sometimes i wish you would leave me

I often miss you and not in the way I used to. You were my first love, my first sight of what I wanted in my future and so much more. I fell so in love with you so extremely fast and I often wish that wasn’t the case. You were only in my life for a few years, but somehow your presence still lingers here. I wish that you would just go. Take all of your lies, your false promises and your excuses and just leave my life. I’m not good enough and I never was good enough for you. I know you aren’t the man I need in my life to make me a better woman. But sometimes I wish you would’ve stayed just a little longer so I could’ve figured that out on my own. Because sitting here, missing you, wondering why you chose her has made me a person I never wanted to be. In love with someone who never loved me, and unable to let anyone break down the walls I have built to keep the memories of you out. So please, if there ever comes a day you decide you miss me, please just stay the hell away from me. I was never good enough. I was too young, too naive, too in love. Whatever you want to say, just know I would’ve done anything for you and I wake up every day trying to kill off the memory of you.
Thank you for breaking me in a way I didn’t know was possible.
But more importantly, thank you for making me who I am today.
Without you walking out and completely breaking me, I wouldn’t stand as tall as I do.
Thank you. Now get out of my head.

But Dean and Cas having their first real fight as an actual couple, and it’s about something totally silly but they’re both tired and cranky, so that’s how they end up making a big deal out of it.

And Dean being all “son of a bitch, please don’t ever talk to me again”, because that angel pisses him off sometimes.

To which Cas would reflexively snap “as you wish then Dean, good riddance”, because sometimes this human downright infuriates him.

Followed by the two of them angrily staring each other down for a good minute, that is until the both of them crack simultaneously, eyes burning and matching lumps in their throats.

Dean being the first one to brokenly whisper “Please don’t leave me…”

And Cas immediately melting and with a sigh taking his favorite human being into his strong arms and murmuring a promise of “I would never” into Dean’s ear before he kisses him, hard.

anonymous asked:

Why does the main manager for the front end always ignore my requests days off? Did you not see it in pink ink in the book? Do you just like working me to the bone? Plus being sick with a sore throat I want a day off to "heal." Sometimes I wish she would be transferred to another store and leave me alone. I never used to have this problem with the other fantastic managers. Especially with the first one when I started working there.

Things I Wish I Knew My Freshman Year of Uni

Academic Tips

“You are responsible for your own learning.”

1. Always do your work when you get it and don’t wait until the last minute. Waiting until the last minute to get work done will sometimes allow you to still get things done by their due date but it leaves little room for studying and reviewing between then and in the end will hurt you on exams. 

2. Work alone. The best way to learn new material is to do it on your own and struggle through and figure it out ON YOUR OWN. I wish someone had told me this because I really struggled to catch up in classes this past semester because I would do my homework with friends instead of learning how to do things on my own and it hurt me a lot on exams. 

3. Find friends you can study with.You want to be able to be productive if you choose to do a study session. Studying with friends might be okay if you work well together but chances are you’ll get distracted. Find people you work well with to study because you tend to learn more that way. For me, that was people I met in class and at office hours.

4. Please oh, please use office hours This is such a big one that freshman don’t use until the last minute. These are your best bet for getting questions answered if you didn’t understand something in lecture, on your homework, etc. Plus, getting to know your prof is very important because they tend to be more helpful if they see you are working hard in their class and they give good letters of recommendation if you make a good impression on them. If you can’t make their office hours, email them or set up an appointment. It’s very important to have good communication. 

5. Sit in the front and ask questions Be the nerd of the lecture by sitting in the front and don’t be afraid to ask a question. However, if its a question that requires a lengthy answer, save it for office hours so you don’t the lecture behind schedule. 

6. BUY AND READ THE DARN TEXTBOOK So many people tell you not to buy the textbook if you don’t truly need it for assignments but that is so wrong. You will always need the textbook if it is in the syllabus. Period. Read the chapters BEFORE lecture and review it afterward if material still doesn’t make sense. You will learn so much more and remember so much more in a faster time period than if you don’t read it at all. The book is also extremely important for covering details that won’t be covered in lecture.

