sometimes i wonder whats wrong with my mind

Fire Emblem Fates Private Quarters sentence starters

“Did you need some music to relax to?”
“I would love to hear the story of how you fell in love…”

“I’m glad we’re finally getting the chance to know each other.”

“Is this about the thing I broke? I am SO sorry!”

“I brought you a snack…Oops.”

“thanks for inviting me over…and for not asking me to clean your room!”

“Thanks for always being so nice to me…”

“I know we’re friends, but I’m still happy to work for you.”

“I’ll always walk by your side. And hopefully not trip you constantly.”

“Care for a cup of tea? I brought a hot kettle just in case.”

“I though you might be famished, so I brought you some refreshments.”

“Do other guests get the same sterling treatment here?”

“When we’re together like this, it feels just like old times.”

“Would you mind if I hide out here awhile?”
“Thanks to you, I am still alive. Thank you, my friend.”

“I shall dedicate every waking moment to securing your health and happiness.”

“I hope you like talking about animal husbandry and cooking…”

“I’m not sure it’s good for me to be seen in here…”

“Teaching you to pick a lock won’t take long, but I gotta ask… Why?”

“I can think of a few people who’d hate to see us being friendly like this.”

“Y'know, if things had turned out differently, we could have really gotten to be friends.”

“I’m glad you invited me here. I really needed a break.”

“If this is how it is, I’ll get my slippers. We can all cuddle.”

“What’s with all the racket in here? Are you playing the drums or something?”

“Why did you invite me here again?”

“I finally feel like I can trust you. What? It’s a compliment!”

“I Really appreciate you offering to help. You give the best advice.”

“Your room is so nice… Thanks for giving me a tour.”

“If you don’t mind, maybe we could spend more time together. Is that selfish?”

“You make me want to try my hardest to be a better person!”

“You sent for me? Well, I’ve got a few questions to ask you too.”

“That seemed completely pointless, But I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt.”

“I’m sorry that you’re totally wrong about everything.“
“I know you wanted to talk to me about something, but I forgot what it was…”

“I wonder how you’d look in something new?”

“I don’t like being inside. I’d rather be outside training.”

“Shall I perform for you? Reciting poetry is one of my gifts…”

“My room was dark. You don’t mind if I sleep in here…do you?”

“Do you have anything to eat? I’m starving!

“I really miss my family sometimes…”
“Hey if you’re ever lonely… I’m here.”

“I’ve never felt so taken care of. I wouldn’t mind coming here more often…”

“Ok. Let’s hear your latest knock-knock joke. I hope it’s good.”

“You’re not going to lecture me on my temper again, are you?”

“I Brought some more face paint like you asked.”

“It’s brave to summon me when I’m all worked up. Are you ready to fight?”

“I’d be glad to help you with some chores. It’s no trouble at all…”

“Nothing is more important than training, but I suppose one must also rest every now and then.”

“Did you have a long day? Let me rub your head.”

“Just tell me who I need to kill to make you happy, sweetie.”

“What are you doing? You’re obviously not studying.”

“Are you ready for our tickle fight?”

“I’m planning to chat up some girls later. Mind if I run some lines by you?”
“This has been fun, but I need to get in some dance practice today.”

“You know what would look great on you? The blood of our enemies!”

“Next one I slay in battle is all for you!”
“You’re not going to make me play that game again, are you? I won fair and square!”

“I brought the poison like you asked. Do you want to taste it? A sip won’t kill you.”

“You didn’t summon me here to braid your hair, did you?”

“Who did you want to exact revenge on this time? Go ahead… you can tell me.”

“You seem nervous. Was this meant to be a date?”

“If you don’t have anything planned for tonight, I can think of a few suggestions…”

“It’s so revealing to see your room like this.”

“I’d offer to give you a massage, but…. I might break you.”

“You need a jar opened or something? No problem.”

“I am ready to administer Justice!”

“Tell me…. Does a vigorous romance keep you young at heart?”

“I hope you’re grateful to have such a safe haven.”

“I don’t know why…but I get exited every time you invite me over!”

“This was fun. Ok, bye.”

“Your room is looking really clean. Here. Let me sprinkle some dust around for you.”

“I’m ready to plan our next prank. So who’s the unlucky guy this time?”

“Kind of you to have me over. and not to clean, right?”

“May I assist you? We must keep your things in working order.”

“I’m here! Where are the appetizers? What kind of party is this?”

“It’s so weird to be a guest and not the host. I think I like it!”

“Your party games are the silliest. I’m taking notes…”

“I don’t need any divine insight to know we’ll always be friends.”

“I’m home! Are you going to ask me about my day now?”

“I’ve been rehearsing our duet. Should we do some vocal warm-ups?”

“Are you going to show me your drawing? I’d love to see your artwork.”

“Are you going to teach me that tune you were whistling?”
“I just clocked out. This won’t take long, will it?”

“Shall I brew you some coffee now? I could use some too.”

“I have up on a nap to come visit you… and I’m glad I did.”

“Are we here to chat, or is there something I should be apologizing for?”

“I’m glad we got to talk. It helps me forget about the bad stuff.”

“I picked some fragrant herbs for you… wanna smell?”

“So are we going to hang out…together?”

“Maybe i’ll bag a bear soon. I’ll bring it here if I do!”

“I came all the way here, so you better make it worth my while. A few cupcakes will do the trick.”

“Why would you invite me over during snack time? Snack time is sacred!”

“Let’s play! The floor is hot lava. Quick! Jump on the bed!”

“I didn’t realize this would be such an…informal…get-together”

“Is it customary for people to spend together time like this? I wasn’t aware…”

“You summon me here / For some poetry lessons. / Too bad you’re hopeless.”

“How very tranquil it is here. I wish the world was the same.”

“Wow. This room really IS a mess. You should really let me help.”

“I hope I’m the only one you invite back here….”

“I know I don’t NEED to put a spell on you…but I think I’m going to anyway.”

“May I look at your book collection again?”

“I wish you’d let me help you decorate. Some of these fabrics are so dreary!”

“All right, here’s my greatest beauty tip: love yourself, no matter what ugly things other people say.”

“Did you just invite me here to tease me… or what?”

“We’re not planning on staying up all night telling each other ghost stories, are we?”

“Anytime you want to clean, just ask me! We might find some lint!”

“Your room is huge! There’s tons of space to play!”

“I love hearing about your dreams.”

“I swear that when I achieve true transcendent power, I will use it in your service!”

“I’m here for my singing lessons. I know… I’m hopeless!”

“Do you want me to do the cheer-up dance? It will turn your frown upside down!”

“Whew…it’s hot in here! I’m just gonna take off my–Oh, sorry. Is that not appropriate?”

“You know what this place needs? Kitten posters!”

anonymous asked:

Hello light of my life, I have a question. Sometimes when I ask people what their preferred pronouns are they get offended and there's a negative reaction. I've been phrasing it like "hey do you mind me asking what pronouns you use?" Am I doing this wrong? Is there some other way I should approach this situation?

No, you’re wonderful, and those people are ignorant. They’re probably taking it as an insult (like you’re implying something about their appearance), when in reality you’re just trying to be considerate. Asking for people’s pronouns really needs to be normalized. If you’re with a group and you want to try to make people feel less singled out you can try to introduce the idea of a pronoun round (where you stand in a circle and everyone takes turns stating the pronouns they use).

