, more than building another retarded app that just puts more nonsense and bullshit into the world? Just finding people to love, and healing each other? I think it is.

Until I know more, I’ll just keep holding on. I won’t put the gun in my mouth. Because all of this sadness is worth it if there’s still hope. And I want to still have hope so badly. I still want to believe, in myself, and in you.