Sometimes when I’m feeling really down on myself I like to sit down my tarot deck and I ask it to describe how they see me and who they think I can become. It’s always comforting that someone believes in me and I gain confidence because it’s honestly so great to hear. I don’t know. Maybe I’m just weird.
Thinking of Blueprint being a Fusion/Combo and watching Mindful Education gave me this idea.
I think that maybe sometimes, when Ink and Blueberry are feeling down, their fusion (Blueprint) could fail. They both have their own problems and fears and, together, they have to face them so the fusion can be stable.
They just need to take a moment to think of just flexibility, love and trust (๑´`๑)♡
I am really bad at my native language. And I think fandom had a big part in that.
When I discovered fandom as a teen, I found it on German sites, in a language I easily understood. But there was limited content and people were talking about the big things beyond, the LJ communities, scanlation groups, fanfiction archives and deviantArt to name a few.
I taught myself English through a mix of school lessons and reading fanfics in one tab, a dictionary next to me and looking up words. I was fascinated by the fannish world I found online, and that world? Spoke English.
It didn’t stop at fanwork. I stopped reading German books. I stopped watching German TV or dubs. I stuck to English media because then I could jump right into the English fandom. I talked to fans globally and while we weren’t all English speakers by birth… We somehow all spoke English when we chatted. It was just the thing you do.
Somewhere along the way, my brain got used to this. I got into the habit of speaking English, thinking English. When I wrote my final thesis in German and had my sister proofread, she frowned at me. “These sentences use English grammar. They don’t make sense in German.” I had to rewrite about a third of my sentences because my brain couldn’t come up with German syntax anymore.
Last week, while chatting with coworkers I mentioned the bad luck I had with my kitchen. A coworker laughed. I hadn’t even realised that instead of Pech (German word for bad luck) I had used the literal translation “schlechtes Glück”. And it keeps happening. If I don’t pay attention, I answer in a jumble of English and German at work. My coworkers tease me about it a lot.
Sadly, this doesn’t mean my English is any better. I am scrambling for words there too and not making sense. It is like my brain can’t decide what it wants to do.
I don’t feel emotionally connected to my native language. But it feels weird, to stumble over your own words. It is like loosing your footing on a street you know by heart.
Ohhhh I think you asked me this last night and like a very responsible onion I fell asleep before answering. <3
I’ve been trying all day to come up with some sort of sophisticated and elegant, profoundly deep answer - and I just don’t think I have one, other than I really just….have to write. I’ve gone through periods in my life where I haven’t done so, and they’ve been a different sort of dark and lonely and less bright, if that makes sense. I love the feeling of seeing something in your head - kind of like a movie - and then finding just the right words to explain it. That tugging in your gut when something lands just right - a cliffhanger, or the perfect image - uhggghhh I live for those moments. I love creating something that didn’t exist before i took the time to sit down and make it so. Isn’t that neat? Art is such a beautiful form of expression - in any context - because of that unique, performative quality to it. Art does not exist until we, the dreamers and pushers and shakers and movers, make it so. It doesn’t matter the form or the context. We just have to sit down, show up, and do the work. And the end result is sometimes so breathtakingly beautiful.
It’s always worth it. Even if it’s a struggle (and it often is; I don’t want to romanticize this), I always learn something from what I’m writing. New ways of characterization? New ways of expressing emotions through body languages? New ways of exploring tenses, or sneaking around filter words, or playing with styles and formatting? guhhhhh I live for those. I love learning and growing in this art form - any art form. And I really do love sharing these words and ideas and gifts with people, but that’s like a cherry on top. I write first and foremost because it’s a gift I have and I really firmly believe in using the gifts we’ve been given for good and beautiful purposes. Why else do we have them? Secondly, because nobody else will tell these stories in my head if I don’t do the thing. Thirdly, I’m a sucker for punishment and like beating my head against the wall and crying when the fic won’t edit itself, when the plot is dumb, when the fic is 15k long with no end in sight…
Ehhhh this got wordy. What’d you expect, it’s me <3 I LOVE WRITING. I hope I never stop. What a great question.
This last week has been a rough, unproductive one. My mom moved houses and I’ll be off to college in less than two weeks. I’ve felt a huge amount of pressure and have had a huge problem with procrastination, not to mention my mood has dipped a bit low.
But I’m here to talk about how I’ve been coping and what works for me when I’m in a slump or hit a wall.
1. I take a shower
I know this sounds silly and so simple, but sometimes it’s the little things that can help me get over the hump.
