sometimes-i-just-feel-like-making-a-bag

After, for years when I thought about death I felt selfish because it seemed like there was no way to make it hurt enough that I could deserve the escape. He’d promised to help me and then hurt me. I think he taught me, at 8, that I was supposed to be other people’s punching bags and playthings. I still feel that way sometimes, in the days just getting out of my bed can be too hard.
—  Posted by Anonymous.
I’m Very Jealous

Dear Summer,

Sometimes I think I’m very jealous of my boyfriend and I think that makes me the worst person in the whole wide world. When he hangs out with fitness I get upset and feel bad, when he plays music it makes me question my involvement in my own passion, when he goes somewhere like a vacation I feel like a scum bag and like he thinks of me like I’m just waiting around for him. I’m jealous of the relationships he has. With his parents, friends, ect. Idk what to do am I a shitty person??

- Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

I don’t think you’re a shitty person, but I do think you’re in an unhealthy relationship.

I think sometimes long relationships cause people to lose their identities in one another. It’s quite possible that this is what’s happened with you and your boyfriend—you may have forgotten who you used to be.

If this is the case, you may be identifying with his life instead of your own. Perhaps that’s why you get so upset with him when he does something that doesn’t include you. When he leaves you alone to think about your own identity, you become confused and frustrated because you no longer know exactly what that is. As a result, you’re taking it out on him and probably pushing him away in the process.

The good news: it’s never too late to re-establish yourself.

This might involve taking some time apart from your boyfriend. It doesn’t mean you have to end your relationship; maybe you just need to start exploring some of your own interests (the type of music you like, the passions you speak of, etc.,) or spending time with friends who you haven’t seen in a while.

I’m sure it will feel terrifying and uncomfortable at first. Standing on your own two feet without your boyfriend there to help you balance will inevitably cause you to falter. Don’t give up.

Always yours,

( &. ncvermore

“A lot of people think that writing a song is easy – or that if you spend enough time in a studio it will get done. But it doesn’t. Sometimes writing takes a lot out of me – hence these bags under my eyes.” The long haired boy said with a sigh. “I wish making making a album was easy and simple – and I suppose it could be. But for me, I just feel like there is a lot of stress just to make sure that this album is as good as our last one was. Don’t wanna let anyone down.”

TRAVEL ESSENTIALS

It’s a hassle to bring so many stuff when you’re in a trip,it will cost you additional weight to carry which is tiring and sometimes,you cannot just fit them all in your bag,besides your in a trip,you’re not running away from home so make sure you bring the stuff you only need!

     As for me,

  • I like to bring the comfiest clothes I have.
  • Sunnies are necessity (only wear them if its too sunny because sunlight is good for your eyes too).
  • I cannot last a day without music,so I gear up with my ear pods.
  • Well,I like to be accompanied by pandas and these socks makes me feel like I am.
  • Bored or hungry I need to chew!! I love chewy and sour edible things!
  • Gotta capture that moment with my fujifilm instax mini
  • Stay fresh with your skin care products.
  • I always need to know what time it is,Get the water proof watch so you could just jump into the pool right away.
  • Happiest days are made with the help of the comfiest foot wears especially if your trip has a lot of walking.
Pcos Rant

I hate how horrible pcos makes me feel.

I get so pissed off In a matter of seconds. Sometimes I feel so sad I just want to cry, and why?? For no damn reason.

Like yesterday (now I laugh at it but at that moment it just got me so pissed off, I feel bad for my husband tho) i was sleeping. I was in a very deep sleep did not know anything that went on for the next 3 hours.
When i woke up from my deep sleep there was my husband on the bed with a bag of McDonald’s.

I got so so so happy because I woke up starving. Come to open the bag what did I see?? my husband got me 3 burgers and no fries.

Guys I know it’s horrible what I did and I realize that now but I completely when off. I had just woken up still tiered, starving and I just couldn’t wait to munch out on some fries and a burger but there were no fries. That all I wanted was to enjoy some fries and I got so mad.

Ever want to just pack up and hop into your car and quit your job re enroll in a different school and change your whole surroundings? I feel like that too often. Sometimes I want to get all my things and throw it in a bag and ride out. Change my number and forget about all my problems. I have enough money to start new and get a apartment and I’ll probably apply and work for a AT&T store out at the place I’m going to. And make enough to support myself. I always think about leaving cause I’m so over this, over life, over a lot of things. But when I think about leaving it all behind something holds me back and tell me not to go. I think when times get tough and there’s always something that holds me back. And I feel like sticking around for a minute and not leaving… And I hate that because when I feel like leaving my life here… I keep thinking about some people and end up not going. I’m guilty of running away from a lot of my problems and always finding ways to not get confronted but I can’t always run. Sometimes you got to stick it out until the rain is over……

Tour day 4

First full day rehearsal wasn’t that bad actually. Would’ve been nice if the clouds lasted through the day but well…it wasn’t too hot so I’ll take what I can get.

