sometimes i wonder if i have too much time on my hands

Sometimes a hand to hold is better than a heart to live in, and sometimes a heart to live in is used as a homeless shelter, because the pain is too much for just one to weather

Sometimes being a friend makes it too hard to breathe, and sometimes the timeless love has a time frame after all, but who are we to have the power to make such a call

Sometimes I think of you, that’s a lie, all I do is think of you, and sometimes honestly I’m just scared to be alone, but I can tell every word I say causes pain just by listening to your tone

Sometimes your single word can dam the flood of my mind, and sometimes I feel as if my point of view is never considered, but I been hurt and tossed aside many times, I pray this moment isn’t the moment that finally makes me bitter

Sometimes I wonder what I would do if you were in front of me, and I know I’d want to kiss, grab, hold, cry with you, but I’d also be afraid and scared of causing you pain, so please tell me what I should do

Sometimes a friend is all that I need to stop from walking off the edge, and sometimes I feel as if I found too much comfort within your being, but even though I travel on an torturous path, for some reason, love I still believe in

What Matters Most

for @shealwaysreads for always being wonderful and just bc I love you a lot

for @hoechlbutt and @okamiaki my babies that make my every day, since the moment i met them, brighter and are not having it good these days *wraps you both in fluffy blankets and octopus hugs you* I love you so much I wanna adopt a mission of monkeys with you and a zoo. I want all the animals with you two. *smooches*

Stiles had been pacing back and forth for a while now.

Derek was used to it.

He knew sometimes that was just how Stiles thought. He needed the constant and repetitive movement to organise whatever was going through his head, he had explained it to him, in whispers one night, when neither of them had been sleepy enough to fall asleep right away.

But there was something not right in this kind of pacing. Stiles movements were too jittery, and Derek noticed with a frown that a light tremor touched his right hand whenever he brought it up to run his finger trough his hair in a frustrated gesture.

“Stiles,” Derek called when Stiles had huffed at the empty air, yet again.

His boyfriend turned to him, his eyes a bit too wide and sad –it made Derek’s chest ache, seeing the sadness and uneasiness in them.

“What’s wrong?” He closed his book and stood up, opening his arms in an inviting gesture.

Stiles all but threw himself in his arms, and buried his face in the crook of Derek’ neck. “I dunno.”

Derek wrapped his arms tight around him and rubbed his back.

“I just-” Stiles huffed again, pulling back from the embrace to grip the fabric of his own shirt above his heart. “It hurts here.” Stiles said miserably, “my heart fucking hurts and I don’t know why.”

Derek put his hand above Stiles’, the one on his heart, and squeezed. “What do you want me to do?”

Stiles made a pained sound and Derek felt the same ache in his chest when Stiles shook his head and said, “I don’t’ know Derek, I just- I don’t know.” In a broken voice. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

Derek pulled him back in his arms. He turned his face to kiss every mole and freckle on Stiles’ face for only pause once he had gently pecked his lips.

He sat Stiles down on the couch and wrapped the white fluffy blanket that the kept on the back of the couch around his shoulder and turned on the TV to put Star Wars on, knowing he’d chosen well when Stiles made a surprised pleased sound.

“We didn’t spend much time together like this in a while, did we?” Derek asked, settling behind Stiles on the couch, nuzzling his neck.

Stiles shook his head, turning away from the TV to face him. He put a hand on Derek’s chest, caressing the hair poking out from his shirt and didn’t say anything, just settled his forehead against Derek’s collarbone and breathed for a while.

Derek didn’t know what else to do other than to let him do whatever he needed, so he buried his face in Stiles’ hair and closed his eyes.

*~*

He woke up to light kisses being pressed on his cheeks and nose and forehead, tiny butterfly kisses that made his lips stretch in a wide smile and wrap his arms around the source, pulling him flush against him.

“I can’t kiss you if you hold me this tight,” Stiles grumbled.

Derek’s grin widened and he opened his eyes, peering down at his boyfriend with a glint in his eyes. “I know.”

Stiles had just barely started to frown, before he was being flipped, so that Derek was on top. “Now, I get to kiss you.” He said with a dopey smile that made Stiles snort.

“Sap.”

Derek hummed and kept promise on his statement, kissing and nuzzling every inch of Stiles’ face. “I love you,” he whispered in his ear, his eyes soft when he looked down at him.

Stiles’ eyes softened, his fingers scratching lightly on the back of Derek’s neck. “I love you too.”

When Derek smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corners, Stiles felt the weight on his chest lift a little.

This was all he needed. No matter how weird and shitty he felt, knowing and Derek showing him that he loved him, would always be what mattered to him most.