Social Life 

1. Meet new and DIFFERENT people instead of people like yourself. These people will show you so many cool new things that you’ll never experience otherwise. Meeting new and different people can be challenging and uncomfortable at first if you’re shy like me but it will make your college experience much more worth it. 

 2. Join clubs but not too many. Take part in activities and clubs that you enjoy but be careful not to overload yourself. Freshman year you should start off by just trying a few clubs here and there just to see what you like before committing to a lot of anything.

3. Don’t be afraid to say no to alcohol, drugs, and even hanging out. College students say “You do you” and they really mean it. You don’t have to feel pressured to do anything you don’t want to do and no one will judge you for that. If you find “friends” who do judge you, make some new friends. Also, remember that school comes first so if you have a large project to do and your friends want to go out, its ok to say no. Your friends should understand that in college, you really need to get stuff done and that schedule can be different than theirs.

 4. Be okay with being alone but completely surrounded by people. You are almost guaranteed to different schedules than your friends so you’ll learn that you’ll often be eating or doing school work alone. This is perfectly normal! Learn to like it because it’s nice to do things on your own. You may feel lonely sometimes but you’re also always surrounded by people. It’s hard to find actual privacy in college especially when you live in the dorms and share a room with a roommate. It will be strange at first but you’ll find the right balance of being along and being with people over time. 

Roommates and Dorms 

1. “A clean room is a clean mind.” Keeping a clean room will help you to study because you’ll be able to easily find everything you need instead of digging through piles of clothes and other belongings. Dorm rooms are also very small so putting things in their rightful storage places is essential for keeping a tidy room.

2. Study outside of your room as much as you can. If you’re like me, you can distract yourself easily especially when you don’t want to do something (like study). By getting the majority of your work done in the library or somewhere else on campus other than your room, you have less options to distract yourself whereas in your room, you have all your stuff to pick up and lose hours of study time with. 

3. Be straightforward with your roommate. If your roommate is doing something that bothers you, tell them clearly right away (politely). Otherwise, they’ll never know and continue to do what is bothering you. In order to avoid arguments, tell them right away very nicely and they should stop. It might be their room too, but you need to make sure that you’re happy as well. 



I hope this was helpful. This is only SOME of the tips I could think of for right now but I have tons more tips and advice that I love to share. If you have any questions about these tips or want to know more, feel free to ask. 

I Don’t Want the World to See Me (Cause I Don’t Think that They’d Understand) #2

Alrighty…here’s another little segment/companion piece from Bucky’s POV.  It WOULD NOT leave me alone until I wrote it.  

This takes place during WEMtbB Part 7.   It probably won’t make any sense if you haven’t read the other story - it’s here if you want to read it.

Word count - 868

Warnings - idk…self loathing I guess?

Tagging: @learisa @musichowler @shifutheshihtzu

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Hi there! I wanted to ask you, and I totally get if you can't, if there's anyway you can upload LITF a few hours earlier than normal tomorrow? Like I said, I totally get if you can't, but I figured what's the harm in asking? I'm a huge fan of your stories, but I'm going on a cruise and it leaves at 4pm eastern time tomorrow & I won't be back until next Tuesday, and being the impatient person I can sometimes be, I know it will drive me crazy not knowing what happens lol

Oh my gosh, this is so sweet, my anonymous friend. I’m super happy you’re enjoying my stories. Thank you very, very much for saying so. *hugs* 😊 

Awwww, I really wish you would have contacted me a little sooner so I could have prepared, but unfortunately, I won’t be able to have the chapter ready early tomorrow. I always read through a chapter at least three times before posting and I still have one more read through/edit left to do. I won’t be able to get it done until after work tomorrow, which will be after you leave for your trip. I’m so sorry. I feel really bad. ☹️

I do hope you have an amazing time on your vacation. How exciting for you! I’m totally jealous. 

