How did you figure out you were a bottom? Can I really be sure I'm a bottom if I've never had sex? And in broader terms of identity, I feel like I have a lot of my identity I've never explored, because I guess I'm afraid of embarrassing myself. Sometimes I think I'd be happier as a different gender, though at the same time I don't know if that's just normal thinking or actual dysphoria, since I'm not exactly unhappy with the way I am? Is there any way I can make more sense of this?
How did I figure out I was a bottom? I was walking out to my car with a woman who I was on a first date with, and I mentioned that I kind of like being bossed around, and she said, “Oh, you like to be topped?” and I’d never heard that expression before outside gay male relationship where the bottom is the dude who takes it, so I was was like, “What’s being topped?” and she suddenly pushed me up against a wall, leant against me with her hips, and whispered into my ear, “It’s more of this,” and I was like oh my god oh my god mgykgbakljerkgjbelaer
Honestly, though, for someone who has an ultra-responsible job like mine, for someone who’s had to manage her own household since they were in their teens, there is such peace in surrender. In not making decisions. In letting someone take over and just existing at their command. I love it. It’s almost trance-like, and it fosters such trust and intimacy in a partnership.
Honestly? I don’t think you could really know 100% unless you’ve tried both. But that’s only my opinion - I’m sure there are virgins out there who love to imagine being topped and already know. For the rest of us, you need to experience it to know if it works for you or not XD
You don’t need to worry about being embarrassed, because you don’t really try things like this with people you don’t trust. And sex can be funny and awkward anyway, it’s nice to do it with someone who’ll laugh along with you and make it a shared experience while you experiment :)
The gender stuff is another conversation. Gender takes time to work out. You don’t need to rush it <3