the most terrible and awful thing in the world, is the past.
if you have a good memory in the past, it haunts you and eats away at you. you spend so much of your time trying to get back to it, back to the way things used to be. the way things could be, should be.
if you have a bad memory in the past, it haunts you and eats away at you. it brings up old resentments and bitter feelings of betrayal, mistrust, anger, sadness.
and the worst part of it all is, you can’t ever move on fully without confronting the past.
here is what i have learned.
you cannot change a mistake you’ve made in the past. it’s over, done, history. it’s written in the story of your life in permanent marker. you can’t erase it or undo it. to pretend like it never happened, only makes matters worse. then it just builds up inside of you until you can’t think straight.
so. you fucked up. you made a mistake. we are all humans. it happens. it’s ok to forgive yourself. it’s ok to feel bad, but it’s ok to let yourself off the hook every once in awhile. just don’t make that mistake again. make a different one. be creative ;)
on a similar note, you cannot recreate something in your past. each perfect moment we are given in life is just that. one perfect moment in time. it passes. it goes away and things change. sometimes for the worse, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse and THEN the better. no matter what though, you have to realize that by trying to recreate something beautiful from the past, you aren’t allowing yourself to experience a new perfect moment. not every day is a monumental, insanely exciting day. those are rare and precious. you have to let it happen on its own.
and just because a relationship isn’t the same as it was before, does not make it any less important or special then it was. relationships shift and change and go through off periods and it’s ok. it’s ok to miss the blissful, wonderful stage. but you can’t see it as just “not love anymore” because it’s changed into a different kind of love. love doesn’t die that easily. if it did, we’d never be sad about it ending now would we? so don’t assume someone doesn’t love you anymore, because they don’t say the same things they used to say to you.
the past can conjure up so many emotions you don’t want to deal with. the smell of a certain cologne someone used to wear, the taste of a certain pair of lips, the sound of Oblivion by Grimes playing on your phone, the feeling of a hug and wishing it was theirs.