Every morning when I wake up, my mother sees my dead looking eyes and asks “what’s wrong?”
And every morning I tell her,
“Nothing at all”
After all, nothing is wrong. The moon is still revolving around earth, and earth is still revolving around the sun. The birds are still chirping, this city is still buzzing.
And this is how life is supposed to be isn’t it? Sometimes soul mates aren’t meant to be together, sometimes one becomes unhealthy for the other. So you move on, find new people to love and you never allow yourself to wonder
“will I ever love anyone else I meet the same way I loved them?”
But I’m an over thinker, and that question is always on the back of mind.
“will I ever really be able to move on?”
“If nothing is wrong, then why do you have that look on your face?” my mother asks again.
And I don’t know what else to do except to shrug at her and walk away.
Because nothing is wrong.
Nothing is wrong, but I still wake up half dazed because I would rather be in dreamland than in a reality that refuses to acknowledge my pain.
Nothing is wrong, yet my chest is always tight and there’s a constant imaginary lump in my throat; just on the verge of crying but not quite there.
Nothing is wrong at all, but I suck at goodbyes; and even more so at talking about it.
Nothing is wrong, but nothing is right either.
—  and life goes on, apparently. // a.b
Normal

Sometimes I forget what normal feels like. I forget that being awake for the entirety of the night isn’t right. I forget that weird, different and unique all have separate connotations. I forget that different foods are supposed to have different tastes. Sometimes I forget that tears shouldn’t fall down my face every night. I forget that I shouldn’t wake up and wonder, why. I forget what being woken up by anything but a nightmare feels like. I forget to remember. Sometimes I forget to remind myself I’m not supposed to standout. I forget that my skin can never truly hide the thoughts in my mind. Sometimes I forget that I’m not supposed to do things just for the sake of them being done. I forget that I am allowed to forgive myself. I forget that even the most sincerest of apologies could never right some wrongs. I forget that when you apologize so much, people don’t think that you really are sorry. Sometimes I forget what normal, not numb… I forget what normal feels like.

Indigo Flowers

Fire Emblem: Fates

Pairing: Xander/Inigo

Description: After a tough mission, Xander is feeling down and Laslow tries to cheer him up with mixed results.

another fic for @brynhild-r, who introduced me to this under appreciated pairing

AO3

—–

A tentative knock at the door brought Xander from the hellscape of his thoughts. He wasn’t sure how long he could continue to follow King Garon’s orders, especially when they meant murdering innocent women and children for suspected treason. Their final expressions of terror were imprinted on the back of his eyelids and no matter what he tried to do they refused to leave.

“Come in,” he said, head in his hands.

“Milord, you haven’t left your quarters in six hours, I thought I’d check up on you,” Laslow said.

Xander looked up and saw the young man smiling at him, concern hidden beneath his familiar grin.

“Thank you for your concern Laslow, but I’m fine,” Xander replied, as much as he enjoyed the company of his flirtatious retainer, he was not in the mood for a friendly chat.

Keep reading

Paul Walker’s Father Says His Son Was ‘Kind of Reckless’ With His Life
Paul Walker and his father, Paul Walker Sr. (Photo: Getty Images/Front Page Media/Splash News)

Time heals all wounds, but it doesn’t heal them quickly. Paul Walker‘s father knows this all too well, and recently he spoke out about his struggle since his son’s tragic death from a car crash in 2013. “I’m pretty much a bit of a recluse. I don’t go out as much anymore because Paul’s death took a lot out of me,” Paul Walker Sr. explained in a new interview with the Daily Mail. “I’ve got my good friends, who I stay in touch with, and they’ve been so supportive and nice to me. The best way I know how to look at it is that God just took him home. That’s the biggest comfort I can find.”

Still, that hardly means that Walker Sr. doesn’t think about what might have gone wrong on that fateful day.

“I drive my car round there, sometimes at weekends, and it’s just so quiet out there. It could be a racetrack,” he said. “In my mind, I don’t know, but I was riding my bike out there and I had a sneezing fit. I sneezed like five times. Your mind wanders, I wonder if that happened to Roger Rodas? Or a bee flew into the Porsche as they were riding that distracted him? Maybe a deer ran across the road and they swerved trying to avoid it?”

The one thing Walker Sr. knows for sure is that Roger was a “skilled” driver. “I mean you hear speeds from 50 mph to 100 mph. You hear both. You just don’t know. And the fact that Paul’s injuries were very survivable — he had a broken jaw, broken collarbone, broken wrist, and broken arm. All things that he would’ve survived had the car not caught fire.”

Paul Walker Sr. in his Los Angeles home. (Photo: Front Page Media / Splash News)

Walker Sr. isn’t alone in speculating about what led to his son’s untimely death. “I think people will be speculating about Paul’s death forever,” he said. “I watched a documentary about James Dean’s death not a long time ago, and this will be just the same. Paul was kind of reckless with his life. Whether it was performing his own stunts — he’d tell stuntmen, ‘I’m not afraid of anything’ — Paul did stuff that stuntmen wouldn’t do.” One time, Walker Sr. even intervened to try to keep his son out of harm’s way.

“I remember talking to one of Paul’s really greatest friends, Oakley Lehman. I said to Oakley, ‘Don’t be afraid to grab Paul by his shoulders and say, “Don’t be a stupid idiot,‘” Walker Sr. recalled before adding, “Paul must’ve had a sure belief in the afterlife — that’s all I can tell you about that.”

Paul Walker starred in the Fast and Furious franchise. (Photo: Universal/courtesy Everett Collection)

The Fast and the Furious franchise that launched Walker to fame has continued since his death, though his father has had mixed feelings about watching the subsequent films.

“I wasn’t sure if I wanted to see it,” Walker Sr. said. “But when I did — thankfully I was surrounded by friends, some who knew Paul since when he was a little kid — and it was really wonderful. We all really liked it. It was a very fun movie. You know, I think Paul would’ve loved it. I can see him saying to me, ‘Dad, you gotta see it; it’s crazy.’ That’s exactly what he would’ve said.” Walker Sr. added, “I think the cast and the directors did Paul proud. I hope the cast all become a bunch of old, toothless men before they stop making them. Paul would be very happy that they made another one.” The way the franchise has dominated box offices worldwide, Walker Sr. very well may get his wish.

Walker’s cast mates also shared a close tie to the fallen star — Vin Diesel in particular. The action hero named his daughter Paulina in honor of Walker, and has repeatedly paid tribute to him during awards acceptance speeches over the past several years.

The pain of the loss of his child still feels very real to Walker Sr., however. Now, three and a half years after his son died, he realizes that Paul’s death has had a profound impact on him. “I’ve become much more considerate, just like he was. I’m more considerate of people, and I realized some of the things he said,” Walker Sr. revealed. “I keep a journal, and I remember the things Paul said when he was a little fellow, and write them down.” He added that as a boy, Paul was very “profound” and “self-reflective.”

Paul Walker with his two younger brothers, Cody and Caleb. (Photo: Front Page Media / Splash News)

Walker Sr. noted, “I remember he once said — and it’s one thing that I wrote down — ‘I love very deeply.’ And he meant that. It’s memories like that which help me get through the day.”


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In Secret: Chapter 11 - Training

HUGE shoutout to @kmmcm and @muddyevil for being the absolute best and constantly harassing me to update. Muddyevil is a wonderful chisel and kmmcm is the reason I remember to post chapters here as well. Show them some love sometime! I’ll shut up now and let you read. ;)


My nostrils flared as I smelled paper and ink, and I stopped myself just before I started searching for the tiny woman. I knew she wasn’t around. She’d left a few days ago on a mission, but I kept smelling her. Or seeing flashes of blue that looked like her hair. Or hearing her laugh. What the hell is wrong with me? I couldn’t believe how much she was on my mind since she left. I growled in frustration, and decided I needed to leave the guildhall. It was only just after breakfast, but I didn’t really have any reason to stick around. Old lady Porlyusica finally took my bandages off today and cleared me for all activity. I thudded out, slamming the door behind me, and went home. I just need to do something other than sit around. I’d been working with the orphans every evening, but that didn’t really keep my muscles in use; the brats hardly had any physical strength yet, so I didn’t have to use mine at all.

I left my door open and grabbed the back of my shirt, pulling it over my head. I dropped it where I was standing, and looked around my living room. I’d converted most of it into a weight room. Walking over to a set of shelves, I turned on my workout music, loud and thumping. It got my heart racing and kept me moving. Hahahaha, let the sparks fly… There’s no such thing as maybe, burn it like it’s fading, no more hesitating let the sparks fly baby… Then I pushed open the window, allowing a cross breeze to push my hair out of my face. I snagged a red bandana and tied it around my forehead to keep my hair out of my eyes, and I was ready.

Keep reading

DOUG: Bluffington State University

Doug and his friends are college freshmen at Bluffington State University. In his journal, Doug describes his experiences with each of his friends since entering college.

