sometimes its hard to not let it get to me though

Musing about being a POC and queer individual in the TMNT fandom:

I think the hardest part of being in the TMNT fandom for me is the fact that I am not white, am not straight, am not cis, or even neurotypical, and… I identify fairly hard with the turtles because of those things. 

But then… they’re drawn or written as all of those things probably 90% of the time when people are humanizing them, and its just. so hard. to let that go, even though those people have no idea they’re affecting some random person across the internet. Compared to the hundreds of others who don’t feel this way, my personal opinion doesn’t really matter.

I don’t hold it against anyone for their headcanons, and I have never a day in my life sent hate to a person for having those headcanons, since I know those depend almost entirely on the personal life and experiences of those individuals.

They still bother me though, since I feel like it erases a large part of what the turtles’ identities are, which is being a minority among minorities.

They’re the only four of their kind, and pretty much utterly isolated from the rest of the world. They’ve never fit in, and never will, because they are inherently different from the rest of society. They are, in a phrase, freaks of nature.

My circumstances aren’t as extreme, not even close, but I know that feeling on a personal level regardless. Having them portrayed as the socially acceptable norm, it erases a large part of what makes them so interesting; which would be their sheer alien-ness from the rest of us. By making them ordinary cis white straight etc etc in humanized headcanons, I feel it takes away from their original characterization as a minority.

And it just really bothers me, as a single individual in the fandom, to have characters I identify with so strongly become pretty much the complete opposite of who and what I am, and thusly become no longer relatable. It’s just a difficult thing to deal with sometimes, especially since I have no power to change it other than ignoring the content I don’t like.

I hope no one takes this as an insult to their personal headcanons about the series; its just the words from someone who’s never fit correctly to any box, and found a strong connection to four characters who I felt were similar to me in that sense.

anonymous asked:

why are you never on anymore

(Hello anon,

Let me explain. When I first started this blog, I was in college (high school for Americans). I had loads of free time, I was learning new stuff every day and my brain was in overdrive. The second year of this blog, I was on my gap year. Again, for six months of that, I was working in a new environment, had tons of spare time over the evenings and weekends, and I was living with new people, learning new things. Same with the third, fourth, fifth year of this blog, I was in university. 

Are you seeing a pattern?

Now I’m in the fifth year of this blog, and BAM, I’m not here much. Because I work full time, in a job that either challenges mentally or can be mind-numbingly boring, sometimes on the same day. I live 75 miles away from where I work, I get up at half five every morning and I get home at seven every evening. I have to lock my phone away outside my office every day, I don’t get a stream of notifications anymore, I get a wall of them when I leave to go home. After eating, showering, getting everything ready for the next day, I only want to lie in front of my TV and not think again.

What about weekends? you might ask.

My weekends are spent either catching up with missed friends, sorting out my life so I don’t live alone in a flat knee high in neglected dishes and dust, buying shit I either really need or really don’t need. Apparently, that’s some kind of relaxing. 

And yes, I’ve been on this job for eight months now, but I’ve been living alone for three. Let me adjust, let me be selective and take weeks to reply to things. Let me be forgetful and useless, because my brain is a little fried at the moment. I’m building up to finding motivation, but it’s hard. My mind’s screaming to reply to things, to put down all the ideas in my head, but my body’s just telling me no, to lie on the sofa and never move again. 

I’m getting there, I promise. There’s a barricade somewhere inside myself, and it only opens occasionally, and then the words flow. Until I find out what makes this gate open and close, I’m going to be a quiet presence on this muse.)

anonymous asked:

Hi. Same anon again. I was just wondering if you guys have ever seen each other angry to? Luna what do you do to help calm Noctis down and Noctis its hard to picture luna angry. What do you do to help her when she's angry?

“That I certainly have. The cause of his anger is usually a mixture of different things, that he probably walked around with for quite some time. When he finally reaches the point that he can’t take it anymore, he can fiercely express himself. But it is really hard for Noctis to get angry at me, and he mostly isn’t…He just needs to let it all go then. It would have to be a severe case or situation for Noctis to even yell at me. But when the situation does occur, I always try my best to reason with him. Though sometimes the best and wisest thing for me to do is to remain silent and listen attentively. He usually walks around and bickers afterward with the occasional mumbling. I’ve learned that the best way to calm Noctis, is to play on the piano. He will look away at first, but then mostly after mere moments, his face becomes relaxed. It makes it hard to believe, that only a few minutes before, he was acting like a behemoth, almost  going completely rogue.”

“Oh yeah. Yeah I’ve seen her angry. I mean did you see her rip Leviathan a new one? Luna’s a force to be reckoned with when she’s pissed off, but Luna doesn’t really get mad very often. It’s honestly rare for her to be seriously angry. She doesn’t have a bad temper like I sometimes can, and she’s nowhere near like Gladio. *he snorts* But yeah, usually when she’s angry I just I leave her to her thoughts and let her cool down, especially if I’m the one who made her mad. Don’t wanna get caught in the crossfire. Unless she’s to the point she needs to vent, and then, of course, I’ll sit and listen to her and offer her advice if she needs it. For the most part, I do what Luna needs when she’s in that state of mind because when we’re pissed we’re not always rational, but it’s like I said… don’t make her angry. You’ll regret it.”

anonymous asked:

I hate myself. I used to have this best friend i was really close with. When we entered high school we started going down hill. Our connection was disappearing fast. I keep trying to talk but it's fucking obvious that she doesn't want to talk. It's just dry texts i get. But me being the dumbass i am keeps texting her. I'm holding on to a tiny piece of string right now and it hurts like hell

Its always hard when we grow apart from friends we were once inseparable from. But my mother told me something once. Most people are only in our lives for a season. And those meant to be with us for lifetime can’t be forgotten just because of time and space. In other words sometimes you have to let someone go so they realize how important you are to them. I know it hurts, but time will heal all wounds. I have a beat friend that happened with and though I still think of her from time to time it no longer hurts when I think about her not being in my life.

5955) My family won’t change the pronouns they use for me and its really hard. I don’t feel any bottom dysphoria and honestly sometimes its so tempting to just waste my life away until i die because i feel like it will never get better for me even though people keep saying it will. I’m also panromantic/sexual so my mom wont let anyone sleep over except for girls and we can’t be in the same bed. Its ruining my social life. I wish my parents would just see me as male, i invited my friend over and my dad has to run an errand and he won’t even let me be alone in the house with him! He is also a transboy and even though i call him he i feel like my dad will misgender him just like my mom and my brother do. And i feel like if i say he’s a transboy my parents will act like he’s not valid and just say she. 😩😩😩 why can’t they just accept and respect people???