Thanks, again, for being so sweet and for reading my stories. *more hugs* 😁

Angry Starters

“The fuck was that about?!”
“What’s your problem?!”
“Jesus Christ, did I step on a fucking bomb or something?”
“Woah, woah, WOAH!”
“Would you calm the hell down?!”
“You’re being ridiculous!”
“Don’t fucking touch me.”
“Just leave me alone!”
“I can’t even stand to look at you!”
“I really hate you sometimes.”
“Why do you have to be so difficult?”
“If I wanted your input, then I’d ask for it!”
“My God, would you shut up?!”
“I’m gonna throttle you-”
“Do you wanna take this outside?!”
“Stop talking like that!”
“Tell me what happened!”
“Who did this?!”
“They’re gonna wish they’d never touched you!”
“Would you let me help?!”
“Don’t make me hold you down!”
“Shut up.”

  • Me: Man, I really wish someone would actually give a fuck about my existence. I should probably talk to the people I call my friends about my problems instead of internalizing all this self-hatred and pushing people away.
  • Brain: NO ABSOLUTELY NOT
  • Me: What? Why not?
  • Brain: Because, you fool, they're already putting up with you as is and if you go whining to them they'll see what a needy piece of shit you are and no one wants to deal with that. Or it'll just confirm everything bad they've ever thought about you.
  • Me: They wouldn't...
  • Brain: You're right. They'll just abandon you instead. Again. Just like always.
  • Me: Oh, yeah.That's the reason.
  • Brain: I gottchu, girl.

I paced around my room trying to think of a place to go but I live in a small town and everything’s closing soon, not that I had many options to begin with. I’ve been sitting in my car watching families and couples walking into restaurants having fun and holding hands and laughing and I’m crying because I drove out here to get away from my house and my parents who won’t leave me alone and my dad who keeps telling me to come outside my room and my mom who tries to police my clothes and my body and she has so many health problems that you can tell she’s old and sick just by the way she walks and how bent her legs have become. If you look really hard you can see how thin she’s gotten and sometimes I wish she would just die. She believes in heaven so I tell myself at least she’ll be with god and she was screaming hysterically at me yesterday because I left the house in tight pants and she said that if I kept disobeying her she would kill herself and that she’s so old and I’m a bad daughter for taking away her peace during her final days. Even when I was a kid I used to wish she were dead just so I could finally be happy and I’m a horrible person. It’s a Saturday night and I’m typing this post alone in my car and I think I’ll just drive home now because I don’t want to run into anyone I know at the coffeehouse. I’m gonna drive home and maybe stop by Starbucks and then hide in my room and turn off all the lights and pretend I’m asleep and watch tv on my laptop just like I used to do when I was a kid and the world was overwhelming and I felt like a burden to everyone

TBT to this poem 14 year old me wrote for my then girlfriend. 10/10 romantic af and like, just so GAY

————————–

I look upon

The sky

And sometimes wish

That I could fly

I would spread

My wings

And not care

About anything

I would leave

This place behind

And go to a land

Of a different kind

Somewhere that

Most people can’t see

Somewhere that is

Only for you and me

anonymous asked:

∯∯∯∯

- I keep saying I forgive you but I don’t think I can. I can see why you’ve done things, but I can’t bring myself to say ‘its okay’ anymore. Not now that all the memories are there. I just wish I didn’t love you; it would make it so much easier to leave.

- I don’t trust you. But sometimes I think about going along with some of the stuff you say for the hell of it.

- I wish we had more time - I wish you two had the chance to grow up. I’m sorry that Leah only saved me. I shouldn’t have stalled her as much as I did.