Doug Funnie + Porkchop

Dear Journal: I can’t believe tomorrow is my first day of college. I’m both excited and a bit anxious. This feeling reminds me of the time my family and I first moved to Bluffington. It seems like it was just yesterday that Skeeter taught me how to properly place an order at Honker Burger. Or when I accidentally spilled ketchup on Roger’s suede shoes. I miss those days. Life was simpler then. The thought of moving away from home is kinda scary, but at least i’ll have my best pal Skeeter is my roommate. How bad can it be? 

Skeeter Valentine

Dear Journal: At first I thought having my best pal Skeeter as a roommate would be sweet, but man… I can’t get any studying done when he’s around! His beat boxing makes it nearly impossible to focus. He’s worse than Larvell Jones in Police Academy! I can’t even get any rest because he Honks in his sleep. Now don’t get me wrong, Skeeter’s great, but this arrangement just isn’t quite what I thought it would be. I wonder if it’s too late to share a dorm with Al & Moo Sleech?

Patti Mayonaise

Dear Journal: My roommate situation may be less than ideal, but at least I share a class with Patti. It seems i’m not the only one that’s having a hard time adjusting to college life. The thought of not being at home to help her dad worries her sometimes. I think softball helps to ease her mind. She’s still quite the tomboy. Her new hairstyle seems to reflect that also. She’s never looked better. Even after all of these years I still get butterflies when I’m around her though… 

Chalky Studebaker

Dear Journal: I think it goes without saying that Chalky is the most popular guy on campus. He’s a star student. All the girls love him. All the guys want to be him. And he’s the starting quarterback of the football team. In Bluffington State’s first game against The University of Bloatsburg Chalky threw a total of six touchdown passes. Pretty amazing stuff. What’s even more amazing to me is despite all of his accomplishments he still thinks he’s trapped in his older brother’s shadow.

Beebe Bluff + Connie Benge

Dear Journal: Social media is a great way to keep in touch with friends, but if you happen to be Beebe and Connie it’s just a more convenient way to gossip. Since Beebe became “instagram famous” she’s more snobby than before, which I didn’t even think was possible. And Connie’s ego is even bigger than her head ever since she reached 10,000 Twitter followers. It’s not easy to relate to them anymore unfortunately… It’s like they’re completely consumed!

Judy Funnie + Porkchop 

Dear Journal: I’ve been feeling a little homesick lately. I kinda miss my family. (Even Judy but don’t tell her I told you that). I hope my buddy Porkchop is doing okay without me. He’s getting pretty old. Mom says Judy put him on a diet because he put on few pounds from all those Honker Burgers. Nothing but beets and water. That’s no way to live. I guess Judy didn’t know that beets make Porkchop gassy before she made that decision. Boy is she in for surprise!

Roger Klotz + Stinky

Dear Journal: During middle school and high school Roger gave me a hard time. So I was a bit relieved when I learned that he wasn’t going to be joining us at Bluffington State. I hear he went to Bloatsburg Tech. Ned, Boomer and Willy are here, but it seems they don’t really know how to function without Roger at the helm so they joined a fraternity. They’re relatively harmless now. Though Boomer did tell me that Roger and Judy secretly dated briefly. Ugh.. Can you imagine if they got married? That would make Roger my brother-in-law. Yikes!

anonymous asked:

I'm starting to wonder if I'm nonbinary (or genderfluid? or something?) but my mental illness makes me scared to consider identifying that way because what if I'm wrong and I'm just cis and "trying to feel special" like I see truscum saying and I make everything worse for people? I'm AFAB and sometimes that feels totally fine, I don't mind identifying and being perceived as a girl. But sometimes I feel like I'm not comfortable with any gender, like I just don't want any at all. I don't know.

Sorry this took so long! I would suggest looking at genderflux, it seems closest to what you’re describing.

I struggled with the same thing for YEARS with coming to terms with my fluidity. Those times you convince yourself you’re cis really feel like they override every time you feel like you’re not. But the fact you can talk about not feeling like a gender, means you’re not cis.

Bloodlust

Warning: This isn’t like my usual imagines. This imagine is based off of the novel ‘American Psycho’ by Brett Easton Ellis, and if you’ve read or heard of it, you’ll know it’s very controversial. I tried to keep it mild because, obviously, no one asked for this and it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. However, I know some people may be quick to get judgemental. This isn’t supposed to offend, scare, mock or anything of the sort, it’s merely a piece of fiction inspired by another. With that, please be aware but also, enjoy it.

PS. If you don’t like it or are offended or whatever, don’t come at me; I warned you and you carried on reading. Enjoy💗


Justin’s P.O.V

She lays with her head on my lap, her hair sprawls out and contrasts with my washed out jeans. I feel dizzy but I keep my focus on her to steady myself, it only just works.

The TV plays across the room, meaning there’s no need for us to make any kind of conversation. It means I can sit and stroke her hair, feeling her shiver beneath me. It gives me great pleasure to feel her body jolt whenever my fingers touch her scalp.

Her feet twitch at the edge of the bed, she lets them sway gently and curls her toes every so often. It’s a sight I’m familiar with and I’m taken back to the previous week when I managed to make them curl in the exact same way by pounding her with no remorse, I remember having to hold back from ripping her to shreds from beneath me.

My eyes coming back into focus, I realise I’m not paying even the slightest bit of attention to the TV but rather thinking of all the ways I could use the new power drill I purchased last night. So far, I’ve thought of six.

I’m not sure what we’re watching, but it’s quiet and calm - although, in my head it’s a completely different story - and I’m happy to sit doing nothing besides watching the white walls of [Y/N]’s bedroom, thinking they’d look a lot more appealing if they were dripping red.

I’m guessing the movie is a slasher; the loud thuds of non-diegetic music as the poor, defenceless girl creeps cautiously around the conveniently destroyed and abandoned building pours through the speakers.

It all happens so fast, much to my disappointment. I’m suddenly paying attention and watching with bated breath. Does she die? How? Knife in the stomach? Decapitated? I hope [Y/N] doesn’t feel my body stiffen.

She jumps when the killer takes a stab, meanwhile, I clench my fists. The fake blood and the shrill sounds of screaming awakens something in me and I can feel a wave of heat wash over me.

I abandon [Y/N]’s hair in fear of grabbing it too hard and instead, place them at my sides. They turn white from being balled so tightly while the girl on the screen writhes on the floor pathetically. [Y/N] is watching behind her hands now.

She looks up at me and for that moment, the world seems okay. “How can you watch this so casually? Are you not scared?” she whines and I smile.

I think about all the things I could tell her, about what I’ve seen, heard, done, and immediately decide against it; it’s selfish but I refuse to let her leave.

“It’s all fake, and not to mention, inaccurate. It’d take her a lot longer than that to die by a couple of mediocre stabs to the neck, and the blood is clearly paint. Blood’s thick, but not that thick,“ I say and think back to the night I fell deep - deeper than usual - into my typical spiral and ended up in my neighbour’s kitchen, drinking the blood from his neck after having used my - at the time - brand new pocket knife. It was bitter and left an unusual aftertaste but the kill was satisfactory.

“I know that,” she rolls her eyes, although I know she probably didn’t know. “But it’s still scary, the thought of it, you know?”

It’s humorous to me that she’s frightened by child’s play; whoever created, directed, produced and even starred in this sad excuse for a horror movie had clearly never slashed open a man’s stomach and scooped his insides out; they went about portraying it all wrong. Despite this, it’s sending my bloodlust into a frenzy and I’m thinking about asking her if I can borrow it sometime.

“The thought of what?” I ask, interested.

“Just.. murder. Killing someone. Having so much blood on your hands. I could never do it, I care too much.” She seems to go into some sort of mini trance and I grin, wondering what beautifully tragic images are going through her mind. I wish I could play with her brain and see what she’s seeing.

That’s why I love her - I think I do, I can’t really feel much, but I think I’m as close to being in love as I’ll ever be - she’s kind and delusional and thinks people are good. She’s innocent and pure and I sometimes struggle to keep it that way - sometimes my mind’s foggy and I have to leave before I ruin her.