These kids from the school looked at our sleeping arrangement and were just like “holy shit”. I guess to normal people seeing 144 sleeping bags and suitcases in a gym is pretty weird.

Sometimes when I’m really tired I kinda wished I weren’t on rifle line. But then today I was really miffed when I got taken out of like 28 counts of work and put on ladder so I guess that reflects how I’d really feel if I weren’t spinning rifle.
Doing the 5 7 toss prep makes me miss lynbrook.

This random guy came up to me and was like “So what are you guys doing out there?”
“Um drum corps”
“?????”
“It’s kinda like marching band”
“Oh you guys are starting rehearsal already?”
No…we’re not part of the school…it’s like this independent thing over the summer…but I didn’t have time to explain so I was just like “aha yeah”

Bright shadows

anything done in the dark comes to light.
I feel like lately I’ve been chasing thy night
closing blinds
closing my ears
closing my eyes trying to stay out of sight.
A shadow is my cloak
my heart will be my rope.
adrenaline is more my dope.

probably need ritalin though.

sometimes I just want to go
I could careless where
with my pick in my hair and cash in a book bag
I’d never look back
running won’t make me glad
until I change me it’ll just be bad
it being life
it’s a bitch with anger and a knife
try not to get sliced

I hate how you can’t be sassy with your parents without them getting mad and all, “You back talking me?! You disrespecting me?!”
No, just being smart, or just trying to stand up for myself and trying to gain respect cause you obviously don’t respect me and just trying to be funny and make this situation less awkward than it already is and make you shut up like god the people next to us are staring stop making me feel like shit and eat your damn food.
(sorry if I sound like a bitch but sometimes parents are the ones that need to straighten up and get their shit together, not saying we should disrespect them, but atleast try and stand up for ourselves, we’re not their punching bag)

30/07/15 - 9:29 pm

I’m so scared. I don’t want this to happen to me… I feel like I might be developing a binge eating disorder. I can’t quite tell but it feels like it’s what it might be cause sometimes I feel like I have no control over it… I keep telling myself I’m eating heaps to make sure I don’t lose weight but the mindset and the way I’m doing it is so disordered. I literally restrict my intake throughout the day and then just eat everything in sight after dinner cause I’m scared to lose weight. Today mum bought a new bag of dried figs (500g) and tonight I literally binged out on half the bag plus heaps of other things on top of that. The amount of calories I just ate (if I would have counted) would have been more than any of meals today most likely… Please don’t tell me this is happening to me. Please tell me this is just a phase. I don’t need this right now 😢 tomorrow will be a better day. I can’t be so negative to myself. Tomorrow I will do my best. I keep saying this and I must admit, I do do little things in the day that improve but it is definitely not enough. Tomorrow night there will be no bingeing out. I want to see if I can control myself. I’m praying this isn’t real. It’s already become a sort of habit and I don’t want it to continue like this. Please. I feel disgusting and gross from over-eating so much. I don’t want this feeling. I hope I’m able to control myself tomorrow night. The next few days are going to determine whether this is a mental problem or not. I’m going to eat enough in the day and not binge out after dinner. That’s my goal. If I fail then that’s really going to determine things. I hope this isn’t want I think it is. I have been avoiding facing the facts but now I think it’s time to act on it before it gets worse. I can already feel it getting worse. The binges keep getting bigger and I feel like I’m compelled to do it, like I have to? I can’t just stop after dinner, I have a voice in my head that tells me I HAVE to keep going and I can’t handle it. I just want to be a normal fucking person, is it really that hard? 😢

anonymous asked:

Do you ever feel sad when everything around you doesn't give you a reason to be? Being sad with no known cause? If you have, have you found a way to help yourself? I'd really love to know what to do..

I have Dysthymia, which is a persistent depressive disorder. I literally feel sad ALL the time and don’t even realize it until someone calls me out on it. I’ve had this for 8 years, and after multiple failed suicide attempts and years of self-destruction, I’ve found a few coping mechanisms that make me feel okay.
I started collecting little souvenirs of really fun nights, like concert tickets or receipts or pictures and I keep them in a small bag. I sometimes look at them when I find no point to my life, and it reminds me of the beauty in my life. Other times I’ll escape to my favorite places, like the beach or the Bourgeois Pig in Hollywood (a cafe), and I just read and write until I’m in an alternate reality. If I’m too lazy from my sadness, I’ll watch horror or comedy movies, anything that will keep my mind off of things.
That’s the key: keep yourself distracted.
Don’t let the sadness consume you.
Don’t let the sadness control you.
Talking about your problems also helps a lot, so if you don’t have a friend to confide in, just know you could reach out to me at any moment and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible.
This applies to anyone reading this: my main purpose in life is to help anyone going through the hell I’ve been through.
You’ll be fine. I’ve always thought of it this way: if you’re already feeling your worst, you’re only bound to feel better.
I hope I helped. Please cheer up. The world is beautiful, you just have to make it that way.