- I hope you rot in a cell for the rest of your life.

the signs as birdy lyrics;

aries: 

you use your words as a weapon dear,
but your blades don’t hurt when you have no fear.

taurus: 

from where i began,
i still carry your love.
i feel your love.

gemini:

purity lost in vain,
and you think i should be the same?
don’t assume i will follow
and drop all my morals.

cancer:

sometimes i wish we could be strangers
so i didn’t have to know your pain.
but if I kept myself from danger
this emptiness would feel the same.  

leo:

words with no meaning
have kept me dreaming
but they don’t tell me anything.

virgo:

all this time you chose never to care,
but now you won’t leave me alone,
like we’ve always been close.
i’m telling you nothing has changed.

libra:

i’m finding my heart
using my hands.
you’re my feet on the ground,
my footprints.

sagittarius:

here i am still holding on
you’re finding ways to break the bonds, 
they’re stronger than you realize.
and you could say that i’ve not tried, 
i’ve let you down, 
left you behind 
but you’re the one who’s saying goodbye. 

scorpio:

round we go in circles,
does it have to be this hard?
we can stop the fighting
if you let down your guard.
 

capricorn:

are you uncertain?
or just scared to drop your guard?
have you been broken?
are you afraid to show your heart?

aquarius:

you’ve always loved the strange birds,
now i want to fly into your world,
i want to be heard.
my wounded wings still beating,
you’ve always loved the stranger inside.

pisces:

i can be strong when i want to be,
you think i’m weak ‘cause you can tear me apart,
with the words that you speak.
you think you’re in control but you don’t understand
how much you are wrong.

8 of ?

Love at First Catch - Joe Sugg (Requested)

A/N: This was my first time writing in the boy’s POV and I’m not sure about how it turned out…but I wasn’t sure how to do it any other way…lemme know what you think. Feedback is always appreciated. And send in some requests!

Joe’s POV

I’ve been taking pictures with fans all day long now. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love them. I wouldn’t be where I was today without any of them. But sometimes I just want to take a break so I can sit down. Standing up for hours upon hours at a time is pretty hard work, don’t let anyone ever tell you different.

Taking pictures with fans is one of the most gruesome processes to go through. It’s not like anything special happens. A fan comes up to me, introduces them self, gets a picture with me, and then leaves. It’s the same process over and over. Sometimes I just wish something exciting would happen.

I glance at the long line of people waiting to take a picture with me and try to figure out how much longer it could possibly be. My feet are absolutely killing me. I just want to sit down. I just looked from face to face, there were so many. But then my eyes landed on a specific girl that just seemed to take my breath away. She was just so beautiful. There’s no way she’s a fan of mine. She must be in the wrong line. As I continued to take pictures with fans, she got closer and closer to the front.

Suddenly, I got inspired to take as many pictures as I could as fast as possible. I wanted her up here for a picture right now, but that wouldn’t be fair to the rest of those waiting in line. I just made a format to follow. Say hello, let them say hey back, take a picture and send them on their way. I made quite a lot of progress following this new method.

Pretty soon, she was the next one in line. She was even more beautiful up close. My breath hitched in my throat when she looked up at me and gave me a quick smile. I needed to know the name of this goddess. She was busy making sure that everything looked okay before she was gonna take a picture with me, which was absolutely adorable. Apparently the next person in line after her was getting impatient with her and decided to shove her forward.

Due to that, she stumbled and fell towards me. Of course, I stepped in and caught her. She was so tiny compared to me. She looked up at me with sad eyes, and for some reason that made my chest hurt. I turned to the person who shoved her. “Why’d you do that, mate?”

“Do what?” They asked completely nonchalantly.

“Why did you just shove her?” I asked, getting angry.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, she just tripped that’s all.” They said. “Some people are just really clumsy.”

“Except for the fact that I saw you shove her.” I said, “It was quite rude.” With that I turned my attention back to the nameless beauty before me. “What’s your name, love?”

“Y/N,” She replied in a tiny voice. I could tell she was nervous.

“Well, you obviously know I’m Joe,” I said giving her a smile. She gave one in return and I felt my chest tighten. She came up next to me for the picture and I whispered to her. “I should be done pretty soon, can you meet me in a couple hours by the entrance?”

She looked up at me with eyes full of surprise. “You want me to meet you somewhere after this?”

“Of course, I want to get to know you a bit, Y/N.” I smiled. “So, will you meet with me?”