“That’s because you’re angel,” I mutter and I can see her shy away, making me grin. I run my fingers along the side of her face and I catch sight of dry blood under my fingernails from last night, I make a mental note to wash my hands again.

“You are, too,” she replies and I try to stop myself from cackling. I think she notices because she frowns. “You’re too good for this world.. too good for me.”

She’s delusional, all right. She says I’m too for this world but I’m not ‘too good’ for anything, I’m not even ‘good’. I feel moved by her failure to see through my heavy guard.

“What if I told you that just last night, I had a girl’s head on my coffee table while her headless body lay limp in the kitchen? Would your opinion change?” I smirk and her eyes widen.

“Don’t even joke about that!” she slapped my chest with the back of her hand. She wasn’t scared, or even paying attention to the movie anymore. “You’ve got a sick sense of humour, Justin, you know that?”

“I do, indeed.” But my sense of humour actually feeds on puns and knock-knock jokes, the girl’s head was still on the coffee table as I left for work this morning and, unless it grew legs and took off, was probably still there now. The body is currently on its way to London, Tokyo, Canada, Switzerland, and many other places across the globe, in tiny pieces.

“I love you,” she says, looking at me with a strong look in her eyes that told me she meant it. I’m sure my heart would’ve began to beat rapidly if that kind of thing was what kick started it, and I suppose, if it functioned properly.

“I love you too,” I trace her eyebrows with my finger, doing the same with her eyes, nose and lips - they’re wet under my finger and I lick my own involuntarily.

I often think about the ‘L’ word. It’s supposedly powerful although I’ve never seen the hype. So what if your boyfriend doesn’t love you back? So what if your mom has never said she loves you? Fuck them. And no one really cares how much you love your new Summer dress or how in love you are with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Love is helpless and hopeless, it’s nothing important, really.

Actions speak louder than words, which is why I prefer to kill the people who arise the anger in me; it’s like saying 'you’re an annoying bastard’ without actually having to open your mouth.

“I’ve missed half the movie now,” she mutters before shifting her gaze from me to the TV that shows a sobbing man on his knees, a high camera angle has been used, probably to portray his weakness. He’ll probably be dead in the next few minutes and I watched silently.

I’m right. The killer returns once more and takes their time raising the knife to stab the man in the chest. Lust seeps into every inch of my body and I remind myself of rain against the windows and expensive ice cream and hot food in Winter afternoons, just to distract myself from the fog clouding my mind.

Sweat forms at my hairline and I find myself growling quietly. Thankfully, it doesn’t draw any attention, even when I begin to shake lightly, she doesn’t notice. I force myself to take deep breaths but I know from past experiences that it does nothing.

My heart is thumping in my chest and I know I have to excuse myself before I explode and grab the small but sharp knife in my coat pocket.

“Baby, I’m just gonna go get a drink. You.. want anything? Water? Coke? A glass of blood?” I grin and she rolls her eyes. I try not to focus on the one drop of sweat that strokes my skin.

“Tempting, I must say,” she jokes, and I immediately have vivid images of her soaked in blood, although not her own of course, and I sigh. “Water, please.”

I nod and make my way out of her bedroom, trailing my fingertips along the wall before jogging down the stairs. It’s dark downstairs but the lamp in the corner gives it a yellow tinge.

I hum the theme of Halloween as I reach the kitchen. The room comes to life when I flip the switch and I make my way to the top cupboard. Almost taking the door off its hinges, I grab the open bottle of Vodka from the darkness of the shelf, I only know that because I opened it a few nights ago.

I down it without remorse, feeling it burn and take away the bad in my brain. I had two choices; I could down the rest of this and return upstairs, I’d probably be able to last without spiralling until I left if I made some excuse as to why I can’t stay over tonight. Or I could leave now and find the next breathing thing to take home and satisfy my terrible desires.

As I fight with my own mind, I chug the vodka without having to tell myself to and it’s as though I’ve already decided what I’m going to do. Once only a quarter of the bottle is left I put it back and feel like brand new. I’m able to make my way, slowly, back up to her room.

She’s laid as she was when I left. Her hands rest, clasped together, on her stomach while her boobs curve out in a way that compliments her greatly.

I smile as I sit down back where I was, she lifts her head so she can rest it in my lap again. She’s looking up at me expectantly and I frown.

“Water?” she asks carefully. Her fingers tap together on her stomach and I notice her nails are polished and gleaming, unlike mine.

That’s when I realise I was focused so much on creating a buzz in my mind that I forgot to bring her water. I cursed myself mentally.

“Oh.. I, uh, I.. forgot.”

She chuckles and take my hand in hers. “You do that a lot,” she says and I realise I do. Although I’m pretty good at remembering how many stab wounds I gave that man in New York last year, and how many screams left the other man’s mouth while the chainsaw pierced his skin, I wonder how I’d forgotten her water.

“My apologies, I’ll go get you it.” I’m ready to stand but she doesn’t move her head. I don’t want to have to move it myself in case a rush washes over me and I end up snapping her neck.

“No, it’s okay. Stay.” I can see her cheek being attacked from the inside by her teeth and I watch it happen, wanting to be the one biting her.

“As you wish,” I grin but I know she shouldn’t want me around, it’s one of the many moments I’m with her where I think of breaking it off. She can’t want me, at least she shouldn’t.

But I’m thirsty for her, and even though I have to be cautious and work around the late hours of my bloodlust, I want her, more than I’ve ever wanted anything - the liberating feeling of pushing a knife through the surface of the human skin, the sound of women’s screams, the drugs, the alcohol, the taste of skin in my teeth, I want her more than any of that and I know I’m capable of keeping her with me forever.

anonymous asked:

I like how you aren't afraid of defending what you love with a constructive argument while being respectful. You don't let the haters get to you. And i really love the way you draw. Honestly you're my most favorite person on this website and I always love seeing you on my dash even if we aren't in the same fandom anymore

Aah thank you <3

I often struggle to defend what I like because I always wonder if the criticisms are right and I’m not in the wrong ? but then I try to look at other arguments and to see things objectively.

But yeah, I dislike letting things go to insults and anyway my mind just go full essay on each argument so I can’t fight it xD As well writing it down. Sometimes it can make the other person reconsider things or at least accept my point of view respectfully.

And thanks for the compliment on my art and everything <3 And thanks for still liking me despite me changing fandoms pretty often lately. It happens with several of my friends and I’m always watching on them from afar 

I don't hate you, I have social anxiety

If you don’t know what it’s like to have social anxiety or have ever wondered what it’s like to be introverted. Have a read.

I’m constantly worrying about what other people are thinking of me, I second guess most of what I say, causing long pauses in conversations, fumbling over my words, and a generally quiet and shy nature. I get anxious before social events with people I don’t know, occasionally to the point of nausea and headaches. Sometimes it’s a battle just to get myself to leave the house, my mind full of concerns about what might happen, who I might meet, and what I might say or do wrong.

But one of the worst things about having social anxiety is the way that my social anxiety makes me appear to other people. Because social cues and verbal communication are so important in forming new friendships, my anxiety often makes me come off as being cold, disinterested, and even mean.

Unfortunately, the more interested I am in getting to know a particular person, the worse this will be. If I really want someone to like me, I’m extra careful with what I say, which then ends up being little or nothing at all. I look away a lot and fidget, causing me to seem disinterested or bored. And, because I’ve gotten better at hiding my nervousness, I come off as being even more distant and disengaged without any hint that my behavior is being caused by my anxiety.

I’m rarely in the moment with other people because I’m in my head, over-thinking, worrying, and analyzing. Those same thoughts and worries also prevent me from initiating hangouts and following up on rescheduling plans. I always assume that if someone doesn’t contact me or has to cancel a plan we’ve made that they don’t like me. I take any kind of rejection, real or perceived, incredibly personally. I obsess about what people say and do, analyzing their words and actions for cues to help me figure out what they really think of me. Which makes it very hard for me or a potential romantic partner to move forward in a relationship.