2. I drink something
Water preferably, but anything will do. I tend to try to avoid caffeine because it can make me anxious or once it wears off I’ll feel even worse than before.
3. I make a list of all the things I have to do
I’ll even put “take a shower” and “drink something” on the list just so I can cross it off. I put the big things and the small things.
4. I set small goals
When moving in, the thought of unpacking boxes was daunting(and still is quite frankly). I set small goals like “unpack 2 boxes then break” or “work for 10 minutes and see if you can continue”. It feels good to accomplish something when I all I want to do is lie in bed all day and sleep.
5. I reward myself with a break
I’ll watch a movie on Netflix or just doodle in an old journal. Journaling helps me vent and deal with the thoughts racing through my brain.
Do I always do all these things when I’m feeling down or stressed out? No, sometimes I don’t do any. But I know that I feel better when I do and maybe you will too.
you've genuinely helped me through hard times. i know that sounds fake, but sometimes when i feel really fucking alone and down i watch the same video of yours (this house has people in it) because it was the first video i watched from you in full. you made me happy. you still do. 💕
If my videos bring you positivity or encouragement, then I’ve done my job. I’m very glad to receive messages like these.
This is a new blog by @pikestaff devoted to art, fics, and headcanons involving Anders being very, very happy. No angst or sadness here - not to say that I don’t like those things sometimes, but I wanted to make a space for Anders fans when they’re feeling down and need some Serious Mage Positivity™.
The queue is currently set to pop three times a day and I’ve already got a lot of stuff queued - and I’ll be working on adding more over the next few days.
Sometimes when I feeling down I like to imagine during one of Sam and Steve’s morning runs the change their route and go around a dog park, giving them a temporary third or forth running buddy. So now they make a point of incorporating that park into their route, and sometimes even bring like a tennis ball.
I walked in my classroom as usual being the first student to get in there I started to write stupid things on the black board.After 5 minutes of drablling weird things someone enterd the class with a loud sound.
I turned my head to the door to see no one but my friend Jackson looking lost at his books that where all over the floor.
“I swear Jackson,every time you enter a class you need to drop something."I said lifting his books from the floor and putting them on the fist desk that I found.
"Sorry ,I was reading something a text from Ella and I got distracted as always."he responded with a gummy smile,giving me a hug and taking his usual seat in the second desk.I looked at him for a few seconds almost laughting at his extremly concertated face while texting his ultimate girl crush from 6 grade.Jacksonn is an amazing boy and is always there when you need him or when you feel down and sometimes I really can’t understand why Ella is not dating him though.
I sighted really hard and started to erase my writings from the board.The class started to fill quickly and soon the teacher eneterd the classroom .
Angela was talking to me about her last dream while the teacher was corecting some test when the door swing open and the "bad boys” of our highschool entered filling the class with their expensive parfume smell.
“Mister Kim ,you and your friends are 15 minutes late for my class."the teacher said getting up from his seat even tho he was so short comparing to the tall boys.
"And the earth is round,do ypu have any irelevant facts for me now ,profesor Park?"V asked taking his seat beside me.
The teacher opened his mouth to say something but gave up really quickly and took his seat back.
I was allready familiar with V’s comebacks for everyone he didn’t like ‘because after all he was in the same classrooms with me for 2 years now .He and his group of frinds are hands down the most atractiive guys in our high school but the bad thing about them is that they are dangerous ,a lot of people are scared of them because last year ,rumors about them where floating around the school taht they are the kids of the most dangerous mafia group in Seoul.
On the other hand I didn’t belive it because rumors where always floating in our school,like 2 years ago when I came here and everyone thought that I was spy send fro CSI to find things about Korea.
"Y/n,are you going to stop staring at V?"I heard Minho say and I imediatly snaped not realizing what I was doing .
"It’s really funny when stupid girls like you stare at me like they never seen beautiful peoples in their life."V said giving me a smirk and bumping his fist with Jimin.
I rolled my eyes knowing how big it’s V’s ego and retun to Angela to listen to the final of her dream.
The classes where over and me,Angela,Minho and Jackson where going to the convenience store to pick up some icecreams for Valine who has her leg broke.
"Do you think she would like vanilia ove apple?"I asked getting lost betwen flavours.
"Just pick whatever and let’s go home,it’s getting dark"Minho said pushing my back to the cashier.
"Y/n,you think you could run to the school,I forgot my math paperworks in my locker and I need them for tomorrow or profesor Park is gonna fail me"Angela said coming to me out of breath .