“Yeah, sure! Definitely.” She gave me a wide smile. It made me so happy to know that I made that happen.

“Great, meet me around say, 7?”

“I’ll see you then, Joe.” She turned to go. “Thank you for the picture.”

“Anytime,” I responded. And with that, she walked away. I couldn’t wait to meet with her later.

(3 hours later)

It was finally time to meet with Y/N. Part of me was afraid that she wasn’t going to come. She probably got caught up in the fact that there are so many other people here and forgotten about boring old me. However, as I walked to the entrance, I saw her sitting on a bench sipping on a drink and wrapped up in her phone.  I walked up and sat down right next to her.

She didn’t notice I was there until I spoke up. “Hello, Love.”

“Oh my goodness, you scared me!” She giggled, bloody hell I could get used to hearing that. No, what was I thinking, I just met this girl.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to!” I said, smiling slightly. For some reason, I couldn’t find myself with a straight face around her. It’s almost as if my face had a permanent smile on it when she was near. “So, I was thinking, we should get together sometime, yeah?”

“Get together?” She asked sheepishly.

“Oh was that too soon?” I asked nervously. “I’m sorry, I just have this feeling that I need to see you again. I don’t know what exactly it is, but I’m just gonna roll with it.”

“Joe, you honestly have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to hear those words come out of your mouth.” She giggled.

“Really?” I asked. “Is that true?”

“Oh my gosh yes.” She sighed. “I’ve been a huge fan of yours ever since you started your channel. Sitting here and talking to you is like a dream come true for me. I still expect to wake up any second now in bed.”

“You know, I could say the same thing.” I admitted. “When I saw you in line, I found myself having a hard time keeping my eyes off of you. I started to go through fans faster because I wanted to take a picture with you.” She smiled at me. “By the way, I’m going to need a copy of that photo myself.”

“How will I give it to you?” She asked. “It’s not like I have your number to text it to you or anything.”

“I can think of an easy solution for this problem.” I said. “Can I see your phone for a second?” She just handed it over to me and I punched in my number. “Now just send me that picture and we’re good to go.”

“Do- do you want me to delete the number after I send the picture?” She asks me hesitantly.

“Of course not, just promise me you won’t leak it or anything. That’s the only thing I’m worried about. Besides, if you deleted it, how would you know it’s me when I text you?”

“You’re gonna text me?”

“I plan to keep in touch with you for a long time, Y/N.”

(Flash forward 4 years)

“Can you believe it’s been 4 years since I met you?” Y/N asked me, coming down the stairs to our flat. “I mean, I never would have believe anyone if they told me I would end up dating the Joseph Sugg, YouTuber extraordinaire.”

“Well, believe it because it’s real.” I chuckled. “Come here, Y/N.” She comes over and I pull her so she’s on my lap. “Do you remember how awkward I was when we got together after the pictures?”

She giggles (I still love that sound), “Of course I do, it was so cute.”

“Well, I’m glad you thought that. Because I’m going to be totally honest with you here.” I start out. “You know how people talk about love at first sight?” She nods, “Well, I’m pretty sure that’s what happened when I saw you standing in that line. I had a feeling there was something special about you. Apparently I was right because we’re getting married in a few weeks.”

Y/N just kissed me and I continued, “Well, to be honest, it might have been love at first catch. I just remember everything leaving my mind except for the fact that you were shoved. I still don’t know why I got so angry over that so quickly.”

“I’m not so sure either.” She adds, cuddling into me. “But I’m sure glad you were there to catch me.”