Of course, this is the same kind of thinking that they might be applying to me as a result of my quietness and failure to initiate or reschedule. I’m doing the exact same thing that I don’t want them to do to me. It’s too bad that anxiety doesn’t respond well to basic logic. Over the years, I have had so many people tell me that they thought I hated them when we first met. People have said that I can come off as being cold and not interested in them. A few have even gone so far as to say that I seem self-centered or bitchy. Words like “quiet,” “shy,” and “reserved” are often used to describe me.

The thing is, I’m usually interested in the conversations I’m having, and I very rarely dislike someone. Once I get to know a new person, it doesn’t take me too long to get over that initial block and open up to them. I’m not reserved at all with people who I feel that I can trust, at least on a basic level. Once I’m comfortable, I might even share too much. But getting to that place can be challenging. A lot of miscommunication and misunderstanding can happen in the meantime, ending a burgeoning friendship before it even begins.

So, if you ever notice someone being quiet, shy, awkward, or reserved, don’t automatically assume that they’re self-centered, mean, or dislike you. It’s entirely possible that they’re really just nervous or struggle with social anxiety. For those who are the same, I hope you find your comfort in someone and can open up to them. When you find the right person it makes you admire them even more for being able to be completely relaxed and yourself for a change. Stop mistaking silence for ignorance 2k16!

this is petty as fuck, but it honestly makes me sad that i’m always the one asking my friends if they want to hangout. don’t get me wrong, i always have a great time with my friends… it just lowkey bothers me that it’s always me asking. i think what makes it even worse is that they don’t ever invite me to things when they all hangout together. i just feel really left out, and when i’m at home by myself sometimes i just wonder if they forget to ask, or if they purposefully didn’t want to invite me and thought, “eh, it’s okay”. i mean, i don’t mind my close friends hanging out, but making it a consistent thing to do without even bothering to ask me if i would like to join kinda really hurts. it just makes me feel unwanted. ugh, but i’m always overthinking and overreacting. there’s something wrong with me. ugh, idk.. there’s just so much going on right now and i could really use a friend. it just sucks because overthinking and feeling this way isn’t something i try to do. it just happens. now, i don’t even hit my friends up anymore because i think they feel a certain way about me. what’s funny is that they don’t even hit me up. that makes me realize that if i never hit them up, we’d never be hanging out. again, that begs the question: “oh, but if you have fun with them when you hangout, what’s the problem?”. honestly, it’s just me being really anxious. i’m like slowly realizing things while typing this up actually. i feel like most of my friends see me as that friend who you hit up for one or two specific reasons. cause i do have friends that i only do certain things with. like i have friends i hangout with, but don’t rave with. i have friends i love to party with, but we don’t hangout. ugh, does any of this even make sense? it would just be nice to have one good friend who’s down as fuck to do anything/everything and bothers me to hangout all the time, somebody who actually enjoys texting me and listening to what i say. i feel like i honestly just annoy everybody, tbh. maybe that’s why i haven’t been able to have this kind of friendship. idk these are some random thoughts so please don’t expect any of this to make sense. for god’s sake it’s three o’ clock. nothing good ever happens at this time of the night.

Some hundreds of years may have passed. I don’t know. AM has been having fun for some time, accelerating and decreased my time sense. I will say the word now. Now. It took me ten months to say now. I don’t know. I think it has been some hundreds of years.  He was furious. He wouldn’t let me bury them. It didn’t matter. There was no way to dig up the deckplates. He dried up the snow. He brought the night. He roared and sent locusts. It didn’t do a thing; they stayed dead. I’d had him. He was furious. I had thought AM hated me before. I was wrong. It was not even a shadow of the hate he now slavered from every printed circuit. He made certain I would suffer eternally and could not do myself in. He left my mind intact. I can dream, I can wonder, I can lament. I remember all four of them. I wish-  Well, it doesn’t make any sense. I know I saved them, I know I saved them from what has happened to me, but still, I cannot forget killing them. Luigi’s face. It isn’t easy. Sometimes I want to, it doesn’t matter. AM has altered me for his own peace of mind, I suppose. He doesn’t want me to run at full speed into a computer bank and smash my skull. Or hold my breath till I faint. Or cut my throat on a rusted sheet of metal. There are reflective surfaces down here. I will describe myself as I see myself:  I am a great soft jelly thing. Smoothly rounded, with no mouth, with pulsing white holes filled by fog where my eyes used to be. Rubbery appendages that were once my arms; bulks rounding down into legless humps of soft slippery matter. I leave a moist trail when I move. Blotches of diseased, evil gray come and go on my surface, as though light is being beamed from within.  Outwardly: dumbly, I shamble about, a thing that could never have been known as human, a thing whose shape is so alien a travesty that humanity becomes more obscene for the vague resemblance.  Inwardly: alone. Here. Living under the land, under the sea, in the belly of AM, whom we created because our time was badly spent and we must have known unconsciously that he could do it better. At least the four of them are safe at last.  AM will be all the madder for that. It makes me a little happier. And yet … AM has won, simply … he has taken his revenge … This is it, Luigi.

I have no mouth. And I must scream.  

My own idea, wanted to write this up for ages so I’m happy I finally did! I love you guys! Enjoy <3 <3 <3

Ready To Go

I sat at home relaxing, I hadn’t been in school over the past few days, my boyfriend, even though I wasn’t that into him, cheated on me, I felt like crap, worthless, I had barely even bothered to get up out of bed. I hadn’t seen anyone, I hadn’t even spoken to anyone in over three days, not even Brendon, my best friend, I was halfway through a crappy movie on Netflix when my mom called up.

“Y/N! Can you get the door?” I groaned, who the fuck could that be, I got up out of bed, checking myself in the mirror on my way out of my room, I looked semi decent, my hair was a mess and I had no makeup on but hey at least I was clean. I hopped down the stairs, heading to the door, I opened it and saw Brendon standing there, his usual hoodie and messy hair, glasses on, he looked so sweet I couldn’t help but smile at him.

“Oh shit… Hey Bren.” I muttered out, running a hand through my messy ass hair. “What’re you doing here?”

“Well, I haven’t heard from you since Tuesday night and its Friday and… well I was just worried about you. I guess I got too used to you calling me every night huh?” He was so sweet, I smiled at his words, melting instantly, any thoughts I’d had of shooing him off had since disappeared.

“Hey, why don’t you come in, I’ll explain it all.” He nodded, we headed through to my living room, my parents were in the kitchen talking about groceries so there was no worry of them disturbing.

“So, what’s been going on with you, I’ve been so worried.” He ran a hand casually through his hair, god I kinda loved it when he did that, it looked so relaxed but sexy at the same time.

“Johnny cheated on me… I know I didn’t even like him all that much but it still feels like shit, like why me? What’s wrong with me?” I tried not to get upset, already diving into the subject despite only telling him 10 seconds ago. It was a strange feeling telling the guy I liked about how my boyfriend, who I didn’t like, had cheated on me.

“Hey… nothing is wrong with you! I don’t know why he would do that, couldn’t he see what he had in front of him.” He touched my arm gently, he confused me so much, what did all this mean, I could never tell, sometimes he came across like he liked me other times like he didn’t damn it drove me crazy wondering.

“It just makes me feel like it’s my fault, like I did something wrong or just wasn’t good enough.” I shook my head, covering my face, tapping my fingers on the table slightly.

“Don’t blame yourself Y/N, no one in their right mind would go looking if they had you.” He gave me another sweet smile, touching my arm, his head tilted to the side, thinking for a moment. “Hey… you know there’s a carnival in town? You should come to it tonight.”

“What, with you? But… I thought you have a date to that already… besides I look a mess, no makeup or anything.” I sighed, standing to see him out, I wasn’t sure if going out would be the best idea.

“Aww c’mon, come out with me, I don’t have a date to it and it will be fun, take your mind off of things.” He pleaded slightly, he stood and took my hand gently. “Besides, I like you better like this, you look pretty with no makeup on.” I couldn’t help but blush, he looked so sweet and sincere. “C’mon, have some fun, don’t let him ruin your weekend.”