Do you go to the bathroom with the door open or closed?
closed!! 

Are your underwear and socks folded in your drawer or just thrown in?
Folded of course! 

Sleep on your back or stomach?
side and stomach! 

Are you a cuddler?
only if I really like the person! 

What would I find if I looked UNDER your bed?
Probably hair ties and LCBO bags 

Something that happened today that made you annoyed?
A few of my family members just making stupid comments to me 

Marriage or living together?
I don’t really understand what you’re asking me! 

What shirt are you wearing now?
A white crop top! 

Do you sing?
sometimes! 

Do you de-label your beer bottles?
no! 

Do you talk about your feelings or hide them?
Hide for sure! That’s pretty unhealthy 

Is there something you regret and wish you could take back?
Yes for sure! 

First thing you do when you wake up?
Check my phone! 

Ever had surgery?
yessss 

Last argument you got into with? 

Rita lmao 


Do you tend to rip the paper off water bottles?
No. I am not sexually frustrated ! 

What’s one good thing about your best friend?
She’s always there for me and always understands<3

How long does it take for you to fall asleep at night?
Maybe like 10-15 minutes depending on the day! 

When you shut off your alarm clock, do you tend to fall back asleep?
I never really shut it off! 

What are you looking forward to in the next few months?
A lot of things :) 

It’s midnight. Who are you texting?
Many people!


It’s Wednesday afternoon, where are you usually?
at home! 

Honestly, if you could have ANYONE in the world, who would it be?
Anyone? I honestly don’t even know! 

Your Christmas list consists of? 

I never really have a Christmas list…I have everything I need !

You’re going to New York for school shopping, where do you go first?
TF I’m going to Carlos Bakery for cake 

You need a new pair of jeans, what store do you go to first?
Probably Zara or American Eagle 

How do you feel about your hair?
Well I dyed it so many times within the last 12 months that its getting kinda dry so … 

What movie is in your DVD player?
Terminator 

If you could move away, no questions asked, where would you move?
LA 

How much do looks matter to you in a guy/girl?
I can’t lie and say that looks don’t matter because if there is no physical attraction than there is no point, but a good personality is extremely important to me 

What’s the greatest thing that happened to you today?
oh wow so many things! 

How many TRUE best friends do you have?
I would say 3! 

What would you change about your life right now?
Maybe 1 major thing! 

What’s the best feeling in the world?
I guess being in love or being with the people that you love! 

When is the next time you will be going out on a date?

LOLLL Tuesday actually! 

Be honest, who is the easiest person in your life to talk to?
Probably my older cousins and my God Mother for sure! My best friend Demetra as well! 

Who was the last person to tell you they love you?
my sister! 

Are you currently feeling the need to tell someone something?
yes I need to tell someone something but I’m loafting real hard 

What emotion are you feeling right now?
happpy! 

Do you wish anyone in particular was still in your life?
yesss! 

When was the last time you talked to one of your ex’s?
lmfao when we broke up ! pce 

When was the last time you were in a very good mood?
Today :) 

Do you have a best friend of the opposite sex you tell everything to?
Not everything! 

Were you single last summer?

lmao no! 


When was the last time you read a book just for the fun of it?
2 weeks ago! 

What color was the last pill you took?
Red

Who sung the song you last listened to?
I’m not sure! 

What color is your hair? 

Brown and blonde  

How old will you be in five years?
24! 

Do you see yourself having kids when you grow up?
yes(:

Last thing someone said to you that meant a lot?
Today my Zios girl friend told me that she feels like crying every time she looks at me because I look so much like my mom and then said a lot of really nice things about her so that meant a lot :)  

Do you like thunder storms?
YUS! 

Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

My zio Louie and Zia Lindsey 


What’s the weather like outside?
hot! 

What was the highlight of your week?

Last night and today! Actually all week was amazing. A lot caught me off guard in a really good way! 

Are you happy right now?
yes :)

What are you listening to?
My family talking 

When is your birthday?
March 

Where was the last place you bought something?
Moxies 

Who are you thinking about right now?
:) 

When was the last time you laughed REALLY hard?
Today

Do you wish you could move?
Nooo

Are you happy with your life?
yes

Would you change for the person you’re in love with?
welll no 

What’s on your mind?
so much this mind is always wandering 

1:12 am

low self-esteem is a bitch, let me tell ya. And I know look aren’t everything but sometimes it’s so fucking hard not to feel like they are because beauty, beauty, beauty. (Well, whatever society claims “beauty” to be) I’m confused…wasn’t puberty supposed to make me hot or something?

Looking at pictures of me makes me cringe, lame as it sounds. (Especially old ones but even my more recent ones still make me want to cover my head with a bag, a la Shia Leboeuf style) Like, I’m in such a self-esteem rut that I’ve contemplated just deleting my Facebook or all my Facebook albums or something. For now I literally have the privacy settings on them for “only me”. I am so pathetic but whatever. Low self-esteem is what it is. My feelings are valid.