It's been almost two months...
With a subject heading like that the initial assumption is probably that it’s been two months in chastity, or two months since I came. Neither of these is true. It has simply been two months since my Wife and I started on our journey towards FLR.
I say journey towards it, even though you could argue that it really is a black and white scenario. You’re either in one, or you aren’t. That’s probably the first misconception that these two months have dispelled. Our roles seem to be constantly changing and evolving, and the evolution is very much an “x steps forward, y steps back” type. While my Wife is very much the one in charge, sometimes the responsibility becomes too much of a burden and it leads to stresses that force Her to retreat from Her power. I’m so proud of Her strength though, and also Her willingness to appear fallible. I think there would be a great temptation to hide that, but Her showing it really does increase Her power in my eyes. It’s strange that embracing our weaknesses usually makes us stronger. Well, perhaps not so much strange as obvious.
My initial hope had been to catalogue every step of the journey in as straight a way as possible. While I love reading erotically charged posts, I wanted to provide a dry commentary on the realities of embarking on a true FLR for those interested in following this path. The problem is, since my Wife took control of my orgasms I am in something of a permanent state of heightened sexuality. Funnily enough that has led to a struggle with my own judgments of myself. I have never been the ‘guy who only thinks about sex’, (probably because I’ve been masturbating at least 5 times a week since before I could even cum. Sometimes 5 times in a night) and I took pride in that. Now I find that every moment of every day has an ever present hint of sex. Part of me is overjoyed to be 'normal’, and the other part feels shamed at being 'just another man thinking with his dick’. It’s confronting and I find myself apologising for making everything about sex. It also means that 'dry’ attempts at journaling soon devolve into charged accounts of precum leaking onto the sheets while I go down on my Queen once again.
Instead, I’ll offer here some random thoughts from the last two months.
• The time She said I have to 'earn’ chastity, forcing me to acknowledge that it is my desire, and not something 'forced’ upon me.
• The moment when She said I could cum after a month of no release, and I felt conflicted - desperate for the orgasm, but sad that my heightened state of constant arousal would soon explode out of me, and I would go 'back to normal’ until I could build it back up again. I did cum in the end. The orgasm was possibly my most intense, but I carried a palpable feeling of loss for the next two days
• I’ve been surprised by the sexually charged joy of doing the laundry. Each time I hang Her clothes I feel a spark of excitement. I’m sure it will fade in time, but it’s still there after two months.
• Something else that I have noticed is that cum occasionally just 'spills’ out of me. It’s the oddest sensation and I’ve come to cherish it. It feels almost like I’m about to pee, but then a substantial 'load’ (maybe a half teaspoons worth) will just leak out. It’s different to precum, but thicker than urine. It’s odd and fascinating.
This is all a bit train of thought, I just wanted to fire off a quick post so I could actually get started doing it, rather than just planning it in my head. So far, here’s what I will say after two months:
If you are thinking about embarking on this journey don’t wait. Do it. It is not easy. As submissive as you think you are, you going to be challenged, and your probably going to find out just how submissive you aren’t. But stick with it. It will take work, but it is so worth it. And if you are like me and you thought your Wife/Girlfriend would never go for it, just take the plunge. Be honest and open.
BUT, don’t empty the whole toy chest on them. For me, it was as simple as saying that I wanted to learn to love Her better, and that I thought that tying my sexual release to Her, and only Her would help facilitate that. You don’t need to go into detail of your fantasies (unless She asks) because they’re just that; yours. You need to be willing to surrender them. If you really want it, then Her fantasies will become your fantasies. Even if they’re a little too tame for you to begin with. Trust me, once She starts in this path, She can get plenty dirty. And it is so worth it.