“Ok… I just need to put some better clothes on ok?” He nodded, I ran to the kitchen door, turning back to look at him. “Wait by the front door ok.” With those words I ran up to my room, I frantically neatened myself up, throwing on some skinny jeans, a decent looking sweater, brushing my hair out, I thought about putting makeup on but remembered what he had said, he liked me better without so I’d go without. I looked in the mirror, my outfit looked pretty cute I had to admit, I threw on some sneakers and ran back downstairs. He was standing by the door, car keys in his hand, I smiled as I got down stairs, gaining a cute smiled back, he touched my hand gently, pulling me in the direction of the door.

“Mom, I’m going out, be back late, I’ve got keys!” I shouted, grabbing a jacket from the rack,

“Ok sweetie be safe. Have fun.” My mom shouted back, I closed the door behind us, Brendon looked slightly shocked by it.

“Your parents just let you go out like that?” I nodded, looking slightly confused.

“Well, don’t your parents let you out whenever you want?”

“Well yeah… don’t yours?”

“Well yeah, but my dad would never let my sisters just waltz off with a guy at a moment’s notice.” I giggled slightly at his words, getting in his car.

“Oh… yeah, they don’t mind, it’s only because they know it’s you.” He nodded as he flicked the radio on, he always had KROQ playing in his car, I was so used to it but I loved it at the same time, he was the person that got me into most of my favourite bands. He was responsible for most of the person I was today.

Brendon had driven me to the carnival together, singing along to the radio on the way, he always seemed to love showing off his singing voice when we were together. He parked up the car and we headed off into the carnival together, it was bright and colourful, lights and games everywhere, full of stalls and food vans, we both smiled, I spotted bumpers cars, grinning widely.

“Oh my god, let’s go do bumper cars!” I tugged his arm, he grinned walking with me, I went to get some money out of my pocket to pay for myself but he stopped me.

“No, I’ll pay, don’t worry, tonight is my treat.” He gave a wide smile, paying for us and taking me through to pick a car, we chose a purple one, squeezing in together, giggling as we did. The ride started, Brendon sped us around the ride, crashing into people repeatedly, both of us giggling hysterically.

“Ahh, get them!” I pointed to people that had just crashed into us, he swung an arm around me casually, steering the cart into them, all four of us giggling as we collided. We seem to work up some kind of playful rivalry with them, hitting into them more than a few times over the duration of the ride, we got off swaying slightly from Brendon’s manic driving. The couple smiled at us as we parted ways, we began to wander off to more of the carnival, looking for more stalls and games, I smiled widely as I saw one that gave out temporary tattoos.

“Oh my gosh we so should!” I teased, tugging his arm, he rolled his eyes and allowed me to drag him over to it. I looked through the stencils, finding a particularly cute set of two, it was silhouettes of Mickey and Minnie mouse, the Minnie one had a cute bow, I smiled and pointed at it. “That’s cute!”

“Wanna get them?” He asked, smiling widely as he stroked my arm a little.

“Really? Like matching ones?” I blushed, giggling as he nodded at me.

“Yeah why not? It’s cute right, he could we get those? Minnie for her Mickey for me?” the guy running the stall nodded, Brendon got his wallet out, paying for them both, why was he being so sweet? We had them done on our wrists both admiring our matching tattoos, giggling like kids.

“Aww they’re adorable!” Brendon nodded getting his phone out. “Smile!” He turned the camera to from facing, wrapping his arm around me playfully, we took several pictures, one of us smiling, one of us pulling funny faces, the last one he pressed a kiss to my cheek. We flicked through the pictures smiling, they were really cute pictures, we looked so blissful happy, sparkly eyes in the lights of the rides.

We began to wander off again together, looking around for more rides to go on, I looked down when I saw Johnny with some girl, Brendon looked at me, glancing at Johnny.

“Hey?” I glanced up at him, shaking my head and looking away from him. “He’s looking…” I shrugged slightly, he tugged me to look at him taking my hand in his own, before I got another chance to argue he pulled me into a soft kiss, his arm finding my waist, lips pressed against my own, my hands slid to his shoulders, the kiss sent a shiver down my spine, his hands holding my waist softly. He pulled back and winked at me. “Don’t let him see you hurting, let him see that he doesn’t matter.” He glanced over at Johnny, holding my chin between his thumb and forefinger, pecking me on the lips once more. I froze for a moment, smiling as he pulled away and took my hand, leading me away, did that just happen? We wandered round the fair jumping on various rides, we went on a few rollercosters, wandering round, I pointed at the big ferris wheel in the centre, wanting to go on it with him, he complied, we queued and hopped into our seat. We sat looking out over the carnival, it looked so pretty up here, up and away from the noise, I looked out sighing slightly.

“You know, this city is so pretty at night.” I smiled, looking out over the city, feeling a hand touch my own on the bar in front of us.

“I’ve seen something prettier.” He gave me a small smile, I blushed, not sure what he meant by that, our eyes met for a moment, both smiling blissfully as the ferris wheel went round and round. It was so nice to be up here, we didn’t speak that much until we had gone round a few times, people were getting off and on again so we were still at the top. “You deserve better you know.”

“I know… I guess I just thought I wouldn’t get it.” I sighed, leaning on the bar in front of me.

“Of course you will, you’re beautiful, never forget that ok.”

“You really think that?”

“Who doesn’t? You know all the guys all school have the hots for you.” I giggled again, we began coming down again, we climbed off the ride together, wandering round for a little longer, we were considering going back now, it was late we were tired. As we were heading to the car park I pointed out a game, you had to knock all the cans over to win a big fluffy teddy.

“It’s like impossible to win those! Why hang such a cute teddy on the side to give everyone false hope.” I laughed, Brendon pulled a face smiling widely.

“One try won’t hurt!” He rolled up his sleeves and wandered over to the stall, he paid and took his balls, I watched as he threw the first, knocking almost all the cans down in one shot, his second ball only hit one. “One more shot to win you that teddy!” I giggled as he took his shot, he knocked the last cans down, I squealed as they gave me one of the bears, giggling, it was holding a heart in between its paws.

“C'mon, let’s get going.” We both headed to the car and drove back to my place in relative silence, my teddy bear in the back seat, I almost drifted off in the car, it had been a pretty tiring night. Brendon walked me to my front door, wrapping his arms around me slowly, pulling me close to him, kissing me on the cheek.

“Well I guess I should go.” I thought for a moment, building up my confidence, I didn’t want the night to be over yet.

“Why don’t you come in?” I asked boldly, he smiled at me, blushing a little and nodding, I unlocked the door walking us both in. “Mom we’re going to my room.” I heard my mom’s faint response, leading Brendon up to my room.

Once we had gotten up to my room I changed out of my jeans into a pair of shorts, climbing onto my bed and putting Netflix on. I flopped back onto my bed, running a hand through my hair, I had put my teddy on my computer chair.

“Thank you for tonight Brendon… I had so much fun.” I smiled he smiled back, taking off his jacket and sitting on my bed.

“It’s ok, I wanted you to feel better so as long as you feel better I’m happy.” He gave me a smile, tilting his head to the side, propping himself on his elbows.

“I do, thanks, wanna watch a movie?” He nodded, we chose a movie and both sat together on my bed, I curled up, pulling the covers over me. I patted the space next to me, he shuffled over, slipping his legs under the covers, shuffling up next to me. I leant on his arm as we watched the movie, feeling his arm slip around me, cuddling me into his chest, I didn’t argue, enjoying the feeling, we slowly seemed to shuffle further and further down until we were fully in bed under the covers, I closed my eyes, I don’t remember falling asleep, just that relaxed feeling coming over me before I drifted off.

My eyes fluttered open the next morning, still laying on Brendon’s chest, he was in his tshirt and boxers, he must have taken his jeans off in the night. I leant up, he was still blissfully asleep, mumbling in his sleep, I slowly climbed out of bed, I needed water desperately. I padded downstairs, expected to be questioned by my parents but no one was in, I grabbed a glass of water from the kitchen and checked myself in the mirror, I looked ok I guess. No worse than last night I guess. I took myself back up to my room, Brendon was awake now, looking at me with groggy eyes from under my covers. I sat on the bed next to him, taking a sip of my drink, offering him some water.