I pull her close. “I’d catch you any day, Y/N.” She smiles up at me. “And that’s a promise.”

i sometimes think about that post that’s like “born too late to explore the earth, born too early to explore the stars” and man, i wish i was in a position to explore.

i just read a fic that had a reoccurring line that was like “it’s the world. did you expect it to be small?” and that’s what set off this train of thought because like

sometimes i wish i was born in a world where magic was possible, where i could fly and just be free, free from college and expectations. i would gladly be a witch in the woods if it meant i wasn’t beholden to anyone. and if it meant leaving this world behind for a world unknown i would totally do it

also i’m terrified of flying in planes but man, if i had wings you would never catch me on the ground. i just have this mental image of wheeling over the earth, looping through the sky with ease and grace

sometimes i swear i was something with wings in a past life because sometimes i stare at the sky and i feel a sense of longing, like “yes i want to be up there,” and i feel this sensation in my shoulders and i can’t really describe it. i just feel like i was meant to have wings. people irl would think i’m crazy if i told them about it but talking about it here on my blog just feels kind of cozy

this post got away from me but yeah

4 am knows your name,
and all the things i adore about you,
and all the poetry i’ve whispered into the darkness that surrounds me here
(although i wish your arms did, instead).
i leave the tv on sometimes
so i can maybe sleep
instead of think too much,
(i always think too much).
but i do wish i could listen to you talk
and fall asleep to the timbre of tired
that raspy voices get at 4 am.
i stack pillows in the empty space on my bed,
(where i imagine you would lay)
and it’s less lonely
to fill the gaps,
and ignore the inconsistencies that feel too much like fragments in a story.
i wonder what your eyes look like
when 4 am finds them,
and your dreams hang
daintily above you
(caught in between sleeping and awake)
and you’re quite unaware of the world outside your window,
and of the little house where i try to sleep
in an empty bed
(with too many pillows),
my face lit by the blue tint of a tv screen,
and eyes red and dull from the hours
that have rolled past them.
4 am knows about the love i have for you;
(it’s far too big to be carried in small hands like mine)
and the darkness has memorized the syllables in your name,
and how they can lull me to sleep
if only night waits long enough for me
to truly fall:
fall in love or fall asleep,
4 am has seen both.
—  “insomnia” by chloe roberts
youtube

how cool is that Sleater-Kinney went to this tv show to sing this

A song about feminism that comments on how the Riot Grrrl’s slogan “GIRL POWER” was later on used by major corporate labels to sell clothes and to promote the The Spice Girls (a group assembled by a label where each girl represented a different stereotype). The song also comments on the festival of Woodstok’99 where at least 4 women were raped.

“#1 Must Have” (2000)

Bearer of the flag from the beginning
Now who would have believed this riot girl’s a cynic
But they took our ideas to their marketing stores
And now I’m spending all my days at girlpower.com
Trying to buy back a little piece of me
(Everywhere you go they say “Hello,
Weren’t you the one that sold your soul ?”
Every time you leave the say “Oh no,
Why did you ever let us go ?”)

And I think that I sometimes might have wished
For something more than to be a size six
But now my inspiration rests
In-between my beauty magazines and my credit card bills

I’ve been crawling up so long
On your stairway to heaven
And now I no longer believe that I wanna get in
And will there always be concerts where
Women are raped
Watch me make up my mind instead of my face
The number one must have
Is that we are safe
(Everywhere you go teenage
Is the rage
Inside your pants
And on the front page
Everywhere you go it’s die or be born
If you can’t decide then
It’s your own war)

No more, No more, No more
And for all the ladies out there I wish
We could write more than the next marketing bid
Culture is what we make it, Yes it is
Now is the time, now is the time, now is the time
To invent, invent, invent, invent, invent, invent…

Dear You,

I wish we could have met at another time- Like do not get me wrong I love having you in my life because Holy shit I need you in my life. I just sometimes wonder what would have been the outcome if we did take a chance…If for some reason I had gotten to you before she had. You are still the inspiration for my shitty poetry and I hate it- But I don’t hate you, God I could never hate you. I just wish we could have tried, instead of leaving me with a bunch of what ifs and what the hell is wrong with me. Because there are some days I understand- But on others I am on the floor crying wondering why I have never been enough..for anyone. If I were to turn back time I would want to kiss you just once and then everything could go back to fucking normal. And this was dumb- I have just been thinking about how you have fallen in love with her and I’m happy for you. :)