sometimes-i-hate-myself-but-other-times-i-love-myself

anonymous asked:

Being aromantic is very hard. I'm 15 and in high school so everyone is dating someone it feels like. And people ask me "Who do you have a crush on?" And i say "nobody" and they think I'm lying. I recently explained to my friend I was aro but I don't think she knows how lonely I get. Sometimes I hate myself, other times I love myself for being aro. It's very hard.

Just remember that relationships don’t have to be romantic to be meaningful, and you can surround yourself with tons of platonic buddies to keep you company! It’s easy to find other aros on tumblr too, if you want to talk to others feeling like you.

You aren’t alone! <3

anonymous asked:

I didn't ask the insecure question to send you hate... :/ I just meant cuz you post selfies sometimes and you have tons of lingerie posts that say "this is me" but you never post anything of your body at all. A lot of your posts are body positive but it seems like you're insecure about your body type. Of course you aren't built like the girls you post about but it seems almost counter productive sometimes. Not telling you how to run your blog at all, though☺️

i never thought you were sending me hate like your other question didnt even bother me lmao but yes……..i do have insecurities and thats why im working on myself and working towards a goal and if at this point in time i dont feel comfortable posting pictures of my body then im not going to do so………i am body positive and i think everyone should love themselves and thats why im doing what i need to do in order to love myself and im sorry if you don’t agree with that or whatever??? but im not going to step out of my comfort zone until i feel 100% comfortable 

Self esteem is the weirdest thing???

Some days I stand in front of a mirror  hitting my stupid jutting bony ass hipbones , hating how wide they are , hating on my lil tummy and how i wont stop growing taller and wider so i still get stretch marks sometimes and that i take up so much space compared to shorter smaller peeps and i hate it , i tend to unconsciously curl into myself….

and other times i love my hips and the swell of my breasts , i love how i fill out certain outfits and how long my legs and torso are , how small my waist seems because of my big big hips and how im all soft and plump and cuddle worthy

i dont know self esteem is weird. sometimes i feel so disgusting i dont want to leave the house or i put on my cutest outfit and a face full of makeup and i still hate myself, looking in the mirror makes my skin crawl. on other days i wake up late throw on whatever and know im hot af.  its weird 

anyway today is a good self esteem day and i’m glad :) and in the future I hope I feel like this more and more ~

I wish it were easier for me to think in a way that people didn’t get confused
or misunderstand. Sometimes I wish I weren’t so sensitive all of the time, but instead, learn to be apathetic and emotionless. Uncaring. I wish I could love without fear of loss, but I love so strongly that everything suddenly becomes overwhelming. Secretly, I am striving to be perfect. I want to be something that many people want to be, but can’t achieve because obviously only I can be me. I am myself. If others were to be like me, I would be jealous of myself; more so than hate. Nobody realizes that I am shell. If you hit me, I will break. If you yell, I will cower. If you lie, I will die inside. I have a large history with liars and abuse. Mostly from lovers and from myself. My family doesn’t understand because they don’t know and as much as I wish I could tell them, I know I never could. I am too afraid to hurt others. I am too afraid to lose others. Lovers will never understand why I need constant attention, but it’s quiet simple. I need connection. I lack some vital things needed in a relationship that I try so hard to work on, but it’s so tiring. I am so tired. I could sleep for twenty-four hours straight and still wake up tired and anxious. That’s another thing about me too: I am anxious and depressed. Both are medical diagnoses. My mum refuses to believe there’s anything wrong with me, but maybe one day that’ll change. Maybe one day I’ll screw up just bad enough that I can’t hide it under the rug and she can’t ignore the problem like it doesn’t exist. Maybe one day all of these things will change, but for now, this is everything I couldn’t say for the past month that seems to be keeping me awake.
—  Everything I Couldn’t Say
I hate my fucking life

A guy I fell in love with has been in and out of my life for the past 2 years because he was just as confused as I was and in this time, I found myself actually loving and caring for another guy. I find myself thinking of the first guy a lot more than I should and coming to the conclusion that my current boyfriend is not right for me.. I mean.. We love each other, but we both know that we don’t quite click sometimes… I just want to be single, but I could not bare seeing my boyfriend with another girl and yet, I’m rotting on the inside to feel something more with someone and to get passion back into my life.. I feel like there is no purpose anymore sometimes. I don’t know where to turn, because I’m tired of hurting both of them.. They know about each other and how I feel about each one. I can’t imagine why my boyfriend sticks around… I’ve never cheated on him. We really do love each other.. But is love enough?

Oopsie...

I am sorry for my actions and the feeling that don’t come out.

I’m sorry for the way I come across.

It often isn’t me, but a last minute thought of “cool” to throw in.

I don’t mean my mutterings, my insults, my wayward moods.

I honestly hate the way my sarcasm moves.

Sometimes my words just bend -

too loud or too soft -

and other times I don’t hear it myself,

even when you should.

I want to love everybody but can’t feel my feelings

and my feelings bypass my lips and enter my tone in mindless snapping.

I am so sorry for myself and immoral behavior behind my mind, my lips, my heart.

I don’t like to babble, I don’t like to show too much.

I don’t want to make you feel sad.

But sometimes I do.

2 am thoughts

The world is a messy place, and as a result it turns us into messy people. We do and become things we never thought we would. When did feeling lonely become so normal? When did it become ok to always be in pain? And as a result to pass that pain on? Those of us that feel the weight of the world more so than others will always feel it, always, but we do or best to not feel it..doing things for others, making them smile or listening to their problems..and don’t get me wrong I truly love to be there for people but it’s also a ruse for ourselves. I hate being alone, it’s when I feel the lowest…but without my time alone, truly alone I wouldn’t have grown or learned so much about myself. Yes I still get mad and hate myself sometimes but really, slowly but surely I’m becoming the person I want to be. I know there’s people around that care about me, even if they don’t show it how I’d like, but in the end it all comes down to me. My daily fight. Some days I wanna kill myself and some days I feel on top of the world. The way I’ve found to sift through the mess of every day is to recognize and love; Recognize your true self, and recognize everything and everyone around you. Love your true self, and if you don’t then find something you do love about yourself and feed that…make that grow because then you’ll find more reasons to fight and change into the person you want to be.