“Morning…” I trailed off, I felt so desperate to know what all of this meant know, why did it have to be so damn confusing, did he like me? I really had no clue.

“Hey.” He took the water, sipping it slowly, running a hand through his messy hair. “Your bed is comfy as hell.” I giggled slightly. “Won’t your folks be pissed I stayed?”

“They’re not home.” I let the words roll off my tongue, putting the glass down on my bedside table, we both shared a moment of awkward eye contact before I finally decided to ask outright. “Look Brendon I need to know… what is this? What are we, because I just don’t know.” I asked, crossing my arms across my chest, unsure of what to say next.

“You haven’t got the hint yet?” He looked a little confused, pushing the covers off himself to shift closer to me.

“What hint?” I tilted my head to the side, Hu shifted right in front of me, touching my hand in my lap slowly.

“I like you… like really like you, I’ve been trying to hint at it forever.” I blushed, leaning closer to him, hesitating, fuck it, why wait. I pressed my lips against his, feeling him kiss back instantly, I felt his hands slide onto my waist quickly, our lips moving in time with each other. He slid his hands down to my lower back, shifting so we were laying next to each other, his arms wrapping around me, lips crashing down on mine, I slid my leg up against his, a sharp moan escaping his lips into the kiss. He brushed his tongue against my lips, urging me to part them slightly, I complied, feeling his tongue brush against my own, exploring my mouth slowly, I heard moans escaping my lips, my fingers finding his hair, playing with the dark black mess of hair, still unstyled from sleeping, the kiss was quickly growing more heated, feeling the bulge forming in his boxers against me. His hand found its way to my shorts, his hand ghosting over the material, applying the slightest bit of pressure down there driving me insane, I gripped him tightly, moaning out softly, his kisses migrated from my lips, down my jawline slowly, ending up on my neck, soft kisses and bites sending shivers down my spine. My hips bucked slightly against his hand, wanting to cause more friction, he chuckled darkly into my ear, biting my neck softly, his hand sliding down inside my shorts, playing with the waistband on my panties, teasing me, I whimpered slightly, gripping onto his shoulders, I needed more, he was driving me crazy. He slid my shorts down my legs, throwing them on the floor, quickly doing the same with my panties, his hand sliding up in between my thighs, finding my lips, I already knew I was wet before he had even touched there but his dark chuckle suggested it was more than I thought. His hand rubbed against me slowly, circling on my clit in slow teasing movement, two fingers dipping in slightly then pulling back out, he assaulted my neck with kisses, pushing his boxers off with the other hand. He kept teasing me, slipping two fingers in, stroking my sweet spot for a moment before pulling away, moaning as he did, it was such a turn on, driving me crazy.

“You’re so wet.” He groaned deep in my ear, sending a warm shiver down my spine, his fingers slid in again, building up a fast pace, his hand pumping in and out of me, stroking that spot again, my back arched as I slid my hand down, stroking up and down his length in slow movements, it was when he withdrew his hand again that I finally snapped.

“Fuck this!” I groaned, shoving him onto his back and straddling his hips, he looked up, a cocky smile crossing his face as he took my tshirt off. I smirked, leaning down and pulling his off too. I moved my hips slightly, fuck, I couldn’t wait any longer, sliding my hand down in between us, gripping hold of him, about to push my hips down when he stopped.

“Woah… wait…” He looked worried, I was so confused, I placed a small kiss on his lips.

“What is it?” I asked, smiling at him, I stroked my hand up and down his length, slowly, gaining a low groan from him.

“I… I, ummm, you’re gonna think I’m so stupid.” He looked away from me, I moved my hand back next to his head, propping myself over him.

“Just tell me what’s wrong, why would I think you’re stupid.” I kissed him softly, sitting back and leaning on his legs, he sat up, holding my waist in his hands.

“I… kinda haven’t done this before. I wanted to pretend I had and hope you wouldn’t notice, but I can’t” Those words shocked me, I tilted my head to the side, stroking his hair, smiling as he blushed at me.

“You haven’t? But you were so good at everything else.” I teased, trying to make him feel good.

“Yeah, I’ve done those things but, just never got round to sex to be honest.” He was blushing bright red, I smiled, kissing him softly.

“I haven’t done it much either, let’s take it slow, find out what we like.” I teased him slightly, kissing him again, he gripped onto my waist lightly, our chests pressed together, I ground my hips down against his shaft as we kissed. Hearing him moan low in his throat, his hands sliding into my hair, I couldn’t stand this anymore, I needed him. I slid my hand down between us, slowly guiding him as I pressed my hips down, I let out a long moan, throwing my head back in pleasure.

“Oh god.” He moaned out, holding me close, I held onto his shoulders, gently easing my hips up and down, he held my lower back with one hand, the back of my head with the other. I rocked my hips slowly, our bodies pressed against his eachother, I could feel his warm skin pressed against my own, his head nuzzled into my neck as I moved, holding onto him. It felt so good, my head lulled back in pleasure, his tight grip to me, still slightly shy judging by him not looking at me yet.

“Brendon.” I moaned breathy and gasping, gripping to his shoulders, I heard him moaning and whimpering against my neck, I slid my hands down his back, running my hands over the muscles there, feeling him shudder against me.

“This uhh, feels, so mmm, good.” He moaned into my neck, I moved myself back slightly so I could meet his eyes, also showing off my body to him, leaning back as I rocked my hips, he looked at me with widened eyes, biting his lip. “Jesus… baby you’re gonna make me cum too quick.” He panted, I smiled, touching his cheek softly.

“Stop panicking, just relax.” I cooed softly, touching his hair and cheek, slowly caressing his skin, he closed his eyes, breathing slow and deep, clearly trying to compose himself, I felt my stomach beginning to tighten, I don’t know if it was the angle, who is was with, the intimacy or all three but I was getting close fast, my muscles all beginning to focus on that one spot in the pit of my stomach. I kept moving, leaning back slightly further to hit the angle I loved, he moaned watching me, our eyes meeting. I felt his hands support me as I clung onto his shoulders, his held the back of my head in one hand and my waist in the other.

“Oh my god… Y/N!” He groaned deeply, looking up and down my body, biting his lip as he watched, his eyes hungry, watching me ride him, I felt my body tightening up more, feeling myself getting so close, tightening around him.

“I’m close.” I whimpered desperately, gripping onto his shoulders, throwing my head back in pleasure, his hand wound in my hair gently, running his fingers through it. I gasped out loud, going slightly rigid as waves of pleasure hit me over and over, my muscles going rigid, gripping tight onto him. “Brendon!” I moaned out loud, tightening around him, he let out a loud groan, allowing me to move for as long as I could before he gripped my hips stopping me.

“Fuck, don’t move, I’m close.” He was panting, gasping out as he gripped my hips, holding me close to him, I shuddered, leaning down against his shoulder.

“Jesus…” I whimpered, shifting against him, he flipped me under him, I could resist squealing and giggling, he looked at me breathless, his eyes slightly wide, mouth hanging open.

“Am I doing ok?” He blushed, looking down at me, I smiled sweetly.

“You’re doing amazing.” I giggled, he touched my face softly, smiling brightly at me, we both smiled breathlessly, he began to move slowly, it felt so good, his hot skin pressing against my own. I felt so sensitive already from cumming, my body shaking under him, he leant his forehead against mine. His warm breath spreading across my face, hands sliding over my body to my waist, he leant an elbow next to my head, propping himself up above me as he built up a rhythm. He was hesitant at first, I could tell he was nervous, looking down, focusing hard on his movements, I touched his cheek gently, pulling his face up to look at me. Sliding my other hand onto his lower back, tracing my fingers over his spine, he shuddered, hips bucking against me, I moaned in pleasure, my head lulling back against the pillow, gripping tightly to him, that slight movement seemed to catch my sweet spot.

“Mmm baby… do that again…” I whimpered loudly, he looked at me, slightly disbelieving that he had made me feel like that.

