somewhere by the river

I’ve found comfort in my suffering and uncertainty in happiness and death, because what’s next is such a mystery to me and I am terrified of all the things I feel but cannot see
—  The Last Continent // La Dispute

I just really want them to be happy. 

YOU SAID IT’S A FAIRY TALE, DEL TORO. LET👏 THEM👏 BE👏 HAPPY👏. 

I keep thinking about this river somewhere, with the water moving really fast. And these two people in the water, trying to hold onto each other, holding on as hard as they can, but in the end it’s just too much. The current’s too strong. They’ve got to let go, drift apart. That’s how it is with us. It’s a shame….because we’ve loved each other… But in the end, we can’t stay together forever.
—  Kazuo Ishiguro, Never Let Me Go
I keep thinking about this river somewhere, with the water moving really fast. And these two people in the water, trying to hold onto each other, holding on as hard as they can, but in the end it’s just too much. The current’s too strong. They’ve got to let go, drift apart. That’s how it is with us. It’s a shame….because we’ve loved each other… But in the end, we can’t stay together forever.
—  Kazuo Ishiguro

there’s a lot going on here. i see black cats in our shadows. i’m sorry about the ladder i left out. i think i’m asking for trouble. at least then i have an excuse.

it gets dark before it should now. all my lighters were stolen last week, and last night i forgot i can’t see past unmarked tombstones. last night i tried to put out the flames. i don’t think we’ll ever be the same.

i’m gutting myself. i mean im unbuilding. i mean if you see my radio in a new car somewhere it will still be singing your name and that’s fucked up.

the river in our city used to be my favourite place. now it just makes my hands shake. you see, this is where you loved me once. you see, this is where i realized it. i still feel your lips on my cheek here. i’m just way too good at keeping promises, don’t you see?

there’s an empty that fills. there’s a lot of graves that never get dug. you and i are a boat that we’re pretending hasn’t sunk.

here is a joke: i love you and the sky comes undone and when i say “it’s falling” you say “so don’t look up”

here is the punchline: the train still killed me even though i saw it coming. i still find tracks in my teeth.

i want mornings i don’t pick gravel out of sore places. i want mornings that don’t feel like death sentences. i want mornings that feel like open books.

i’ve had the same bruise on my leg for four weeks now. i think you’ve been calling me in your sleep. i think i’ve been running to you in my dreams.

so here’s the question: how do i stop falling?

—  collab between the wonderful @inkskinned and i.