"But why me?"I asked whinning about going all the way to the school.
"Girl,you have freaking abs and you wined 5 medals at long running marathons and you are still asking us why you?"Jackson sopke paying the icecreams.
I groned in respons and got out of the store and started running to the school.In 10 minutes I was enetering the empty hallways of our highschool and starteed shearching for Angela’s loocker when I heard a lot of giglles coming from our math clasroom.I ignored the thinking it was our teacher flirting with one of the nurses as usual and grabed the math papers and walked out .
The sun was completly set down as I was leaving the was school yard and to be honest I was scared as hell to walk alone to my house in this pitvh blacknes so I called Jackson.
"Please tell me you and the guys are coming after me right now?"I almost whispered in the phone scared of my own voice in the empty street.
"No,we are still waiting for you at the store,where are you tho ,is really getting late."Jackson asked with a wary tone.
"I’m on my way but everything is really dark and I can’t see much,could you abd the guys come my way because I’m really scared to be honest."I said and started to walk slowly haering footsteps from my back.
"Okey,we are coming your way,see you in 10."Jacskon said an hang up.
I put my phone in my front pocket and started to walk on the lonly streets scaring myself everytime a cat apared on the road.While I was thinking about what way to walk to get to some ilumintaed streets I heard someone talking form my back.
"Aish,you really are lost in your stupid world,aren’t you?"I heard a low voice say from me back.I turned faster and saw the one and only headass from my school ,V.
"I didn’t heard you."I said trying not to stare again at his face.
He smiled and looked at me "Trying not to stare at me like a crazy person again?Don’t worry,like I said today ,I’m used to weirdos like you to stare.”
“What do you actually want?"I asked strated to lose my interes in this stupid conversation.
"You said you where scared to walk alone so I thought that you might want to me take you somewhere close to your house."V spoke pointing to his expensive sports car waiting for him a few steps back.
You heard about him and his gang inviting girls to get them home but insted they took them out to drink and made horrile things with them after ."I think I will pass,my friends are coming for me."I said and started to walk away from him.I just heard a short laugh and them a car door closing and the street became silent again.
As ususal I got early to school and because I did’t want to stay alone in my classroom I took my gym close and headed to the football field.There was no one as usual so I quickly changed my school skirt to some Nike leggings and put on my running shoes and head off to the field.I loved doing sports,I was in the track team back in my home country but now being in the 12 th grade I had to focus more on grades than hobbies.
While I was running my last lenght I saw Angela and Minho sitting in the players steats on the field so I started to slightly run trowards them.
"What’s up with you guys so early at school."I asked getting a water bottel from Minho.
"Well I had to take some books from the library and Angela wanted to make sure she didn’t came late at least to this class."Minho spoke whipping some sweat with his shirt sleve.I changed qiuckly back to my school uniform and headed to class with them.
"Do you think V has a think for you?"Angela asked for the 14 time in the last 5 minutes.
"No ,I am not the only girl he asked to walk home."I said bored while grabing my notebooks.
"Maybe he actually likes you but you are being ignorant as usual and can’t see that."She started jumping excited while holding my free hand.
"Angie,for the last time,V is never gonna like me or even look at me ,there are more changes for me to freaking hit a freaking phoneix bird than go on a date with him."I said while moving my hand dramaticaly in the air.
When I swing open my locker door I herad a loud sound and everyone from the hallway stopped in their tracks and looked at me worried.I didn’t understand what happend so I closed the door slowly and I almost jumped out of my shoes when I saw V rubbing his hand on his now read forehead.
It took me 10 seconds to proced what happend and I imediatly dropped my books and put my hands over my wide opened mouth.
"OMG,are you okay?"I asked feelling my cheeks turn red from the embarsement and the stares.Angela was in shock too but she managed to move a few steps away letting me sit there hopeless in front of V and His boys.
"You really are some difficult women to deal with."he said still rubbing his forehead"You don’t have other things to do?"Joon shouted loudly and the crowd of students quickly started to move.
"I’m so sorry."I managed to say one more time before he passed by me bumping hard into my shoulder………
Hey guys :) Over the last 5 years now since starting this blog, it’s absolutely changed my life for the better. I cannot even begin to explain how much all of you on here, your love, support, kindness, and never-ending compassion and light have changed who I am and have shaped my life.
This summer is going to be incredibly busy and my time on here will definitely be cut down. I sometimes feel extremely guilty when I can’t get to your guys’ messages, so instead I will be keeping the anonymous message option on when I know I will have the proper time/attention to answer.