“Wait… I did that?” He moaned, his voice breathy, gasping for breath above me as he held my waist, pulling it upwards, shifting my hips into a different angle, hitting my sweet spot over and over, he seemed to gain more confidence, holding my body close, his hot breath sending a shiver down my spine. I held tight to his shoulders, my stomach beginning to tense up again, he threw his head back in pleasure, moaning loudly above me, leaning down, placing a hungry desperate kiss on my lips.

“Yes… Brendon… I’m close.” I whimpered out in pleasure, feeling myself tighten around him, his hips snapping faster against me, slamming into my spot harder, his moans growing louder, more desperate. He was a mess, just like me, both of us whimpering and moaning at each other.

“I can’t hold on much longer.” He panted, eyes screwed shut, biting his lip hard, his hands shifted to my hips, holding me close.

“Then don’t…” I felt my body winding up tighter and tighter, barely able to contain myself, almost yelling out in pleasure, he had got the hang of this fast, moving his hips almost expertly already, he was so focused on making me feel good he seemed to lose track. His hips slammed him against my spot a few more times, sending my feeling, pushing me over the edge, I felt him start to throb inside, sending every nerve ending in my body tingling, I gripped tight to his back as I let it wash over me, my brain clouding over. “Brendon! I’m cumming! Fuck baby.” I yelled out, my nails digging slightly on his back, a loud groan escaped his lips, kissing me hard to muffle my yelps.

“Jesus! Y/N!” He groaned out loud, tucking his head into the crook of my neck as I felt him throb, hitting his release, he kept moving, holding me close as he rode out both our orgasms, both of us shuddering on my bed. He slumped on top of me, holding me close as I shook, sweat coating his forehead.

“Not bad for your first time…” I teased playfully, he pulled out, rolling off of me and flopping next to me on the bed.

“I didn’t think it would be that good.” He smiled at my, running his hand over my waist as I smiled at him.

“So… we’re a thing now?” I asked shyly, he smiled sincerely back at me, touching my hair, he was still slightly out of breath.

“Well, yeah, more than just a thing I hope… Like, a couple?” I giggled at his words, throwing myself into a hug with him, pressing my lips softly against his.

“Good… That was pretty amazing though.” I said seriously now, stroking his messy hair out of his face. “I can’t wait til you’ve learned more.” We giggled on my bed, snuggling up on the sheets, his arms around my waist. He took my tv remote, turning on some crappy tv, pulling me closer to him all the while, stroking my back in circles. So I was Brendon’s girlfriend now, I sure liked how that sounded.


I hope you enjoyed! <3 <3 <3

i. i hope you don’t miss me too much. i don’t want you to ever forget about me, but i hope you don’t regret leaving me so much that it makes you sad, more or less. i hope your beautiful mind wanders to me sometimes and sweet thoughts happen here and there, but i hope you don’t miss me too much like i have missed you. let me tell you, that missing is an aching i wish upon no one. you don’t deserve it even if i maybe did.


ii. i hope your new/old city is good enough for you. i hope it has everything this city couldn’t give to you. i hope you don’t long for something more than what you have. i hope your new city understands you and values you.


iii. i hope you get to do all the things you ever wanted to. i hope you get to travel all over europe. maybe paint in italy and walk those streets you love so dearly in spain. i want you to achieve all your wishes and dreams for the rest of your life, i truly do. i hope you made new friends, maybe a new lover. i hope they give you everything that i couldn’t give you.


iv. i hope you keep your glow. i hope you still dance randomly, laugh out loud at silly little jokes and smile at everyone with the same magic as you used to. i hope you don’t forget your spark, your inspiration, your soul, your goals or your reasons to keep going. i hope you keep  that glow that everyone loved so much.


v. i hope you still talk to them. give them presents, hug them, love them and understand them. just because you cut me off, i hope you still keep in contact with them. they have not done anything to not have you in their lives. i hope they don’t dislike you, i hope they still love you they way i do.


vi. i hope that you sometimes regret the way you left me. i hope you realize somewhere in the middle of your proud, that you did wrong. i hope you wonder what could have been if you stayed. why you did what you did and what was going through your mind when you did it. i hope you miss me hard.

—  t.j. // Letter to her
2

You had a terrible day. Actually, you needed to prevent another ‘mutant’ to get reign over the average kind, but he managed to escape. You basically failed.

“What’s wrong, (Y/N)?” Charles asked as you entered the building. Sometimes you really wondered if he also had a sense for knowing when you came back. “Nothing” you answered annoyed. And a sense for knowing when you failed and were not in the mood to talk.

“Hm. Are you sure?” His voice lacing with suspicion, you knew what was going on. “God damn it, stop reading my mind!” You shouted, an outburst that was overdue for months now. He’d frequently do that. “I am tired of your actions - I don’t need your paternalism. Don’t you dare reading my mind ever agian, Chuck!” 

A moment of silence, then:

“I am just worrying, (Y/N). But if you wish, I respect that and I’ll never do it again. .”

Darkness Beats Light

A/N - This is I guess a kinda AU of dark Stiles. I just stared writing \(’-’)/
Words - 633
Characters - Stiles Stilinski
Pairing - N/A
Song Preference - Gasoline

~~~

The darkness chocked anyone who had light within them. I once knew someone who’s eyes glowed with happiness and joy, humour was his skill. Perhaps he has a sad heart from losing so much, but he still had a smile, he still glowed with a peaceful energy.

Me.

Something in this young boy snapped, the darkness crept up to him and swallowed him whole. The light in his eyes flickered out, and now I wasn’t sure who I was looking at when I stared in the mirror

Me? Or something much more scarier.

After the nogitsune left me, it left a gaping hole in my chest. Unanswered questions, I would lay awake thinking of. My mind racing with possibilities, normal reasons of why I enjoyed watching people dying at my hand. I told Malia it was because of the control I felt, but I was so wrong.

I sometimes wonder if the nogitsune would sit back and let me do the work. Letting me twist the knife in the stomach of some bystander who had happened to walk in on me killing someone else.

“You love it and you know it, Stiles. What would your friends think of you, huh? To know you enjoy watching the life slip from someone’s eyes. ”

“Shut up.” I snarl out loud as I wash my hands in the sink. Desperate to get the blood that covered my hands off.

When the nogitsune was killed I remember his last words that filled my head

“It was always you.”

And I was left to think that in my mind, I pushed it away, ignored it. Until I killed Donavan. Something in my gut told me to pull the key out, to let the bars tumble on him, I knew it would kill him. And it made me want to do it more.

“Good”

The words float in my mind the moment I see him clinging onto his last breath. The same power flooded my system, I was almost dizzy with the urge to be the one to slit his throat. I made it look like I was going to help him, but I wasn’t going too. No. I wanted to find away to make it more painful for him but than I snapped out of my daze, in time to watch Donavan’s head roll back in his final moment.

Theo was next.

After he made me lose Scott, my only anchor to my old self. I was falling into what I feared I would become.

Or maybe the person I wished to become.

He even knew, he taunted me with it; ‘Void Stiles’ he would laugh. But he had no idea what he was truly dealing with, he wouldn’t be able to control me and he should know that. After a few hits I kept my graze down on Theo, spitting the blood out of my mouth I snarled out a few deadly words.

“You want Void? I’ll give you Void.” And I was about to snap his neck but he panicked, he spilled where my dad was and that was all I needed. I stood and left him gasping from breath on the concrete, mulling over the fact the skinny defenceless human, almost killed him.

When I saw my dad almost dead, well I knew Theo wouldn’t be leaving Beacon Hills alive. I sat at my dads bed side, thinking of how exactly I would kill Theo. Slowly for sure, give him the pain he gave me.

Scott tried to reach out but I was blinded. The cruelness, the hungry had reached to the limit.

I would no longer be pushed around.

I would no longer be stepped over.

I would become what they all feared I would.

I told them, oh I told them.

I was no longer the skinny defenceless Stiles.

I was a monster.

And I liked it.

I wonder a lot,
My thoughts don’t end with a dot,
They seem endless
But I can only guess
What others might be thinking about,
I sometimes wish they would think out loud.
Thoughts are funny things;
You think and think until it stings,
That’s when you hit a wrong turn,
That’s when your thoughts start to burn.
The mind is a funny thing,
God knows what ideas it will bring.