sometimes just sometimes

It must kill Emma that Hook still loves her even now she’s changed so much. If he loves this shell of the person she used to be - if he doesn’t even seem to notice the difference - then how much did he ever love the woman she really is?

It doesn’t matter anyway. She’s trapped in it now: an act she put on for her parents, and for Hook and for the whole fucking town. She was so desperate for love she made herself into the shape of something they *could* love. And if she’d been hoping they’d see what she was doing and tell her to stop, that they’d tell her she was fine just the way she was, well that hope’s dead and buried now.

And you know what? It’s fine. It’s fine. They love her, they really do - and if it’s only *this* her they love, the needy, clinging woman playing at being a princess, it’s still love. She gets the wedding of someone’s dreams, even if they aren’t hers. She gets a home that Henry can share with her, and she tries not to notice the way he looks at her like she’s… disappointed him somehow.

But sometimes when she’s with Regina, when she looks at Regina - those few times she allows their eyes to meet - she remembers a different self. The woman who swaggered through life and punched her way out of problems and cared about all the lost and the disregarded, the people in whom she saw her own reflection.

That Emma wanted love - who doesn’t? But when this Emma remembers her, she doesn’t remember ever wanting to lose herself in love. She wanted to *find* herself in it. And she never dreamed of being a princess. In her fantasies she was always the prince. There was a family she used to imagine for herself too, not that long ago, nothing like a fairy tale but still perfect.

It was dumb. It was never going to happen. And this is happening, and she’ll make herself be who she’s meant to be and she definitely won’t let herself think about that night they spent so recently in Aesop’s Tables when Hook had left her.  She’ll forget the way Regina had looked at her and smiled and the touch of her fingers against Emma’s arm, each one a separate little warmth and pressure on her skin.

‘How do you feel?’ Regina had asked her, and Emma hadn’t been able to answer or hadn’t wanted to. Because the truth was, she’d finally felt free.

Team “I acknowledge that platonic relationships are just as important as romantic ones and men especially should be able to openly show affection, but I’m also gay and I want to see myself represented in the things I love so I’m flung to continue to interpret every close same-sex relationship in fiction as gayly as possible and no one can stop me”

i love MY MOM and i can’t really say that enough and it’s so strange this loyalty and love i have for her especially because i disagree with her almost completely politically but she approaches my ideas with such a softness and understanding and her ability to feel comfortable with me having my own ideas despite them being separate from hers is despite it all something i really appreciate like. i think there’s only really been one time where i’ve felt patronized by her and a couple days later she came into my room with tears in her eyes and hugged me and said she was sorry for speaking to me like that and she does that a lot? just comes in and apologizes for some perceived wrong she’s done … there’s just this obvious vulnerability and insecurity she has and i guess that’s why she’s always been understanding with me whenever i speak on my own insecurities. i’m probably being easy on her on some things but i guess it’s difficult to hold things against her when she’s so supportive of my interests and my ideas anyways.. I love my mom and that’s all i wanted to say.

lordvitya  asked:

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) this sounds hilarious omg

send me a  ‎( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) and i’ll put my itunes on random & make u a character based on the first two songs that come up.

your songs were heathen tribes by primordial and the repellent scars of abandon and election by deathspell omega (what the fuck is that song title. why is the song over ten minutes long. this is why i only listen to u on long car journeys where i want to transcend reality, deathspell omega).

ANYWAY here’s…

heathen omega! he’s a devoronian who lives a life of hedonistic excess; drugs, sex, murder - you name it, omega lives it. though now too far gone in his abandon, omega does occasionally harbour doubts over the life he’s chosen, and sometimes experiences lows wherein he wishes he could have his time over and play it all differently. during these periods, he especially longs for home, though various circumstances of his own making have made it so he can never feasibly return.

id

actually think it would be great if tumblr 

stopped having this like “perfect trans boy” image 

which is really just a 

skinny weakling gay fem boy who's “soft” and never hurts anyone and cries all the time and for some reason always is called like “smol boy” and kinda like??? i dunno.. treated like a kid??? 

i just really don’t like that and that kinda sets a stereotype for trans men on tumblr @ least?? 

also like,, some trans males don’t want to be called “cute” or “smol” or “bby” or “beautiful” because those words are associated with fem/child like appearance and it makes them feel dysphoric?? 

like i feel that tumblr sometimes “fetishizes” “smol” trans men. :( 

I have Depression Crankiness and it’s making me a pain in the ass AND I have an in-person hotline shift tomorrow and then a volunteer appreciation party thing on Thursday and I do not want to deal that much with other people, I am gonna need to figure out how to be less of a grump by tomorrow. I wanted to go for a walk this afternoon but it has been raining and I don’t want to take an umbrella! I need to buy ink cartridges and I can’t afford it! My computer crashed earlier today and I lost a dumb playlist thing I was making for myself! Everything is the worst! I’m gonna listen to this on repeat and angry-clean. 

– my favorite thing is when people respond to my RP’s and tag it as “crack”. Like no, you clearly don’t understand my muse at all, this is not crack. She is being totally serious. Yes, I understand she just set the place on fire. No, this isn’t just me trying to be funny. She did that. That is a thing that she did. This is a completely serious RP in which Erika has set a thing on fire.