sometimes i'm successful

There’s a lot of complex parts of anger like this.

Part of it is fear. A big part of it is fear. That’s hard to combat when I’m alone, especially now that I have to get used to not being able to see all of my loved ones at once. I have to face the fact that I won’t always be there to fight tooth and claw for them. That’s scary. 

I guess another part of it is… kind of control? Related to the fear. I want to protect the people I love from everything. I want to keep them safe at any and all cost. Does that count as just fear? I don’t want to control them, just what might hurt them.

But I can’t do that. They’re grown trolls with things they need to do. Sometimes they need to fight their own battles. Sometimes they need to face their own demons and do the fighting themselves.

… Sometimes they don’t want to fight. And I need to let them find that will on their own. It’s not something I can give.