sometimes i'm afraid of myself

anonymous asked:

How did you figure out you were a bottom? Can I really be sure I'm a bottom if I've never had sex? And in broader terms of identity, I feel like I have a lot of my identity I've never explored, because I guess I'm afraid of embarrassing myself. Sometimes I think I'd be happier as a different gender, though at the same time I don't know if that's just normal thinking or actual dysphoria, since I'm not exactly unhappy with the way I am? Is there any way I can make more sense of this?

How did I figure out I was a bottom? I was walking out to my car with a woman who I was on a first date with, and I mentioned that I kind of like being bossed around, and she said, “Oh, you like to be topped?” and I’d never heard that expression before outside gay male relationship where the bottom is the dude who takes it, so I was was like, “What’s being topped?” and she suddenly pushed me up against a wall, leant against me with her hips, and whispered into my ear, “It’s more of this,” and I was like oh my god oh my god mgykgbakljerkgjbelaer

Honestly, though, for someone who has an ultra-responsible job like mine, for someone who’s had to manage her own household since they were in their teens, there is such peace in surrender. In not making decisions. In letting someone take over and just existing at their command. I love it. It’s almost trance-like, and it fosters such trust and intimacy in a partnership. 

Honestly? I don’t think you could really know 100% unless you’ve tried both. But that’s only my opinion - I’m sure there are virgins out there who love to imagine being topped and already know. For the rest of us, you need to experience it to know if it works for you or not XD

You don’t need to worry about being embarrassed, because you don’t really try things like this with people you don’t trust. And sex can be funny and awkward anyway, it’s nice to do it with someone who’ll laugh along with you and make it a shared experience while you experiment :)

The gender stuff is another conversation. Gender takes time to work out. You don’t need to rush it <3

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some lines in agust d tracks converted in emojis ©
click for the caption to see the lyrics

The signs as quotes from Alice in Wonderland
  • Aries: "Begin at the beginning," the King said, very gravely, "and go on till you come to the end: then stop.”
  • Taurus: "How puzzling all these changes are! I'm never sure what I'm going to be, from one minute to another.”
  • Gemini: “I can't go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.”
  • Cancer: "How long is forever?""Sometimes, just one second.”
  • Leo: "I'm afraid I can't explain myself, sir. Because I am not myself, you see?”
  • Virgo: "If everybody minded their own business, the world would go around a great deal faster than it does.”
  • Libra: “Have you guessed the riddle yet?” the Hatter said. “No, I give it up,” Alice replied, “What’s the answer?”
  • “I haven’t the slightest idea,” said the Hatter
  • Scorpio: "Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle.”
  • Sagittarius: "Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?""That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.""I don't much care where –""Then it doesn't matter which way you go.”
  • Capricorn: “I don't think..." "then you shouldn't talk.”
  • Aquarius: “But I don’t want to go among mad people," Alice remarked. "Oh, you can’t help that," said the Cat, "we’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad.
  • Pisces: “have i gone mad?" "im afraid so, but let me tell you something, the best people usualy are.”
Announcement

Just dropping a note here for all who are confused–

Sorry for the current lack of activity on this blog! I’ve been having trouble getting answers done and further plotting for stories due to some events that came up recently. The blog isn’t on hiatus, but I’ll be taking frequent breaks from this blog to get myself together.

I hope no one minds this. I just need to build-up my motivation while I get things sorted out personally. I’m just strongly in need of some time away from this blog, but I also would like to keep it running as regularly as possible.

Your asks are here and will be replied to in time! The Home Arc is still a-go!

-Mod

Pre-s3 these were my meditations on how SH would deal with the wedding were:

a) Sigh. I hate the writers. He would go and be genuinely fine if a little annoyed with the crowd and pleasantry and that would be soooooo OOC for him. He’d be engaged but not really. He’s fine. He’s rude. He wants to get out and get on with the crime-solving and is like “John ughhh this sucks because I’m bored let’s go crime-solving.” This is so OOC. Maybe BC’s acting would sell the whole thing? Maybe we still get hints of him being upset via acting? Whatever. Everything is trash. I hate this show.

b) He doesn’t go. John is heartbroken and pining but pretends to understand. Sherlock doesn’t do crowds. Sherlock makes up a case t o get out of it and acts petulant and everyone’s like “Sherlock you gotta go” and he’s like “this is dumb, no” and WE know he’s not going because he’s dying and heartbroken but it would never be stated in the show. We continue to say Sherlock is in love. The textual evidence leaves us frustrated. Everything is trash. I hate this show.

c) In a world of dreams, Sherlock Holmes goes to John Watson’s wedding because he loves him. He loves him and would do anything if he thinks it would make him happy even if he doesn’t show that side of himself enough. It’s clear that he’s heartbroken but he does everything required and shows his feelings under the guise of his best man duties. We are all heartbroken but it is the best interpretation of the character. This will never happen Thea. Don’t get your hopes high. They will be shattered. 

And then it happened. I’m just saying: sometimes don’t be afraid to dream big kids.